Scene 1

Setting: At a sleepover, late at night, Holly is watching TV and Jessica is falling asleep. A mayonnaise commercial comes on. Ad-lib freely.

Holly: (screaming) Oh-my-god-it's-mayonnaise!

Jessica: (wakes up, freaking out)

Holly: It's mayonnaise!

Jessica: (exasperated) You woke me up because of stinkin' mayonnaise?

Holly: (breathing hard) But it's mayonnaise! Don't you understand?

Jessica: No. (gives Holly a dirty look; falls asleep)

Holly: (tense; mumbling about the evils of mayonnaise)

Scene 2

Setting: Later, in Holly's psychiatrist's office, Dr. J. is trying to figure out Holly.

Dr. J.: (hands folded; pretending to be concerned) So your problems with mayonnaise are getting worse?

Holly: (scribbling; muttering to self) Mayonnaise.

Dr. J.: (patiently at first; gradually more and more frustrated) Holly, give me the pen. (waits; Holly pays no attention to her) Holly. Give me the pen, Holly. Holly. Holly! (grabs pen from Holly; flustered; smoothes hair and tries to look professional)

Holly: (still muttering something about mayonnaise; fidgeting nervously)

Dr. J: (holds up card with a circle drawn on it) Holly, what do you see here?

Holly: (looks up, a little surprised) Mayonnaise.

Dr. J: (holds up another card, this one with a triangle on it) What about here?

Holly: It's mayonnaise.

Dr. J: (holds up a third card, this time with a mayonnaise jar on it) How about this one?

Holly: (gasps) Pink bunnies!

Dr. J.: (rolls eyes) Are you afraid of pink bunnies, too?

Holly: (looks down at lap, mumbling a little) Pink bunnies. Squirrels. Horseradish. Spinach. Bologna.

Dr. J.: That reminds me of a certain song...(hums Oscar Mayer bologna song)

Holly: (looks directly at Dr. J. for the first time) That's the Oscar Mayer song.

Dr. J.: Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I won't sing it aga—

Holly: (interrupting) I love that song.

Dr. J.: (confused) But aren't you scared of bologna?

Holly: (shudders) But I love that song. (sings it; Dr. J. joins in; at the end of the song Holly says with conviction) But not mayonnaise!