How can I help you to say goodbye?

It's okay to hurt, and it's okay to cry.

-Patty Loveless, "How Can I Help You to Say Goodbye?"

Tallahassee, Florida

Miles

There are days in your life that as soon as you open your eyes, you know will be heart wrenching.

August 1st was one of those days.

I woke up at 5:30 am, three hours before my alarm. Rachel was still snoozing next to me, her ankle hooked underneath mine, her head on my chest.

I couldn't take my eyes off her; she was so beautiful. I truthfully didn't know how I was going to get through the next 112 days without waking up next to her.

My flight to Missouri took off at 6:20 pm, which meant we needed to be at the airport by 4:30 or so. Suddenly, I realized I didn't want to waste another minute of this day.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to her forehead. She stirred and her grey eyes blinked open, glancing around the still darkened room.

"Miles?" she whispered in her sweet, sleepy morning voice. "What time is it?"

"It's 5:30," I responded, and she groaned.

"5:30? Jeez, babe," she murmured. "Too early."

I brushed a wild piece of hair away from her eyes. "I don't want to miss a moment with you today, Rachel," I said, and she looked at me again, her eyes filling with tears.

She started to speak, but I put a finger to her lips. "Shhh. Let's just lie here, okay?"

She nodded and snuggled in the crook of my arm. "I love you," she murmured.

"I love you too," I answered, and after we lay there for a few minutes, I had an idea.

"Do you want to go somewhere?" I asked her.

She looked up at me and grinned. "Of course."

***

"Miles, where are we going?" Rachel asked as she pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them to her. Since the sun hadn't fully come up yet, it was a little chilly out.

"You'll see," I said, glancing at her and flashing her a grin.

She rolled her eyes and looked out the window as I merged onto Highway 98. I could tell she was dying to know where we were headed, and I remembered once again how much I loved to surprise her.

When I made the last turn before our destination, Rachel looked around and lifted her face to the breeze. "I smell salt air," she said, her face lighting up.

I grinned and nodded in front of us. When she saw the lighthouse, she gasped. "Miles! This is beautiful!" she exclaimed, sitting up straighter in her seat.

I pulled the Jeep into a parking spot near the lighthouse, jumped out to open her door, and held my hand out. She took it, hopping down and straightening her thin hoodie.

"This is St. Mark's Lighthouse," I said, pointing toward the sign in front of the structure. "It's the second-oldest lighthouse in the state, built in 1829." We stood there in the sand, looking up at it as the sun rose around us.

"It's gorgeous," she breathed. "Have you been here before?"

I nodded, clearing my throat. "Yeah. This was my mother's favorite place," I said, my voice cracking.

Her eyes snapped to me. "Your mom brought you here?"

"She did... her family was from Crawfordville, right near here. She grew up coming to this national park, and the lighthouse was the place she'd always go to think... to figure stuff out. We only got to come here together the one time, but on thast one day, I could tell how special it was to her. And so, from that day on, it was special to me too. But I've never had a chance to come back here. Until today," I replied, rubbing little circles on her palm with my thumb.

She swallowed and ran her free hand through her hair. "And you brought me?"

I cocked my head to the side and looked down at her, putting my hand to her cheek. "There is literally no one else on this planet I'd want to come here with."

She threw her arms around my neck then, tears falling from her face onto my t-shirt. "Thank you for bringing me here," she breathed into my ear. "I love you."

"I love you too, Rachel." I kissed her gently and then gestured to the lighthouse. "Wanna go up to the top?"

"We can do that?" she asked, looking up.

"Definitely. Come on," I said, taking her hand and leading her to the entrance.

When we got to the top, we took in the view. It was beautiful; the water of the Apalachee Bay was a deep shade of green, palm trees lined the coast, and there were a few boats off in the distance.

We leaned against the brick railing and let the gulf breeze sweep across our faces.

"You know the other reason I brought you here?" I asked, breaking the silence after a few moments.

She shook her head. "Tell me," she said simply.

"Lighthouses are symbols of strength, resilience... a beacon in the dark when the waters are rough." I turned toward her and put my hand under her chin, my thumb brushing her skin. "Rachel, that's what you are to me: a lighthouse." Tears filled her eyes and I swallowed over the lump that had appeared in my throat. "You are my light in the dark, the steadfast pillar that never wanes, that never lets me down."

