A tired groan escapes my lips as my eyes flutter open, it takes me a moment to remember previous events. An arm wrapped around my waist in a protective manner while a warm body presses against my back. With a slow blink, i turn in his arms. And there he is, Jay Halstead sleeping peacefully. His usual stern demeanour having disappeared in a calm sleep. I can't help but admire him for a moment, tracing the beautiful freckles dotted across his face with my eyes.

I press a light kiss to his cheek as the usual guilt consumes me. Happiness always seems to come paired with a side of guilt for me. Gently, I move Jays arm. Escaping his grip on me and getting out of bed. With a deep sigh, my eyes scan the room searching for my cargo trousers. Spotting the majority of my clothes from yesterday I begin getting ready. Opening Jay's wardrobe I pull out one of his black hoodies and slip it onto my body to complete the look.

Just as I believe I've escaped without waking Jay, I hear his beautifully rough morning voice, "where are you going?"

"I have things to do." I counter. Jay shakes his head, turning to look at the clock beside him which reads 6:17AM.

"In my Hoodie? At 6AM?" He questions, seeing straight through the obvious lie I've fabricated. For some reason, it seems to become harder to lie to him. Every lie I spill, hurts and he's starting to notice, to see through it.

"I'm going to the gym before we get called in, okay? I'll see you later, I promise." I try to make my words seem more believable than before. I can see the look on his face change as he contemplates my words, he sees through it. I can tell, but none the less, he nods.

**

My hand rubs soothingly across the deep pain within my chest as I walk back from Jay's apartment. Anxiety grows to control me, I had improved. I had gotten so much better, but the mention of my old family. It's erased most of my progress.

My life, everything I've built over the past six years might fall apart. That's if they're back, if my ex boyfriends back. And if that's the case, I don't know what to do. Stay with Jay? Or admit why I left in the first place?

The pains in my chest grow stronger as I walk, one of my biggest fears playing on my mind. I am not ready for that secret to come out. I'm not sure I ever will be.

I turn down an alley that's a shortcut back to my real apartment, the dark walls almost mimicking the ones in my mind. The voices in my head clouding my ability to pay attention, almost too much. To the point I barely notice a van pull into the side of the alley I'm walking toward.

While my chest aches, mourning a life I used to have. The door of the van swings open. My eyes dart to the open side door and my heart drops, body automatically taking two steps back.

"Hobbs?!" I swallow in shock.

"I tried calling." He states, I stand blankly before him for a moment. Panic encasing my veins, memories attacking my mind.

"Are they here?" I question, finally coming to my senses for a moment.

"They're in chicago." He nods, "looking for you, while helping me with a situation." He explains, expression stoic.

"I want your help too," those words make his expression soften as he speaks. I panic, taking another step back.

"I can't. I have work. I'm undercover." I shake my head, desperate not to be involved. I need to keep these pieces of my life separate, it would be like mixing oil and water.

"That's why I'm here. Why they're here... Lopez, Reyes' younger brother is the mastermind of all this. And now you're involved and that just makes it harder, so help us." He sighs, a slight look of pain spreading across his face as i shake my head. He adds, "for old times sake?"

"No." I snap, answering bluntly, voice monotone. "I can't help you."

As I turn making a move to walk away, Hobbs gets out the Van stopping me. My blood boils, anger now taking over from the anxiety.

"You're going to see him one way or another ash." He states. My jaw clenches tightly. I've calmed down, mellowed out since joining intelligence but that doesn't mean I can't still be a bitch when needed.

"You're not going to pressure me. I'm not fucking helping." I scoff, "I'm going to solve this case, I don't need your help. Just stay out of my way"

"Who's gonna let you?" Hobbs challenges, he knows me. He remembers how to press my buttons, how to piss me off. But it won't work this time. I cannot see him.

"Who's gonna stop me?"

***

"Ash got a text last night confirming the Job. She's going to meet the three guys in Pilsen before doing a meet in Chinatown. We do not know what the cargo is, but considering this is her first run with them we're not expecting anything big." Voight explains, insinuating I still have to build their trust. Let's just hope I can do so before they hurt anymore women.

Thoughts still linger, the pain of an old life. Pains that Hobbs intensified. My body aches as I completely Zone out of the rest of Voights briefing. Rubbing my eyes I stand up to go and get some coffee in the break room.

As I grab my mug I feel someone's presence behind me, Kevin.

"You good Ash?" He questions as I reach for the coffee pot. It surely can't be obvious I'm on edge.

"Yeah Kev, are you?" I question, filling my mug to the brim with the burning hot liquid that almost acts like a drug to me.

"I'm cool. Ash, I've got to ask, how were you so good in that race? You said you've never raced before but clearly that's not true" he asks, i sigh shrugging as I sip at the hot liquid in my mug.

"Maybe once or twice as a kid." I turn to face him shrugging, I missed watching people's reactions, seeing their excitement over cars. And Kev he helps me relive that, even if it only is a little bit.

"So, you were a street racer? That's cool as hell. What did you drive?" He smiles wide, excitement evident across his face.

"1970 dodge charger, Mazda RX-7, 2002 Nissan skyline. They were my favourites." I shrug watching his jaw drop in surprise. If only he knew how much he'd lifted my mood in only a few moments.

