— Five days later —

Saturday, August 14th, 2021.

9:30 am.

"Mommy," he raises his hands up to me, remaining still in the bath like I told him to. "Yes, honey?" I take him in my arms to get him out of the water and put him down on the carpet to make sure he does not sleep, and I pat his skin with a towel. "Can I show my drawing to daddy?" he raises his arms up once I take his nude t-shirt, and I put it on him. "Yes, you can. He'll be really happy."

He smiles, expressing a lot of delight, more than his father even does. I press a kiss on his chubby cheek and put his diaper and black pants on to dress him up, and once this is done, I hang the damp towel and get out of the bathroom with him.

I close the door behind me, and I head towards the kitchen while Jun rushed back to his bedroom to get the drawings he did for his father's birthday. As I am waiting for my baby to come back, I bring all the food that I cooked to the dining table.

"Mommy," he asks for my attention, running towards me with a piece of paper. I turn around and squat down in front of him. "Is it pretty?" he shows me what he drew all by himself, and a smile momentarily grows on my face at the sight of the way he represented us all together, hand in hand, with many hearts around us, and the 'Happy 31st Birthday Daddy' in the bottom that I wrote on it before he added his own art.

Knowing how his father truly feels and talks about him makes me feel like crying, but I need to control my emotions. "This is so beautiful, honey. You're already an artist. Daddy will love it a lot."

His smile brightens, and he jumps on his spot, impatient to show it to Sookyung, who I hope will show some happiness. "I'm going to check what he is doing first, okay?" I brush the side of his face with my hand, and he nods, so I move up and step towards Sookyunt's office. I knock on the door, and once I hear him give me permission, I go in and get closer to him.

"What is it?" he combs his hair back and gazes up at me, keeping his hand on the mouse. "Jun is going to give you a present, so can you give him a few seconds, please?"

He agrees and peeks in the direction of the door, so I thank him and go out, but fall upon my baby boy who had not moved from his spot. He gazes up at me with his big and sparkling eyes, and I tell him he can enter the room.

In a slower manner, he steps inside the office, and I check on Sookyung's reaction. My small baby makes his way towards him, holding the drawing he is proud of against his chest, and without saying a word, he stops next to him and hands him the piece of paper.

"What is it?" he pretends not to know and grabs it, and he keeps his chair turned towards him to take a look at his gift. "Happy birthday, daddy," he speaks in a quieter voice as he always does when he addresses his dad, and Sookyung smiles. "Thank you, buddy. I love it," he does not say more, never showing affection at all, he ruffles his hair, and Jun runs back to me.

He throws his arms around my legs to hug them, and I sigh, disappointed in the way Sookyung reacted to the gift that our son has been so excited about showing him for a whole week.

"Breakfast is on the table," I pick Jun up in my arms and walk out of the room. "See, he finds it pretty too," I attempt to reassure him and give him the kiss he should have gotten from his dad, and he wraps his arms around my neck to hug me. I sit down at the table to have his food in front of us, and I stir in the dish. "Are you not hungry?" I comb his hair back behind his ear, and he nods, so I fly one spoon up to his mouth and feed him.

40 minutes later...

Breakfast time now over, I wash the dishes while Sookyung is watching TV, and Jun hugging my leg and sucking on his pacifier. He is much more cuddly today, I wonder what is happening.

"Honey, mommy needs to move," I look down at him to not push him away, and he steps back but keeps his hand on my knee and watches what I am doing. I move to the side to towel the dishes and put them on the counter on my left. "Do you want some more food? Wasn't breakfast good enough?" I question him to try to understand why he is behaving like that, but he shakes his head. "Would you like some cookies for dessert?"

This time, he moves his head up and down, and I smile. "Mommy will bake them once she's done with this. We'll bake heart-shaped ones together," I put another dish down, and I notice Sookyung stand up, so I keep my eyes on him to know where he is going, and he puts his hands in his pockets to come towards us. He does not say anything but takes Jun in his arms. "Hey, what have I said about this?" he pulls the pacifier out of his mouth, even though this is the most comforting thing he needs all the time because of him. "You're a big boy now, and your teeth are going to be ugly and painful if you keep using it," he does not talk to him the right way, but I keep quiet, fearing to give him a reason to get mad.

