Late Monday night, the house crowded onto the couch for movie night. Brook made caramel-covered popcorn, Major made burgers on the grill, and Rye ate almost half of both before the opening credits began.

I sat between Brook and the armrest, the two of us and Major sharing one of the big blankets. Rye always had his own because he constantly got up to get more snacks or drinks — he never could sit still.

While the movie played and my friends ate, my eyes were glued to my phone. My focus bounced between conversations, my fingers constantly switching from one person to the other. I normally talked to Dream on and off most days, but ever since Dream's last stream, Sapnap joined him in my messages.

"Who's she talking to?" Rye whispered-shouted from Brook's other side.

"Some pedo in a basement," she answered with, somehow, the exact same volume.

I glanced up from my phone, red as a beet. "No, I'm not! They're not—I mean, nothing."

Brook flashed me her crazy eyes, clearly visible despite the darkness of the living room. "They? Did she say they?"

"More than one boy?" Rye mused.

"It's not like that . . ."

"Then what is it like?" Brook poked my shoulder.

The movie was paused by now, ignored by everyone in the room. Even Nemo, who was curled up by my feet, perked up.

I held my phone close, feeling my heart pick up. "They're friends, that's it."

"Just be careful."

Those were the first words Major had spoken to me in days.

"I am," I said, and we returned to the movie.

↠

March 10

Lani (@lanicorn)
You're going to get me in trouble

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
how?

Lani (@lanicorn)
My friends are insanely nosy

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
i'm sorry?

Lani (@lanicorn)
I mean they keep asking questions
And making things seem worse than they are

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
what are they saying?

Lani (@lanicorn)
One thinks you're a pedo in a basement

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
ok ew
definitely not me

Lani (@lanicorn)
Ik you're not
But she likes to pretend she's my mom

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
is this the same friend who wants to murder you?

Lani (@lanicorn)
Yep

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
blink twice if you need help

Lani (@lanicorn)
I'm fine
Shes great normally

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
normally?

Lani (@lanicorn)
When she's not starting things

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
i get it
what does she do?

Lani (@lanicorn)
Well she tried getting me to date her bfs brother
I've known the guy forever
It would be weird

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
is she pushy?

Lani (@lanicorn)
Very
Any chance she gets

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
she doesn't sound like a best friend

Lani (@lanicorn)
She is
Like I said Brooks normally great

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
if you say so
let me know if you need a rescue

Lani (@lanicorn)
Haha will do
You'll be the second person I call

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
not the first?
ouch

Lani (@lanicorn)
You're second because of my other friend Melody
She's always looking for an excuse to hit someone

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
you have interesting friends

Lani (@lanicorn)
100%
But I love them
Melody is the reason I got a temp

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
as in a temp tattoo?
you got one?

Lani (@lanicorn)
Yeah
It was a stupid idea tho

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
no not if you wanted it

Lani (@lanicorn)
My friends flipped when they found out
Except Rye

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
was brook one of these flippers?

Lani (@lanicorn)
Lmao flippers
But yeah

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
let me guess
because it wasn't like you to be adventurous?

Lani (@lanicorn)
Exactly

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
hm

Lani (@lanicorn)
What?

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
nothing nothing
hey i'll talk to you in a bit
i've been trying to edit for 20 min lmao

Lani (@lanicorn)
Sorry!
Go ahead
I'm going to watch Rye stream anyway

Dream ✔ (@Dream)
have fun

Lani (@lanicorn)
You too :)

I met Rye in the office a little past eleven. Before setting up my lounging spot, I had to mentally prepare. This three-hour stream meant no sleep before class.

I messaged Sapnap a few times while Rye prepped the stream, but I received very few replies. I figured he was busy with video-related things, like Dream.

"So, do I get to know who you were goofy grinning at earlier?" Rye asked out of the blue.

I rolled over on the bean bag chair to look at him. "Hmm?"

"During the movie." He smiled.

"Friends," I said, messing with my hair. "Just friends."

He rolled his eyes. "You don't smile like that for 'just friends'. Does sweet little Lani have a crush?"

I covered my red cheeks with my hoodie sleeves. "Do not! I hardly know him."

"And which him did you think I was referring to?" He hopped out of his chair to approach me, smirking.

"I don't have a crush, okay?"

Not on them, anyway.

"Right," he drawled, then kneeled in front of me. "There's no shame in having a crush, you know. Most guys would be flattered if a sweetheart like you crushed on 'em."

I broke eye contact, clearing my throat. "Well, I don't. Do you need anything before the stream starts?"

Rye looked disappointed that he didn't get anything more out of me. "No, I'm good for now."

He returned to his desk and promptly started the stream, opening with a loud introduction to the viewers flooding in.

My heart continued to pound for at least ten minutes. It felt like he knew, but he was too oblivious to catch on by himself. I prayed that Major didn't say anything, even if we weren't on the best terms.

