Dancing bears, painted wings
Things I almost remember
And a song someone sings
Once upon a December

The young woman sat in the chair next to the fire, staring at it with blank eyes, almost in a trance.
Alfred wasn't sure who she was, only that she had collapsed on his doorstep an hour earlier. Given the freezing weather and her inability to respond to him , he'd thought she was homeless at first. But she had a wallet with a driver's license, and when he checked the address, it showed her as the current resident.
"Natalia?" He spoke quietly.
She suddenly looked at him in shock. "Who are you?" Her eyes were wild, and she looked around for something to hit him with.
He held up his hands in surrender. "My name's Alfred, Alfred F. Jones. I found you on my doorstep. You'd collapsed, and I brought you inside to keep you from dying." He pulled out a card. "I work as a paramedic."
She took it from him and examined it carefully before handing it back to him. "Well, I apologize for the inconvenience. Thank you for saving me."
She started to stand up, but he shook his head. "You aren't leaving until I check your vitals and see where you're going. You seem healthy enough, and you have a house. Why are you here, three states away from it?"
She froze, confused. "Three states away? I'm still in Oregon, bastard."
Alfred shook his head. "No, you aren't. This is Helena, Montana."
She stared at him in shock for a while, and he sat down.
"Okay, you don't appear to remember getting here, so let's start with what you do remember. What's the last thing you can remember?"
Natalia didn't speak at first, and then she sighed. "I'd rather start from the beginning of my memories, if you don't mind..."
Alfred paused for a moment and then shook his head. "No, not at all."

Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory

"The first thing I ever remembered was an amusement park. I was traveling with two people. A boy and a girl, I think. There was a ride... a carousel with lots of silver horses. When I got off the ride, I left with someone."
"It was only when I was sixteen and tried to get my driver's license that my parents told me I wasn't actually their daughter. Their real daughter just dropped me off one day and said I was hers. I'd been kidnapped."
Alfred said nothing as she took a deep breath and collected herself.
"When I was eighteen, we went to the police and told them the story. They wanted to arrest my parents, but I told them that it was their real daughter who was to blame. They had always believed I was their actual granddaughter untilI told them my memories of the boy and the girl."
"Since I didn't legally exist, the police helped me make a new identity using what's called 'adult adoption' for people who are found as adults after being kidnapped as children. I took the name I'd always used, including my parents last name, Arlovskaya."
"A few years ago, I moved out. I work in Oregon as a social worker with kids from broken homes. On the side, I try to find my family and my possible real siblings."
Alfred waited for a while longer before asking a question. "What's the very last thing you remember?"
"It was Friday, I had just gotten home from a shift. I was looking at something online and..." She paused, as thought trying to find a word. "That's it."
Alfred nodded, looking at his calendar. "It's Monday, today."
She blinked in terror. "You mean I can't remember an entire weekend?"
"Hey, it's okay. Was there a case at work that brought back memories of your childhood? You could have just been reliving trauma. Or if you have any sleep medications, they sometimes have an effect similar to this."
She shook her head. "No. I just..." Putting her face into her hands, she groaned. "I don't remember anything."
Alfred finally handed her cell phone. "Call your boss and let me talk to them. I'll tell them you're in Montana and under a doctor's care, and that I'll call them as soon as you're released from my care."
She stared at him. "But you're just a paramedic, aren't you?"
"My brother is a doctor. He'll sign it off. Besides, if you don't mind, I might take you to see him tomorrow."
She looked at this man, who had made no attempt to hurt me or take advantage ofher. He seemed genuinely interested in helping her. She nodded. "Thank you."
"You're welcome."

Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember
Things my heart used to know
Once upon a December

"Natalia, come on!" A boy's voice calls eagerly.
"Wait up, you're going to fast for her." A girl responds, taking my hand and pulling me behind her. I try to keep up.
We turn a corner and see what he's eagerly shouting about. I can hardly believe my eyes.
Silver horses, bears dancing with each other, Pegasus with bright colored wings.
"I want to ride it!" He says. "Please!"
"I don't know. Mom and dad only gave us enough money for a few rides, and this is double the other rides. We won't be able to ride any other rides after this." She reasons with him.
I tug on her arm, and she looks down at me. "Please? I want to ride it too."
She sighs and the boy gets really excited. "Alright, let's go."

