chapter 10 - talking

the journey home was agonisingly slow one and Ash's mind spiralled into the black abyss of her memories. A black hole of her past, memories of Jay. Memories that she couldn't fathom letting go off but maybe she needed to.

"beat that Halstead!" ash laughed showing him her perfect shots at the shooting range. he laughed showing her his. ash wasn't a better shot. he was a good sniper, but ash was better with moving targets.

"let's try from a roof huh?" he smiled laughing, looking at ash as she took the ear protection off her head, fixing her long brown hair. he took his off with a smile.

"let's try from a car window hm?" ash smiled holstering her gun watching as jay did the same as the two walked towards the exit signing their names before jay took ash's hand in his and started walking back to his truck.

did she really want to let that memory go? what about the memories with brian?

straddling brian's lap ash's fingers traveled through his soft blonde hair, admiring his gorgeous blue eyes. his hands on her hips as she pressed a gentle kiss too his forehead.

"god brian how did i get so lucky" she smiled the tv playing in the background as she sat on his lap just enjoying the comfort that came with his presence.

"you really gotta stop boosting my ego pretty girl" he smiled, looking up into ash's eyes. he was content, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

maybe it was the booze, maybe it was seeing him again, maybe it was jay seeing brian and not knowing anything.

after having a few drinks with kelly and kim, ash headed back to her apartment. maybe it wasn't the smartest of decisions considering whoever sent the letters had found there way in. they'd been in the place she'd called home for the past six years.

a part of her felt violated, but was this ever really her home? sighing she walked around her apartment, not much had been touched.

kitchen? untouched. living room? untouched. bathroom? untouched.
nothing had been moved, everything was exactly how she left it until she got to her bedroom, it was ransacked. whoever was in here knew things. they knew what they were looking for. jays hoodie, but how would they know which shirt was brian's. how long had they been watching?

all her draws had been pulled out, her closet was open clothes everywhere. it wasn't safe here. pulling her phone from her pocket she scrolled through her contacts.

6 years ago she would've called brian, or dom, maybe even letty. but now it was kelly and jay. knowing kelly was on shift early morning she didn't want to bother him so resorted to jay. holding the phone up to her ear she waited to hear his voice.

"halstead" he answered clearly not looking at the caller id, his groggy voice indicating he'd just gotten in bed making guilt wash over ash.

"sorry i didn't mean to wake you don't worry about it" ash's guilt getting to her, she shouldn't have called him. she's seeing brian tomorrow.

"nah ash what's up?" he sounds more awake upon hearing ash's voice, ash pinched the bridge of her nose unsure of what to say.

"i just wanted to thank you for today, i know things have been rough recently. but i appreciate it" it was the best thing she could think of to get herself out of it, she was going to ask to stay at his, but she didn't want to lead him on if she didn't know what was happening. especially with brian back.

"it's alright ash. i care about you. you don't have to thank me. you sure you're okay need me to come over?" she sighed knowing it was safer if he did, especially considering she'd had a few drinks.

"i don't know how he got in here" she heard shuffling on the other line before the sound of keys.

"i'm on my way, you want to stay on the phone?" he was caring, maybe even cared a bit too much sometimes but that was something she liked about him. compared to her dad, and ex theo. jay and brian had both treated her differently showed her a different way, showed her a different type of love entirely.

"i'll be alright for five minutes jay" she smiled before ending the phone and walking over to her fridge, and grabbing another bottle of corona, opening the bottle she gulped down about a quarter of the bottle.

brian was back. they cut the case short. they got everyone but reyes brother lopez. this stalker finding his way into her apartment. if she was going to lose her job. and whatever was going on with jay.

there was so much to think about, she just wanted it all to slow down. her thoughts if they could just stop for a minute.

leaning against the counter in the kitchen she finished off her beer before grabbing another. a part of her wanted to get advice from mia, another part of her wanted jay, or did she want brian?

she lost track of time until there was a knock at her door, jay. maybe she needed a distraction. walking over to her door, she reached for the lock, unlocking the door she saw jay stood before her, his eyes heavy, a black hoodie thrown over his blue jeans. smiling she let him in.

his boot-clad feet hit the floor as he walked in before bending down to take them off. beer in hand ash watched as he rubbed his eyes before taking his hoodie off, a fitted tan button down shirt revealed when he took his hoodie off.

"sorry i threw whatever on, i just wanted to get here" ash smiled, what he didn't know was how much ash liked the shirt he was wearing, it rolled up revealing his forearms. she remembered when he almost got shot wearing that shirt and a shiver sent down her spine.

"it's alright, i like that shirt" she smiled walking back over to the counter in her kitchen grabbing her beer, jay followed.

"thank you, they in the fridge?" he nodded towards the beer in her hand, ash nodded and he opened the fridge grabbing himself one and leant against the counter, taking a sip of the beer. he'd had a few at mollys but he was still allowed to drive, any more and he'd start to feel the buzz ash had.

"anything else missing?" he asked as he glance around that looked exactly the same as it did when he'd last been there.

"i don't think so, they went through all my clothes and shit in my room. it's a mess" ash sighed jumping on the side of the counter, sitting comfortably before sipping her beer.

"we'll figure out what's going on, you can stay with me till it blows over" he sighed walking over to ash looking up at the woman sat on the counter, one thing ash did know was jay.

"the note. none of this is your fault jay. whoever this is they're playing with us, me. they want us to make a mistake, they want to piss us off. they sent a box to my family too." ash explained a hand going to his shoulder as he stood infront of her, a soft smile on her lips. she knew it didn't take a lot for jay to start blaming himself. but she knew that when she got involved with him.

he sighed and looked down, the buzz of alcohol catching up with the both of them.

"nadia" his voice was soft, almost pained. the word sent a shiver down ash's back she knew exactly what he was talking about, gregory yates.

"he was obsessed with erin, the box he sent to intelligence, the games he was playing with us. it reminds me of that." maybe if he tried opening up, it would help ash feel more comfortable around him.

"nothings going to happen to anyone okay jay? that is not going to happen" he still hadn't looked up, ash placed a hand on the side of his face, cupping his cheek making him look at her. she'd never seen a vulnerable side of jay, not like this.

the two looked at each-other longingly, jay had always been honest with ash until he looked at her files. maybe she could forgive him.

**

a/n-
THIS IS AN OLD STORY, and not an accurate representation of my writing