"Do you understand?" he asks for an answer, and Jun goes along with this order. "Good boy," he puts him back on the floor, and my baby does not think twice before standing in front of me again and hugging my legs. I am for sure going to cuddle him as soon as this chore is done.

Without talking or looking at my boyfriend, I open a cabinet and put the bowls in it but feel him stick his body to the back of mine. He drops a kiss on my shoulder and runs his hands up and down my side. "I wanna take a bath with you tonight. It's been a while since we last had one."

"Yeah," I agree. "I'll get some candles if you want."

He smiles against my ear and pecks it. "This dress is beautiful on you."

"It's a special day, so I wanted to wear it," I say the words I know he likes to hear, and he squeezes me in his embrace. "We should have more days like this one. I love to see you in fancy clothes. It reminds me of our first dates."

I smile at the memories but regret them. I miss those times when he would be sweet and never show a single hint of anger or neglect, when he used to care. "I'll always remember how shy and adorable you were. You could barely look into my eyes," he laughs, softly, showing some love. "You know, back when you wouldn't acknowledge the fact that you're pretty enough for me? Hm?"

I grin but glance away. "I wasn't lying. That's how I felt," I mean my words, hating this topic that reminds me of how insecure I was. "Tch. Dummy," he pinches my waist and makes my body twitch, and he steps to the side to lean back on the counter as I am getting the ingredients ready for the cookies we will eat tonight. "You're always been a gorgeous woman, and you know it."

"I didn't back then," I do not say otherwise since he will not accept to hear it, and he brings his face closer to mine to kiss my lips. "But now you do, so that's all that matters."

I force myself to give a positive answer and comb our son's hair, making sure he does not feel ignored or invisible.

— Two days later —

Monday, August 16th, 2021.

9:20 am.

I leave the bathroom after taking a shower, my body aching from all the strain Sookyung makes me go through, I notice that he already left the bedroom, so I go out and look for him.

Once I see him in the kitchen, I slowly step towards him but fear the answer he is going to give me. "Sookyung..." I approach him, and he turns around with a glass of juice in his hand. "What?"

"I've been...I'm feeling a lot of pain, and there's no painkillers or Arnica anymore," I protect the front of my body with my arms, but he takes a sip and leans back on the counter. "What kind of pain?"

"My lower back and legs...and..." I think thoroughly before continuing this sentence and talking about the pain he causes me by not going easy. "And just my muscles in general..."

"That's why you asked me to stop earlier? You can't handle sex anymore?" he asks a question he knows I will not be able to answer with the truth, knowing the aftermath. "I can," I lie and hug my own body. "The position caused some pain, and I needed you to slow—" I notice him put the glass down but step towards me and raise one hand, getting me to instinctively move back but regret not being strong enough to counteract this reflex.

"Baby," he stands before me and delicately holds my face with one hand. "Stop acting like that, you know I'm not gonna hurt you," he slides his fingers up my skin to skim it with tenderness after hurting me in bed only some minutes ago. "What caused that pain?"

"I'm just in pain...but I'm not weak, we can still do it whenever you want," I keep my eyes fixed on his chest to not see his features, and he combs my hair. "I bought you some Arnica just last week, what is the pharmacist going to think if I ask for one more and a box of painkillers in such a short matter of time?"

"What about ordering them...?" I suggest, needing those. "Fine. I can order them," he accepts, to my greatest relief. "You're gonna go back to work tomorrow though, it's been too long," he ruins the slight amount of calm I felt running through me for a second, and I nod. "Yes."

He strokes my cheek with his thumb and tilts my head up to press a kiss on my lips. "I'm sorry if I'm going too hard. You just make me feel really good, and I kinda lose control."

"It's okay," I do not complain, and he kisses me again. "I'll put the cream over your bruises myself, baby," he grabs his glass and walks away.

•••

10:40 pm.

After applying some Arnica over the bruises on my wrists and thighs as I do every night after a shower or bath, I get out of the bathroom and join Sookyung, who left after we took a bath together.

The smell of cigarette instantly reaches my nose, reminding me of Mister Jeon as if it was the first thought that comes to my mind when this scent runs through my nose, and I set my eyes on Sookyung, who is smoking next to an open window and leaning on the sill of it, wearing only a pair of silk pajama pants. He runs his eyes up and down my body and pulls the cigarette out of his mouth, and he brings his hands down to the edge of the sill. "Come here," he mutters.

