{Extreme trigger warning . There will be blood , violence , suicide , broken hearts and etc. Read at your own risk}

'Why..... why are you this way ?..... why are you so cold ? Am I not good enough ? Why do you hate me ? Why....why.....'
These were the thoughts I had every day , every hour , every minute , every second. ....
I set up from the bed and rubbed my puffy eyes . I walked to the bathroom and looked st myself . Red eyes from crying all the night and black lines under them caused by sleeplessness .
" Tch... no wonder he hates you . Look at yourself"
The voice in my head spoke .
" Ah shut up I already know . Stop causing me more pain you damned devil"
I said as I brushed my hair and gor ready to yet start another day .
As I walked in the kitchen laughter was heard .
" Oh hey morning (y.n)! Slept well ?"
The redhead asked .
" Why hello there shachi ! Yes I slept well . How about you? "
I asked with a sweet smile . He blushed .
" Im fine thanks"
He said rubbing his cheek . I smiled and went to set down next to bepo .
" Why do you lie ?"
Bepo whispered to me . I looked down at my plate .
" I.... dont know what you are talking about"
I said .
" You didn't slept at all did you ?"
He asked . I sighed .
" Bepo.....it hurts...."
I said choking . He rubbed my back .
" After breakfast lets nap together"
He said and I smiled . Such wonderful friends I have . Im lucky .
" Morning"
A voice said and my smile dropped .
" Morning captain"
Everyone replied . I just looked down at my plate playing with my food .
Law set down and everyone started eating excluding me . I couldn't eat . I couldn't even think about eating right now .
"Captain we should reach the next island by a week or so"
Penguin said and law nodded . He atmosphere was heavy , at least for me .
"Thanks for the meal"
I said as my hair shadowed my face and got up walking towards the door .
" Hold it."
Law said .
" Yes , captain ?"
I asked .
" You didn't ate anything ."
"Im not hungry"
"Ok"
I bit my lip and walked out of the kitchen . Barely holding the tears .
'Ok is his answer ? Nuh nuh nuh.... and you guys have been fucking for almost a year now.... oops you rather call it as 'dating' .'
The voice said . I dug my nails into my hand .
" Shut up..."
I whispered as I lit a cigarette . Looking at the horizon . When did my life took a turn like this again ?
Oh yea.... when he stopped loving me and just using me as his toy....
I took a deep drag of the cigarette .
'Why dont you just end this once in for all'
The voice said .
" You know you're actually right for once"
I said as I gripped the cigarette . It burned my hand but wjo cares .
" We have a dinner party tommorrow night at an ally fellows ship . Your outfit has been chosen and its in your room . And I'll be waiting you tonight. .."
Law said from behind me .
'Do it.... do it....'
The voice said . I turned around and faced him . He had his cold glare on me .
" You look-"
I cut him off .
" Im not coming to the party . And go find someone else for tonight"
I spat clenching my fist . He was taken a back .
" Whats with the attitude ?!"
He asked .
" Im tired of being your doll . Im tired of being treated like im nothing . You..... you're not who you used to be . You dont love me anymore . You look at me with hatred . YOU ONLY CALL FOR ME WHEN YOU WANT TO SATISFY YOUR NEEDS!"
I screamed the last part and unexpected happened . Well actually it was pretty expected .
"DONT TALK LIKE THAT"
Law said as he slapped me across the face . The hit was so hard for a moment I went blind and fell to the ground .
" CAPTAIN!!"
Everyone rushed towards us .
I got up and looked at him with tears in my eyes . He had just realized what he had done .
"SEE ?!?! THATS WHAT I MEAN !! YOU HATE ME !!"
I screamed .
"I...."
I cut him off again .
" SHUT UP!"
I screamed and ran into my room .
Throwing myself into my bed I screamed and cried in my pillow .
" Why not go further ? Why not end it all ?"
The voice said . She was right . Im just a useless person who gets used and gets thrown away like trash . When I met law I thought he'd be different . But I was wrong .
"Tonight it is...."
I said to myself as I kept crying .

~☆time skip laws POV☆~
'I cant believe she said those . I cant believe I slapped her . I.... I really do love her . Why cant she see it ? Am I really hurting her that much'
I thought as I realized im in front of her room . Cries were heard . I stopped and reached out to knock .
'She will rwgret what she did . She will beg you to forgive her . Its her fault after all....'
The voice in my head said and I listened to it so I walked away .

