"Promise you'll be back Sunday?" Cam had his arms wrapped around my waist and looked directly in my eyes.

I chuckled, "Why would I stay in Providence?"

"You and Alexia have gotten pretty close since you met. Plus, the lure of the big city, your dad being there." He shrugged, "A lot could keep you there."

"You're not there." I reassured him.

"I love you." He leaned in and kissed me.

I smiled as we pulled apart. He opened the door for me and I slid into the driver's seat of Cam's  Honda Civic.

"You better take good care of my girl." I pointed at my car.

Cam ran his fingers through his hair as he followed my finger, "I mean, I can't guarantee she won't die while you're gone."

"Better not be murder." I winked at him.

He laughed as he stepped back from my car. "Drive safe."

I smiled at him as I backed out of our driveway. 

As I passed the peonies that blew in the wind I smiled to myself. I reached into my purse and pulled out the dried one twirling it in my fingers as I continued down the street.

Once I hit the interstate I used Cam's handsfree to make a call.

"I hope you're calling to say you're on your way." Alexia's voice came through the speakers.

"Sure am." I replied.

"Do you still plan on going to Jonathan's apartment and convincing him?"

"I don't like the seductive tone of that convincing him."

"And we all know why." She replied.

I rolled my eyes forgetting that we weren't on a video chat. "I rolled my eyes. Since you couldn't see." I informed her.

"Good job." She replied, "So you're probably about forty-five minutes out?"

"Yep."

"Okay, well, drive safe." Alexia instructed.

"I will." I assured her.

"We'll come up with a plan for going to Jonathan's apartment when you get here." Alexia said.

"Sounds perfect."

"See you soon!"

"Bye." I hit the end button on the steering wheel.

I leaned back in my seat as a pop song crooned out of the speakers.

Despite Providence being a quick thirty minute drive from Foster, I rarely left my small town. There was a safety in Foster, a familiarity. Providence always felt unknown. For the last year, it didn't feel big enough to hide from Jonathan, which was the more likely reason I dodged meeting Alexia.

As I pulled up to the address Alexia had given me I felt wracked with nerves. Despite having talked to this woman for months we had never really met in person. Internet besties - some people thought we were a little crazy.

I grabbed my bag off the passenger seat and walked up to the apartment building. I looked for the number she gave me and pressed the button.

"What do you want?" A sarcastic voice came out of the speaker.

"Let me in!" I demanded.

A laugh followed then the sound of the door unlocking. I took the stairs up to the second floor and knocked on apartment 2M. A familiar head of blonde hair and bright blue eye greeted me.

"Oh hi." She smiled at me.

I didn't even consider asking if she was a hugger. I pulled her in tightly against me and she laughed.

"Weirdo. Get in here." I walked into the small apartment and she closed and locked the door behind me.

"Wow! It feels oddly strange to physically be in the place I see on video." I admitted.

She chuckled as she sat down on her couch, "Well, I hope you like my living room because it's where you're going to be sleeping."

"It's perfect." I told her.

She pursed her lips, "I don't really keep a lot of food in the house. Want to order something?"

I nodded, "Sure."

It wasn't long until there was a feast of a variety of food around us including cocktails.

"This tropical thing is pretty good." Alexia commented as she took another long sip.

"Wine is still easier." I commented.

I was teasing, and didn't want to admit I actually preferred the cocktail.

"Gross." She scrunched her face before picking up her hamburger. "So what are we going to do about seeing Jonathan?"

"I don't know. I'm trying to decide if I should go tonight or..."

"Tonight." Alexia confirmed.

"Really?" I asked.

"Mhm." She took a large bite of her burger. I watched her chew and swallow a little bit of it before continuing, "If you don't go tonight, it's going to eat at you. If it eats at you, you're going to want to talk to me. If you talk to me I'm going to have to give you advice that you already know and I have a bad back."

I chuckled at her joke.

"So, tonight?" She cocked an eyebrow.

I sighed, "Fine." We ate in silence for a few minutes then a thought crossed my mind, "What if he's not there?"

"Then we stay up all night while you panic and overthink trying again tomorrow." Alexia shrugged.

"I'm really not that nervous." I took a bite of my food.

"Mhm. Nice try sweetie, but I see you." Alexia said before she took a sip of her drink.

