Sometimes when things go wrong in our lives we tend to sink into self pity and this keeps bringing the hurts or pains of the past to mind and we just keep being sad the more. This was my situation at a point when I had a break with Ola.
"We need to be each other's friend and learn about ourselves again,I'm tired of us having issues,let's take a break and stay friends for a while".
When Ola uttered those words to me I was sad,scared I was loosing him and I went deep into thinking and missing Didi.
I was so scared and lonely at a point that I started sinking into a mild form of depression.
And then I read a post online about how to handle a break in relationship. I realized I needed to sit down and write out every of my fault that must have contributed to the issues I ever had with Ola. I wrote out his good qualities and his bad qualities and I realized I still loved him. I decided then to fight for the relationship and try to make it work.
We had previously agreed to write a letter to each other at the beginning of the relationship which was kept in a bottle. I had suggested it because the letter would contain reasons why we love each other and it should be broken when we have our first fight.
It felt silly at first but we had done it and the bottle and both letters were in my care.
I broke the bottle out of anger during one of our fights and I had read the content of Ola's letter. It contained sweet words that had me smiling and I reached out to him.
I remember with Didi our fights always ended with him getting into an angry fury,me being the voice of reason and apologizing when wrong and he in turn apologizing.
With Ola it was different,he would want a heartfelt apology and a promise not to repeat the action that brought about the fight.
I realized I picked up some toxic traits from my past relationship with Didi some of which heightened my insecurity around Ola. I felt the need to check his phone to be sure he wasn't texting some other girl behind me. I got around to doing this a lot that I misunderstood every text and I would go crazy. I would get mad,yell and other times I cried.
I tried to be calm but I just felt no other guy could be faithful to me as Didi always told me ''it's a cold world out there,most guys are out to use ladies". I felt Didi was the realest because I could have his phone with me all day and be sure that no girl would be trying him.
   Ola didn't understand where I was coming from as we barely spoke about our past relationships, he wouldn't really go into details about his exes till I probed and at the end of the day,he would say "baby they don't matter now,it's you I want".
    He didn't know how to open up and talk,he started detesting my actions and distrust for him,he would hide his phones away from me,her would go away to receive calls and this heightened my fear that he was "playing me" and messing around with my heart. And then I took in for him.