The dull ache was with Tom constantly. He felt like a weight was on his chest. He couldn't tell how much of what he felt was because he missed Paco and how much was because of Katie. She was broken and Paco depended on him to fix her, but he didn't know how. He only knew how to love her, which was something he had been doing for far longer than he should have.

Because he belonged to the United States Army, he didn't have the luxury to mourn. He had an obligation. Thankfully, he had a compassionate superior. Tom wasn't the only one stunned at the loss of one of their own. He couldn't blame the army. Whatever Paco was doing, it was for someone else. From Kuwait, he probably went into Iraq or possibly Syria. Wherever he was they needed his expertise in an unsecure location and Paco knew it.

The last email he sent Tom was goodbye, just in case he never made it back. Tom didn't realize it the first time he read it. After they had lost contact with him, it was clear he had gone to do something dangerous. Maybe he agreed in order to secure himself a position later. Paco wanted to care for Katie. Now Tom was taking care of her.

The army promised he'd stay stateside for at least three months. Because he couldn't leave Katie, he would stay in Georgia after he completed his five years. His plan was to continue his current job as a civilian and reservist. He wouldn't reup and stay in the army.

The night they arrived back from Miami, she insisted on going to her apartment. Tom worried about her. When she didn't answer her phone, he sprinted to her building telling himself she was just asleep. He found her going through all of Paco's things. She had piles from shirts to pictures to his aftershave.

He asked her what she was doing. "I'm collecting what I want before she comes and takes them."

"Who Luce?"

"His mother! She took his dog tags and his flag. She's gonna take his things. We need to bring them to your apartment."

He didn't argue with her. He doubted Mama C would come to Georgia. Although Katie wasn't wrong, everything belonged to Paco's next of kin and it was not Katie. He thought of Trey. If he was speaking to him, he could call his big brother to confirm the law.

Tom learned he left Katie with nothing. Paco had convinced her to take on more of their bills, so he could save for her ring. Unfortunately, the money was in an account without Katie's name on it. It wasn't her money, even though it was meant for her. She couldn't afford to live alone and didn't want to go back to living above the bar. Tom wanted her to rest, which wouldn't happen at The Barracks.

She had been staying at his apartment for two weeks since Miami, but they had a decision to make. He came home from work to find her listless on his sofa. She hardly even glanced up at him. He walked over and kissed her forehead. Her eyes were red, but they always were. Eventually she would have to go back to work, but she wasn't ready.

"Hey Luce, why don't we be roommates. We can give up this apartment or yours. We can try to get a new one someplace else. I don't care."

"I like it here." He had already brought over her pots and pans and had been cooking, not that she ever ate but a few bites.

"There's only one bedroom." His apartment was small.

"I can't sleep alone." It was true. He stopped trying to sleep on the couch. He slept in his bed and held her every night while she cried. Many nights he quietly cried too. He cried over leaving Tori, but not the way he cried over losing Paco.

Neither were in a position to make big decisions, although he was constantly being forced to. "Okay, eventually we can get a bigger place."

He took care of everything, including notifying the rental company to end the lease which he discovered was only in Paco's name. They'd have to tackle Paco's things, although he didn't know what to do with them. What Katie kept was minimal. He'd need to contact Nino, which was another thing he dreaded.

With one decision made, he went to fix some dinner. Coaxing her to eat was another worry for him. He served up some basic spaghetti and marinara. "Come eat, Luce."

She sighed but knew enough to sit at the table. He watched her push the food around. "I know I'm a terrible cook." He tried to tease, which was something he hadn't dared do.

She looked up at him. "No, you aren't. You had a good teacher."

He smiled a thin smile. Her one response was progress. She even took a few bites. He sighed as he had another subject to broach.

"Luce, I asked around. They have grief services through Eisenhower." The medical center on base provided an array of counseling services. They serviced civilians, as well as soldiers and their families. She stared right through him. "I think I'm going to go. Do you want to look into it too?"

If it was just him and Paco as best friends, he would have been able to grieve and move on. Caring for Katie was making it hard for him to heal. He cried every night because she cried. He needed help to learn how to help her as much as himself. He would never let Paco down.

She didn't respond. She just stared at him as if she wished he was the one who didn't make it home. "Luce, I'm worried. You don't eat. I don't know how to help you."

"You do. I never would have survived that trip if not for you."

None of them really survived the trip to Miami. It left him hurt. He lost his surrogate family along with his brother. Meanwhile, he was neglecting his own family. He couldn't go see Tori now when Katie needed him. He couldn't tell his mother about Paco, because she would worry about him. Jon knew everything. He Skyped him almost every day, usually when he went out for his run. He ran harder than ever, as if he were trying to pound the pain away with every step. When he finished, he would try to reach his brother. Most days they talked while he walked a few blocks home. The only thing that saved him was his brother and his daily runs.

Every day lasted an eternity, yet enough of them were strung together to measure weeks and a month and then two and almost three months. Katie was doing better, but not great. She agreed to see a counselor. She hadn't gone back to work, but Tom didn't mind supporting her. Some nights, she fell asleep without crying but still didn't want to sleep alone. She ate a little, although she was very thin. Together they cooked and went food shopping. To many people, those tasks might not seem like a big deal, but they were milestones.

Tom worried because he had new orders. How could he leave her when she depended on him? Murph came to visit, but as much as he loved his daughter, he wouldn't hold her all night while she cried. The only good thing was his destination. It was to Hawaii again. It was stateside and safe, but the duration was a year. He had four weeks before he had to leave and short of going A.W.O.L., he had to go. It became clear his only solution was to take her with him. It would be hard to find a rental on his own, and they didn't qualify to live in base housing together.

He was faced with telling her the bad news. He waited until after dinner, because he needed her to eat. They sat together on the sofa. She was quiet. He missed both his friends, because she had practically disappeared.

He turned to her and took her hand. "Luce, I have to go to Hawaii." Her eyes bugged out like he had told her he was going to the moon. "I know I can't leave you. I even tried to arrange for you to come with me. I just couldn't find a place for us to stay. We don't qualify to stay on base."

She cried. "I can't do it without you. I can't say goodbye."

He wanted to say that life was full of goodbyes. The thought of saying goodbye to Katie was worse than the goodbye he said at eighteen. It was more than Katie needing him. He had a responsibility and a need to make sure she was okay. The actual truth was the love he had developed for her was more than he felt at eighteen, but he didn't expect her to love him in return. He had to find a way for her to come to Hawaii with him.