I stole this from my authors diary bc i love it to much-

He tends to tap his pencil on his paper, trying to rack his brain for something to draw.

Creating doodles on his arms, swirls and bubbles, to flowers and snippets of made up stories.

But only to cover them up with the long sleeves of his hoodie.

The way he plays lofi music while painting on his canvas, mixing colors and patterns to express what he is feeling. Most times its just for fun, other times it means something deep to him.

When he taps his foot at random times, letting out unwanted energy since he's so bubbly or energetic most the time.

His smile.

So pure and cheesy, yet i want to see it all day.

When he snorts at his own jokes,

When his freakled face pops out when he blushes.

The way he hugs me tightly, and makes me want to hold on forever.

The way he left me that one afternoon.

Tears in his eyes, while i processed what he just said to me.

"I can't do this anymore. Your taking up to much of my time everyday. I love you so fucking much Alex, i really do. But your OCD is getting the best of you again. The constant 'this needs to be perfect,' and kissing me 10 times, because the first 5 wasn't perfect enough. And unlocking and relocking the door 18 times before bed or going out somewhere, makes me and you both late for work and tired. You shouldn't of grown attached to me.. Im not the guy that typically stays long in a relationship... So good bye i guess..."

And just like that, he let himself out the door.

I drop down to me knees and cry.

Its all my fault...

If only i didn't have this stupid disorder, he would love me...

If i didn't constantly look at him or count how many times i blink in the morning or even flip the light on and off and on and off and on and off and on and off-

He was the first person who made my head go silent.

All the tics and thoughts just went quiet.

The way he said he loved me, his lips would curl.

But after a few months, they were just a straight line.

He said he loved me, but it lost the spark.

God damnit i shouldn't of grown to obsess and love him so fucking much.

But i did anyway.

Now all can wish is that this was only habit he does, and he'll be back again one day...

Later that night,

I kept the lights on, and the door unlocked.

Waiting for him to come back.