Michael's Pov:

4 days...

 It's been 4 long horrible days since I became the biggest dick in the world and lost the only woman I've ever loved.

 Ughh if it were physically possible I'd kick my own ass right now.

 What the hell was I thinking?

I wasn't thinking.

 I was freaking out.

 Because if I'd been thinking, I'd have used my brain and if I had used my brain for even a second I'd have clued in that Jems isn't the kind of person to do those things.

I paced the length of the house once again before throwing myself face first onto our bed and punching the pillow like a petulant child.

 I don't care. 

I literally feel like I'm dying a slow painful death from the inside out.

I felt a hand rubbing my back and groaned in frustration. 

I know she's trying to help but nothing helps and I don't deserve her sympathy.

Because I was an insecure jackass, my wife is only god knows where. 

All I keep thinking about is the 10 billion bad things that could happen to her.

I rolled over and sat up. Tina sat there staring at me, smiling sympathetically. 

"She'll be back, she just needs some time to lick her wounds and cool off. She loves you and she knows you love her. So just give her time and space." she said all maternally.

I sighed. "Tina I've given her 4 days. She wont answer my calls or texts. She hasn't replied to the tons of voicemails I've left. I have no idea where she is or if she's okay. I... I cant do it anymore. I'll give her until the morning then I'm going after her."

She rolled her eyes but managed to stifle her laugh. "Dude! Telephonically stalking her is so not the definition of giving her space. In fact I'm pretty sure it's the exact opposite. Face it Mike, you were a dick and now she needs time to cool off so she can talk to you without beating your ass. Besides I thought you said you didn't know where she was. How can you go after her if you cant find her?" She asked patting my shoulder comfortingly.

 It's amazing how much she's matured and how maternal this pregnancy has made her. I think she'll make an excellent mom to my nephew

"Well I don't but that'll change as soon as I get a call back from Davie." I smiled smugly and made a silent promise to myself to do everything in my power to earn Jems forgiveness.

My phone rang and for a millisecond I thought maybe Jems was calling me back. But no, the ring tone was not the one I set for her. 

Disappointed, I picked up the phone. "Half-witted and heartbroken how can I help you this depressing afternoon?" I grumbled listlessly.

"Yo Homez! A little melodramatic dontcha think?"

I sat up and ignored his teasing so we could get straight to the point.

"Hey man, what did you find out? Is she safe? Where is she?" I impatiently ask.

I hung the phone up and dropped my head into my hands. At least I know she's okay. That's what really matters. I said I'd give it until tomorrow until I went to get her or at least plead with her to hear me out.

Fuck it! I'm going now.

 I'll be in Austin by 6 and have plenty of time to go over everything I want, no need to tell her.

Now that I have a plan I feel hope for the first time since that day my seemingly perfect world crashed down because I was a dumb ass.

I parked outside the hotel and yanked my bag out of my truck. I walked over to the front desk and gave them my reservation info and credit card.

I dropped my bag at my room and left the hotel before the temptation to bug Jems got the better of me.

I drove to the florists and ordered 4 dozen white roses to be delivered to Jem's room with a note attached and a huge box of her favorite Godiva chocolates.

I went to the jewelers and looked around because when I was growing up that's what dad always did when he was in the dog house.

I remember him telling me that when you screwed up and it was time to beg for forgiveness you better come bearing a peace offering to show you were serious. It'd help smooth the way while you groveled for being an insensitive ass.

Considering how badly I fucked up it'll take more then roses and candy. 

I pinched the bridge of my nose thinking that there should really be a handbook for this kinda thing. Something along the lines of 'Fixing your marriage because you're an asshole who fucked up royally: For Idiots' I bet that would be a best seller.

I looked around for a while but Jems isn't big on jewelry and nothing I looked at made me think this is it. So I kept looking. I was in my fifth jewelry store by the time I found something that screamed Jemma Jenkins.

It was a white gold necklace with a Celtic Love Knot encrusted with little diamonds along the intertwined sections. It was perfect. She loves white gold and it was beautiful but simply and tastefully done.

