— Two weeks later —

Thursday, September 2nd, 2021.

5:30 am.

After a difficult night that was not restful at all, and a morning routine that felt pretty tiring, I leave the bedroom since Jungkook is already awake, and I step downstairs.

I check the notifications on my phone but do not see any text from Cherry or Jungkook, so I expect to see him, however, once I get to the living room, I do not catch sight of him in the kitchen or on the sofa, so I take a look outside, on my right.

He is there, smoking a cigarette in front of the pool. I believe that he wants some time alone to relax from time to time, so I do not bother him but head to the kitchen to cook breakfast. I know he always wants to be the one to cook so that I can just do something more relaxing and not do any task, but I love cooking for him and my baby.

Craving some egg drop sandwich, I take all the ingredients needed out of the fridge, and I grab a frying pan, but already hear Jungkook enter the house. "You're not sleeping anymore?" he closes the sliding door of the backyard, and I look at him to shake my head. "What about you? Since when are you awake?"

"Quite a long time," he comes up to me and holds the back of my head to kiss my temple. "Why didn't you stay in bed?"

"I couldn't sleep anymore," I do not tell more, but he combs my hair and focus on the details. "Is there a reason?"

"I don't know," I tell a lie and crack the eggs in a bowl. "Are you sure?" he drifts his hand down to rub my back, and I keep my eyes low, feeling the need to talk about something important. "I want to ask you...a question," I peek up at him and stop my actions. "Tell me."

"I've been...feeling a bit, you know, sick these days," I look into his eyes, hoping for him to understand what I mean. "And...I...I need to check with a test."

"You need a pregnancy test?" he gets it, and I nod, with discomfort. I wish I did not have to do that again, but the way I have been feeling lately reminds me of the first time I was pregnant, I just did not want to say anything to anyone until now. I could not.

"Alright. I'm going to go and get one right now. The pharmacy is only ten minutes from here, so I'll be back quickly, okay?" he does not goes against it or show negative emotions at all, instead, he smiles at me. "Okay. Thank you."

"No need to," he steps to the table behind us and gets hold of his keys. "Why don't you stay in bed with Jun until I come back and cook for you?" he mentions what I knew would bother him, and I smile at him. "I want to cook today."

"Fine, if you really want to," he lets go and puts his shoes on, so I look at him, and we make eye contact before he steps out. "See you in a few minutes, sweetheart," he leaves, and I tell him the same words.

30 minutes later...

Jun still sleeping since it is very early for him, I sit down at the table to have the food in front of me, and the front door of the house opens. I set my eyes on Jungkook once he comes within sight, and he smiles at me. "Here. I got you two of them just in case," he takes his shoes off and steps towards me. "Thank you so much," I grab the bag he handed me, and I get the two boxes out to place them next to me, and he retrieves the empty bag to throw it out.

"I put the food for you if you're hungry," I point at it, and he rolls the sleeves of his white shirt up but glances down at the dish in front of mine. "I am. It smells so good," he washes his hands, and in a few seconds, he joins me at the table. "I only put the food down some minutes ago, so it's still warm."

"Thank you for doing this, the look is enough to tell me how delicious it is," he shows hunger and takes the sandwich in his hands, so I take a bite, and he does too. "It tastes amazing," he compliments what was pretty easy to cook, and I still feel some relief. I was pretty nervous about his reaction. "I'm glad you like it."

He takes another bite to enjoy some more of the food, but I notice something strange about his hands. "Are you alright?" I cannot hold back from calling attention to their shakiness, and he raises his eyes up to mine. Realizing what I am talking about, he glances down at his hands and grabs a tissue to wipe his mouth. "It's nothing, don't worry."

Why is he lying?

I do not speak about it more since he obviously does not want to talk about it, and I keep eating. For some reason, this time, he does not decide to eventually explain what is going on, so the only thing I can do is hope this is not because of a dangerous matter.

