22nd September

The constant beeping of the machines. The smell of the hospital that you know too well. Disinfectant, the white sheets, equipment, your diagnosis, voices of patients.

Your heart is empty. You look at the same ceiling everyday, a torturous cycle that engulfs your entire being.

As you turn to the right, the patient beside you is conversing with a family member.

"Eunjae...how are you?" a familar voice calls out to you. As you look over, sure enough, your psychiatrist is standing there. Her expression displays pity and sadness for you.

"I failed again." you simply mumble emotionlessly.

"I failed killing myself."

The psychiatrist, stares at you with pain in her eyes.

"Eunjae, I want you to meet someone." she holds your hand tightly. You didn't notice, but your hand was trembling.

"He's one of my patients. Please....do it for me..." she pleads you.

Looking at her begging eyes full of hope for you, you smile softly at her.

"I'll live just a little longer."

23rd september, 9.32am

You walk into a confined place, guarded by multiple officers. Behind a glass panel, a young man with grey hair sits at the opposite side. He wears something like white pajamas. As you walk in, he stares at you coldly.

You sit down, facing him. The two of you separated only by glass. He looks deeply in your eyes, and you can't seem to look away. You recognised the look in his eyes , a look that's distant, lifeless, and cold. A look that tells a story of sadness and grief. A look that seems so far...so far away.

The two of you did not exchange any words. The both of you understood.

This person is just like me.

He slowly takes the phone into his hands, not leaving your eyes. He puts it next to his ear. You follow his actions.

"Park Jimin." his voice was cold as ice.

You try to open your mouth to say something. But you only manage to respond with tears flowing down your cheeks.

"You're the same as me." he forces a smile.

Both of your souls had a connection. You feel as if you've known him, known him longer than you have. You understood what he went through, you understood him. And so does he. He's suddenly an old friend, the last, sole purpose for you to hang on another day just before your body fails. You already know, that both of you were long dead inside.

"Gu Eunjae." your voice is shaky and limp.

It was then when the session ended. It was short, but you've exchanged a life's worth of words in the few minutes that you met him. You stand up.

He looks down, not knowing what to say. The officer escorts you out.

24th september, 3.45pm

The smell of metal and rust, and the same room. Room 307. The numbers were like a saviour, reminding you of Jimin whenever you lied down motionlessly in the hospital bed. Whenever it was the time to eat your medication.

Your gaze is fixed onto the grey haired boy as you enter the room. This time, they allowed a longer session. You sit down, and Jimin stares at your hands.

You pick up the phone.

"I was courageous today. I wore a short sleeved shirt for the first time in a year." you said softly.

"Nobody said anything about the scars. I was paranoid, but nobody asked questions."

Jimin lips form into a slight smile. This time, it was geniune.

"Tell me more."

You begin to talk to him about the smallest, trival things that happened recently, even the little things like the nurse spilling some of your food onto the bed, and forgetting to take your anti-depressants. He gives you his undivided attention, and takes in every single word you say.

"Can you tell me about you too...?" your heart begin to open, and it's been a long time since you've interacted with someone so comfortably. You feel at peace with him.

Jimin looks at you sadly.

"There isn't much going on in my cell....just..endless silence..." you can hear the despair and loneliness in his voice. Your heart was pained.

"I'll come back." you say as Jimin raises his head, eyes brightening up a alittle.

"I'll come back tomorrow."

25th september, 2.05pm

Room 307 greets you. You walk in, and Jimin stares at you. You notice his eyes changing, as if, as if it wasn't as distant as before. But his eyes still told you the story of pain.

The both of you talked about uninteresting things. But it was always all about you. Everything you did recently. There was no exchange of words in the past, as if it was taboo.
You feel your heart opening a little more.

29th november, 4.30pm, time skip.

"Jimin." your heart warms up. He smiles sweetly at you, as you sit down in front of him. He looks at your attire.

"Has it been cold these days?" he asks as he gestured at your winter clothing. You nodded.

"Take care of yourself for me." he says gently.

You feel butterflies in your stomach.

Meeting Jimin each day was your medicine and your purpose for another day. And you knew, it was his purpose as well.

Just another day, i'll live again.

3rd December, 1.08pm

You open the door to Room 307. Jimin was already sitting there, waiting as usual. Strange that the both of you were close, but you've never touched each other, and you've never known what was your relationship with him.

You sit to tell him the recent happenings of your life, which gets more interesting each day as you live with more hope.

Your heart has also been filling up. Your thoughts were of him, everyday, every second. Many things you exchanged with each other, reminds you of each other. You can see Jimin changing slowly, his look in his eyes a little less distant, a little warmer. Suddenly, the time you spent with him was your cherished purpose.

Jimin also cherishes the time with you. He smiles at you warmly, listening to your stories. Still, he never mentioned anything about himself.

The time you dreaded came. It was time to leave yet again.... Jimin relunctantly watches you as you leave.

3rd January, 8.35am

It's Jimin's birthday.

You were already discharged from the hospital. Today, you put extra effort to dress up. Choosing between cute or sexy, you decided to go with a cute look. You curl the ends of your hair softly. Your makeup is light and natural, and enhances your features. Satisfied, you leave the door.

