It was second week of September when my parents finally decided to go back to the place where my grandmother, Elisa, apparently grew and enjoyed her teenage years – the Sasina. The country is not new for me because every time my grandma visits our house at Nephins she'd particularly tell me about the stories and every bit of thing that country has. As I had searched about it, it was one of the most sought countries in the world when it comes to tourism, treasures, and culture that is being envied by others because of its unity in everything that people do.

Another place, another journey and another battle to win for Elizabeth. I will be leaving my friends behind but will bring the A week I can't leave. A week after we arrived Sasina, people started to look at us. The place is peaceful for a rural community, as I looked around it is already developed with technologies, wireless connection router is in every corner of the street. The community is rich in root crops, such as sugarcane, cassava, sweet potato and rice crops that can be seen from where I am standing.

I can hear the tiny voices in my head telling me to let my other side show it to them but I tried to suppress it and smile to everyone, especially to the one whom my mother kissed with using the back palm of the old woman. Ever since I was young, I hated attention but I love it when people notice me, but today, I neither like both.

"So, I suppose this is Elizabeth Cortes?" a man with a small smile from his lips gets near me and started stroking my hair with gentleness. I looked at my right to see my father who's watching me and smile as he says, "Yes, Monsignor. The first child you ever baptized." My eyes widened with disbelief, so this man in front of me is a priest and I don't know what to react. Unknowingly, he offered his right hand so I put it in my forehead just like what I always do when grandma visits the house.

The old woman offered us for a walk as the priest of the place bid his goodbye and told us that he'll be having a mass at 8:00 in the evening; we just have to wait for the church bell to ring as a signal for the mass to start. We walked through the busy community, there are people weeding at the side of the road and arranging some of the ornamentals to make the place greener and aesthetically appealing to the eyes. I could see from my own eyes how they worked together as one and even the teenagers are volunteering their hands for help. Every time we pass by them, they will greet us and in return I'll bow a little and give a smile. I didn't mind what the conversation of the elders anymore was, I just satisfy myself with the idea that the new community I am currently in, welcomed us, especially me, with a genuine smile and reassuring hope in their eyes. If only, I lived here since I reached the age of fifteen, I wouldn't be experiencing things I couldn't even take to imagine. I wouldn't be diagnosed and became an outpatient of the best psychiatrist in Nephins; I wouldn't mind the limited time given by my parents to me. I wouldn't be harming myself just to feel fine. I wouldn't settle for less and force myself to fit in to a community I never belong in the first place.

One evening as I was walking through the empty street in the middle of the night in Sasina, I found a bridge; I inhaled sharply as I looked around, feeling odd of how irretentive the bridge was when I reached the other side of it. I walked slowly through the old steel thing beneath my shoes for it creeks every time I took a step. As I reached the middle of the bridge I ran through the railings and exhaled the breath that I was holding the whole time as I was walking. I spread my arms quickly and smiled widely for this is what freedom means. No one knows where I am, no one knows who I am, no one and nobody. I looked down and saw my reflection from the water below the bridge, even though my teeth are showing my eyes weren't smiling.

Decided with a small nod, I climbed through the railings and I almost outbalanced myself but I managed to weigh the things I am bringing, not just my whole body but also the words that keep on whispering in my ears. It's a burden and I wanted to take this entire burden away. The loudest scream that I did, echoed in the darkness that disturbed the sleeping species. I slowly sat at the railings and my feet started dangling in the air as I eyed again the water rushing beneath me.

"I should be scared of the plunge but nope, I am not even scared of hurting myself."

I thought I only said it in my mind and never expected a sweet voice coming from behind.

"So, what does it feel like to self-harm?" I turned leisurely and there she was. Standing after me was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. Her hair was a rich shade of brown. It flowed in waves to adorn her glowing, porcelain skin. Her eyes, framed by long lashes, were a bright and warm hazelnut and seemed to brighten the dark world when it bore into my eyes. A straight nose with a small mole at the tip of it, full pinkish lips - she seemed the picture of perfection. She even wore a white dress with a gold braided belt that suits her. It feels like when she smiles, the world would sigh with contentment; if she laughs, the world would laugh with her and if she cries, the whole world would want to comfort her.

