(unedited)

I regret my confession not very long after I realised who I had confessed to.

"You want to talk about it?" The words were like knives to my ears.

Do I wanna talk about it?

Do I wanna talk about the fact that I like dick?

"No, not really." but my lack of conversational skills is not surprising. However, what was surprising was the curiosity which lingered in Brady's eyes. Or at least that's what I interpreted the gleam in his eyes to be.

Curiosity was a bad thing, even more so when it was directed at me. The last time a guy gave me that look I was fucking a day later.

Yeah, it was a bad look.

"I won't tell anyone," Brady tries to reassure me, as though I needed it. It was strange to think the last time I had heard those words they were coming out of Lukas' mouth right before he kissed me. But even so, I did not need reassurance because I was not hiding. Because this was not a secret, my sexuality was not a secret. Sure, I do not wear an 'I play with dick for fun' hat or a 'Gay is yay' shirt. But that did not mean I was ashamed, it meant I was smart enough to not want to die.

Which brought me back to the theatre and the way Brady's hand felt in mine. He had not pulled away and that worried me.

"I've got homework," I tell Brady as I place my hand on the passenger side door, showing that I was ready to get out of the car.

I needed a fucken cigarette.

"I don't buy it," Brady showed interest in continuing this conversation. He wanted to talk, he always wanted to talk. Talk about Sarah, talk about me, talk about feelings.

It was fucken annoying!

"Good, I am not selling it," I told him with a roll of my eyes as I went to grab my bag from the backseat. The closeness making Brady flinch. He quickly covered up his reaction by pushing his glasses up his nose after realising I was not going to jump him like some sex-deprived animal.

That did not take long.

"Calm down, just getting my bag." I huffed.

"I didn't mean." he trailed off.

"You didn't mean what?" I questioned and when he did not answer I continued, "To let your true thoughts show? It's alright Brad, I did not expect anything different." I jump out the open door as I turn to face the direction of my new guardian's apartment; finally taking the pack of smokes out of my pocket. But before I could even close the car door, Brady was standing in front of me. No longer caring, I lit my cigarette anyways, blowing the smoke right in his face, watching him grimace as he waved it away.

"It's not like that, it is not because of.... that?" Brady defended himself. He probably used to it by now with Sarah being his girlfriend and all.

"That?" I questioned, knowing what he meant but wanting him to say it.

"You know, you being..." his voice getting soft as he whispered, "gay."

"You mean," I cupped my mouth to scream the words as loudly as possible, "GAY!"

"Ugh, you're impossible." Brady groaned crossing his skinny arms over his chest. Both of us were illuminated by the headlights of the car.

"It is not a bad word, just say it. Say it, say it! Say I am gay." I kept pushing and pushing until he finally said it.

"FINE, YOU'RE GAY." he half yelled, "You happy now?"

"Fucken ecstatic" I deadpanned before turning to leave.

"That is not why." he went to follow me.

"Then why?" I turned around just in time to see him walk right into me. "Why did you flinch?"

"I don't know." Brady whispered, "I don't know."

"You don't know." I could not hide the bitterness in my voice.

"Then tell me when you figure it out." without so much as a goodbye, I back away from the car turning around and heading back to the apartment.

I heard him say or ask something. Not thinking anything of it, I just kept walking. Stubbing out my unfinished cigarette before entering the building; with that, I finally head inside.

Entering the apartment I see that Pam isn't around; leaving me to believe that she had to work a night shift again. Mario, on the other hand, was nowhere to be found and in his wake, he had left the TV on.

Leaving everything as is as I make my way to my bed.

My bed, mine. Since when had I started seeing it as my bed?

Crashing onto the bed I find myself coming face to face with that stupid Latex wearing guy figurine. With a groan I hurled it across my room, hearing it hit the wall and then the floor before rolling over onto my other side just to come face to face with the comic book Brady had leant me.

Why is his shit everywhere in this room? How had he worked his way into my life so quickly? What had it been, like two weeks and yet every time I turned around there was something new to remind me of him.

He flinched, he fucken flinched.

My thoughts were interrupted by Mario and Pam's voices in the other room. I wasn't sure when they came back. I was sure that they were discussing dinner as they unpacked groceries.

"Dinner is ready," I heard Mario announce happily, as I deciphered whether I wanted to eat something or have a smoke.

"I'll be there in a minute," I respond then take a deep breath. I didn't realise I was looking for Brady until I noticed his closed curtains when I walked past my window.

Pasta greeted me as I sat down at the dinner table. Pam quickly dished me a large mound of it, feeling too guilty to tell her I had lost my appetite.

"How was it?" Mario asks.

"The movie was alright," I told my aunt and uncle. What else was there to say? That I had come out to Brady and he flinched.

"I'm happy to see you make friends," Pam tells me happily. A smile lighting up her face while Mario nods in agreement.

All I do is nod, allowing for the conversation to die with only Pam and Mario's left to pick up the pieces; all while I shovel food into my mouth wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed. I want warm blankets, hollow dreams and the soothing sound of city noises in my ear to lull me to sleep.

But most of all I wanted this night to be over.