I follow Brian out to is car, almost regretting saying no to Jay taking me. My brain automatically starts mentally preparing for the questions I know he is desperate to ask. My heart races as we reach his car, Brian opening the passenger side door for me.

Silence remains as I get in the car, the anxiety booming through me almost too much to bare. Tension in the air thick as I contemplate what I could possibly say to give him closure.

"You sure you're okay?" Brian asks as he gets in the drivers side, watching me as I do my seatbelt.

"Yeah, I'm good." I smile through the pain attacking my body.

"Do I get to sucker punch you now? Make it even?" He chuckles clearly trying to lighten the mood as he refers to the moment I found out he was a cop. I chuckle lightly before silence returns to the car as he starts driving.

"We were supposed to talk at Molly's..." he says, and the pains already here, I didn't actually think talking to him would hurt as much as it does.

"I've been trying to understand what happened, I spoke to you that night. You were safe, with Mia. Then the next day, you were gone." Brian says, i signing knowing how much I hurt him, hurt my family. My actions can't really be justified, but in that moment. I just needed to leave.

"Brian, I don't want to talk about this while you're driving." I know I'm not wrong saying that. I don't want him to crash.

"The cop. He your boyfriend?" The words showing Brian's clear frustration. God, I'm a shitty person.

"Kinda... it's complicated."

***

Flashback.

"Brian, I'm not that drunk don't worry. I'll be back in the morning I love you." I slur holding my phone to my ear as I lay across Mia's couch.

"Alright Baby, I love you." Brian says down the line making my smile grow as I end the phone. Mia stumbles toward the couch drink in hand. We'd been out all night, and just got back to Mia's after drinking unreasonable amounts of alcohol.

"You've got that man wrapped around your finger." Mia laughs, head falling back against the couch as she looks at me.

"Yeah, I know. But I'm whipped too." I admit thinking about Brian, and how we'd began talking about the next steps in our relationship.

"I never thought you'd go back to him after finding out he was a cop." I chuckle at Mia's words. God we'd come a long way since then.

"Me neither." The both of us laugh, alcohol getting to us.

***

"Can we head to my apartment first? So i can get some clothes?" I question sitting in Brian's passenger seat, he nods and takes a turn making our way to my apartment.

The car remains silent as we pull up outside my apartment, I get out. Brian follows almost like a guard dog beside me.

"Thank you" i say as Brian holds the door to my apartment open, I watch as his eyes examine my apartment as we walk in.

I catch his eyes fall on a photo in my kitchen, one of the whole family... Brian's arms wrapped around my waist as we stand beside Letty and Dom in the still image. I wonder into my bedroom to begin packing, and when I appear in-front of Brian again his eyes are wide. Desperate.

"Ash... I need to know what happened." My heart drops at his words, I know I'm in the wrong. He deserves to know. Dropping my bag i sigh.

"Come on." I lead him to my living room, heart racing, panic encasing my bones. We sit down, and i stare into his gorgeously blue eyes unsure of how to start.

"I just need to know why you left. We were talking about getting married, having kids. Then you up and left." This isn't how I ever imagined having this conversation.

"I thought you'd blame me"