A new beginning starts with a beautiful accident

**

Bam was dreaming – he told himself he must be. Because in his dream there was a warm mouth on his neck, his cheek, and then his mouth. This was all very odd to him. He wasn't really the sort to have wet dreams and a bit of shinsoo usually did the trick to control any urges.

He remembered taking sixteen steps up the staircase. A right turn, and his arm was around a shoulder. Fourteen steps to his room. Five steps from his door to the bed and he tumbles over with someone.

The person underneath him feels strangely familiar. Maybe it was the smell of the mint and aloe shampoo, the one the team shared in the common bathroom. Maybe it was the way the tongue fluttered against his own – in his hazy brain he felt that only someone very witty could figure out how to flutter a tongue like this. His tongue poked back with ill experience.

He remembered removing someone's clothes. The pop pop pop of the buttons and the clink clink clink of belt buckles. Bam couldn't remember whether it was his own. He felt a bright chill on his bare skin and realized that someone had removed his clothes too.

Bam is overheating and it's not because of the radiator in the room.

Ah – there it was. He could finally see the person with him. High cheek bones, a sharp chin, unblemished skin that glowed like a luminous pearl on the sheets, and... silver blue hair. He blinked. Khun?

Bam woke up with a headache that was splitting his skull into two. The clock on the wall had its hands pointed to ten past ten. He groaned, feeling static in his head; a dizzy hum inside a seashell. The white ceiling spun into focus and the alcohol in his bloodstream finally faded to a dull, unpleasant taste in his mouth.

So this was what Leesoo meant by a hangover. There was no beautiful science about a hangover and it just made you feel dreadful. He moved a hand to turn over the blankets and froze.

He wasn't wearing any clothes.

He hastily dived for the heap on the floor, snatching his shirt, trousers, and underwear. He never once slept fully undressed, but maybe – just maybe, his preferences changed when he was drunk. Yes, the dream was just a dream. He floats to the washroom to douse his face in some water.

Bam makes his bed just like every other day even though it's at least four hours past his usual morning routine. He rolled the thin cotton blanket, plumped the pillows and tugged the corners of the linen. He stops abruptly, fingers quivering. There were silvery blue strands that stood out clearly against the white bedspread.

It came back to him in fragments. Khun's blue hair splayed against the white sheets like a masterpiece. He is rosy-cheeked under the moonlight and his mouth opened a silver before pulling Bam down against him.

Bam puts a hand over his mouth in horror. Oh no. Oh no! He took a step back involuntarily and the back of his head thudded against the wall.

He guessed it wasn't a dream after all.

*

Bam tried to make himself as small and inconspicuous as possible as he walked into a room that smelled like meat and steamed buns. He barely slinked into the furthest chair from Khun before Leesoo clapped a hand on his back.

"Bam!"

A hand squeezed his shoulder. "Aw Bam, you were such an adorable drunk last night!"

Bam cringed. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know how he was adorable last night. He shot Hatsu a grateful smile as a bowl of cabbage and beef broth was slid under his nose. In the middle of the table stood a pyramid of fluffy steamed buns; delicious looking white pillows.

Rak tossed the buns into his long jaws like popcorn. "You were obliterated, turtle."

The alligator snorted. "If it wasn't for me, your leader, we would have been disgraced in front of those dogs." Bam was coerced into a drinking match with Yama at the honorary party thrown in his name at the Fang. He only had four tips of soju before his feet started to draw circles on the floor.

Hatsu popped another batch of dough in the oven. "You almost knocked out my teeth rubbing your cheek against mine. Watch your strength a little bit more when you're drunk, Bam." He holds a tiny gap between his fingers to illustrate the point.

"At least you're better than that guy over there." Leesoo jabbed a thumb towards Khun. "Wearing a turtleneck sweater. Said hangover gave him the chills."

He sidled up to Khun who was on his right. "That sweater looks ugly on you."