With deference, I move up to him but feel some fright take over me. He does not seem mad, he has been sweet all day, but I know that he has drunk a lot of alcohol since I put Jun to sleep, so anything that he might have seen, heard, or thought but felt upset about could cause him to go insane.

I hold my arms up at my waist to hug my body and nervously grip my nightie, and he stares into my eyes, showing power, and dominance that he knows I cannot ever fight at all.

"I received a text some minutes ago," his words engender some extreme anxiety inside of me, and I drop my look to his torso. "Wh—What was it about?" I swallow. He taps the ash off in the tray near his injured hand and takes a drag, remaining silent this whole time and deepening the impact the terror has on my body and mind. "Cherry and Jungkook are asking about you."

I do not say anything but feel some relief and happiness at the sound of this. I thought they forgot about me or did not care anymore.

"And this son of a bitch seems desperate to find you and know how you're doing," the tone of his voice changes, his speech slowing down, every sign turning bright. I know this behavior. I am used to it now. "And all of this, for some reason, reminded me of that night when you told me you visited Cherry."

I nibble on my inner cheek, my heart pounding. Why could he not stay the same as he was the whole day? Why could he not simply hold me in his arms and fall asleep after spending a good day?

"That was not to Cherry's house that you went, right?"  he brings this up when I thought he would not talk about this matter again, when I thought he completely forgot or disregarded it. "It was, Sookyung."

"Really? So, if that's the truth," he holds the rim of the sill, the smell of cigarette leaving his mouth. "You can swear on Jun that you were indeed at Cherry's house. Hm?"

"You know I don't do that. I can swear on me if you want, but not our baby," I refuse to do such a thing. Even if I was honest, I would not. However, this is not a valid answer to him, and he tilts his head. "Look into my eyes and swear on Jun that on that night, you were with Cherry and no one else."

My eyes start to water, and I look at him. "Sookyung..."

He scoffs and looks down at his ashtray, and I make a second attempt as he took one last puff of his cigarette. "I swear on me, Sookyung. I was with Cherry—" a hard slap cuts me off, and I hold my hot, stinging cheek without looking at him again. The tears run down my face, and I flinch at the feeling of his body lurching towards mine. "You know what's gonna fucking happen if you lie to me," he rasps right in my ear, and my knees become weak, in one single second. "You know I'm gonna have to teach you a fucking lesson, so why the fuck do you ask for it? Why do you make me do that to you?"

I cry and step back, my arms protecting the front of my shaking body, but he grabs my throat and uses his whole hand to hold my face up and forces me to look into his dark eyes. "You like doing that, don't you? You like getting me mad and making sure I lose my fucking mind so that you can victimize yourself and make me feel like shit when you're the one at fault. Uh?!"

"I don't," I shake my head and close my eyes, seeing nothing but the blurriness of my tears. "Yes, you fucking do!" he pins me against a wall but knocks my entire body in it, and he never lets go of my throat or jaw. "Who cheated? Who enjoyed another man's hands on their body? Who lied and hid some stuff from the one they claim to love? Who did all those things?"

"I did..." I take the blame but put my hands around his forearm, asking him to stop, to release his hold. "So you know you deserve all of this, don't you? You deserve to be taught—"

"S—Stop...please..." I sob, his actions sapping my strength, myself away from my own body. "I don't wanna die..."

He turns a deaf ear to my begging and inches his features closer to mine. "The more you beg me to stop, and the harder I go, baby," he whispers against my skin covered in the wetness of my tears, showing the monster that I did not see a single time today and hoped to not see again.

With no care at all, he pushes me against the hard wall and takes his powerful hand off of me, but as a result of all this violence, the faintness and feebleness of my body make me collapse onto the floor and not move up from it.

"Get on the bed right now," he orders me to do and closes the window, shuts the curtains, and I force myself to get up. "Not tonight, Sookyung...Please. My entire body hurts so much..."

He sticks his hands in his pockets after turning around, and he stares at me, unemotionally. "Get on the bed." 

"Sookyung..." I beg him again, knowing my body will not handle it, but he does not move. "Do you wanna make me repeat myself again?"

