"Jay man, go rest in the break room. You've been sat there all night, let me take over for a while." Antonio offers, as I sit at the computer waiting, listening. I haven't been able to move. It all reminds me too much of gregory yates, of Nadia... and how that ended.

I listen to antonio's words and nod. I know if I'm too tired I'll miss something, and I can't risk that. I need to be 100% for Ash. I also know antonio has her back just as much as me. Getting up, I make my way over to the break room.

Familiar worries coat the blood rushing through my veins, although I need to, relaxing doesn't feel like a possibility. My PTSD plays tricks on me, it's the fear of loss. The worry of losing someone else.

I can't bare that. I cannot lose Ash. I lost too many people while serving, mouse was gone, he left. Erin... she left. Alvin, my dad. I can't lose Ash too. I can't cope with it again.

I know I'm paranoid, I know I've overstepped with Ash. My morals clouded my judgement, my need for the truth outweighed what Ash actually needed. I need to work on it, on all of it... when I know Ash is safe.

Signing I lay my head back on the couch, letting the cushions support my weight as my mind focuses on Ashley Quinn. Who's Dom? Is she actually safe?

After all this time, I've opened up again. After losing the woman I was going to propose to, after losing my dad. I opened myself up again. All for my partner, for Ash. I have someone to gush about to my brother, i have someone that makes me smile and distract me from the horrors of this job. I have found someone who makes me think that maybe there's more to my future than just being a detective... if she feels the same? I don't know.

Turning over, I sigh. Sometimes the human brain truly is the scariest thing of all, maybe it does resemble the vast ocean. Sometimes beautiful things can drown you in seconds.

Finally my thoughts slow, my muscles weakening as I melt into the comfort of the couch below me. My spiralling anxiety becoming manageable as my eyes flutter closed.