Bam's stomach creaked as he shoved food in his mouth; an excuse not to be invited to any form of conversation. He risked a glance at Khun. There were faint bags under his eyes, tell-tale signs of interrupted sleep.

Khun stirred his coffee serenely as if he wasn't in bed with another man last night. "Who held your head as you hurled alcohol and stomach acid in the toilet bowl?"

"Touché," Leeso muttered.

Rak accidentally knocked over the fresh batch of buns that came out of the oven and they rolled over to Khun's feet. He bends over and Bam makes a terrible mistake of looking at the crown of his silver blue head. Bam recollects that head being between his legs last night. Khun's eyes were a prismatic blue as he looked up from Bam's –

Bam chokes hard on his beef broth and the spoon clatters back to its bowl.

Rak thumps him on his back and Bam stares into his broth miserably. Out of the corner of his eye, Khun takes the opportunity to slip away from the kitchen. It was as if they had an unspoken agreement not to over linger in each other's company. Bam exhales noisily, his heart slowly thudding back to its usual rhythm.

This was all too much for a common morning at the Fang.

Leesoo announces that he's heading back to his room for a catnap and his pace is leisurely. No one misses the bottle of soju he takes in his hand to the bedroom for his "nap". The kettle whistles and a dog's howl can be heard from a distance. Bam sits still before making a split second decision.

Leesoo doesn't need to turn to know that Bam is behind him. He turns anyway.

"Bam?"

He's nudged into his room with relative urgency. Bam deposits him on the sofa and draws up a chair. The question is already tipping out of Bam's lips.

"Have you slept with someone before Lee?" Bam is never good with preambles.

The soju overflows in the glass Leesoo is holding. He puts down the half-filled bottle and gives Bam his full attention like a wise man ready to impart his knowledge to a young fledging.

"You mean like a one-off thing? Or like, a relationship?"

Bam fumbles. "Uh – a one-off thing?"

His friend laughs. "Oh you mean a one night stand!"

"A what?" Bam frowns, as if there's a shinsoo move he doesn't understand. "I wasn't standing."

Leesoo offers him a thimbleful of soju. "A part of your body will definitely stand."

He's amused as the tips of Bam's ears turn crimson. Bam firmly declines the soju. Leesoo waggles his eyebrows. "So who was it? You can ask me anything you know, what to do the morning after, how to continue to –"

Bam musters his best version of a deadpanned look. "I just had a dream." He tries to sit back in his chair with an air of nonchalance. He drinks in the redolent smell of cherries, the flavor of the alcohol, and remembers tasting the bittersweet notes on the swirl of Khun's tongue. He bites his lips to barricade the memory.

"A dream? Oh... I guess it had to be a dream, there weren't any decent women at the party yesterday anyway."

Bam nods vehemently. "No women," he confirms. A whole truth.

Leesoo delicately presses his fingertips, five to five. He was a very experienced man in such things after all. "Well Bam, to answer the question about your dream, if you had a one night stand, you should think if you like that person."

"If I like that person?" Bam echoes him. "How would I know?"

"You would know when you want to do it more than once."

"Why would I want to do it more than once?"

Leesoo is starting to get impatient now – his catnap was getting further and further away with Bam's many questions. "Now Bam," he tips the cherry red liquid into his cup, "I'm not the only one with this sort of experience, and I'm getting really tired."

He scratches the back of his ear absentmindedly. "Ask Khun, he's had a one night stand before many times."

"Khun had – what?"

"Yeah, he's done it like six times." Leesoo starts to count off his fingers. "He had two after the workshop battle, another at one of the pitstops before we boarded the Hell Train, and –"

Oh. Leesoo blinked. Bam was already out of his room. He swishes the rest of the alcohol down, a cherry red smile on his lips.

*

It proves harder than expected to find Khun.

Bam perched like a skittish bird in the low terrace of the apartment they were in. It's evening after dinner and Khun still wasn't back. He watched a canine man walk by, and another. And another. The evening lolls by and Bam stifles a yawn.