"Stop staring at her. You will never be like her."

"You are just nothing compared to her."

I shook my head and smiled at her, she offered her hand to help me. I gladly accepted it and almost stumble upon walking towards her but she managed to hold my two arms and softly whispered, "Careful." The simplest word I needed at this moment but no one dared to say even before. It was painful, in a way that my heart wanted to explode given the fact that her voice is calm. I saw her looking at me with her brows up like waiting for an answer to her question. I sighed.

"It's very satisfying. I never asked this; it just happened that it satisfies me whenever I see blood coming from my own cut."

I got disappointed when she didn't even flinch after what I just said. This community is known to be conservative and values the life given by God, I assume that she might freak out and say things about me being suicidal but instead she just continued to stare at the moon shining from afar and from time to time, as I notice, she licks her lips.

"Are you depressed?"

"Why would you think I have it?"

"I just assumed because you do self-harm." I shrugged and answered her with a long story. I think what Ethan said in his movie, Hello, Love, Goodbye, that it is better to share your burdens to strangers because they'll listen and not judge you, were right; I guess he was right about it. "It's like having broken ribs, you look fine on the outside but every breath hurts. My body wants to stay alive but my mind keeps on telling me to end my life." I said staring at the moon who's trying its best to hide at the cumulus clouds.

I heard her sigh and started to tap her fingers on the railings, I looked at her from my left side and I saw how beautiful she is again; the way her lips twitch when she speaks and her long wavy hair sways due to the air. She said, "Hija, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all. There are even two types of loving yourself." She faced me and smiled while raising her two fingers from her right hand, "Do you know what those wolves are? The first one is evil while the second one is goodness. Which do you think of the two will win?"

I thought for a minute and simply replied, "The one you feed." She clapped her hands which startled me and laughed wholeheartedly, "Exactly, sweetie! Exactly!", I shook my head because of her reaction and stared at the water beneath us, "Now let's talk about the two types of loving yourself. The first one is, the natural way and the other one is, loving yourself in a process which you can hurt others and even does self-harm." She leaned to me and snapped her two finger right in front of my eyes.

"You know what no one can tell you how to love yourself because it comes in natural way. God will never give you that pain if He knew that you will not be able to overcome it. Everything that is happening to you might have happened to your past life and you didn't overcome it, so today you were given a second chance to fight it and not let it fight over you. Own your life but don't let it consume you. Live and be with God, okay?" She tapped my shoulder before putting it over my shoulder. I removed it and closed my eyes for I can feel the waters in it.

"You are a stranger, why would I believe the things that you're saying?"

"Don't call me a stranger because we particularly live on the same place, the soil we step on is the same. The language we speak maybe different in accent but our blood is red." As I opened my eyes, I didn't feel her presence anymore and when I looked around she is nowhere to be found.

The next day, I woke up with a throbbing head and irritated because outside is too noisy. I can feel my ears wanted to be hiding just so they won't hear anything from outside.
I went outside of the house to see what are happening but I saw different colors of maiden holding their wands, I heard the honks of the bugle and horns, shouts of admiration from people, the way the drums vibrate when it is connected to its drum sticks. My mother saw me and said, "They are having a parade about the World Suicidal Month, dear. It's done every September here in Sinasi. I hope it made you happy."

"Why would it make me happy when it won't even help me?"

But my question was answered when I heard a loud voice across our house and I saw the girl from last night, smiling from ear to ear while her friends are accommodating the people. I went there and she greeted me with a small nod but I saw how her eyes brightened up when I looked at her.

"I was rude last night for not telling you my name. By the way, I am September and welcome to our community. May you feel the unity that you didn't find from before and I hope peace will stay in your heart as long as you live here."

Unknowingly, my eyes filled with tears and my lips started to form a small genuine smile. I guess, not having a citizenship from Nephins was worth it and knowing that my home welcomes me as their comrade is beyond worthy even though I am still new to it.