Stirring in his bed, the first image that crossed Lokela's mind was Ray as she moved herself onto him, taking him in, squirming, biting her lip, throwing her head back as she arched and swayed. But all in slow motion. She had taken the time she needed, letting him watch and fucking enjoy every second of it. The light on her pale skin, the sheen of sweat between her high, round breasts.

That incredible feeling of her pussy sliding onto his dick. He still wasn't sure how he had managed not to cum after ten seconds of it. His rock-hard morning erection throbbed painfully.

Speaking of...

He reached out to find her, hoping she would be interested in some more to start the day right. The spot next to him was warm but empty. Cloth rustled and the a soft beam of light appeared from the window.

Ray was wrapped in his blanket they had kicked to the floor in the Hawaiian heat, peeking outside. The light was thin—it must be early. Much too early to be getting out of bed.

He humphed to get her attention. She glanced over and smiled.

"Did you sleep all right?" he asked.

"I slept great until about ten minutes ago. It's going to be a gorgeous day. I was thinking I should go to the beach."

The beach. Now there was a nice idea. But not yet. He propped his head on his arms to watch her, trying to figure out how to entice her back into bed. She seemed to content to watch him in return from a distance, though. She leaned back, half sitting on his desk, a cocky smile on her face.

"What?"

"You snore," she said.

He tossed the pillow at her. She laughed blocking it, and the blanket slipped.

His morning wood grew even more uncomfortable. As she scrambled to tuck the ends of the blanket at her chest, he noticed what was on his desk.

His laptop, a couple of notebooks, and the pile of letters he had written to her. They were sticking out from under his other things, but if she glanced down, even for a second....

His stomach clenched.

"Hey, instead of messing with that, why don't you come over here?" he asked. It made him sick to manipulate her attention, but if she saw those letters it would all be over. What the fuck was he thinking, leaving them out in the first place? He had known all day yesterday that she might come.

He patted the bed and scooted some to make room for her.

"I have to leave soon," she said. Her expression fell, but she came to the bed to sit next to him, legs criss-crossed. She reached forward and brushed several strands of hair from his eyes. "But I wanted to say thank you."

"For what?"

She blushed, as if embarrassed. "For last night. It was really special the way you helped me. The way you treated me."

"Jesus, Ray," he said, air exploding from his chest. In what world did she think she needed to thank a guy for treating her like the queen she was? He recovered, though, and tried to play it cool. "There is nothing to thank me for. Like I said, I'm here for you, night and day."

"Good to know, and very generous of you." She cocked her head. "But I can't make a habit of taking advantage of you. I don't usually believe in friends with benefits—you should be free to find a real girlfriend."

"What makes you think I want to find someone else to spend time with?" His heart was pounding.

"Nothing. But you certainly won't find a girl with me lurking about. And I am done with boys and relationships for long time." She fell silent.

He nudged her with his knee. What he wanted to do was pull her under the covers and make her forget her train of thought permanently. But he was half frozen with dread at what she would say next.

"I think Zach opened my eyes. I think he broke my heart more than I care to admit. I'm done. For a while, anyway." She leaned over to kiss his cheek.

He wanted to die.

"That letter..." she continued. "That letter destroys me every time I read it. I still have it, obviously. A guy who can write those things and then put you hold without a single good reason is a guy who is willing to toy with your heart."

"That was Zach, though, not every guy out there."

"Yeah, but if one could trick me, how can I trust another?"

Was she...was she making this a one-night stand? How could he fix this? "But you never dated Zach, you didn't even know him in the end. Don't you think that two people who start out as friends and get to know one another slowly..."

She shrugged. "Even as much as I trust you, as a friend, the thought of getting my head messed with and my heart thrown in the trash again is too much. I thought about it all night. I lied earlier, actually. I didn't get much sleep. Being friends with you is wonderful, and I can't commit to anything more right now. You should be free to play the field, date."

"If you change your mind, I'm here. If you need a friend to talk to, I'm here." Fuck, he was about to start crying. He had to get his head on straight. "If you just want more free sex, I'm here."

"Got it," she said, laughing. "I'll come and find you if I need any of those things." She stood to get on her clothes.