He pads softly to Khun's room and twitches the doorknob. The room isn't locked and Khun isn't in his room. Bam settles on the chair and waits. The clock on the wall strikes half past ten.

Bam's on the sofa now, his eyelids still heavy with the aftermath of his first hangover. His chest rises softly and evenly; the hand of the clock touches midnight.

Khun arrives back in the room at least two hours past midnight, fully determined to avoid Bam for at least the first twenty-four hours. He nearly trips over the rug when he sees Bam asleep on his sofa. He curses his silly feet and shuts the door as softly as he can. Possibly softer than the sound he made when Bam had a hand down his pants last night.

He heads to Bam's empty room to take a shower before returning. Bam is still breathing evenly on the sofa. Khun turns off the light with a quiet flick. He has every mind to sleep in Bam's room tonight to avoid awkwardness, but a chill steals into the room through a light breeze and he hesitates.

He takes a coat and treading softly towards Bam, carefully arranges it over his shoulders. Bam hardly stirs and he's relieved.

Khun settles on the floor so that he doesn't need to bend over to look at Bam's sleeping face. With his knees to his chin, Khun indulges in the moment.

Bam's sleeping face is a sweet dream, all golden and soft. Khun remembered his hands paying tribute to the ridges of Bam's hips, the curve of his back; his entire body a kingdom. Less than a day ago, Bam pulls his shirt apart and the buttons snap against the thread. He can't fix that shirt now but it sits in his lighthouse – he's never going to throw it away.

The guilt gnaws into him again. He knows he could have stopped it. He could have shoved Bam off the bed. He could have used his ice, used his spear, and used anything but the lower half of his body to think properly. But he was an accomplice, he had participated.

Khun falls asleep with his cheek against the sofa and his fingers inches from Bam's. He dreams that he is kissed, and brown hair falls over his cheeks like ribbons.

Dawn cracks the sky open and the yolk of the sun is yellow and bright. Bam stirs and stretches all the way down to his toes. His fingers brush against something soft.

"Khun!"

Khun has the print of the sofa on his cheek and his hair is disheveled. He's still wearing that ridiculous turtleneck sweater. Bam thinks that he has never looked lovelier. Their eyes meet nervously.

"How are you feeling –"

"I need to speak to y –"

They blurt simultaneously and it breaks some of the tension in the room. Khun laughs and motions for Bam to speak first.

"Khun, I'm very sorry...it was an accident."

Bam says that in hope of making Khun feel better, but Khun has never felt worse.

Bam caresses the inside of his thigh with all five fingers. An accident.

Bam unravels his belt out of its loop with a single pull. Another accident.

Bam's hips thrust eagerly against his in raw pleasure, each time more frantic than the last. A fatal accident.

"It's nothing to worry about." Khun has mastered the technique of uttering the perfect lie with a straight face. "Let's put this behind us."

He gathers his coat and prepares to leave. He is in desperate need of a lengthy walk to avoid any further accidents with Bam.

"Did you say that to the others too?"

Khun frowned. "The others?"

"The other people you had uh, had a one night stand with." Bam rushes the last couple of words.

Blue eyes blink in a slow motion. There is a pregnant pause.

"Yes, I did." His reply is soft.

Khun heads for the door and he's three strides away. There's something in Bam that can't be reconciled. Maybe it is the image of Khun sprawled underneath a faceless man, undressed. Maybe it is the fact that someone else had heard before the ardent sounds which Khun made as he twisted in pleasure. Bam pulls at Khun's arm to stop him from leaving and his elbow knocks against Khun's waist.

Khun winces visibly.

By instinct Bam lifts his sweater and sees a deep bruise on the side of Khun's hips. The colour is a reddish-purple – he's seen enough bruises to know that it's fresh and he starts to lift the sweater higher, much to his best friend's chagrin. He spies another bruise on the back.

Khun yanks down the hem roughly. "That's enough, Bam."

