pictures... three of them, all of me. Violent clashes of panic vibrate through my chest. Sending my heart into overdrive. My dry throat clenches at the sight before me and my clammy hands clutch at the pictures. At least that's the panic I feel on the inside, on the outside however my body hasn't changed, I will remain composed until I am alone.

I examine the first photo of me, it was taken the first time I went to the garage with Jay by my side. The second photo, is of me walking back to my undercover apartment, and the third... me inside my undercover apartment. I swallow, my dry throat clogging in the process. Who could've taken these? I didn't notice anyone, and clearly neither did Jay... he would've said. And I know he can't find me, we made sure of that.

Taking a deep breath I take another look at the handwriting on the envelope. There's something else in it, my heart thunders as I reach for the last thing in the envelope. A small piece of paper. I unfold the tainted piece, my sweating hands sticking to it.

'Ashley Quinn, your teams here missing their most important member. I guess we'll see how long they last without you.'

The hairs on the back of my neck stand tall, a chill coating my skin as i scrunch the piece of paper in my fist. Dread consumes my body as I scramble to put everything back into the envelope and hiding it in the pocket of my jacket. Getting up from my desk i make my way toward the stairs, pretty much jogging down them i make my way to Trudy's desk. They couldn't all be here, not them, not him, not Hobbs. This is all so wrong. My thoughts spiral as I approach the desk.

"Quinn, what do you need?" Trudy states not even looking down at me. She's clearly agitated with her patrol officers as usual.

"Did you buzz anyone up this morning? Did anyone leave anything for me?" I question, voice struggling to remain stable. Trudy finally looks at me and shrugs.

"First person up was Adam. And no, no one's left anything for you. Why?" She responds, i nod wiping my clammy hands on the rough material of my jeans.

"Nothing. Can you hold me down on a personal?" Trudy nods without question. It's probably one of my favourite things about her, she doesn't pry, she simply doesn't care that much. And neither do I, maybe that's why we get along so well.

A sigh escapes my lips and i turn around making my way to the carpark. In mere seconds I'm at my SUV, I need to see Kelly. The only person who knows anything.

***

"Hey Ash. You alright?" Matthew Casey asks as I walk through the apparatus floor of firehouse 51. His crew doing what seem to be pretty intense drills while he stands with a smirk.

"All good. Kelly here?" I question, hoping to see one of the closest friends I've made since moving to Chicago.

"Office" Casey nods toward the back, while his crew begin setting up for the next drill. I nod making a bee-line for Kelly's office. My sweaty hands returning to my jeans to be wiped clean.

After greeting a few other members of 51, i make it to Kelly's office, i don't even bother knocking. I just open the door, walking in and sit on his bunk with a loud huff. Kelly's brows rise as he spins around on the chair from his desk.

"Haven't heard from you for a few days. Glad to see your alive" he jokes, "everything okay?" He questions. I don't respond only fall back onto his bunk with an exaggerated sigh.

"What's up? Ashley." He reiterates.

I shoot him a glare, "you know i hate that." He only chuckles in response. I sit up, pulling the envelope from my jacket pocket and hand it over to him before laying back on his bunk again while he looks through it, the expression on his face growing considerably more concerned as he flips through the photos.

"That was on my desk when I went into work this morning. I started an undercover job in the racing scene around Pilsen. And Hobbs may have called me" I explain briefly, keeping the more important details to myself.

Kelly doesn't know everything, only that I was a street racer, had a small few priors and that I was dating a guy that also had a record. He 'knows' I did a bit of undercover work for Hobbs and that's how he thinks I cleared my name.

"Did you tell anyone?" He questioned, staring down at the photos in disbelief.

"I'm telling you." I respond running a hand through my hair. Kelly rolls his eyes, he knows the magnitude of situations like this as well as I do.

"This is serious Ash." He scolds, handing me the envelope back. I pocket the envelope again, normally I would've thrown it in the trash but something feels different this time. More real. My anxiety is hitting me like a train. Dread is clouding my mind.

"What if they're here?" I question referring to the 'old friends/lover' kelly kind of knows about. The question is honestly more directed to myself rather than Kelly but I'd like someone's input. I haven't been this fearful in a while.

"If they're back. You missed them, you have to decide what life you want. Just remember that's not always an easy decision." Kelly runs a hand through his short hair leaning back in his chair.

"And Jay, you have to think about him. And your job." Kelly hesitates for a moment before continuing. "Do you love him?"

The question stops me in my tracks, stumps me. I gulp swallowing the fear that question alone rises. I care about him. Deeply. But do I love him? I've avoided him for days... maybe in some way, I love him. But I'm not sure I'll ever be fully capable of that emotion again. So i answer the only way I know how, "I'd take a bullet for him."

