A week later I found myself back on the street I had just moved away from, but this time in Sandi's house. Before I left I wanted to make good on my promise to her that we would get together for coffee. In some ways, it felt odd considering what happened between Jonathan and I. I wondered if he had told her, or if he had kept it to himself.

Regardless, I felt a deep sense of comfort as I sat in the ridiculously outdated kitchen that I had eaten so many meals, played so many board games, and simply spent so much time laughing in. While most people couldn't resist having the latest and greatest, Sandi seemed to find comfort in the old and familiar. This kitchen was probably much like she had growing up, save for the fact that the appliances were relatively new.

"Cream or sugar for your coffee?" Sandi gestured to the sugar bowl and the small pitcher that held cream.

I smiled at the setup. It was sweet of her to go the extra mile to have a nice afternoon coffee despite the fact that it was just me and her.

"Cream please."

She handed me the pitcher and I poured a small amount into the bottom of the dainty glass she had set out for me.

"Richard and I used to do this every Sunday." Sandi reminisced.

"I remember." I thought back fondly on the times I had come over to hang out with Jonathan, and spotted Sandi and Richard in the kitchen talking, smiling, and laughing.

"You'll have to remember that with Cam." Sandi smiled at me, "Always take the time to be together, even when there are a million things you'd rather be doing, or think should be done."

I felt a small pain in my heart.

I cleared my throat, "Well, actually... Cam and I broke up."

Sandi's eyes shot open, "Oh!" She furrowed her brows, "Well, I was expecting an engagement announcement from you rather than a break up."

I nodded, "I could've given you that." I took a breath, "He did propose to me, and I accepted." The guilt that I had been carrying for the past seven days began to creep up again. "I just don't see forever with him."

The words were hard to say. I felt like a monster. The whole town loved Cam. He was a great teacher, helped everyone, and was just all around a good guy.

"Oh sweetheart." Sandi reached across the table and touched my hand, "If it's not right, it's not right."

I felt a tear slip, "He's such a good man."

"He's not your man, though." Sandi said, "And that's okay. Now you can go find the one you're supposed to spend forever with."

"I think I did." I admitted, "I also think I genuinely screwed it up beyond repair."

"What do you mean?" Sandi's eyes searched mine.

I took a shuddering breath, unsure how to explain this all to the woman who practically raised me. The woman who trusted me in her home countless times. Who trusted me to always be there for her son. Here I was, having to admit that I hurt him. More than that, I had repeatedly done so for years. Then, after all the pain I caused, I allowed him to be completely vulnerable with me, the most vulnerable I had ever seen him, just to shatter him.

"I'm in love with Jonathan." I whispered, looking down at my hands which were knotted in my lap.

"I know." Sandi replied.

My eyes shot up.

"You do?"

She let out a laugh. "You think that with how often I saw the two of you together that I didn't know you love him," I felt my cheeks flush. "And that he loves you?"

Her words made my heart stop. He loves you.

"You know that he loves me?" A part of me was hopeful that maybe he had told her the whole story of my trip to Providence. I wondered if he had maybe told her that he loved me. That he was waiting for me to make my next move.

"Of course. He's never outwardly said it," My heart dropped as she continued, "It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why he came home less and less after you and Cam moved in together. Or why he attempted that ill-fated relationship with Gina that he only started to fill a giant Sarah-size hole in his heart." She shook her head as if trying to rid an ill thought.

"Did you not like Gina?" I asked.

"I loved her." Sandi answered, "She is a wonderful woman. However, just like Cam wasn't the right man for you, she wasn't the right woman for Jonathan."

"She almost had his baby." The words were out before I had a chance to filter them. I slapped my hand over my mouth.

Sandi chuckled, "They did get pregnant." I pressed my lips together, keeping myself from asking the question I wanted. It seemed as though Sandi read my mind and answered it anyways, "As much as I wanted a grandbaby, I'm also happy that they were able to find their way out of a relationship neither of them wanted to be in forever."

I slowly nodded my head. Sandi gave me a small smile as she took a sip of her coffee.

"How long have you known?" I asked.

"Hm?" She questioned.

"That I love Jonathan. And vice versa, I guess. How long have you known... that?" I asked.

Sandi sighed, "Well...I had my suspicions for years, but I knew for sure the summer before your senior year of high school."

"New Alice Cooper!" I yelled as I thundered down the stairs into the basement, otherwise known as Jonathan's room. "Pull out your record player, we need to pop this in immediately!"

"Jesus Pea!" I heard scuffling, "Not even a knock?"

As the large room came into view I saw Erin Taylor picking up her sneakers from the floor. She gave me a sheepish wave as she made her way to the stairs.

"Hey Sarah." She spoke quietly as she breezed by me.

I turned my attention to Jonathan who sat at the end of his bed as I finished off the last steps.