I do not step forward and obey, fearing his actions and how rough and violent he is when we do it. "I'll do whatever you want to you, but my body can't take it this time..."

As soon as he walks heavily towards me, for the first time, I run away from him and rush towards the door to attempt to leave the room, but he catches my arm and throws my body against the door, getting the brutal impact to crack the wood and send an incredible, undescribable acute pain through my back and chest, taking my breath away.

"What do you think you're doing?" he keeps my body still against it as firmly as he can, and I drop my look to the ground to cry my eyes out. "Ugh? You wanna leave? Is that what you want?" his hands crush my already injured arms, my bones, and I do not respond, I lose myself in my tears.

"Fine," he steps back and grips my wrist to wrench me towards him, and he opens the door to go out and drags me with him. He opens the front door of the house, but my body falls to the floor out of weakness. "Come on. It's open. Get the fuck out and leave if you want," he releases his grip, my shaking legs not holding me up anymore. "Uh? What are you waiting for?"

I glance away to not see him anymore, but he slams the door in a harsh manner and squats down to my level. He cups my face and heaves it up, but I close my eyes, feeling way too exhausted to even look at him. "Try to do this just one more time, and I can assure you that you'll never see your kid again. Got it?"

I nod, with difficulty. I knew he would threaten me with this again, he knows my baby is my weakness. "Do you fucking get it?" he obliges me to speak, so I answer with words. "Yes, I do."

"Mommy..." the soft sound of my baby gets me to dart my eyes towards him, holding his teddy bear but not wearing the earplugs I always make sure he puts on to sleep, and my heart breaks. Sookyung looks at him as well, and out of shame, out of an emotion I have never felt, I glance away to hide my features from my little boy.

"What are you doing here?" Sookyung stands up, but without even realizing it, I catch his wrist, frightened by the thought of him laying a hand on Jun. "Go back to bed, honey. Mommy is okay," I push myself up from the floor with my trembling knees and stand right before Sookyung to turn my back to Jun and stay in-between them. "Why would he leave? Uh? He needs to learn how a man has to treat a woman who cheats and lies to him," he propels my hands away from him.

"Jun," I hold my tears back as much as I can and peek at him. "Go back to your bedroom."

To my greatest relief, he listens and walks away to hide in his bedroom, and Sookyung remains right in front of me, towering me with his height, controlling my emotions and actions with his power and strength. "Hurt me as much as you want to...but do not touch him..." I raise my stinging eyes up to his empty ones. "Take all your anger out on me if you want to, but never hurt him."

He stares, his dark and deep eyes reflecting nothing but apathy, and a smile curves the corners of his lips up. "The only one hurting him is you. If you weren't such a disgusting woman, none of this would have happened," he blames me for everything my baby has to live with.

The pain in my chest only adding more to the agony, I feel myself leave. "I'm sorry," I hold onto him as I know that I am unable to breathe anymore, and I suddenly feel light. Not hearing anything anymore but the unclear sound of his voice, his hand touches my arm, and everything turns black before I could react.

— Next day —

Tuesday, August 17th, 2021.

8 am.

The food now cooked, I hold the heavy tray up and walk to the dining table, where Sookyung is sitting. I put everything down properly, my arms, legs, and back still hurting from last night and the previous days. I make sure to not make a mistake while serving him, and I retrieve the empty tray once all the food is in front of him. "Have a good meal," I head back towards the kitchen, but he catches my aching wrist, crushing the bruises. "Where did you put the condoms I bought yesterday?" he asks me, disregarding the fact that Jun is on the sofa near us. "In your nightstand," I gulp down. "Get one ready."

"I need to feed him," I tell him what is the most important to me, and he stares but frees me from his painful grip. "I want it to be ready when I'm done eating breakfast," he utters. "It will be," I do not express or feel any emotion, I go back to the kitchen and quickly cook breakfast for my baby, who must be hungry, and who is the only one I still care about, no matter how much in the wrong I am, how much I deserve all of this for kissing another man and loving it.

I am a disgusting person, someone I have always sworn not to be.

Someone knocking on the front door of the house startles me, but I do not move, Sookyung does and heads towards it to check who is here while I am continuing what I started.

——

https://youtu.be/O6S8VifQ1nk