"Natalia, are you okay?"
She opened her eyes to find herself in Alfred's guest room, slightly musty from the lack of use, but decent and clean. She nodded.
"Oh, sorry then. I thought I heard you crying."
She looked at him in a shirt and pair of shorts, a similar set to the ones he had loaned her last night so she would have something clean to wear in her sleep. "I might have been." She stated, rubbing at her eyes. "I had a dream."
He nodded, and then spoke. "I made some coffee and breakfast, so head to the kitchen when you're ready."
After he was gone, she stumbled into the bathroom, and upon seeing herself in such a mess, took a quick shower, wincing when she remembered she didn't have a hairbrush with her. She used his and promised that she would boil it for him later.
Heading into the kitchen in the shirt that was far too large for her, and shorts, he set down a plate with a piece of toast, bacon, oatmeal, eggs, and a cup of hot chocolate.
"Are you feeding an army?" She asked, staring at the food in shock. He blinked at her statement.
"Um, is that too much?" He asked, concern crossing his face. She suddenly felt embarrassed.
"No, just... more than I'm used too, I guess." She said, ducking hee face down and digging in.
He didn't say anything, reading a book while he sipped at his coffee, which she saw was straight black. She noticed a tattoo that emerged from the bottom half of his sleeve. She paused and spoke.
"Where's that tattoo from?"
He stopped for a moment, and then pulled up his sleeve. An entire Marine Corps seal decorated his arm. "After I finished my certification for paramedics, I joined up. Put Mattie through college with that paycheck."
She nodded. "It must be nice to have siblings."
He laughed. "Oh, it can be great. It can also be the worst thing on earth."
There was a buzzer down the hall, and he stood up to go check it. "That'll be your clothes. When I saw that you'd washed them, I tossed them in the dryer."
She didn't say anything as he left, appreciating his efforts, though he had undoubtedly dried things in the dryer that were not supposed to go through the the dryer.

Someone holds me safe and warm
Horses prance through a silver storm
Figures dancing gracefully
Across my memory

After Matthew had given her a complete physical, a couple of brain scans, and some brief memory tests, he looked at her as though she was an interesting puzzle to solve.
"Well, the good news is that your brain seems perfectly normal, in fact, very healthy for your age. No damage of any sort that might explain your complete memory loss over the weekend. I think Alfred's assessment that you might have remembered an unpleasant, traumatic event, is very likely the culprit of your memory loss. However, if we can, I'd like to try and figure out what set you off, so we make sure that you don't drive to Nebraska after I release you."
She nodded. Matthew looked at the door briefly, and then spoke. "My brother has a big heart and seems to care about you a lot. Do you want me to let him in, or should I keep him outside?"
She paused, and then shrugged. "I don't mind. Let him in."

After telling Matthew her life story and the last thing she remembered, he paused and spoke. "The carousel that you remember seeing as a child? What did it look like?"
She described it as best she could, and when she was done, Matthew and Alfred looked at each other in surprise.
"That sounds just like the carousel that used to be in the amusement park." Alfred said.
She froze. "Can you show me pictures?"
Matthew stood. "Better yet, we can take you there."

The park was small and quiet, save for the occasional shouts of children playing.
"The amusement park closed down over ten years ago, but the carousel was so loved that no one could bear the thought of getting rid of it, so they placed it in this park." Alfred explained as they approached the area where the carousel was housed. "There are a couple people who volunteer to run it, so it's not always in operation, but when it is, it attracts as many people as it always did."
Coming around the corner, she stared at the carousel and felt herself fall to her knees.

"Katyusha, why can't I ride the bear?!" The boy cried out as the girl buckled me into a horse.
"Because I need to be able to see both of you while we ride, and Natalia insisted on the Pegasus."
"You always play favorites." He pouted. I felt sorry.
"Sorry, Ivan." I heard myself say. "We can ride the bears if you want."
Suddenly his eyes softened, and he shook his head. "No, the horses are fine."

"Natalia!"
Both Matthew and Alfred were standing in front of her, concerned expressions on their faces. Before they could stop her, she stood up and ran to the railing.
Soon enough she spotted it. The golden Pegasus and the silver and blue horse next to it. Behind it stood a proud purple and silver horse, watching over the other two.
Alfred grabbed her arm. "Natalia, are you okay?!"
"I remember why I came here. I saw a photo of the carousel on Google and just got in my car and drove. This is the carousel, Alfred. I rode the Pegasus, my brother that silver and blue horse, and our older sister sat behind us. It was her job to watch over us."
He paused and then spoke. "Did you just remember that?"
She nodded. "They must have been my siblings. The girl, she held my hand and the boy accused her of playing favorites at one point."
Matthew had come up behind them. "Did you remember their names?"
She had to pause for a long time before nodding. "Yeah, I do."

