I became good friends with Tobirama's lawyer.

I believed he saw me as a remain of Tobirama, our names being so similar, me being the new owner of his restaurant. I believed I saw him as a remain of Tobirama, a man who'd known him since he was a child. But we liked each other nonetheless.

Him and his wife invited me and Madara over for dinner from time to time, which we accepted, and gladly so;  both Tom and his wife were exceptional at cooking even measured by our standards.

And we soon found that both Tom and his lawyer wife were two very open people. The first time we were over, they asked us what our relationship was, and what our relationship with Tobirama had been. We saw no point in being anything but honest so we told them we'd all been in a relationship together.

"A trouple?" Tom's wife had asked, her eyes glittering. "I read that in my gossip magazine last week!"

She seemed utterly delighted, and me and Madara couldn't help but smile and take each other's hands.

"Do you think you'll want another third person now?" Tom asked. "Sorry", he then added in a hurry. "It's none of my business."

"Don't worry!" Madara said, munching Hasselback potatoes. This was the most content I'd seen him since Tobirama died. "We'd love to answer."

He looked at me then, and I looked at him, both of us suddenly acutely aware that we actually hadn't discussed the topic. Actually, the three of us had never come to the point where we defined us as a couple, and me and Madara hadn't talked about what we were. I was suddenly desperate to talk about it with him.

Then, Madara shook his head, taking me back to the question we'd been asked.

"No. It was us three. Now there's two left and that's that."

I felt such relief, I had to bite my tongue not to throw myself over him in a bone-crushing hug there and then. 

I tried leading the kitchen. I really did.

I was good at it, mind. The problem was, I kept getting flashbacks to how Tobirama had stood there, doing exactly what I now did, and I kept panicking.

"Delilah! Sauce please! Good, together with Mahmoud. Good, you did really well, you-"

And out of nowhere, I would fall to my knees, crying.

The entire kitchen wanted to pause then, but Madara wouldn't let them because he knew I wouldn't let them.

"Just give him some time!" he exclaimed. "Delilah, we can't afford to waste that delightful sauce of yours! God, shit, sorry, that sounded wrong. Anyway, come and plate!"

I appreciated his ability to maintain his humor endlessly. 

I noticed all of us in the kitchen avoided walking on the spot where we'd found Tobirama. An outsider wouldn't notice, but I did. Several times, however, I found Madara, who was usually very, very good at focussing (if there was a diagnosis that was the opposite of ADHD I swear to God he had it) just standing next to the spot staring at it.

I didn't have the heart to snap him out of it.

"When will you take your deal of the will?" I asked once when we were at my place.

It was an elephant in a very small room we rarely talked about. When we met up with Tom in his office for the first time, he'd told us about a particular part of the will he hadn't mentioned before. Tobirama had written that, even if I was now the owner of his restaurant, Madara was to own half once he "felt ready". I hoped Tobirama's spirit was in there so he could see me face palm internally. What were you thinking? He will refuse. Couldn't you wish anything more realistic for him so he won't feel bad about not fulfilling it?

But to my great surprise, Madara had just nodded, dried his tears and gotten a determined expression on his face once Tom had read Tobirama's last words.

"Okay. Okay, I will. In time."

To me, in time couldn't come fast enough.

"Not yet", Madara said behind me, massaging away an awful trigger point in my right shoulder blade, the pain travelling up to my neck in a way that almost made me sick. 

We lost a Michelin star, which was expected; most restaurants did when the name tied to it died or got disowned or, as in our care, both. I wasn't that bothered; it didn't matter and also, I did not doubt for a second I could win it back and also add another one.

But another question had started forming in my mind that took me by surprise.

A thought that scared me more than I dared linger on.

Do I really want this?

"Fuck me..." he murmured beside me.

"With pleasure", I teased.

He snorted, crooked my arm. He looked lovely in his black coat, melting together with his black hair. 

"Why the fuck did we take the stairs?" he asked.

"I thought you were fit!" I said. "Don't you go to the gym, like, a billion times a week?"

Sharing humor between us still felt strange after Tobirama's death. But for each joke, it felt less so. The thought of being able to banter without feeling bad for having fun when T wasn't here filled my mouth with a bittersweet taste that I hoped would be an acquired one, since I didn't like the taste currently. 

"I lift heavy things and then I put them back on the ground again", he said. "I thought you were unfit!"

I thought about it.

"Seems like I have a natural aptitude for cardio", I said and shrugged. 

This was something I had known for years, but never used. Wasn't it funny how maybe, all of us were so talented in something to the degree that we could become world-famous, world champions, Olympians, but that only some of us were lucky enough to ever try that thing and thus realise? Maybe, the only difference between the elite and us was that they happened to have tried exactly the thing that suited them perfectly.

"I do not have a natural aptitude for cardio", Madara stated.

After a long time of Madara being adorably fatigued, we reached the top. It was a splendid day, the sun blasting from a fresh autumn sky to enhance the oranges of the trees against a backdrop of crispy blue. If there were blue apples, I thought, they would be the colour of this sky.

We stood, hand in hand, watching Paris below that went on for miles and miles. We were lucky; it was unusual to see this far from the top of the Eiffel Tower. But maybe, not being able to see far would be better, would enable us to fill in the world to our heart's desire. I would have loved to create a world where nobody disbelieved Tobirama, and he was still alive.

"How does it feel to you?" Madara asked.

"How does what feel to me?" I asked.

I had expected him to say something romantic, but when I turned to him, I saw he was smirking.

"To finally be on top."

It took me a while to get the joke. I shoved him playfully. He laughed. He did that sometimes nowadays. The bittersweet taste got sweeter when Madara laughed. 

"I hate that Tobirama never got to see this", Madara said.

"I know", I said sadly. "I sometimes..." I held my breath; was it the right thing to say? I figured it honestly didn't matter what the right thing to say was since so much time had passed now that we should be able to say what we thought. "I sometimes wonder what would've happened if he'd only waited a week, and we spent that week doing fun things together, all three... Would he have deemed it worthwhile to stay?"

To my great relief, Madara didn't seem offended by the question.

"I know what you mean", he said, looking out over Paris. A tear was falling down his cheek. I went and stood before him, exchanged his view of Paris for a view of me, dried his tear.

I kissed him.

As we walked back to the stairs, hand in hand, Madara suddenly stopped.

"What?" I asked.

But he was looking on the ground. I followed his gaze, and saw he was looking at a one euro coin. He seemed transfixed by it for some reason.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He bent down, picked it up and looked at it. He held it up towards the sun, looked at it more closely.

"I haven't even seen actual money since..." He thought for a bit. "Since last summer. T bought us ice cream with a ten euro note he found in his pocket."

He smiled and put the coin in his shirt pocket as a joke; Madara was loaded and had no need to pick up coins he found on the ground.

"We could go buy really, really cheap ice cream", he said.

"No", I said, squeezing his hand. "Keep it." He looked at me softly. "And I'll buy us really expensive ice cream with my credit card to impress you."

Madara laughed heartily, and his laugh was like the taste of honey pouring over my soul.