"Have you been feeling sick for some days already?" he changes of subject, and I nod. "It's been more than a week, and maybe more, but since I was always scared, nervous, or stressed out around Sookyung, I wouldn't be able to tell whether it was caused by him or...something more," I still have a hard time pronouncing the word. "And are you worried about the result? Do you know what you'll do if it is positive?"

I stare down at my breakfast, not knowing what my reaction will be exactly. "I don't know yet, but yes, I'm worried."

"And what's your point of view on abortion? he asks and wipes his hands to drink. "I've been taught that abortion is wrong, and I'll never be able to do it. I can't. It makes me feel like I'm killing or taking their live away from them..." I share my opinion, but he does not seem to think the same way. He puts his glass down and gazes into my eyes. "Who taught you that?"

"Sookyung..." I tell. He is the only one who kind off taught me everything. Even though he was my boyfriend, he kinda is the one who helped me grow up. "Hm," he makes it pretty obvious this is not good. "I understand you, it's your way of seeing things, but I want you to know that if your mental health is very important, and I feel like all the things you went through have affected you a lot, both mentally and physically, so I'm scared that your body might not be able to stand a pregnancy and all that goes with it afterward. I wouldn't want you to...to hurt yourself more than you already are."

"I know what you mean, but I'll never be able to do it. I swear, I'll never forgive myself," I cannot change my stance at all, knowing what I will feel like if I ever decide to do it. This cannot happen. "Alright," he does not insist, probably seeing that I will not think otherwise. "What has he told you to make you feel that way about it though? Did you already think that way back when you weren't with him?"

"I never really had any opinion about it before meeting him, I was way too preoccupied with what was happening in my life, but when I met him and that we talked about our baby, he told me that he was happy about the fact I didn't talk about abortion, so I asked him why," he recall all the events as if it had happened a few days ago only. "And that's when he told me that he wouldn't ever be okay with me aborting because this is like a murder to him. He said that giving birth is a gift, so abortion is a selfish and disgusting thing to do, and if girls didn't want to get pregnant, then they shouldn't have sex in the first place but be more responsible," I repeat all that I have not forgotten, and his expression shows some shock.

"Well, it's...yeah..." he cannot even say a proper word. "That's him. I'm not surprised. I wish you knew how wrong he is, but I cannot change your mind if you believe that way," he does not force me to have a different perspective. "I don't agree with everything he says, but yeah, personally, I will never be able to do it because it will hurt me all my life."

"Well, he is right when he says that giving birth is a gift. That's true, but there are so many things to take into consideration that it's difficult to really have one opinion. And I know you won't think otherwise, but sometimes, abortion is the best option for the child, and I understand this might sound very painful, especially when abortion is done when the baby is formed, I think if I was a woman, I wouldn't be able to do it either, but if the woman didn't want the child, will not treat them the right way, or if the parents will abuse him, it's better for them to not...to not have to deal with life. The same goes for victims of rape, it might be very difficult for them to give birth to a baby who was created from this, and who will maybe have to talk about it to their child at some point," he gives a more detailed explanation of his opinion, and I nod, agreeing, no matter what Sookyung has always told me to believe. "You're right. That's why I'll never judge anyone for what they do, but I just talk from a personal point of view."

"I know, don't worry. I'm glad that you still agree with me," he smiles and finishes his meal, so I do so in order to be in better shape for my son. "I haven't asked you yet, but are your bruises gone?"

"Not yet, but they're fading away," I answer, with some relief since this means I feel much less pain than before. "Great. It's good to hear."

•••

8:30 am.

The test remaining on the cabinet, I do not move from the edge of the bathtub but remain here, scared to stand up and see the result. I am anxious, I need to know how I will feel if it confirms a pregnancy.

I am not against it, I will never be unhappy about having a baby, and maybe Jungkook would be happy to take care of a newborn baby. I am just worried about Jun, I do not know how he will feel about it. What if he feels jealous? Hurt because I cannot give all my love to him only anymore but give it to another child.

No matter what, I need to know because I will not avoid it.

I stand up and head towards the test, and I set my eyes on the small screen.

