"..the day i met you,
i just wanted
to protect you."
- ilomilo, Billie Eilish

╳

I play with my breakfast, poking my spoon around my bowl of granola and yogurt, while I'm lost in thought.

"You alright?" Frank asks, bringing me back to the now.

I rest my spoon against the edge of the bowl, placing both hands on Madani's glass dining table as I look up at Frank sitting opposite me.

"I want him dead." I declare.

After ruminating on Frank's advice about taking the fight to Stryker for the past hour, this is the conclusion I've reached.

Frank nods approvingly.

"No more hesitating?" he asks.

"No more."

His eyes narrow at my response. "You still got some doubt there, I can see it. What's holding you back?"

I frown down at my bowl. "I was with my mother and brother when they were murdered. And before my brother died, he said.. 'Don't be what they made you.'" Speaking aloud the words that have plagued my mind for weeks leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, but I continue. "..I don't want to disregard his dying wish."

Aside from one singular chew of his food, Frank is still. "What did they make you?" he queries.

I stare at him, wishing I could bite my tongue, but it's too late for that now.

"I was the best at what I did. But what I did best.. wasn't very nice." I say, before laughing under my breath. "..Guess I'm preaching to the choir, huh?"

Only, Frank truly is the best. He gets shit done, without any hesitations, without any enhancements.

I tense briefly as keys jingle at the front door, until I realise it's Madani.

"You're still here?" she asks, when she enters and sees us at her dining table.

"Yup." Frank says. He sucks a bit of yogurt off his thumb and leans back in his chair. "Shitty-ass health food of yours nearly drove us off, but, you and I, we had a deal."

I smile down at my bowl, remembering how annoyed Frank was scouring through her cupboards this morning, searching for anything other than what he deemed to be no more than bird food.

"Yeah? You want a pancake breakfast, find me Billy." Madani counters, dropping her handbag on the kitchen bench.

I flick a glance at Frank, our eyes meeting briefly as we both recount our pancake breakfast after our night, and morning, of passion. I feel my cheeks warm and when he looks back at Madani, I blush at the fact that I'm blushing.

"I've been thinking about that. The thing is, if he is bullshitting, you'd probably be dead already." Frank tells Madani.

"Okay, I'm listening." she responds.

Frank glances at me and my full bowl. "Eat your food." he says lowly, then stands up and heads over to Madani.

I pick up my spoon and finally start on my breakfast while they start discussing Billy Russo.

"There's this piece of shit from Billy's childhood, he went after Bill." Frank says. "Bill wasn't having it, so he fought back. The guy hurt him, hurt him bad."

"Yeah, the stickball guy." Madani comments.

"He told you, huh?"

"Yeah. What about him?"

"There was a time when Billy wanted to make him pay." Frank explains. "We went to Bensonhurst. He wanted to tune the guy up. The guy showed up and he changed his mind-"

"Do you think he'd go there now?" Madani asks.

"I don't know, he might. If he's angry enough, yeah." Frank says. "The guy's name is Arthur Walsh. He's got to be about 60 years old. You know, I um.. I was thinking maybe I could do this for you. Keep you out of it." Frank offers.

"In that state?" Madani scoffs, and I can't help but feel a pang of guilt.

"The bullet you took was meant for me, all right? I owe you." Frank says and my eyes widen. I throw a glance over my shoulder at the pair.

Is it just common practice for everyone around here to get shot?

"Frank, I'm gonna do this my way. Okay? My kind of justice, not yours." Madani dismisses.

My ears pick up the sound of the elevator doors, out in the hall.

"All right, Madani. All I'm saying is, if you get him in your sights, you cannot hesitate. All right? Because I tell you right now, Bill will not. I don't care how-"

"Someone's here." I interrupt.

They both stop talking and turn to me. Then a knock on the front door breaks their sudden silence.

"Go." Madani whispers.

"Get in the bedroom." Frank mutters, laying a guiding hand on my shoulders as I get up from the dining table.

Once inside Madani's bedroom, Frank and I listen at the door.

"Morning, Agent Madani. Sorry, do you have company?"

Beside me, Frank's body relaxes at the sound of the voice, signalling whoever's at the door is not an enemy.

I unclench my fists.

"Uh, Mahoney, what are you doing here?" Madani replies.

"I wanted to run something by you, one cop to another." Mahoney says.