***

"You ready for tonight Quinn?" Voight questions ensuring I'm ready for what's ahead of me. I'm aware of all the details of the plan, I'm physically ready. But mentally? That's another question entirely.

"Yeah. I am." I nod, I can't let my emotions get in the way of what's important here. And that's helping these girls that are being trafficked and holding these men accountable for their actions. Everything else can wait.

Voight gives the signal for everyone to prepare for their roles and the unit disperses to get themselves ready. Leaving me to fix the wire attached to my shirt, which of course has a low neckline accentuating my chest. An essential for any undercover operation with men involved.

Jay stands a few feet away, watching me, looking as if he's contemplating making conversation. I can't remember a time I've seen him this conflicted.

Then the silence breaks, and he asks, "where did you go earlier?"

He takes a few steps toward me closing the distance between us. His presence acting as a distraction not helping me focus on fixing the fiddly wire.

"To see Kelly." I respond, Jay finally notices  the struggle I'm having in adjusting the wire. His hands fall on the tops of my shoulders stopping my movements. I look up at him, my eyes locking with his concern filled ocean blue eyes.

"Here let me help." He offers, a small smile tugging at his lips. The pad of his thumb gently runs over the skin on the back of my hand as he moves my hand out of the way he fixes the wire. His eyes always remaining on only the spywear. Gentleman.

I stare up at his beautiful freckles face. The way the lights hitting his features is just so mesmerising, reminding me of all the memories we have shared together.

"Ash, I'm your partner. Your friend. More than that even... if somethings going on, you can tell me, I want to help." He says softly. His eyes flicker up to meet mine before returning to his hands which lay dangerously close to my chest.

The sound of his voice, the worry laced with in it makes my heart ache. But I can't— I just can't do it.

"I'm all good Jay. I promise." He shakes his head as he finishes adjusting the wire into place before lowering his hands. He takes one of my hands in his as his gaze softens and I close my eyes, only for a second to just feel how close he is.

"No Ash. I know you're not okay. I saw the way you changed at your desk this morning. The way you rushed downstairs. And that guy, trudy said called you... Hobbs, he's an agent. I can just— I can tell somethings not right." My chest aches painfully at his words. It burns. I can't decide whether I should be pissed he searched Hobbs up or flattered he cares so much.

"I appreciate the concern Jay, I really do... but I can take care of myself." It pains me how stern my tone comes across but none the less, I mean it.

***

Opening a bottle of corona, I watch John and the other two men he is with. Their body language, trying to get a feel for what the best angle is to play. I've learnt their names now. Dante and Nick.

Walking over to the table i take a deep breath, readjusting my skirt before sitting down next to John.

"So Kelsey, tell us more about LA." John urges me for information. I chuckle taking a few seconds to piece together a response.

"Well, my two best friends and I always loved cars growing up. Then we got into racing. Beat some of the best people in LA, my family was there. Then I ended up in Brazil for a while, then London, South America, Dominican Republic doing jobs. Now I'm here." I explain twirling my hair between my fingers, really playing into character.

"Wow, very well travelled." Nick smirks from the other side of the table. I offer him an innocent smile, really digging deep and fighting the urge to slap him right across his ugly ass face.

"And what type of jobs?" Johns question makes me hesitate, I have to decide on the perfect mixture of lies and truths to make it work.

"You know, the normal stuff." I start, knowing John is going to pry for more details. Looking out the window, I continue playing with my own hair. My heart skips a beat as a familiar car slows by the window. A 1970s Dodge Charger...

My lungs clench and I shake my head trying to remain in character. Do not get distracted. Come on Ash. It's not him. It's not.

"What does normal stuff entail?" John questions.

"Stealing cars, oil, drugs, money, escaping feds. All different types of shit. Id be here all night if you want me to explain all of em." I shrug trying to hold myself together.

"Got yourself a bad girl here Johnny." Dante laughs, a sinister smile playing against his lips. His eyes fixated on my chest while he undresses me with his eyes.

"And you're in need of a job?" John asks as I feel someone's foot brush gently against my calf sending an uneasy shiver down my spine.

"Who isn't?" I respond.

"We don't normally do business with women so I'm sure you can understand Dante's hesitation. But I'm sure with a few conversations we might find something for you." John assures.

***

I know they can hear it. And I pray they do not move in. I am pressed against a wall by Dante. His wet lips forcibly pressing against my neck making me cringe. I know it's a test, I know he's a sick freak. But that doesn't change the fact I know jays listening.

"Just imagine what we could do together, if you're as good of a driver as John says I'm assuming you can multitask." Dante whispers against my ear. I almost heave at the sound of his voice alone.

"Tempting but I'm here for a job." I scoff pressing my hands against his chest trying to put some space between us.

"A bit of fun won't hurt." He pushes, a hand finding its way to my waist. I almost snap, the feeling of him making me sick. And it's time for the final warning.

"Touch me again, and I will break your hand."