"Well done tonight Kelsey. I'll be in touch by the end of the week for your next job." John says as I hand him a bag which I presume is full of drugs, real or fake? I can't make that distinction yet. I drove half way across the state to retrieve it for him all to gain his trust. All of this is just a test after all.

The end of my second undercover mission comes to an end and I head back to my real apartment. Anger and pent up frustration has been booming in my chest all evening. Those records should've been sealed, there's no way he could've just found them without some serious digging. I grab a couple of bottles of corona and head to my couch planning not to move for the next few hours. Let's sit and feel sorry for myself. Everyone does it once in a while, it's my turn.

My options are limited, maybe I should've gone with Hobbs when he'd asked or called him back when all of this started. Or maybe leaving in the first place and joining Intelligence was my biggest mistake. I wish it was that easy, but every thought links back to why I left in the first place. The big secret I swore to never say aloud after I left.

As I begin sipping on my fourth beer, I fall into the comfort of my couch. Internally wishing it would swallow me so I don't have to deal with what's coming.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The sound pulls me straight from my thoughts and I automatically fall into a panic. How did someone get into my apartment building without buzzing? My brows furrow as I begrudgingly pull myself from the warmth of my couch and stumble over to my door. Looking through the peephole my eyes roll instantly. I do not want to see him, but curiosity lingers. What could he possibly have to say to me?
I open the door and I'm met with sorrowful blue eyes.

"Ash I'm sorry. I was worried. When it comes to you, I can't help myself. I needed to know what was going on. Don't ask me what I think that was going to show me, because I don't know.  I wasn't expecting to find your rap sheet, or those medical files..." Jay sighs, clear hope in his eyes that I'll let him in, "I'll listen."

I nod with a heavy sigh and let him in, barely sparing him a second glance as I walk toward my fridge to retrieve another two beers, putting one on the counter for him.

"I know you wouldn't be a cop if there wasn't a good reason for what I found. Lying, it just doesn't go well with me. You know that. You know the pressures of working with voight." He sighs opening the bottle of beer before continuing, "You never pressured me to talk about my past, so I'm not going to either—"

"It's too late for that." I'm not the same person I was. I can be truthful... maybe a little. Jays brows furrow, eyes almost sad as he looks at me. I need to try and salvage this, I can't loose him too.

"I grew up in downtown LA, with my Dad. He was an alcoholic, not the friendliest guy." I take a deep breath trying to focus on the important details while memories attack my heart.

"He'd come home, shouting, screaming before he'd completely lose it." My voice almost cracks, and I can see jays jaw tick at my words. "As I got older; my friends began to notice. Those friends saved my life, Mia, she was my best friend. She had an older brother, and they took me in. There was a group of us we all got into racing... I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. My dad would've killed me, or i would've been found in a ditch somewhere."

Jay cringes, heartbreak evident on his face as he takes a couple of steps toward me, taking my hand in his and urging me to continue.

"They saved my life, became my family. I moved in with them. We didn't always make the best choices, but we were good people, just dealing with the cards we were dealt... I got in a bad relationship during my late teens, early twenties. He was a part of the group, not for long but he was at the start before we really found out who he was. Because of some of some of the bad choices we made, an undercover cop got involved." I sigh, squinting as the memories make their way back to me.

"He was good too, a great man. The more time he spent with us, he started to realise we were good people too. It was around then, my ex began to get more violent. I tried to end things with him, it didn't go to plan. Mia's brother and the Cop sorted that out for me.." I explain, Jay's jaw ticks and he brings me in for a hug. His arms wrap tightly around my body and I can almost feel the tears appearing, but I can't let them.

Taking a deep breath I continue, "long story short, we found out the guy was a cop. But he let Mia's brother go... but a few years later he was arrested anyway. So we helped him escape... he was a good man. He didn't deserve it, I promise you he didn't. Then to clear our names, we stopped a few major criminals. Lost a few of our own. And Hobbs cleared our names so we could go home, be normal, and start real lives." I tried to keep it short and sweet, but I may have accidentally revealed a few too many details that make my skin crawl. Jay breaks the hug, an instant chill falling upon my skin as he does.

"Street racers to top ten most wanted? How did you end up in chicago if you went back to LA?" He questions, i sigh walking back over to my couch Jay follows intrigued.

"We were on the run in Mexico for a bit, took down Reyes, well technically not us, Hobbs." I explain, while the second question causes much more pain than I care to admit. "Things were good in LA for a bit, but something happened, and I had to leave. I couldn't face them anymore."

Jay stares at me in silence, clearly shocked and unable to piece together a coherent response. All he does is wrap an arm around my shoulder and pull me into his body. I lay my head against him, the familiar comforting smell of him filling my nostrils. Moments pass without a word so I close my eyes to just enjoy what may possibly be our last moments together.

"I'm sorry those things happened to you..." jay whispers, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. My face contorts with sadness as I hold back what feels like a decades worth of tears.

"I don't understand the things you've done, but I'm going to try. I told you you could tell me anything, that you could trust me. And you still can" jay continues, my heart bursts as i lean against him tightening the hug.

We stay like that, unmoving. Trying to fathom each others words. Silence filling the room until my eyes close, comfort and sleep taking over.

***

Sitting on a park bench isn't how I wanted to spend my afternoon, but the truth's beginning to come out and I need something. So i wait, my heart racing with anticipation. I can't explain the life I once lived to jay, I know he says he'll try to understand but he never will. What am I supposed to do if that's the case? See my old family? I don't even know if I can stomach that.

I catch a glimpse of a familiar figure out the corner of my eye, Hobbs. My chest constricts as I watch him approach me. He slowly settles beside me and i apparently forget how to speak. Anxiety taking control of me once again.

"You want to help us?" He asks sitting next to me. I sigh, i just want to know what they do, I want to know how much danger, trouble they're in.

Or maybe I want them back, want him back. I'm not ready to figure that out yet. The dread I already feel is borderline paralysing, I don't need to make that any worse.

"I want to know if they're safe." I shrug my eyes never once meeting Hobbs. I bring my coffee cup to my lips testing the hot bitter liquid.

"They are. But you know Don and Brian. They can't stay out of trouble for long. Especially because they know you're here." His words chip away at my heart.

"Just keep them safe. That's your job. What do you know, about the case?" I need to know.

"There's a lot of chatter about a new girl, Kelsey. Which I'm assuming is you... Tej is setting things up and Doms making a plan" I nod along to his words. I have to make sure they're safe.

"What can i do my end? I don't want to see them. But I'll help without blowing my cover." I question.

"I'll speak to Tej and see if he can set up an extra wire for you to take." Hobbs says, and i Nod along to his words before preparing to leave.

"You know he Misses you right?"

***

Walking into mollys my eyes are set, searching for one specific person. Kelly severide. When my eyes fall on him, I approach. I sit myself down on the bar stall beside him ready to drink the pain of the day away. Ordering a corona with Hermann, i run a hand through my hair silently wishing it all was just a dream.

"You okay?" Kelly questions, and i turn to look at him with a blank stare.

"No not really" I almost laugh at my own situation. Popping the cap off my beer i take a few refreshing gulps. "Jay knows. I agreed to help Hobbs, my whole life is about to blow up."