ANGELICA'S POV

this party was starting to suck. i was standing somewhere by myself, drinking a beer out of a red solo cup. every time a guy came up to me, obviously wanting something more than just company, i turned him away. not ready for that tonight. that is, until i met alexander.

"excuse me for intruding, but you seem like a woman who has never been satisfied." he said, coming up to me. i looked at him, being greeted by a light skinned, puerto rican dominican, long hair, short in the body, but... woah. his eyes were a whole different thing. intelligent and looking hungry for something, almost as if something was missing."and what do you mean by that?" i said with an unsure laugh, after studying him quickly.

"well, i just thought that you're like me. i'm never satisfied." i raised an eyebrow. "is that right?" he nodded. "i've never been satisfied." he admitted. "i-i'm angelica schuyler." i said with a small smile, an emotion that i hadn't felt in a while starting to form. "alexander hamilton."

i was going to continue this conversation, just the two of us, but i noticed my younger sister, eliza, staring at me hopefully. when she saw that i could see her, she gestured to alexander, a helpless look on her face. she likes him. of course she does. who wouldn't? even... even i do. but i can't let myself anymore. if my sister wants him, she'll get him. after all, she deserves only the best.

"can i take you somewhere?" instead of waiting for a response, i grabbed his hand and started to walk to my sister. "where are you taking me?" i pursed my lips, not make eye contact at all as i walked through the crowd. "i'm about to change your life." i glanced back and saw his face turn pink. ugh, men.

when we got to my sister, i plastered on a smile. "alexander, this is my sister, elizabeth schuyler." alexander smiled at my sister, staring into her eyes charmingly. "i'm alexander hamilton."

"it's nice to meet you, alexander." my sister said in a shy voice. she looked at me, silently urging me to leave the two alone. i nodded. "i'll leave you two to it." they barely responded, already in a conversation. i walked away, a lump forming in my throat. i felt like i wanted to cry, or even scream. i realized soon enough that i had to let something out, so i walked to the bathroom, hoping no one could see right through me. there was surprisingly no line, so i got into the bathroom, locking the door as i leaned against it in defeat.

a few tears fell down my face. what is wrong with me? i had only met the guy today, yet he had me helpless. i started to pace back and forth. i could go out there and take him for myself, but i couldn't do that to eliza. she deserves him, and i don't. if only she didn't like him. but of course, she has to. whenever i find something i want, someone wants it too, and i care to much to say no to them.

he probably would only want me for sex. maybe he only wants eliza for sex. i should go save her from that possibility. no, then she'd just be upset that she didn't get him. maybe he doesn't even want eliza. or... or maybe eliza doesn't even want him! no, her face was to helpless-looking for that.

this is it, i'll never find love. no one will ever love me, and anyone i ever will love will just slip right through my fingers. why couldn't eliza just not like him? it's her fault i'm like this. no, angelica, stop blaming your sister. it's not her fault. maybe it's alexander's. if he hadn't stolen my heart in the two- maybe three- minutes we talked. it's not his fault either. it's your's angelica. it's your fault that he's not going to be your's. it's your fault that you'll have to look at them together and pretend to be happy.

maybe it's no one's fault. maybe it was just destiny that we won't be together. maybe i'll get replaced by alexander. maybe eliza will choose him over her sister who's done everything for her. maybe i could just stay in her, disappearing from the party. i bet no one would even notice.

everything had felt fine when i was talking to alexander. now he's talking to eliza, doing who knows what. i have no one to talk to. peggy chose not to come tonight. maybe i shouldn't have came. if i didn't come, then none of this would have happened. but i wouldn't have known that i would meet a wonderful guy that i like, only to give him to eliza. i hope she knows how lucky she is.

she's probably forgotten about me. so has alexander. and everyone else.

how long have i been in the bathroom? i forget... i'm just angie in the bathroom. no one wanting to come in.

i started to pick at some peeling paint on the wall, tears falling uncontrollably. maybe it's not such a big deal. i'm probably being a drama queen. a drama queen that nobody wants to be with.

why am i hiding? i could be out there, getting drunk, forgetting all about alexander. but getting drunk wouldn't help my case. i already regret the few beers i had. plus, when i'm drunk, i become super truthful and slutty. it's a problem that i'm working on.

maybe i should just get out of here. leave this hell hole of a party. i sighed, staring at myself in the mirror. my face was red, my mascara messed up a bit. my cheeks were wet from my tears that wouldn't stop falling. i wiped the remaining tears away, trying to make myself look better. i guess i'll have to wait as long as i need until my face is dry. or i could just blame it on something in my eye, or alcohol getting to me. or i could lie, saying that i got my period, and that messed up my whole night.

there were suddenly rapid knocks on the door. i have a feeling that they'll shout soon, causing some unwanted attention. more knocking. "i'll be out soon!" i called out. i heard some muffled reply. i turned on the water, splashing some in my face, clearing most of my negative thoughts. i went to open the door, but i couldn't hear anyone. no knocking or talking.

my heart beat started to accelerate. i can't help but want to be in alexander's arms right now. he's the one who caused this. my pain... ugh, i'm back to blaming people again, aren't i?

i looked in the mirror, the memories of tonight coming back to me like a flood. there's no denying that i'm just alone. in a bathroom. is there a sadder, more pathetic sight than me right now? i could've avoided this if i had just stayed at home, binge watching some show.

maybe if i wasn't even born this wouldn't have happened! i wouldn't have had to feel these brutal feelings if i wasn't brought into the world.

god, i'm such a loser. i'm just angie flying solo. all alexander knows about me is my name, nothing more. i'm probably just a pretty face and a name to him. eliza's so much more than me.

i scoffed at my pathetic form, tear stains still reminiscent on my red face. an awesome party, i'm so glad i came.

there were loud knocks and someone calling out from the other side. i sighed, fixing myself again.

should i make a part two? i could incorporate(aka make the whole chapter) thomgelica fluff. your decision.

sorry this chapter was like all over the place. i kind of used how my thoughts can sometimes be as a model for angie's.

i feel like i had to say something else. but i forgot. classic mckenzie. anyway. love you. hugs and kisses.

love you
bye
-mckenzie