"I'm not. Jonathan is an old friend." I replied, "There's no reason for me to be nervous."

"Uh huh." Alexia's tone was dismissive.

"I'm engaged."

"I know." She replied.

"I just want to see my old friend. One last night to do all the things I wanted to do before I settled down." I kept defending myself.

The look on Alexia's face told me that she had other thoughts.

"What?" I asked.

"Okay Sarah, it's just you and me." She levelled, "What are you hoping to get out of this one last night?"

I shrugged, "I Just said it. I want to make sure that I've experienced a few things before I settle down."

"And you can't do those things with Cam?" Alexia asked.

I shrugged, "I mean probably." I sighed, "Cam would do them because I asked, and then if I wanted to back out because I was scared, he would just say okay."

"And Jonathan wouldn't do this because you asked."

"Of course, but, he also won't let me back out of anything. He'd push me until I did it because he knows I'll be happier after." I explained.

Alexia cocked an eyebrow then clicked her tongue. "Lemme see the list." She insisted.

I stood up and walked over to my purse and pulled it out.

"This thing is so old it should be in a museum." Alexia joked.

"Har har." I replied sarcastically, "I wrote it when I was eighteen. That was only like seven years ago."

Alexia chuckled as she unfolded the paper. I watched as her eyes scanned the page. She pushed her bangs up and out of her face as she studied the words.

"You're going to try and accomplish all this before you go home on Sunday?" Alexia looked up at me.

"Well, I mean... obviously going to Brown and graduating college isn't going to happen overnight but..."

"And you've already done five with Cam." Alexia interrupted me, but her statement had more of a questioning tone versus a statement.

"Yes, I can cross off five." I said more confidently than I felt.

"Let me grab a pen." Alexia moved to stand up but I grabbed her arm.

"No!" I exclaimed. She raised her brows and gave me a knowing look. I cleared my throat and continued in a more even tone, "I promised Jonathan it would be our thing."

"Mhm." She handed me the list and I folded it before returning it safely to my purse.

"So what's new with you?" I asked, turning the conversation away from Jonathan and I.

She gave me a look that told me she knew what I was doing. 

"My publisher wants my book by the end of the month but I have no clue where I am going from the midpoint on." She kindly gave in to me.

"Well I'm no author, but it seems to help when we talk it out." I offered.

She smiled, "I could use the help f you don't mind. Let me go get my stuff." She stood up and turned back, "Just so you know, this isn't going to get you out of seeing Jonathan tonight. We are going to his apartment."

"You have to get out of my car." Alexia told me.

"I will, I'm just... rehearsing what I'm going to say." I said.

"Otherwise known as chickening out." Alexia called me out.

"How am I supposed to get in there?" I asked, "It's not like I have a key to his place."

"Wait until someone goes in." Alexia suggested.

"That could be hours." I replied.

"Or now." Alexia pointed.

"What?" I looked over my shoulder to see a woman digging in her purse.

"Go and pretend like you forgot your keys." Alexia suggested.

"Uh... okay..." I slowly opened the door.

"Wait!" Alexia exclaimed.

She grabbed my left hand and pulled the ring off my finger. 

"Why would he care about my ring?" I looked down at where it sat.

"Would you like it back?" She raised her brows.

I hesitated.

"Just as I thought." Alexia gave me a smug look.

I rolled my eyes.

"Now go!" She pushed me.

Shit. I got out of the car and ran towards the building looking in my purse.

"Hold up!" I yelled.

The woman looked up and gave me a quizzical look just as she opened the door.

"I'm so embarrassed I think I forgot my keys. I'm in apartment 608." I easily remembered where Jonathan lived.

"Oh. Okay." The woman held the door open and I slipped in.

We walked awkwardly to the elevator together. The air between us felt uncomfortable as we waited. When we stepped in, I took the moment to pull out my phone to quickly text Alexia that I was in. Her sarcastic response that she's not blind made me chuckle. When the doors opened to the sixth floor I gave the woman an awkward wave then exited out into the hallway.

I began to walk down the row of neat wooden doors until I reached 608. My heart pounded as I made a fist. I moved to knock then stopped just before I made contact. My mind began to race with what ifs. I turned to leave, then shook my head.

Just do it, Sarah.