~☆your POV☆~
I heard his footsteps coming closer to my room as I my nodachi in my hand . The footsteps stopped and my heart was racing . Only a moment later he walked away .
That was the last straw.....
Maybe if he had apologized it'd be different. .....
Maybe if he showed his love I wouldn't come to this breaking point....
Maybe it was my fault. ...

Blood.... blood everywhere. .... another cut.... more..... more.... more blood.... more cuts....

I kept cutting myself as I cried my eyes out . The red liquid running down my body . My whole room was a murder scene . I walked to the bathroom and ate a bunch full of pills and laid in my bathtub . My vision was becoming blury by the second . I took out a pocket knife from my pocket and looked at it with a small smile . He had given it to me when I told him I love weapons . Such good memories. ....
My blood had filled the tub and now I was barely conscious . Blood rushing out of the cuts and the stabs I did upon myself with my nodachi .
'Do it.... free yourself'
And with that I stabbed myself in the heart with the knife......

~☆morning , writers POV☆~
" Where is (y.n) ?!"
Penguin asked . Everyone was at the table except you .
" Now that you mention it last time I saw her was after......... that incident"
Shachi replied . Law looked at them as worry rushed over him .
"Im sure she's fine . Shes just angry . Give her a plate later"
He said . He was trying to reassure himself the most .
"CAPTAIN!!!! HURRY !!!!"
Bepos shouting was heard . Laws heart dropped as he stormed off to find bepo .
Bepo was on his knees gripping his head as he let out cries .
" What wrong bepo-ya ?"
Law asked .
" I smell blood . Lots of blood!!"
He cries . Laws eyes widened . He looked at the door and tried to open it .
'Its locked'
He thought .
" Hurry captain hurry..."
Bepo said . Law used his room to enter the room qnd he was replaced by a blood stained pillow . Bepo looked at the pillow and grabbed it . Huging it tightly as he sobbed in it .
" (y.n)......."

~☆laws POV☆~
my eyes widened as I saw the room . It looked like a murder scene . Blood everywhere. The smell of blood burning my nose and the fear of what I had to face burning my heart .
I noticed the blood on the ground and it lead to the bathroom . I opened the door knob with shaking hands and entered the bathroom. My eyes widened as tears firmed in them .
In the bathtub was a pool of blood and she was laying there lifelessly . Blood dripping off her finger as her lifeless eyes stared at the ceiling . Many cuts and stab wounds on her body and a knife in her heart . I knew that knife . I gave it to her as a gift .
This was her way of showing this is my fault .
If only I showed my love....
If only I apologized. ....
If only I was a better man....
She would be alive .
She looked pale and her lips apart . On the wall there was " . . . " written .
She told me everything by saying nothing . She had been suffering for so long and I hadn't realized it . Well done law , well done . You're great at losing the people you love....
I took out the knife from her heart as tears rolled down my cheeks .
" Im.... im sorry...."
Was all I could tell her . I was in a too great shock . I looked at her hand . She was gripping on her cursed nodachi . The once white band on it was now red . Icupped her cheeks and stared at her lifeless eyes .
" I dont even know what to do.... im pathetic . I couldn't show you my love when you were alive so its no use now . But , I love you.... (y.n) (l.n) I love you..... and I was going to ask for your hand properly in the party tommorrow . Im sorry.... im sorry... im sorry"
I said to her and I closed her eyes .
" Rest in peace , you will be remembered. ..."
I said as I grabbed her nodachi .
'Kikoku.... your master has died because of me . I will be the one looking after you from now on . Please bear with me....'
I said to the sword . It kinda felt like (y.n)s spirit was living in it .
I got out of the room using my ROOM . Everyone was out there waiting for me .
"C-captain ?!"
Everyone asked . I gritted my teeth .
" Im sorry.... we lost her..... from now on this room is off limits . Dont even talk about it"
I said and stormed off . Going on the deck as tears streamed down my face .
Why....
Why.....
Why did this happen. .....

Sometimes we regret our decisions . Sometimes the 'what ifs' hunt us forever . Sometimes we lose someone because of our carelessness. ....

Sometimes we wish it was just a dream.....

♡♡♡♡
How was it ? :)
I hope you enjoyed . If you have any requests comment them on the request board .

Btw Kikoku is laws nodachis name .
And the red band around his nodachi is the white blood stained band . He washed it but the color remained red . So basically laws nodachi was originally yours ..... Cx

〰Donquixote_Joker 👿