My heart skips a beat at the sight of one line. I am not pregnant, I am so relieved, and I believe that I am extremely lucky. After all the times he forced me to have sex without protection because he did not have one, I cannot believe this is actually negative. I am happy to not have another child with him, I will never do. I want my children to have a good father, and Jun will have to live without his biological dad because of me, so I do not want this to happen again.

Some gentle knocking on the door startles me. "Y/n? Is everything alright?" Jungkook asks me, and I check what time it is. I told him I would use the test, but I have been in here for half an hour. "Yes," I throw the test away and wash my hands, and I open the door but come across Jungkook.

"I'm sorry, I was too nervous to look at the result," I smile at him, and he returns this expression but stares into my eyes. "It's alright. I was just a bit worried," he reassures me about it but seems to be waiting to ask something. "So...Have you looked?"

I nod. "I'm not pregnant," I breathe out and free my lungs. "You seem to be relieved," he notices, and I tilt my head. "I am...It would have added a lot of stress I didn't want to deal with."

"I'm happy then," he comes closer and takes me in his arms, and he drops a tender kiss on my head. "I'm relieved too," he tangles his fingers in my hair, and I rest my head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat and cling onto him. "Jun's soon going to wake up, right?"

"Yes," I toy with the fabric of his shirt behind his back, and he drifts his hand down my back. "Alright, I'm going to cook his meal then. What do you think he'd want to eat for breakfast today?"

"He really loved the small pancakes and smoothie you made the other day, so I'm pretty sure he'd be happy to have this again," I gaze up at him, and we make eye contact, his arms still holding me close. "I'm cooking this then."

I smile back at him, and for a few seconds, we remain silent, staring at each other's features, and I feel his fingers stroke my lower back. "Can we talk about last night?" he asks, in a soft voice, but I become nervous. "Why?"

"I often wake up in the middle of the night, and last night, I did, but I noticed that you were sitting on the bed, and it's not the first time it happens, so I'm a bit worried," he explains what seems to have been on his mind, and I decide to not keep it to myself. "I have a lot of nightmares, and I had one last night, so I didn't want to go back to sleep."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offers to listen to me, and I lower my head. "I was...It was just about him..." I do not pronounce his name since this is useless, he knows who this 'him' refers to. "He came up here, but you weren't home, and he was really mad, and Jun woke up because of him yelling, but he hit me right in front of Jun but took him away from me...but he was so violent...it scared me..." I tell him but do not give more details, hating to recall it.

He presses his lips on my forehead. "That's never going to happen. I won't let him approach you both."

"I'm just scared he could find me us and get Jun's custody...I'm terrified of this..." I share this awful fear, and I feel his arms hold me tighter. "Jun is safe here, so unless he does admit to being his biological father, he will never have his custody. I promise you that."

His words bring me an incredible amount of relief, and I calm down. "Look at me," he whispers and heaves one hand up to my face. He holds the side of it, and I look into his brown eyes. He caresses my cheek with his thumb, and all the tension inside of me goes away. "I will never let him touch you or Jun again. Never. I promise you. I'll protect and keep you both away from him," he deeply gazes fixedly into my eyes, the contact never breaking. Without thinking, I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his lips.

When I pull away, I slide my hands over his muscular back. "Thank you...for doing all of this for us."

A tender expression full of care softens his features, and he leans in to lock lips again, but for a little longer, making my heart beat faster, for a good reason only. "Don't thank me. I'd do anything for you both to live a happy life."

I smile, without even realizing it, and he returns this same emotion. "And if you have a nightmare again, you can join me in the bed, I won't mind at all, and I'll do my best to calm you down and reassure you," he brushes some strands of my hair away from my face, fluttering my heart, making me feel precious and so important. "I wanted to, but I was scared to either wake you up, or make you uncomfortable."

"Don't think that. I'll have a better night with you in my arms, trust me," he affirms, taking all my worries away, and I cannot do anything but let my delight show.

For some reason, I am now eager to spend a night in his arms, close to his body. He makes me feel so special, so cherished.

I wish he was Jun's father.