Far away, long ago
Glowing dim as an ember
Things my heart used to know
Things it yearns to remember

Ivan had barely believed what his husband had told him, but he found himself in his car faster than he could think, driving to the park. He had avoided the carousel since that day, and when Matthew had surprised him with a visit there, he had begun to sob, and had told him the whole story.
He parked his car and ran, the icy snow crunching under his feet. He saw Matthew, but paid him no heed, rushing towards the young woman next to Alfred.
He slowed down right as she turned and stared at him. They looked at each other for long moments that could have been years or even decades.
Tears sprang to her eyes and she raced forward, crossing the last few feet that separated them. "Vanya!"
He wrapped his arms around her, feeling himself shake with silent sobs. "Oh, Natasha, my sweet Natasha..."

Katyusha joined them that evening, crying just as much as the other two. Matthew and Alfred could hardly watch without weeping tears if their own.
"You took off, and were gone before I could catch you." Kat sobbed. "I never thought... Never thought that we'd find you."
"Neither of us could ever ride that carousel again after you disappeared. Mom was devastated, and dad was as well. No one could stop crying."
They all listened to each other, and Natalia asked them questions, learning both her parents had passed away, that Natasha was a nickname, and not her actual name. She learned that she had an adopted nephew, Raivis, and Matthew and Ivan planned to adopt some children of their own in a few years.
And she finally learned the name she had been born with.
She rolled it off her tongue a few times, trying to find memories in her first name. "Natalia Irina Braginskaya."
None of them could stop hugging each other or smiling through the tears. Matthew looked up at some point to realize his brother had slipped away into the night.

Alfred was home alone the next evening when she opened the door and came in. He looked up in surprise.
"Matthew gave me a release form, so I have to head back, but I wanted to make sure I hadn't left anything here."
Alfred blinked in surprise, but then nodded. "Sure, look around."
She went upstairs and quickly found the few things she was missing from her wallet. Going back downstairs, she stopped for a moment.
He seemed to be reading, but he clearly wasn't. She felt a gap suddenly growing. If she only said goodbye, whatever had happened, whatever had led her to fall unconscious on this doorstep, would be over. Only she could stop that, and she had to do it now.
"After all that's happened this weekend, well, I might just move here, to Helena."
He looked up and she met his eyes. "My parents in Oregon... Well, they'll be very happy for me, and I'll make sure they know they can visit, but... It's time for me to get to know my real family, I think."
"So I guess I'll be seeing you again in a month or two." He said.
She nodded, and the silence fell again.
"I noticed there didn't seem to be a lot of apartments for rent in town, especially on my budget. I'll probably have to move in with a roommate. But not many people would want an unemployed roommate. Ivan and Matthew, well, I don't want to intrude on them, and Katyusha, with her son Raivis... I'd just be a burden..."
There was another silence, and then Alfred stood.
"You know, that old guest room of mine could probably use a few more nights of someone making themselves at home in it." He began, trying not to say anything very obvious, rubbing at the back of his head nervously.
She had to laugh. Stepping forward, she stood on tiptoes and gave him a soft kiss. He took a step back, startled, and then a rose colored blush appeared on his cheeks.
She smiled, and turned to leave.
"Natalia..."
Turning once more, a set of lips came crashing down onto hers, and she wrapped her arms around him, holding on tight.
Eventually they pulled apart, and she smiled. "So, when I get back... What might be the best spot in town to have dinner?"
He grinned. "I know just the place. And you happen to be standing in it."
A few mores laughs, and then a final kiss before she went out and loaded her things into her car, driving back to Oregon.
She'd return soon enough.
This was her home, after all.

And a song someone sings
Once upon a December

Several years later...
Alfred sat up in bed, wondering what had woken him up, when he heard singing through the baby monitor. Standing up, he rubbed his eyes and headed into the nursery.
Natalia was rocking their daughter Sofia back to sleep after a midnight feeding, singing a song in Russian. Once she'd moved here, Ivan and Katyusha had made sure she became fluent in it once again, like she had been as a child.
Once she was finished and had set their little girl back in her crib, Alfred spoke whisper quiet. "What was it you were singing?"
Natalia turned and smiled, stepping over and quietly singing it to him in English.
"Dancing bears, painted wings,
Things I almost remember,
And a song someone sings.
Once upon a December..."