Bam finally realizes why Khun is wearing a turtleneck and he tugs at the cuff. There are purple blots all over Khun's pale neck. Like grape stains on a sheet of snow.

He gaped. "I did this?"

Khun adjusts the cloth around his neck self-consciously. "You couldn't control your strength under the influence of alcohol." And I allowed you to have your way with me. He couldn't help but give a laugh. "I agree your rough handling was quite unexpected."

Bam covers his face with his hands, all ten fingers over his eyes in embarrassment. He opens a gap between his fingers reluctantly. "I'm so sorry, Khun."

"Were the others also this rough?" Bam's not sure if he wants to know the answer, but he asks anyway.

Khun shifts uneasily and avoids his eyes. "You were considered gentle," he says simply.

Bam holds his breath. "Who were they? Did I know them?"

"...No."

"How many times have you done this?"

"Bam, I don't need to tell you –"

Bam insists. "That's the last question, I promise!"

He has to wait twenty heartbeats before Khun replies.

"Three...?"

Bam's eyes narrow. He remembered Leesoo said six times. He has a suspicion that needs to be tested.

"When did those happen?"

Khun rolls his eyes, exasperated. "I can't remember. Can we have breakfast now?"

Bam stands against the door and crosses his arms. "You're lying, you've never had one before me." Bam knows that he's hit the nail on the head when Khun's fingers twitch.

Khun gives in with a sigh, he was too tired to fight. "I thought it would make you feel better."

Bam looks down and studies an imaginary speck of dust on the floor.

"No, it didn't."

He doesn't want anyone to handle Khun intimately like this. He doesn't want Khun to be making those velvet murmurs in someone else's ear. He remembered what Leesoo said about how you would do it again with the person you liked.

He takes Khun's hand, and Khun looks at him wide-eyed.

"Let's try to do it properly next time."

It is Khun's turn to gape at him. "Next time?" His heart does a dozen cartwheels.

"Bam, this isn't some sort of responsibility, or pity –"

"No, I just don't mind you know, doing it properly with you again." Bam says it so evenly that Khun believes he's serious. "Gently, this time."

Bam purses his lips. "What do they call this, a two night stand? Is there such a thing, Khun?"

Khun leans in. Bam could have whatever next time he wanted, do anything with him, but for now, he would settle for a kiss. Besides, he was sure that he could be fully committed to a relationship of repeated one night stands. Brilliant.

"A two night stand it is," he whispers. Their lips touch, and Khun does that fluttering with this tongue again.

Bam thinks that if this is another dream, he would not want it to end.

*

The breakfast table is short of two people.

Rak is restless. "Where's the blue turtle and black turtle? They're usually the earliest," he complains. Hatsu polishes a katana beside him.

The kitchen is one floor below the individual rooms. Leesoo squints his ears – no noise coming from upstairs. He strokes his chin thoughtfully. Maybe his plan didn't work after all?

"They shouldn't be down so soon. They're busy."

Hatsu and Rak turn to him, bemused at his confidence.

Leesoo stirs his coffee idly. He wondered if Khun would be wearing that hideous turtleneck again. He probably would be, those marks wouldn't go away anytime soon unless he used the fire fish. Nope, he'll keep Bam's marks on him. He chortles inwardly. Really, how obvious could they be?

Bam looking like a deer caught in headlights, asking about a one night stand. Khun acting like he and Bam were strangers and covering up his neck. He chuckles to himself. Thank goodness they had him, the amazing friend. Lying to Bam that Khun had multiple one night stands before was a stroke of genius. He was sure that would get them talking properly. Or maybe get them screwing properly. Leesoo gives himself a mental pat on the back.

"You're putting salt in your coffee," Hatsu remarks, unimpressed.

Leesoo waves at him dismissively. "There are stranger things than salt in a coffee."

He smiles like a Cheshire cat in heat. "Now, shall we head upstairs to check on the turtles?"