"I'm on my way out-" Madani tries but Mahoney keeps talking.

Their voices become background noise as Frank's scent floods my nostrils. Standing this close, in this clean room, he's all I can smell. It's intoxicating.

Madani finally leaves with Mahoney, and Frank opens the door and exits the bedroom.

I reach in and grab the hand towel from the ensuite and wave it about the bedroom in an attempt to get some air that's not all Frank.

"What are you doin'?" he suddenly asks and I whirl around to face him. He stands in the doorway, duffel bag over his shoulder.

"Oh, um.. just trying to air the place out."

Frank cocks an eyebrow at me.

"..I have a sensitive nose." I add in weak defense.

"Well, good thing I'm headed for a shower then, huh? Wouldn't want to hurt your nose." he jests as I head into the bathroom to check my clothes.

"No, you smell good." I reply without thinking.

Oh, sweet Jesus..

Keeping my back to him, I press my lips together and squeeze my eyes shut.

"Uh-m.. I mean-" I drop the hand towel on the sink and grab my dry clothes. "-you know, like as far as.." I turn and look at Frank, who's watching me with quite an amused expression. I huff in defeat. "You know what? I said what I said." I admit and Frank snickers.

"Thank you?"

"Uh-huh." I mumble as I pass him, promptly exiting the bathroom.

As soon as he closes the door, I face palm myself. "The fuck was that?" I mutter.

I drop Madani's silk robe, and pull my clothes back on.

The water in the shower starts running and it sends a shiver down my spine, that settles between my legs. Because I can't help but recall the vision that Frank's naked body under running water is.

I'd really love to join him.

I wonder if he'd let me..

Nope.

Don't go there.

He's injured for Christ's sake.

I try to take a deep breath, but all I smell is him. And it's annoyingly arousing.

I need a breath of Frank-free air.

I'd take a cold shower, but he's already in there. All naked, and wet, and glorious..

Fuck, I gotta get out of here.

While Frank's preoccupied, I slip out the front door and wait for the elevator.

I laugh humourlessly at the fact that Madani's scent still lingers in the elevator as I ride it down to the lobby. I'm done with all these scents. I'm almost feeling overstimulated. The city streets are going to wreak of every other smell I can think of, but I'm hoping if I smell everything, maybe it'll turn to nothing.

The elevator doors open and I head straight outside.

I step out onto the sidewalk and breathe in the freshest air the city can offer, trying to focus on my breath intake rather than the aroma. My eyes dart around at the all the people bustling on the street and I tug at my jacket, pulling the hood over my head.

Across the road, I notice some clothing stores down the street.

I can be there and back in no time.

I tuck my hands into my pockets and duck across the road. After wearing the same thing for three weeks, it'll be nice to grab an alternative. I keep my head down and make my way to the stores.

I start to wonder if I'm passing Billy Russo along my way. I could. I don't even know what he looks like, or smells like.

Forget the stickball guy, I wonder if Billy will come for Frank and Madani..

This is precisely why Frank doesn't need to be involved in my shit. He has more than enough to worry about. I'd leave now and never go back if I knew he'd be safe. From Billy and from Stryker.

If Frank wants to help me, then I'm going to help him.

Frank didn't let the loss of his family cripple him. He used that devastation to fight back. He made the bad people pay. His kind of justice is exactly what I need to administer.
I know what needs to be done. Hopefully I won't lose myself along the way.

But taking down Stryker isn't the only thing I need to do. I need to tell Frank the truth. I owe him the whole truth. He wants this to be honest. I will honour that.

I wonder how he'll react..

He won't sell me out, at least. He's nothing to gain from doing so.

Maybe he'll want nothing to do with me. And no matter how much that would hurt, I can live with him rejecting me. I think.

I'll find out when I return.

A sharp sting suddenly shoots into the back of my thigh, interrupting my thoughts.

My hand goes to my leg and my fingers wrap around a dart. I pull it from my thigh and see a few drops of green serum in the clear capsule.

The green serum that makes me 'normal.'

Ah, fuck..

A/ N

references:
- the line "I was the best at what I did. But what I did best.. wasn't very nice." is a quote from Logan, from the movie X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
- and same old, same old, adapted dialogue from The Punisher Season 2. Episode 4, "Scar Tissue."

Thank you for reading!

- K