"Um... so what the hell did I just walk into?" I looked back in the direction of the door at the top of the stairs.

"Nothing." Jonathan rubbed the back of his neck.

"You're a bad liar." I sat down next to him placing the record on his lap.

He picked it up and looked at the cover. It was a picture of the singer with his head down in a studded leather jacket.

"Jonathan?"

"Let's just put this on." He stood up and walked over to the corner of the room where he housed his record player and all the records we had collected between ourselves over the years.

He put it on the record, and the simple, yet powerful, chords that I had come to love began to fill the room. Jonathan lay down on the carpet next to the record player still not speaking. I sighed as I stood up and took my place beside him.

We sat listening to the first song, not speaking at all. While it wasn't unusual to listen to music and not speak, today it felt different. I knew there was something unspoken between us, and I didn't like it.

As the second song began I turned my head so I was looking at him, "Seriously, are you okay?"

Jonathan shrugged, "Yeah I guess so."

"Why was Erin here?" I asked, "I've never really seen you talking to her."

"We talk." His answer came quickly after mine, as if he had rehearsed in his mind what he was going to say.

"Okayyy." I exaggerated the end of the word.

We lay and simply listened to the music again. I wanted to pry further- figure out what I had walked in on.

I turned on my side, resting my head in my hand and I looked at Jonathan. His eyes were closed and his chest moved evenly up and down, but I knew he wasn't asleep. Just avoiding.

"Come on, tell me." I pleaded.

He opened one eye and his pupil moved so that he was looking at me, "Tell you what?"

I scoffed, "Why Erin Taylor was here!" My tone was demanding.

Jonathan sighed, "We uh..." My eyes widened as he licked his lips. "Erin and I had... well... we..."

"Oh my God!" I bolted up to sitting, "You lost your virginity!"

Jonathan's face instantly reddened at my words. He didn't look at me while he answered.

"Yes." Was all he said.

It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. His admission caught me by surprise. I knew one day there would be someone else in his life, that it wouldn't always be he and I against the world. I didn't expect it to happen so soon, or for it to feel this bad.

"Oh." I finally said, "Well... was it..." I pressed my lips together unsure what to say next.

He shrugged, "It was good. I don't know. We've just been hanging out to..." He clicked his tongue, "Do we have to talk about this?"

It was the second admission that made me feel like I needed to catch my breath. Whatever this was, it had been going on for awhile.

"So are you two... like boyfriend and girlfriend?" I asked.

Jonathan shook his head, "Nah. I don't really want to be her boyfriend."

"Does she know that?" I asked.

He nodded his head, "Yeah, she knows I'm not interested in all that."

"So why did you..." I looked over at his bed, too embarrassed to say the word.

He shrugged, "I wanted to."

I nodded, "Okay."

He finally turned to face me, " Look, I'm done talking about this. Can we just listen to the record?"

"I guess."

Jonathan settled himself back into a comfortable position. I lay back down and stared up at the unfinished ceiling. Everything felt different.

An hour later I said good-bye to Jonathan and emerged from his room which brought me straight into the kitchen where Sandi was cutting onions.

"Oh, hi Sandi." I said as I closed the door to Jonathan's room.

"Sarah, sweetheart. How are you?" She asked, a smile on her face.

"I'm fine." I shrugged.

She gave me a look of disbelief, "Sarah?"

"It's nothing." I lied.

She narrowed her eyes, "Does it have anything to do with Jonathan's new friend Erin?"

My jaw dropped slightly. I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to tell Sandi anything that he didn't want her to know. At the same time, I wanted to confide in her my fear that everything between the two of us had changed.

"You know about her?" Was what I settled on saying.

"Sure." Sandi replied, "I mean, I don't know everything, but I know he's been spending some time with her."

I nodded.

Sandi put the knife down and faced me, "Sweetie, don't worry. You and Jonathan have a very strong friendship. I have no doubt that whatever he and Erin become, you'll still be in his life."

"Thanks Sandi." I smiled at her.

She held her arms open to me and I stepped into her warm embrace. "I truly believe that you and Jonathan will be with each other until the very end."

"What happened?" Sandi asked, "Between you and Jonathan?"

"I chose Cam." I told her.

Sandi chuckled, "No, I meant what happened that makes you think it's irreparable?"

I took a breath, "I visited him last weekend. We finally admitted how much we wanted the other in our life and..." I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes, "I hid my engagement from him."

"I see." Sandi's expression read like she understood the words I was saying deeper than their surface meaning.

I nodded, "Yeah."

"Well, Sarah. I know my son well." Sandi spoke slowly, "Give him time."

"Okay." I agreed with her.

She gave me a warm smile as she picked up her mug. She pressed it to her lips, the peony design shimmering in the sunlight coming in from the window. It wasn't the perfect answer I was looking for, but it was something. It was hope.