I do not say anything about it while heading up to my room, and I wait for us to be inside to speak out.
"You can sit down," I indirectly tell her to stay with me, and I put my glass down on the table to get on the sofa. She listens and sits down on my right like she usually does. "Are you okay?" I take a sip of the champagne, my eyes scrutinizing her facial expression, her body language. "Yes, and you?"
I nod, feeling doubtful. For some reason, I do not trust this answer. Something about the look into her eyes tells me there is a problem, so I silently keep my focus on her and wait for her to make eye contact with me.
Has Kangdae done something to her? Sookyung?
"How did it go with Kangdae?" I ask, being curious but for a good reason. "Well," she keeps it short again, making me worry even more. "Well? Are you sure?" I insist, not letting this go without getting her to free herself from her worries. She nods again, refusing to tell me the truth.
Feeling like this will not be easy, I take my jacket off, lay it next to me, and lean forth to hold my hands together and fix my eyes on her. I do not want her to leave this room without talking about what is bothering her.
I peek down at her hands which are intertwined, and I check her skin, her neck, and her arms. My eyes stop on one spot of her inner thigh. She is wearing tights, but I can perceive some hues underneath, and not only there. On her knees too. The thing is that I cannot mention it or ask what it is, this is not a good spot.
"Should I talk to him myself?" I cannot handle it anymore, feeling like I might stand up and go up to that guy. "Why would you?"
"Because something happened, and you're not telling me about it, sweetheart," I stare into her eyes, but she breaks the contact right away, understanding that I know. "This is nothing, Mister Jeon. Don't worry, please."
"I am worrying already. You can tell me what he did, I won't talk about it with anyone. I just want to make sure he did not hurt you," I do not give up, willing to know about what has happened while I was not here. "He didn't hurt me. He was just drunk and annoying. That's all."
"Why annoying?" I ask for more details than a simple word, always hating how lightly she takes this type of stuff like most girls here. "He wanted something again..."
"Something you didn't want to do?" I guess, but unfortunately, she confirms with a nod. "And did you do it?"
To my biggest disappointment, she does not relieve me at all. She does not even need to use words to tell me, I understand that she could not fight against him. I stay as calm as I can in this situation but feel my blood boil, and my heart speeds up. "What did he make you do?" I nibble on my inner cheek, discerning all the discomfort in the way she reacts to my questions.
"I did my job, Mister Jeon. That's how I earn money," she fakes a smile, lying and pretending. "Let's talk about you, you told me you wanted to talk about something last night. What was it about?"
"That's not what I want to talk about now," I shake my head, not broaching this topic. I bring my eyes down to her knees and do not remain quiet anymore. "What is this? Is he the cause of those bruises?" I point my finger at them, but she peeks down at them as if she did not know what I am talking about. "Oh...no. It's not him," she brushes one with her hand, and my tongue runs over my lips.
I am so concerned that I want to ask more questions, but this is getting a bit too personal, and there are boundaries that I cannot trespass. I need to make sure I am not making her uncomfortable. "I apologize if I'm being too intrusive, but I just genuinely care about you, and I hate to...to see that you need help and that I'm not capable of keeping you away from all this."
"Many girls here have to deal with that, you cannot do anything about it, and I don't want you to feel bad or guilty, you should feel the opposite. Trust me, all the girls here always feel better and have a sort of source of comfort when you're around," she tells me the most beautiful words, filling me with incredible compliments that mean the world to me.
"Yeah..." I do not know what to add, feeling like a part of what she said is right. "I'm happy when I'm here because I know I'm going to see you, so don't feel like this, please," she tries her best to reassure me, playing with my emotions to manage to do it. I still cannot accept that I am useless. Useless, once again.
If only she knew that the only reason why I come here is that I am going to see her, but I cannot tell her that, I cannot say those words to a woman who is already taken. Even if he does not treat her right and that she deserves better, I cannot do it.
"What was the thing you wanted to talk about?" she brings our attention to this topic again to avoid this one I was struggling with. "Well," I lift one hand up to my mouth to skim my lips with my fingertips. "Let's talk about it another day..." I avoid it. The tension there is will worsen if I bring this up, so I would rather wait.
"Can you stay with me for the rest of the night? I want your company," I do not think twice this time. If I can find a way to make sure she stays safe, I will do anything in order for that to happen. "Sure, I just have to warn Sookyung about it," she agrees to it, and she quickly texts this guy I hate like no other. "Are you sure you don't want anyone else to—"
"I am very sure," I do not hesitate. "Okay, I just wanted to ask since I saw you with Lily," she lowers her hands back to her lap, but I uncontrollably smile at this unnecessary remark. "I tried to be alone for some time, but the girls kept on coming up to me," I take hold of my glass. "It's because you're popular."