As you enter Room 307, Jimin's shocked expression greets you. He scans you from the top to bottom, his mouth hanging open. You make your way to the seat, facing him with your cutest smile.

"Why? Is it weird?"
Jimin shakes his head no vigorously in response. His cheeks were pink, and he's never been so nervous in front of you before. You have to laugh slightly at his sudden shyness.

"Happy birthday Jimin." you say softly into the phone. Jimin stares at you.

"Can i...can I hold your hand?" he asks expectantly. His words surprise you, but you've always longed for his touch. You slowly put your hands through the small hole in the glass panel. He takes it immediately, his thumb circling the centre of your palm. The two of you just sat in silence, feeling each other's hands, and enjoying the contact of each other.

You've always had this feeling in your heart, but you always deny it, because you felt that you'll never have a chance to feel love in life again, to be happy again, but Jimin gave you more than the ability to feel.
Your heart beats fast, and through his wrist you can feel his heart pumping in the same speed. The both of you communicate through the sound of your hearts. You know that he feels the same for you all along, but it was hard to put in words. The three words, you felt incapable to say as you've been in depression for so long.

Tears drop from Jimin's eyes. You hold his hand tightly. Looking at him cry because of something else other than his mental illness, but for joy, you start to see tears blurring your vision as well. He stares at you.

"Thank you...for existing." he mutters softly.

-

"I love you."

-

4th February, 4.50pm

Today was the day when Jimin confesses his past.

FLASHBACK

Jimin was 11, when his father threw himself off the balcony. He witnesses the death with his very own eyes.

"Your fault. It's all your fault, Jimin." his mother's voice repeats in his head, torturing his every soul and being.

"You know, I wish you weren't born."

The rustling of trees comforted him. It took his mind away, it was his safe zone. Where he can be in peace, where nobody hurts him, nobody asks any questions.

He looks out of the window. Children with their parents were playing under the shade of the tree. Is this what happiness looks like? Jimin did not understand the world outside. To him, the world was wrong. His life was wrong. To his knowledge, he wasn't even supposed to be here. His existance alone brought his mother sadness. To him, he was needed by nobody.

His mother walks into the dark room, tossing a bag of leftover food on the floor. Jimin scurries over to eat it, he's been starved for two days. His mother gives him a look of disgust, as if he was a pest to her. She leaves the house yet again. Jimin never knows where she goes, or when she will ever come back.

But this time, she left for good.

After four days, he was starved to the point where he couldnt even open his eyes. He didn't understand that he was dying, so he slept and slept. Suddenly, he hears the panicked voices of outsiders. He's never met anyone other than his mother and father, so he was afraid. Afraid of the unfamiliarity of the voices.

He awakes in a foreign room. He's on top of something soft, and there was something like a cushion beneath his head. There were weird things surrounding him. A tube was attached to his body.

A stranger walks into the room, alarming him. He begins to shake, feeling very afraid.

"Jimin. If you listen to us, we will help you."

The days after that were days of torture. He was taught of things he never knew about. He was given rules to abide to. And he was to obey everything they said. His identity was replaced by the number on his shirt.

On the age of 17, he escaped. He walks down the city, taking in the sight of the outside world. Ever since then, he lived by himself, developing depression and anxiety.

He had lost all hope.

6th of June, 2.08pm

"what do you mean...why can't I see him?" your voice was desperate. Jimin has disappeared for 2 months without an explanation. You come back everyday, begging the officers to let you have a single glance of him. You never gave up trying. Because you had to see him, you asked the world to let you live for tomorrow.

4th of August

You came back again, facing door 307. You prepare to ask the officers to let you see Jimin, when one of them instructs you to follow him.

He leads you through rooms with multiple cells. You look down as you feel the stares following you.

The officer stops. You raise your head.....a feeling of undescribable joy occupies your heart. Your hands travel to your mouth to keep you from breaking down, but you can't stop the flowing of tears from your eyes. Your breaths and cries were muffled and insane relief and happiness crashed upon you.

The person you hold so dear, has the same reaction. His tears dropped as he sees you, his expression filled with unexplainable happiness.

The officer opens the gate and leaves. You barged into the cell immediately, crashing into Jimin's chest. He embraces you tightly, his muscular arms firmly squeezing you. You hug him back, your tears wetting his clothes.

"Jimin....i...." your voice was muffled as you bury your face in his chest. He pulls away, before inching his face closer to yours. You naturally close your eyes, and he lands his lips onto yours, kissing you passionately. The both of you feel each other's lips, expressing your love. He fills up your heart, he makes you whole again, he's everything you always needed. For the first time, you felt as if you belong somewhere, and it was in his arms.

Jimin slowly pulls from the kiss and stares into your eyes, his breath heavy. The look in his eyes were no longer distant, but filled with care and warmth.

"I love you..." you say softly.

Jimin's tears fell as he replies you.

"I love you too."

"I love you so much."

-

You closed the diary, reading the last entry. You place the flowers down, staring at the tombstone. 4th of August, the final day you saw your beloved, was the day of his death sentence. You open the note he left for you that day, reading it again. A smile appears on your face.

-

"Live just another day for me."

END.