A/N: this is a lil wonky but hopefully ya'll will love her anyway <3 

Killer wasn't one to indulge in much self-care.

Taking care of the kid pirates and kid the pirate was a tough task in itself. Sure, occasionally he would lightly pamper himself, cooking something tastier, for instance, something for himself, although he would also make it for the whole crew, it still felt like some self-treating.

Eustass Kid himself sometimes wonders if Killer is even capable of selfishness. Of course, one could debate that becoming a pirate in search of the one piece is a selfish act.

"Oi Killer! Why did you become a pirate?" Kid overheard a crewmate ask.

"So Kid can find the One Piece." He answered while tying the mast.

If any other man were to say a thing as that, the redhead would've laughed his ass off, risking your life in the seas after a precious treasure most likely dying, and in the slim chance of acquiring it to simply let another man have it? Truly ridiculous.

But this wasn't any man.

It was his man.

I mean, his best man.

This was his first mate Killer.

But what could he do for him? He wouldn't accept anything with a large value, not even for a mask.

Maybe he could treat himself by hooking up with a prostitute?

"Fuck yeah that's it!" Kid thought. "But it can't be a cheap one! It has to be fancy! Like it doesn't even fuck for money!"

And just like that, the pirate was set on finding a nice prostitute for his crewmate.

As soon as they docked, he began his search.

Meanwhile, Killer took a walk around the busy island.

Many smells impregnated the air, from fresh bread to flowers, merchants offering a variety of products, parents with their children, and other civilians littered around the area.

"This looks like a nice place to raise kids." He thought to himself.

"Why are there so many fucking brats around?" Kid thought as he looked for a nice hoe for a nice man.

"Oranges! Oranges! Ten percent off!" A merchant exclaimed nearby.

"Oi! Do you know where I can find a brothel?" Kid asked the plump man.

"Sir this is a child-friendly area!" The man exclaimed astounded as his cheeks flushed.

"Do the damn brats know where I can find a nice whore?" Kid asked impatiently.

The flushed man was shocked. How could someone be so vulgar?

"I suggest you ask someone else, sir." The man shooed him away.

"Fine, I'll ask someone else for a nice hoe." He sneered.

"I sell hoes and shovels!" Another merchant exclaimed.

"Not that type of hoe!" Kid barked.

Meanwhile, Killer found himself in an area that was filled with stores and spas.

"I wonder what's in a spa-"

"Sir?" A female voice interrupted Killer's thoughts.

"Hm?" Killer hummed, trying to find where the voice came from.

"Look down." The voice instructed.

As he followed said orders his eyes met some (e/c) ones.

"Sorry to bother you- but your hair is so pretty! Can I braid it or something?" The little girl asked.

"Of course." Killer smiled, not that anyone could tell.

Killer found a place to sit, as the petite child began playing with his locks.

As the braid was reaching an end, a displeased woman showed up.

"Teapot! What have I told you about running off like that?!" The (h/c) haired woman scolded.

"But it's so boring at the salon!" The little girl whined.

"Your mother will kill me if she found out you ran off to have a braid train with some pirate under my watch!" The woman furiously yelled as the child's eyes began to water.

"Come on Teapot, I'm sure this man has to run some errands." The woman sighed, grabbing Teapot's hand.

"Sir I'm sorry for the inconvenience if you ever need a haircut or something it's on the house." The woman bowed apologetically.

"Ah- it was nothing really." Killer said.

"Either way, it's on the house, go to this address and ask for (Y/N)." The woman smiled, handing him a card and quickly taking off with Teapot.

He placed the card in his pocket and continued his stroll, with newly braided hair.

Meanwhile, Kid was still on the go for some hoe, even though it was hard. How could a town not have a single prostitute?!

After a while, he found a brothel that does look quite fancy, the women looked young and somehow quite elegant, even if some of them had skimpier outfits.

"Hello sir how can I help you today?" A well-dressed man in a suit asked him.

"I'm looking for fancy wench." He said.

"You mean an escort?" The suited man corrected.

"I don't care what you call these bitches I want a fancy one and it has to be good." He glared, almost burning holes in the man's clothing.

"I'll show you the best."

Kid browsed along with his options, obviously knowing his right man's type, he finally found one, a (e/c) eyed girl with (h/c) locks dressed in a tight dress that complimented her body type.

"This is the one."

"Excellent taste sir. (L/N), meet Eustass."

"A pleasure, Eustass." The woman smiled.

"Killer will love you." Kid said, proud of his find.

"They all do." She smiled.

Killer gave in and went to the address on the card, finding a salon.

"Hi. I'm looking for a (Y/N)." He said to the secretary.

"You came!" The woman from earlier exclaimed, holding his hand in hers as she took him to her area.

"I'm so glad! I can't wait to treat your hair the way it deserves!" She exclaimed, clearly excited.

"I guess I'll have to let you have your way with it." He chuckled.

"Trust me! You won't regret it!" She grinned.

Before he knew it, his scalp was being gently massaged, it was simple but somehow addicting.

Soon after, it was being brushed and blow-dried, killer could tell you were doing it with care.

"How can this guy's hair be so gorgeous? It's almost as if it came from a Pegasus!" You thought, while still trimming and fixing the small number of split ends.

"All done!" You exclaimed.

"It's been a while since my hair had been spoiled like this." He said.

