the journey back home is agonisingly slow, my mind spirals into the black abyss of memories. A black hole of my past if you will. Memories of Jay, memories i can't imagine letting go of.

Flashback

"Beat that Halstead!" I laughed showing him my perfect shot at the shooting range, he laughed showing me his. A beautiful grin across his face. I wasn't a better shot then Jay, he was a brilliant sniper but I was better at short range moving targets.

"Let's try from a rooftop huh?" He smiles chuckling. I take the ear protection off, fixing my hair as he takes his off too.

"Let's try from a car hm?" I smile holstering my gun. We walk toward the exit, jays hand pressed protectively on the small of my back as he leads us out. He takes me hand as we walk back toward his truck.

Do i really want to let that memory go? Or any of the ones I have with jay?... what about the memories with Brian?

I straddle Brian's lap, my fingers running through his beautiful blonde hair while I admire him.

"God Brian... how did I get so lucky" I smile, TV playing in the background as I sit on his lap just enjoying his presence.

"You really gotta stop boosting my ego like that, pretty girl." He smiles looking up into my eyes.

Maybe heading back to my apartment while feeling like this isn't the smartest idea I've had. Especially knowing, whoever sent those letters, those boxes, found a way in here. They've been in my home. A part of me feels violated at the thought, but has this ever really been my home?

Signing, I walk around. Examining everything. Not much seems to have been touched. Kitchen? Untouched. Living Room? Untouched. Bathroom? Untouched.

Nothing has been touched, everything exactly where I had left it. Until I open my bedroom door, ransacked doesn't even begin to cover it. They knew exactly what they were looking for. Jay's hoodie, Brian's shirt. But how would they have known which ones Brian's? How long have they been watching me?

All my drawers pulled out, my closet open. Clothes everywhere, all of me belonging and furniture scattered around the room. Almost Automatically, I pull my phone from my pocket and scrolled through my contacts. 6 years ago I would've called Brian, or Letty, maybe even Dom.

But now, my go to people are different.. Kelly and Jay. Kelly's on shift tomorrow though, I can't bother him, so my finger finds the number of my second comfort person before I call the number.

"Halstead." He answers groggily, clearly not having looked at the called ID. The sound of his voice indicating he's in bed, making a stream of guilt fall over me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you— it's okay." I backtrack guilt getting to me.

"No. Ash, what's up?" I can hear him sit up as he clears his voice. It's almost painful knowing the things he would do for me, the lengths he would go.

"I just wanted to thank you, for today. I know things have been rough recently, but i appreciate it." Are the best words I can think of. I was going to ask to stay at his, but now I'm not too sure.

"It's alright. You don't need to thank me. You know I care about you. You sure you're okay? Don't need me to come over?" Jay questions, and I let out a shaky breath.

"I don't know how he got in here.." the shaky words leave my mouth and within seconds I can hear shuffles and noises coming from jays side of the line.

"I'm on my way now. You want to stay on the phone?" He's so sweet, so caring. Maybe a bit too much. Maybe that's what I like about him. Even though I don't deserve it.

"I'll survive five minutes Jay, don't worry." I smile to myself before ending the call. I walk over to my fridge, grabbing another bottle of Corona. Opening it, i gulp down about half the bottle.

Brian's back. The case is cut short, everyone caught but Reyes' brother Lopez. This stalker finding their way to my apartment. There's too much to think about. I just want it all to slow down.

Leaning against the counter i finish my beer then pop open another, wishing the drink would slow down my thoughts. But who am I kidding? Corona is too much of a light beer to get me to the stage of drunk I want to be at.

Knock knock knock. Walking over to my door I can almost feel the relief rushing through me before i even see him. When i unlock it opening the door, he's there. His eyes heavy, black hoodie thrown over his blue jeans. I smile letting him in. The sound of his boot-clad feet echo through my apartment. He pulls his hoodie off, revealing a tan/brown button down shirt as he hangs his hoodie on my coat hooks.

"Sorry, I threw whatever on. I just wanted to get here." What he doesn't know, is how much I love the shirt he's wearing. It's almost peculiar to remember I got it for him. He had the same identical shirt, but he was shot wearing it. The bullet proof vest caught most the damage but the shirt was ruined... hence why I got him it. More of a thank god you're still here than a gag gift. But he doesn't need to know that.

"It's alright, i like that shirt." I shrug cockily, despite the fact I know he wasn't directly talking about the shirt, more the black hoodie and shirt combo.

Jay rolls his eyes, glancing quickly around my apartment, "anything missing?"

"I don't think so, haven't properly had the chance to look yet. Ransacked my room though." I sigh, jumping on the side of my counter.

"We'll figure it all out. You can stay with me until it blows over." He sighs, walking over to me.

"Nothings going to happen jay. And even if something does... it wouldn't be your fault. The note... whoever this is they're playing with us." I explain, my hand falling on his arm as he rests a hand on my leg, stepping closer to stand between my legs. I know jay all too well. It doesn't take a lot for him to start blaming himself.

He sighs looking down, worry clear as day across his face. "Nadia."

His voice is soft, pained. The word sends a shiver down my spine, knowing exactly what he's talking about. Gregory Yates. It takes jay a moment to continue, "He was obsessed with Erin, the box he sent to intelligence, the games he played. It all reminds me of that."

"That is not going to happen Jay. We're going to be okay." I assure, my hands coming up to cup his cheeks. The look on his face hurts. I've never seen him so worried, so vulnerable. And it's all because of me.