She hates gaudy jewelry. Plus she's fascinated with the Celtic culture and even though the design isn't a perfect match to our 'his and her' tattoos it's pretty close.

One more stop and I would be completely done and ready to make my way back to my reason for breathing and lay my heart out and hopefully gain the forgiveness I don't deserve but desperately need.

I left my crutches in the truck and hobbled around the quaint bookstore. I bypassed everything and went directly to the owner's office.

A few weeks ago I came across his listing and was actually supposed to head over here to pick up a signed first edition of Sense and Sensibility. Jems' all time favorite book by Jane Austen.

I grabbed my crutches and headed into the hotel with the wrapped book. I decided to call Jems room from the lobby and see if she was in so I could plead my case. After several rings the message system came on.

I hung up and headed to the hotel restaurant for a late dinner and maybe a glass of scotch for liquid courage. While I walked I silently prayed that she would hear me out.

I walked into the lounge and stopped dead in my tracks.

 What. The. Actual. Fuck.

I slowly blinked. Once. Twice.

 Thinking that somehow, someone dropped a hallucinogen into my water because there is no way in fuck I'm actually seeing my estranged wife at the bar having drinks with Vin.

Mother fucker. 

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

 I was not going to make the same mistake I made the last time I got jealous. Jems isn't the kind of woman that tolerates bullshit and I'd have my ass handed to me on a platter if I played the outrageously jealous husband again.

Plus Vin would never hit on another man's wife. I am glad she isn't lonely and all alone here though.

I walked slowly and as calmly as I could towards them. I studied their mannerisms and body language.

It was difficult considering they were turned away from me and slightly towards each other. Vin put his arm around her shoulder and whispered something to her and she tilted her head and laughed.

She looked so happy. Not at all how she had been the last time she saw me. My heart gave a painful thump and seemed to squeeze in on itself trying to escape from the pain.

I debated what to do but in the end decided to go crash their date. She's my wife and I'm not giving up without a fight. Not in the physical sense because it isn't about another guy or girl. It's about insecurities, hers and mine. But I mean fight for our relationship. What we have deserves that much and more. I'll get on my knees and grovel if that's what it takes for her to listen to me.

But if she honestly wants out, I'll let her go. It'll kill me but I cant make her stay if she doesn't want to.

By the time I finished my internal monologue I was already a foot behind them. Vin glanced up and his eyes widened a fraction before jumping up to give me a brief hug.

"Yo my man, how ya been? I didn't know you were in town."

I shrugged. "s'all good bro, what brings you this way?"

By now Jems was finally looking at me and her eyes bulged a bit. She faked a smile and I literally felt like weeping. Just a minute ago she was truly smiling and now because I'm here she has to fake the funk. I'd completely tuned out Vin and just stared at my beautiful wife.

He cleared his throat and I finally glanced at him. "I'm ughh, I'm just going to go up to my room. I'm not feeling so well. I umm just wanted to drop this to Jems."

I placed the book on the bar between them and left without another word. I'd had every intention of begging for forgiveness there and then but the sight of her fake smile tore at my heart.

I stopped by the desk and ordered a bottle of scotch sent to the room and walked up to the elevator studiously ignoring the bar area. I threw my crutches on the bed and kicked off my shoe.

My bottle arrived and I plopped down on the bed and didn't bother with a glass. I chugged the 20 year old scotch straight from the bottle. I leaned back on the headboard and contemplated how my life had gotten so screwed up in such a short amount of time.

I grabbed the phone and placed a room service order. The kitchen was closed so I got a sandwich and salad.

10 minutes later and a third of the way through the fine bottle of liquid pain reliever a knock sounded on the door. I didn't bother getting up. I just called the them in.

I took a swig from the bottle. I wiped my mouth with my sleeve and continued looking at the night sky out the window. Contemplating the best way to fix this mess I've created.

 God I miss her.

"Just leave it by the bed and there's a 20 tip on the nightstand. Thanks." I said still not bothering to pay any attention to the hotel employee. Completely absorbed in my thoughts of Jemma.

I heard an irritated sigh and for a second I smiled because it sounded so much like my Jems. I shook that thought off before I got even more depressed.