She brushed the tears off her face and stepped toward me. "What a beautiful thing to say, Miles," she murmured. "I feel the same way about you, you know."

I took her hands in mine and pulled her close to me, enveloping her in my arms, resting my chin on the top of her head. I felt her body trembling, and I knew she was crying.

And that was it - I couldn't hold back my tears for another second.

Rachel

When I felt Miles' body shaking, my heart shattered with the knowledge that he was finally crying. The tears I'd seen threatening to spill from his eyes were finally flowing.

"Miles?" I asked, looking up at him.

He looked back at me, tears slipping down his cheeks. "Yeah?"

I brushed the tears from his cheeks. "Kiss me," I breathed.

He put both of his hands on the sides of my head, tangling his fingers in my hair. He pushed me gently against the inner wall of the lighthouse, kissing me with wild, reckless abandon.

He slid his hands down to the hem of my hoodie and pushed it up over my belly button, and I gasped. "Miles, Miles, wait," I breathed. "We're in public," I said, a giggle escaping my throat.

He slid my shirt back down, and took a tiny step back, breathing hard. "Oh yeah," he said, laughing.

"But believe me, I want to continue this when we get home," I teased, running my finger along his waistband.

"Oh, we will," he assured me, draping his arm around my shoulders. "You ready to head back?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm ready if you are. I'm sort of hungry," I admitted.

"All right then, we'll stop for breakfast on our way back," he said, and we made our way down the spiral staircase to the parking lot.

***

At 4:30, we were walking into the Tallahassee International Airport, and I felt like I was living in a dream - or more accurately, a nightmare.

After Miles checked his bags and received his boarding pass, he walked toward me and took my hand. "Want to get a coffee?" he asked.

I nodded. I'd eat or drink just about anything right now to prolong this moment. I wouldn't be able to go through security with him, so pretty soon, we would have to say our goodbyes.

He bought us both an iced coffee, and we took as long as humanly possible to drink them. He checked his watch and looked up at me, his blue eyes misty. "It's 5:30, babe. I need to go," he whispered but made no move to get up.

I swallowed. "I know. I know," I responded, my voice strangled.

He finally got up, threw his backpack over his shoulder and held out his hand to me. I took it, walking toward the security line in a fog.

When I could go no further, he turned around and pulled me to him urgently. "Rachel Mae Cross," he breathed into my ear, "I love you more than anything in this entire world. Please, please remember that." Tears were sliding freely down his cheeks and he wasn't even trying to stop them.

"I could never forget that, Miles," I sobbed. "Because I love you just as much..." I couldn't even bring myself to start the "I Love You More" debate. Sobs racked my body as he held me close to his chest. I breathed in, taking in his scent one more time.

He pulled back from me just enough to look into my eyes. "I'll FaceTime you every chance I get. We'll write, and I'll think about you all the time," he said, planting little kisses all over my face. "I'll be back before you know it. Go to class, get your As," he teased. "You'll be just as busy as I will."

I smiled through my tears. "I'm so proud of you, Miles. Your bravery is astounding. I've honestly never been so proud to be yours," I said, brushing his hair back. I laughed suddenly.

"What is it?" he asked curiously.

"Next time I see you, you'll have a buzz cut," I said.

"Ew, don't remind me," he responded with a shudder.

We both took a deep breath in unison. "I have to go," he murmured.

"I know. I'll be thinking about you all the time," I said, standing on my tiptoes to kiss him.

His lips met mine with a heat and a fervor that was probably too much for the patrons of the airport, but we didn't care. He lifted me off my feet and deepened the kiss.

Finally, he set me down and ran his hands through my hair, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"I love you," he said again, and when he kissed me, his salty tears fell onto my lips.

"I love you," I rasped, and when he turned to go, I felt my knees go weak. But I stayed strong, keeping my feet planted on the floor.

He turned around and waved one more time, blowing me a kiss before he rounded the corner, and then I couldn't see him anymore.

It was only then that I let my knees buckle, and I fell to the floor with my head in my hands.