***

Sitting back at my desk, Adam and I go through the details of the case once again. Trying to put all the uncertainty surrounding my life to the side I decide to try and put all of my focus, attention on the folder before me.

"You're gonna be okay doing this alone, right?" Adam asks as he glanced over the case file biting his lip.

"Come on Ruz," i chuckle, "you should know me better than that. Of course." I respond, he nods slowly. His expressive face showing the clogs turning in his head as he contemplates his next words.

"Not to pry..." he hesitates. I chuckle rolling my eyes.

"Just ask." I persuade.

"You and Jay, you're okay?" He questions, worry glazing his eyes as he looks at me intently waiting for an answer. My brows furrow, thinking.

"Yeah we are. Why?" I shrug, my eyes looking back to the case file.

"You know we all know right?" He responds jokingly. I nod, taking a breath.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I'll talk about my personal life at work." I shrug off his question, I know that if he'd asked me that when I'd originally come to intelligence he would've gotten a very different answer.

Getting up, I pat adams shoulder before walking off toward the locker room. Times ticking, I have to prepare and get ready for the meeting. Closing the door behind me, I open my locker changing into some of the old clothes I saved from years ago... when i actually was a street racer and not just posing as one. After getting changed I look in the mirror, the sight reminding me of when I first met Brian and my family.

Running a hand through my hair. The anxiety begins flowing steadily through my veins again, leaving a pain within my chest. Worry seeps into my bones. Are they okay? What do they think of me? How's he been? Questions attack me, even though I'm not sure I even want the answer to them.

It's weird to think... I did the opposite of Brian. I abandoned them and joined the police, maybe they do hate me now. I wouldn't blame them if they did. I take a breath trying to compose myself and push all the emotion as far away as possible. I need to be focused on this case, it's bigger than me and my problems.

I make my way downstairs to fit the wire into my clothes and grab my undercover phone. Walking into the room my eyes automatically search for Jay, and there he is. My chest warms at the sight of him, my legs instantly finding my way to him. Yet the only thing that escapes his mouth is, "You Lied."

Panic encases my bones and a shiver runs down my spine as my eyes fall on the files...

My heart aches, panic attacking me holding me in a chokehold as I read the first file, detailing only some of my offences. The look of betrayal across jays face tears a hole through my heart. My hand finds the file on the table, my eyes close for a moment I'm shock as I see the files beneath it... medical files.

File one: Ashley Quinn.
Tender age child: nine years old.
Admitted to ER with eye socket fracture, cracked ribs, severe bruising.
Result: parental abuse (being investigated)
*photo of Ashley's swollen black eye attached*

File 2: Ashley Quinn
Twenty One years old.
Admitted to ER by an officer with punctured lung due to broken ribs, brain bleed, fractured skull, severe bruising and lacerations.
Result: fall after arguing with current partner.
*photos of injuries attached*

My blood runs ice cold, hairs standing tall on the back of my neck. If he's seen these, there's a good chance he's seen all of them. Looking up at Jay betrayal encases me. He betrayed me by finding these, and I betrayed him by lying... but he should never have found these, they're gone. At least they were, closed. Gone for good. Anger bubbles from within.

"You did a background check on me? Dug up my closed files? Medical records!? Are you insane?" I exclaim while my chest burns with too much emotion to contain. If voight couldn't find them when i joined how did he?

"I was worried. Maybe I had every right to be! Considering you've been lying to everyone for what? The past six years?!" Jay reiterates, anger and betrayal radiating from him. My heart brakes at his words, of course he thinks like that. He's a detective and solider. The perfect citizen.
My heart races with uncertainty as if he's chipping away at my heart the beautiful blue eyes kill me from within. Blue eyes, they've always had the tendency to do that to me.

"My record is clean now jay! My past is none of your business, I am not who I was. I had reasons, damn good ones." I scoff, "you couldn't leave well enough alone could you!"

I run my hand through my hair. I thought i had longer, it's all happening too fast. My life is falling apart already.

"You shouldn't have even gotten through the academy Ashley. How don't you understand?? You were on the FBI's most wanted list." I chuckle at utter disbelief at his words. I was only 8th on the list, but not the point.

"You didn't date a fed. You worked for one! He cleared your record and got you this job, didn't he?" Jay questions, muscle in his jaw ticking vigorously.

My heart shatters more and more with his every word. I thought i was building something here, possibly even with him. Now everything is crumbling down, once again. I can't— I can't wrap my head around this.

"I never pressured you! Not once! To tell me anything about your time in the military. I respected your privacy! If you're not even going to let me talk and explain, then fuck you halstead. Dick." I scoff angrily, emotions exploding, "I started this job for one reason! To help people."

Looking at the table i pick up the medical folder showing the photo of me beaten when I was a child. Slamming it on the table infront of him while the gruelling memory attacks my mind my anger explodes.

"If you want to know more context of what's in these folders, then you're gonna have to shut the fuck up with this 'I know everything' shit. But right now, I have more important things to be dealing with." My chest tight as I finish my sentence. Tears almost pool in my eyes as I turn to leave barely giving him any time to register my words before I'm gone. Now, I'm back to where I started. Alone.