"So you think the solution to your issues are at the bottom of that bottle? Let me guess you think I'm banging Vin now too?"

My head whipped around so fast that if I had been standing I'm sure I would have fallen over. My Jemma stood there in all her pissed off glory and I couldn't stop the dopey smile that appeared.

She huffed and set the book down on the bed.

"You are a jerk and if you think that you can bribe your way back into my good graces you must be high. I've told you before I don't want your fucking money."

She turned on her heel and I sprinted from my chair impeded only slightly by the cast I still wore up to my knee.

Before she had gone two feet I had her crushed to me in a tight hug. I smelled her scent and I felt the pressure on my chest ease for the first time since we argued.

I set her back but kept hold on her just to make sure she was really there. I smiled a dopey smile and crushed her back to me. She stiffened but after a second she sighed and hugged me back.

"Michael, wh-" I cut her off and gently pulled her to the chair I had been sitting in.

"Jems, I know you wanted some time to think, and I tried to give you some space but I was going out of my mind at the way we left things. Just give me tonight to explain and then I'll abide by whatever you want to do. Just please give me a chance."

She nodded her head and I dragged the uncomfortable straight back chair toward her so I could look her in the eyes and she could see how sincere I was. I took a deep breath and started.

"I've been thinking a lot since you left and I want to address everything else before we get to my freak out over Rob. I hadn't realized that you honestly thought I viewed you as anything less then my equal. You are my other half. Hell you're my better half Jems and I have never once thought of you as anything less then that."

"Now in hindsight I realize that some of the things I did could be misconstrued to seem that way but I swear to you that, that isn't the case. I was taught growing up that when you find that special one you protect them, treasure them and yes even coddle them. I realized early on that I couldn't protect you, you wouldn't have tolerated it. You're so god damn stubborn. That even if I wanted to step in and fight all your battles for you, you wouldn't like it. I hated standing by and watching you have to stand on your own. Only able to comfort you later-"

She tilted her head to the side and spoke. "Before you go any further, I want a few answers. Did you think I was banging Vin? Is that why you left without a word to me?"

"No, I didn't think that. I was surprised y'all were together and yes jealous but that had to do with the fact that you were laughing and had a genuine smile."

I looked down and continued. "When you saw me your smile turned fake. It made me sad to see that you cant even smile at me now."

She nodded and said a quiet "Continue"

"I know that you hate that I always say I'm not going to pressure you and now I know that you thought I meant something along the lines of you being weak willed but that is so not the case. I think you are one of the strongest people I know, man or woman."

"That being said, I want to explain my point of view. Yeah I'm 4 years older then you but that doesn't have anything to do with it. Yeah I've told you that you are incredibly mature for your age. But here's the thing. Just like your situation has caused you to age beyond your years, mine has too. Most days I feel 80. I made my career out of manipulating people, out of reading them and playing on their fears and insecurities and I have told you all this before."

"However I've never really gone into details because the horrible truth is I've done ugly things in the service to our country and I truly believe in karma and I just keep waiting for it to come and bite me in the ass. For you to find out the gritty details and look at me like I'm a monster because in all honesty I had to be one. I keep waiting for the day I see that realization in your eyes. We were trained that the results justify the means."

"I never wanted you to feel like I was doing that to you. I never wanted you to question something and wonder if you really wanted that or if I played you. Because the ugly truth is that no matter how strong willed or self assured you are, if I really wanted to, I could work you. That's not me bragging. That is just the sad truth. In the back of my mind is always a fear that you wonder about it."

"I didn't honestly think the argument was about ice cream but to me at the time it was beyond ridiculous. You're so worried about being my first something that you haven't seemed to grasp the fact that you are my one and only everything. At least everything that is important.

"No I wasn't a virgin when we got together but I wasn't a man whore either. Far from it actually. You have no idea how much it hurt when you hurled that accusation at me. I was irritated so yes I was an insensitive jerk and I shouldn't have made the PMS crack. As for the Midol, even if you say you didn't question my fidelity I'm sure you assumed something other then the truth. It's mine. I started taking it back when I was at basic training. That shit works ten times better then Asprin or Advil. Especially for back aches or sore muscles. It's a military thing I guess"

"I never knew you were worried about my history with other women because until the other day you never said anything to that effect. It never occurred to me that you cared because for me, it's like anything that didn't involve you was inconsequential. But since you voiced your concerns I'll answer everything."