I felt my phone buzz by my leg, a notification from iMessage illuminating the screen.

Today 11:32 PM

MLD
Can we talk?

Lani
Streaming with Rye

MLD
Please, Nini?

Lani
Fine
My room

When I reached the top of the stairs, Major was already standing by my door, arms over his chest.

I said nothing to him as I opened the door and gestured for him to follow me in. I didn't know what to say.

Thankfully, he did. He always did.

"I hate this, Lani," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed and stretching his legs.

I sat beside him, stretching mine but only reaching his calves. "I do, too."

"Was what I said really that bad? I feel like Brook was way worse—"

"Brook apologized."

"Did she?" His gaze burned. "Or did you just let her off the hook like you always do?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He covered his face with his hands, sighing deeply. "It means you let her walk all over you, same with Rye. I swear, I'm the only one in this house who actually cares about you, but somehow, you only hate me."

"I don't hate you."

"Feels like it. You won't talk to me, you'll hardly even look at me." He tried to meet my eyes, but I kept them locked on everything but him.

"I'm sorry, okay?" I mumbled, twisting my hands together.

"You're not," he said. "I see right through you. Tell me what this is really about."

"What?"

"You're not mad at me, so who are you really mad at?"

I couldn't answer.

"Nalani, who are you mad at?"

"I don't know," I choked out, feeling my throat tighten.

Major's whole body tensed, but his hands were gentle when they brushed against my shoulders. "Relax, okay? It's alright."

Every breath I took in was choppy, hardly reaching my lungs at all. It burned my throat, but I kept inhaling as deeply as I could.

"I'm sorry," I blubbered, tears pouring down my cheeks.

"Nini, shh," he hummed, lifting me onto his lap. "Just let it pass."

It took a few minutes, but when it finally passed, I felt better. I felt lighter.

Major noticed, but he didn't move a muscle. He kept me close to his chest, even if his shirt was stained now.

"Ready?" he whispered in my hair, and I nodded, releasing the fistfulls of his shirt I grabbed sometime during it.

"I want to change, but I'm afraid . . ."

"Of what, love?"

"That you all will hate me."

"Why would we hate you?"

"For being different. I don't want to change if you won't like who I am anymore . . ."

"Listen to me" —he leaned back to cup my cheeks in his hands— "we'll always love you for who you are. A tattoo doesn't change how pure your heart is, or your love for mac and cheese, or your obsession with stuffed animals."

I smiled into his hand.

"I wasn't mad at you for trying something new. I'm proud of you, actually." His fingertips brushed against the already fading ink on my neck. "I want you to change and grow into who you're meant to be."

"Really?" I sniffled.

"Really, really. Now, why did I get all the heat?"

I felt tears well up again.

"Hey, no more of that." He brushed them away instantly. "Talk to me."

"It was easier to be mad at you . . ." I said, tugging on my sleeves. "I couldn't get mad at Brook. You're right, she was worse. She's always worse."

"So, you pushed it all on me instead?"

I nodded.

Major laughed, surprising me. "That's all that was?"

"I'm sorry . . ."

"Don't apologize; I understand now. Next change I want to see" —he forced me to look at him— "standing up for yourself. I want you to tell Brook to shove it."

I snorted, suppressing a smile. "I can't do that."

"And why not?"

"You know why."

His eyes flashed with a strange mix of anger and understanding. "That can't be your reason forever."

"I know, but I'm not ready."

He hugged me again. "I'll be here until you are."

↠

I knew I fell asleep in Major's arms when I woke up to my class alarm wrapped in my comforter and sheets. Despite unloading all my anger onto him the past week, he was still there for me when I needed him.

I was lucky to have a friend like him.

I mulled over his words as I grabbed random clothes from my dresser.

You let her walk all over you.

It was a similar conversation I'd had with Melody weeks before, the last time Brook forced me to do something she wanted. It also reminded me of Dream's thoughts on Brook.

She doesn't sound like a best friend.

But I owed her.

I owed her everything.

No matter what anyone said or thought about her, I had to have her back. She had mine all those years ago, and, in her own way, she had since then.

That was something no one else would ever truly understand.

When I realized I was running late, I grabbed my backpack and dashed down the stairs. No one else was up, so I had to creep across the creaky hardwood and wade through the darkness to the key rack.

With my keys in hand, I bounded across the front lawn to my car and hopped in.

The drive was unusually easy for a Tuesday morning. On a normal Tuesday, the roads were packed with other commuters and people on their way to work. Today, it was like a ghost town.

I was hardly complaining when I pulled into the commuter garage and gathered my belongings to run to class.

With a minute before class began, I collapsed in my seat beside my partner. She cast me a confused look, but I waved her off, breathing heavily.

I let all thoughts about Brook and Major leave my mind as the professor began his lecture.

~<>~
i wrote 3 chapters in a row
i deserve a cookie