"Well, if you ever want it spoiled again, call me." You winked.

"Will do."

"So you're saying I'm a gift to your brother?" The (h/c) asked while drinking her sake.

"Unfortunately you're not mine, so yes." Kid answered as he sat beside her, also drinking.

"Do you have any idea when or where I'm fücking your brother?" She asked.

"I actually did plan for this, whore." He replied.

"You keep calling me that but you're the sluttiest man I've met." She retorted.

Killer left the salon, enjoying the self-care day he had -not that he would ever admit it- his golden strands haven't been this well treated since he got a buzz cut after the kid incident.

He wanted to thank (Y/N) somehow, what could a filthy pirate ever give such a nice woman?

Shampoo? She probably had plenty.

Beer? But she doesn't drink.

He looked at every feminine store he could find on the island, searching for something that looked so personal that her own mother would give her.

Or is that creepy?

Either way, while Killer continued his search, Eustass Kid was spending his precious money to make sure this whore was perfect.

Currently, they were at the spa, getting ready for the "date" he planned.

"If I'm fucking him why are you getting ready?" She asked as they both got manicures.

"My selflessness has a limit y'know." He justified as he got his acrylics filled in.

"That's enough work for the day!" You exclaimed to yourself and Teapot alike.

"I'm hungryyyyyyyy!" Teapot groaned, laying on the floor dramatically.

"It is grub time huh?" You yawn.

"Grub time! Grub time! Grub time!" She exclaims, jumping up and down.

"Alright alright let's go." You say, closing up the salon.

As you walk to the food district, you site a strange red-head.

"Okay wow someone's a little aggressive in their hairdo." You thought as teapot was still in hand.

Suddenly, the peculiar redhead turns his head ever so aggressively towards you, that you swore it almost snapped and flew off his neck.

"OI! Aren't you supposed to be getting ready whore?!" He yelled at you angrily.

"Excuse you sir but who the hell even are you?" You asked, cocking a brow.

"Oh, so that's how it's going to be?! I spend good money to make you a presentable harlot and you just pretend I never existed?! I should beat you to a pulp!" He exclaims as a vein on his head begins to pop out.

You began to back off with teapot, but, with every step back, he took one foward.

"Kid? What are you doing here?" Killer asked, as both you and Kid turned to him and teapot just looked lost.

"I was trying to be considerate and get you a nice harlot but the bitch is pretending she doesn't know me! So now i'm going to show her what happens when you mess with me!" He growled, cracking his knuckles as you hid Teapot behind you.

"(Y/n) you're a prostitute?" Killer asked in surprise.

"What?! Hell no!" You said.

"Liar! I just bought you!" He exclaimed. 

"Hey Kid i'm back! Oh I see you met my sister!" She exclaimed, with a smile.

"You know this guy?" You asked, as he was fuming like a bull close enough that you could feel it on your neck.

"Oh yeah! He's a client of mine! I'm getting pampered to fuck some dude named Killed!" She smiled as she lifted the bags filled with new clothing and lingerie.

"There's two whores?!" Kid exclaimed, as confused as Killer.

"Mommy!" Teapot exclaimed, running to your sister.

"Hey my baby!" She exclaimed, knelling down to pick her up.

"You have a child?!" Kid exclaimed, in indignation.

"Does it scare you this pussy is that good? Look at her! She's a beauty!" Your sister said, as teapot smiled.

"Guy's she's still a child! Can we be a little less vulgar?!" You exclaimed, pinching the bridge of your nose and sighing.

"What for? She nows she's beautiful!" Your sister said, pinching teapot's cheek and making her giggle. 

"You hired a whore for me, Kid?" Killer asked.

"If you don't want this bitch i'll take her." He shrugged.

"We'll i wouldn't mind you taking me either." She winked.

"If you want to." Killer sighed. 

And soon enough, Kid and your sister ran into the sunset.

They really need to change that motel's name.

"So... Would it be creepy do take you out to eat as a thank you?" Killer asked.

"You know what? After seeing that I think I don't want-

"TAKE US!" Teapot exclaimed, interrupting you.

"I guess that's a yes." You shrugged.

After a very child friendly date in the hopes that Teapot wouldn't remember to much of today's events, the three of you sat down at a bench.

"That was nice." You smiled.

"Other than the creepy waiter, I agree." He said, as teapot began braiding part of his hair.

"Yeah, I can't believe he tried to ask you out. That was bold!" You joked, as you began grabbing some of his hair yourself.

Soon enough, you were walking home with him as he took a sleeping Teapot on his back.

"Voilá! Welcome to our marvelous mansion!" You joked.

"Were do I leave her?" He asked.

"The sofa is fine." You smiled.

As the night went on, you both enganged in conversation until the sun came up and he had to leave.

"I wish we could talk more."You sighed, with a smile.

"I mean... We could..." He said, fidgeting.

"What do you mean?" You asked, tilting your head to the side, confused.

"Would you join my crew, (Y/N)?" He asked.

After a while of convincing, you eventually joined and left most of your money to your sister and teapot, you're not really sure what made you truly join.

As you braided Killer's hair while he talked about anything that came to mind, you questioned:

"I wonder what made me join this crazy bunch?" 

A/N: This bad boy has been sitting as a draft for over a year in this book, but here it is!