"No, I'm not," I coyly answer and swallow some of the champagne. "Oh, trust me, you are. When I'm in the changing room, the only man that I hear them talk about with pleasure is you."
"Pleasure?" I raise my eyebrows but smile, wondering if she is not emphasizing. "Yes. You're their favorite. Especially Cherry's one," her lips turn up to show some delight, mentioning this woman, who does have a special place in my heart. I feel like because of the fact that she is a man who dresses like a woman whenever she is here, she is more at risk. So I want to be that one person who she knows she can trust and feel comfortable being with no matter how she looks, no matter who she wants to be.
"I don't know when she'll be back, but I'll make sure to celebrate it," I plan on doing, hoping for this day to come fast. "She'll be back soon, hopefully."
"Yeah," I end the rest of my drink and put the empty glass down. "But anyway," I deeply breathe in to fill my lungs and let the air out. "How was your day? What did you do?"
"Good, I didn't do much as usual...I slept and ate, and you?" she slides her hands between her thighs, always returning the questions. "Fine. I had more work, but it was okay. Have you slept a lot?" I continue to be curious, keeping the conversation going. "Yes, I went to bed as soon as I was home and slept until eight a.m., then went back to sleep at one again and woke up at three," she reveals to me, telling me more about her. "Great, I'm glad to know you get enough rest. This isn't easy to have such a schedule."
"Yeah, but I'm used to it now, so it's okay," she never complains. She seems like she always sees the bright side of everything, even though her job is mentally one of the most difficult ones for a woman. "I never asked when you first started this, did I?"
"You never did," she confirms my assumption. "But...Sookyung doesn't ever allow me to talk about this with anyone..." her answer provokes some sudden trouble, but this is enough for me to understand this hides something even more wrong than I thought.
If he wants to keep this secret, that means nothing but that he did not respect some rules. I am pretty sure she was still a minor when he got her into this.
"Oh, alright," I realize that I have tensed the atmosphere even more. How could I know though?
"It's not that I don't want to tell you, but...I'll be in trouble if he ever gets to know that I talked about it," she feels the need to add and clarify in case I may have misunderstood and taken offense. "I know, sweetheart. Don't worry. I want you to know that I wouldn't do anything that could put you in a bad place though."
"I know," she smiles, meaning her words. "I just..." her voice lowers, her hands moving between her thighs as she is fidgeting. "It's just...I was young...so, you know."
"Very young?" I do not miss the opportunity that she gave me after changing her mind, and she shrugs, probably not knowing what should or should not escape her mouth. "I was soon going to be seventeen, so not so bad..."
"Seventeen?" I cannot even restrain the shock that filled me up at the speed of light. "This is so young. You shouldn't be dragged into this type of horrible thing at such a young age...What went through his head for him to do that?"
She does not answer me, having no idea what to say, obviously. "I don't know..."
I do not comment on this but go back to what I wanted to talk about with her. "Tell me if I'm being too curious, but why do you do this job exactly?" I slowly step towards the one question that I want to ask but am too apprehensive to do it. "Well..." she cannot be clear. "I need to earn money."
I am not even surprised. "And if you had the opportunity to not work here anymore but earn a lot of money, would you leave?" I finally let it out, without her knowing it. "Like, let's imagine that someone can guarantee you to be safe, to earn money, and to work only if you want to."
She does not blink as if she was seeing, through my eyes, what I mean by this. Without saying a word, the corners of her lips softly curve up. "I would..." she gives me the answer I was hoping for, even praying for. "I see," I do not try convincing her right away. I had the answer to my question, so now I just need some more time.
"Would you like some champagne?" she notices the emptiness of my glass, so I nod. "Yes, please."
She stands up, takes a card out to squat down in front of the small fridge, and opens it. She takes my favorite out of it and comes back. Now that she is on her knees next to my legs, I bring my eyes down to her earrings, and the sound of the liquid being poured fills the room.
"I love when you tie your hair like that. It looks so pretty on you," I compliment her low bun, remembering that it was not like that earlier and finding it better when her neck is visible. "Really?" she wraps her fingers around the glass to hand it to me, and I take hold of it but look into her gorgeous eyes now that she raised her chin up. "Yes. This is beautiful."
"I'm surprised to hear you say that because it took me a second to do it, and I wasn't supposed to keep it like that," she chuckles, and I regret drawing attention to it. "Oh..." some images invade my head at the thought of what she told me some seconds ago about Kangdae. She slightly goes up to head back to the sofa, but I stop her from doing so. I touch her jawline with my fingers, quietly staring down at her features.
If the reason for her to temporarily put her hair like this is the one I think, I am going to beat the shit out of this guy.