"Like I said I wasn't a virgin. I lost my virginity a few months before I graduated in a fast and fumbled totally unimpressive way in the backseat of a car to a girl that was little more then an unpaid prostitute. She had been around that much, kind of like Carrie. It may come as a surprise but I can count the number of people I've slept with on one hand and none of them were in any way serious."

"I spent my teen years working my ass off to get good grades and once I finished school I worked my ass off training and going to college, to the exclusion of almost everything else. I kept my head down and focused on what needed to be done. Until I met you I never had the desire to maintain a relationship. It was unimportant. I hoped one day I'd meet the one and until then I had more important shit to do then add notches to my headboard."

"I don't know why you seem to assume I was a sleaze bag or the fact that you seem to think that I have tried everything under the sun. And I hate to disappoint you but your husband was very much the opposite. Yeah of course I know about that kind of stuff but that's from the occasional porn or guys being guys and bragging."

"Hell I'll get even more embarrassing and tell you that before you my libido was almost nonexistent. I was too busy and uninterested to care. You want a list of firsts, well here it is. The first person I ever went down on was you. You gave me my first blow job and the first time I had public sex was you. The first time I even had a sexual conversation was you. You're the first person I haven't used a condom with and most of the positions we've done are a first for me. I could go on but I'm sure you get the point. So you can imagine why I got so pissed when you assumed I was something I'm not."

"More importantly you are the first and only woman that I've loved. The first woman that I have ever lived with and wanted a family with. You are the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thought I have before I go to sleep."

"Now about Rob. It never bothered me how close you two were and in all honesty I considered him my friend too. Which added to the hurt when I thought you two had gotten together. In all fairness I didn't put any stock into what the students were saying because I know how they gossip."

"Then what-" She started to ask but I held up my hand."

Let me finish please, Love. I tried calling and texting you all that morning. You have no idea how worried I was when I came out and you weren't there. Anyway like I was saying I didn't pay any mind to the school gossip. Then lunch rolled around and I was hoping that you would come in and we could talk everything out. It felt like a piece of me was missing. I had never been that miserable and I was ready to beg you to forgive me for being an ass-wad. After like 10 minutes you didn't show so I went to the cafeteria to find you."

I took a deep breath and rushed on. "You weren't there. So I walked around looking for you. Finally a few minutes before the bell rang I went into the teachers workroom and guess what they were talking about."

"Mr. Samson was talking about how he lives down the street from Robs house and that yeah the rumors were true about you two. That he knew for a fact you stayed at his house overnight and that he was standing there and saw and heard the whole love confession and steamy make out session. He said it was so vulgar it belonged in an X rated film. He then went on to say that he had actually seen you to going at it a few times recently."

"I'm not excusing my behavior because I was a bastard to have believed it so easily. But please just understand where I was coming from. I've been petrified since day one that you'd wake up and realize that things would be so much easier if you'd just be with someone else. You wouldn't have to change your life around, you wouldn't have to leave school early because you're worried about Rob's job."

"We have a huge fight that could have been prevented if we'd just talked things out and then you refuse to talk to me and avoid me. Then the entire school goes on and on about you and Rob. Top it all off with a teacher actually saying he witnessed that as well as other things and well I freaked the hell out."

"I am so fuckin sorry Jems. You have no idea how sorry I am. I keep thinking of everything I could have done differently the night we argued and the next day in my office. I should have stepped up and tried to fix this but I was stunned stupid by how badly I had gotten things. When you talked about divorce I literally could not breath. Then Rob and Carr; that just literally floored me. I mean seriously who saw that coming? I'll get on my knees and beg, Hell punch me again. Or you could kick me in the balls but please Sweetheart come back home with me. I cant stand us not talking and the house isn't home without you."

I leaned forward and clasped her hand in mine. "Where do we go from here Love?"