He flipped to his back to not watch. It hurt too much. This was his doing. He had ruined her for a relationship. His mouth was dry as sand. "Ray..."

"Yeah?"

He couldn't continue.

"I should go before the guys start to wake up and realize what we've been up to. They'd give us so much crap. Well, they'd give you crap, because they don't know you how I do. I appreciate you, and I love that my first time was with someone I could trust. I won't ever forget my first time, you know. I really should go."

"Okay. See you around." He waved. So smooth, Lokela, so fucking smooth.

She blew a kiss as she darted out the door.

Her scent lingered in the air.

Lokela would never forget her first time, either.

***

Somehow, Lokela made it through the next week of classes despite the fog around his life. He couldn't feel anything. He didn't care if he passed, but continued to go through the motions of studying for finals and eating and taking showers. He even went surfing once. Ray came to the beach with Naia. He chatted with them both, his heart a cold stone in the middle of his chest.

How had he been so close to having her, but let her slip through his hands?

He kept asking himself the question, but the worst part wasn't the doubt going round and round in his head.

The worst was that he knew the answer. He had fucked with her heart by tricking her into falling for Zach. The poem had been his, the letter—his. How had this happened? Because he made it happen. He knew exactly what kind of guy Zach was, and he never once told Ray the truth.

Beside bumping into her a couple of times in the house and at the beach, he only saw her at work, which wasn't much. Then suddenly it was finals week and he didn't see her at all until Thursday.

The tourist season was about to hit them hard in Hawaii, though. Christmas wasn't as big as summer, but it was big. She was sitting alone at the table for lunch on Thursday when he stumbled through the door, exhausted, a bag with two burgers in his hands.

She smiled up at him from her massive salad bowl. That stone in his chest cracked.

"How's it going?" he asked.

"Good. Sit down." She patted the spot next to her. "My schedule at the shop is crazy, but I need the money, so I'm not complaining."

Small talk. Busy schedules, needing money. He could do this. He took a breath and concentrated on unwrapping his first burger. "Yeah, me too. I think I passed all my exams. I have one more, but it shouldn't be too hard. Aren't you going home to Colorado for Christmas?"

"I can't afford it. Besides, there's three feet of snow right now, and I am not in the mood."

"Yeah, I get it." Take a bite, chew, swallow, continue the small talk. "What about your sister? Is she coming here, or..."

"No can do. She's seven months preggers. That's why I'm saving money and vacation time, to go see her a couple of days when the baby comes towards the end of January."

"Yeah, I get it. Wow." Stop fucking this up, Lokela.

That meant she would be alone for Christmas. Fuck. He should invite her for dinner at his and Miller's family get-together. She would love—

"So I'm going to see Naia's family for Christmas, and Doug and his boyfriend are having me for Christmas Eve. Then Naia and I are lined up for a day or two of hiking, depending on my schedule and her business. But other than that, I'll be working." She rubbed her fingers and thumb together as if she was dropping dollar bills through them.

He chuckled, nodding in understanding. Don't fucking repeat that you get it. Say something.

"Well, I have to get back to my room. I have one more exam, too. Good luck on yours!"

He nodded goodbye, his mouth too full to say anything. Every bite was chalk after she left. By the time he finished, all he wanted to do was leave again. Why had he bothered to come back?

Right. He needed a book for some last minute cramming. Feet dragging, he made his way up the stairs.

Ray's voice floated from her door that was cracked open. "No, I understand. I love you no matter what, you know that. It's killing me I can't come see you." She paused.

He froze, knowing full well what an asshole he was for eavesdropping, but unable to walk away. This was the third time he heard her talking to someone she loved. What she said about not wanting a relationship because of what Zach had done—was that all an excuse? Was she tied up in some long-distance thing with a man? Did that explain it?

"Of course I'm staying busy and getting my beauty sleep, too. Hey, here's a pic of me in case you're getting lonely." There was the click of the camera.

Lokela forced himself to walk. As he passed her door, he saw half of Ray as she rolled from her bed and pulled her skirt down. Well, that was what he deserved for messing with her head and heart. Now she was messing with his.

*** Lokela is reaping what he sowed by not telling her the truth - does he really deserve her after all? ***