With some confusion readable upon her face, she gazes into my eyes but does not retreat or try to. I skim her jawline with the side of my finger to hold her chin. "Why did you put your hair like that?"
She remains close-mouthed but does not break eye contact, so I dive into her soul and read the unsaid words she conceals inside.
The seconds passing, the calm lingering, my heart shatters once I catch sight of some glisten in her eyes, but she glances down, and my hand skims her cheek. "It feels more comfortable that way. Should I keep it like that?" she lays her hands down on her thighs and swallows, her eyes meeting mine again, but this time, with a fake smile on her face. "If you find me pretty that way, I'll stay like this," the words flow out of her mouth more frequently as if she was attempting to forget some thoughts, or trying to make me focus on something else.
I caress her cheek but cannot look away. "You're beautiful no matter how your hair is done."
Some sincere bliss replaces the hurtful emotions her features were expressing, making it pretty evident that my words mean a lot to her. Knowing I need to keep some distance, I get my hand away from her skin, but she kneels onto the floor and gets right between my open legs.
She bends over me and wraps her arms around my waist, and her head rests against my chest. This is the softest hug that someone gave me in such a long time that I can physically feel its effect in my heart.
I return it without even thinking, and I delicately put one hand on the side of her face to caress it. "What's wrong?" I do not even recognize the sound of my voice that left me in a smaller manner than usual. She keeps her eyes closed, melting me to the core without even knowing. "I want to hug you..."
This feels so good.
I do not put my hand away from where it is but use the other one to rub her back, feeling the leather material of her tight dress under my skin.
I am used to getting this from the other girls in this nightclub, but this is the first hug that she gives me, which is pretty special to me.
Feeling like she loves being in my arms, I drop a kiss on her forehead and stroke her cheek with my thumb. "Can you do this more often? Your hug is the softest I got here," I smile while gazing down at her face, and she opens her eyes to finally let me see their pretty pigmentation. "Is that what you say to the other girls?"
"Hey, don't make me this type of man. I'm not a smooth talker," I give a playful chuck under her chin, and she drifts her attention down to my lips. "Hm. I believe you, Mister Jeon."
"I'm relieved then," I state, without a lie, and I pull her in to ask for a little more of this.
30 minutes later...
"It's soon your birthday, right?" she asks me, not aware of how irrelevant this day became to me. I am happy to know that she remembers though. "It is. But yours as well, isn't it?" I mention the one that matters, and she nods. "Yeah, but we are talking about you right now."
"Hm, and what if I want to talk about you only? I do not celebrate my birthday anyway," I turn the volume of the TV down now that she is speaking and that the sound of her voice is better. "What? Why?"
"I don't see the point," I shrug, hiding the fact that it is only because I do not have anyone to celebrate it with and that this date should not be considered as a great or special one. "Well, there is a point. It's the date on which you were born thirty-nine years ago, so it's special, and that's a great excuse to eat lots of delicious food."
I shake my head but smile, dropping my eyes to her legs. "Does that mean you won't celebrate it if I come here, bring a cake, and spend the night with you to enjoy this special date?"
Some delight spreads through me at the thought of this happening, wondering why she would devote so much time for such a stupid reason. "Hm. I'd celebrate it in this case, but I wouldn't want it to happen nonetheless."
"That breaks my heart," she expresses some pity for me, which is what I hate to see in people's eyes when I tell them more about me and my life. "But what about Christmas? You celebrate that, right?"
"I don't," I answer her with the truth but expect her to feel sad for me again, and her facial expression proves me right. "Don't you even want to...?"
"Not really. I know this might sound depressing, but I lost this type of happiness you feel whenever your birthday or Christmas is near," I explain to her, knowing that she will be curious if I do not. "But is there a reason behind that? You don't have to tell me if you'd rather not talk about it, but I just feel kind of sad to know that you do not celebrate such important moments of the year."
I cover one of my tattooed hands with the other, rubbing my skin and hating to be the cause of this gloomy mood. "It's been like this for six years already, so I'm pretty used to it. I just don't have anyone, and don't feel the need to celebrate it. I love to see the joy there is during this period though, this is heartwarming."
"I'd love to celebrate those days with you and make sure you have someone..." she tilts her head, making me feel truly miserable. "Don't feel pity for me, please. I'm okay."
"It's not pity, Mister Jeon...I just wish you would have someone to spend those days with. I mean, you're older, so you know better than I do, but I don't know, personally, I realized how important it was to have someone when I spent my first birthday and Christmas with someone."
"You didn't always have someone?" I lean back to sit in a more comfortable manner on the sofa, loving this type of conversation that tells us more about each other's life. "No, I didn't until I met Sookyung."
"And why is that?"
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