I made a fist again, and this time made contact with the door. I waited for any signs of movement. Just when I thought no one was coming, I heard footsteps. I swallowed as the door slowly began to open.

"What the?" Recognition washed over Jonathan's face as soon as he saw me.

"Hey, I..."

"No." He closed the door instantly.

What the hell?

Now I felt angry. I pounded on the door again.

It opened and Jonathan just shook his head and said again, "No."

He went to close it but this time I was ready. I put my hands out and pushed hard against it. "You're not closing the door on me again, Grove."

"What the fuck Pea?" Jonathan groaned as he gave in.

"You called me Pea." I pointed at him.

"Force of habit." He crossed his arms. "Now what do you want?"

"I wanted to see you." I said.

"Now you have, so bye." Jonathan moved but I was smart enough to dip inside.

He let out a groan.

"Jonathan, please. We're adults not kids. Just talk to me." I pleaded.

He sighed, "Fine." He closed the door behind us and locked the deadbolt. He led me down the small hallway that was his entrance and into his living room.

"I still can't believe that's the couch you picked." I scrunched my nose at the red, yellow, and gold striped monstrosity that I helped move in here.

"Just sit." Jonathan gestured.

I did as instructed. We didn't say anything, which wasn't surprising. It was hard to think what to say when we hadn't talked in a year and I had spent so long pushing him away.

"Did you come here about the list?" He finally broke the silence.

I nodded, "I did."

"I said I didn't want to do it." Jonathan reminded me.

"I know, but we promised we'd do it together. No matter what." I retorted.

"Yeah, when we were just a couple of eighteen year olds. A lot has changed. We aren't those kids anymore Pea." Jonathan said.

"You keep calling me Pea instead of Sarah." I pointed out, "That's gotta mean something."

"That I've never called you by your first since the first time I gave you one of my mom's peonies." He replied.

I smiled as I remembered when he handed me that flower and said: a peony for Pea.

"You thought you were so clever shortening the word peony to pea as a nickname." I chuckled. "I guess it was when you're only ten."

He smiled too, his eyes sparkling ever so slightly.

"Jonathan, we always said we would be there for the other person, no matter what." I reminded him.

"You were pretty clear in your actions that you didn't want or need me." He looked me right in the eyes.

"That's not true. That was your perception." I argued.

"It's how you treated me!"

I realized that we were at a stalemate. Neither of us were going to give into the other.

"Well, I miss you." I admitted, "And I don't want to do this with anyone else."

He ran his fingers through his hair. " Why now? Why does it have to be now?" His voice was demanding.

"Because." I shrugged.

"Because why?" He asked.

"Because!" I spoke more insistently.

"Because why?" His voice rose in register.

"Lactiflora!" I cried out.

Jonathan's eyes widened then his lips twitched as he suppressed a smile. I could feel my cheeks going a couple shades redder.

"You're using your once in a lifetime Lactiflora for this?" Jonathan chuckled.

"Why not?" I puffed my chest out trying to make myself look more confident than I was.

"Because it's childish. It's something we came up with as children." He threw his hands up.

"So? It still means something to me." I shrugged, "Everything about our friendship is meaningful."

Jonathan sighed.

"Jonathan, please."

Jonathan seemed to process for a minute then said, "Did you bring the list with you?"

My cheeks flushed and I looked down at the ground, "Uh, no."

Jonathan gave a knowing chuckle as I met his eyes.

"Yes, I'm still extremely disorganized." I rolled my eyes.

"Alright, well, if I remember correctly, you've always wanted to learn how to shoot a gun."

"Yep!" I confirmed.

"There's a gun range." He pulled out his phone and began to type into it.

I heard my phone ping and I pulled it out to see that Jonathan had sent me a location. I smiled up at him, "Meet you here?"

He nodded, "Yeah. Ten tomorrow morning."

"Okay. Sounds good." I stood up and began to walk to the door.

Jonathan followed. I stopped at the entrance and turned to face him, "Thank you."

Jonathan sighed, "Look. Doing this is going against my better judgement, but our friendship means a lot to me too."

His words made my heart swell. "So I'll see you tomorrow?'

"Tomorrow." He confirmed. I opened the door and I felt him take hold of it to ensure that it stayed open. "Oh, and Pea?" I turned to face him. "Don't forget the list." He instructed.