Your hands were my decision. I had to take them and go away.

— Shams Langaroudi

☾

"Salam, Mughis. Welcome."

"Salam. Thank you."

Mikael greets his brother in law and steps aside to let him into his house. Mughis had called him last night and informed him of his arrival and Mikael had send him his address. Today, he was expecting him and knows why he's probably here.

They walk into the living room and Mikael gestures towards a couch. "Please, take a seat."

Mughis does so, and his hawk like eyes immediately scan his surroundings subtly.

"Can I get you a coffee?" Mikael offers. "Or anything else you'd like?"

"No, thank you," Mughis declines. "I won't take much of your time. I'm here only to talk about your wedding. Sit down please."

Mikael sits on the couch besides him, calmly locking his fingers together between his knees.

"When are you coming home, Aurang?" Mughis asks straightforwardly.

"It's difficult for me to leave behind my daughter currently. She's diagnosed with a heart problem that needs surgery. Her wellbeing comes first for me. I hope you understand."

Mughis's gaze flicks through the glass wall to the backyard where Zimal is playing with their cat. "That's her?"

Mikael nods. "Yeah."

He looks back at him. "I heard about her condition and I'm sorry about it. But the surgery should've been performed by now. What's taking so long?"

"There are certain prerequisites."

"If it's about the expanses, I'll arrange the money for you--"

"No," Mikael refuses sharply, helping himself not to sound bitter. "I'm her father; she's my responsibility. I can manage on my own."

"And Banafsha is also your responsibility, are you forgetting?" Mughis narrows his eyes at him. "If you cannot fulfill her rights, we can very well take her responsibility back from you. You just need to say the word instead of beating about the bush and delaying the matters."

"I remember very well."

"Then you need to get back home and settle the matters with your father. Assure us that you can provide for Banafsha. We cannot just send her with you without a guarantee, neither can we keep her waiting upon your name."

"I just need some time."

"We've already given you enough time. The wedding had been fixed by the end of the year and we still haven't seen any effort from you. We don't have forever. Also," Mughis fixes his gaze and he parallels it boldy, "the night of your nikah, you told us you needed to speak to Banafsha, but then left her on the rooftop without so much as saying a word to her. What do I gather of this attitude of yours, Aurang? If you had any problem with this marriage, you should've said so before signing the nikah documents (marriage contract)."

His airway constricts at Mughis's inquiry. Banafsha created a misunderstanding for her benefit, not knowing it could become a pit for both of them. And now, he's the culprit being target of Mughis's doubt.

"I'm satisfied with my marriage, and I don't regret my decision," Mikael stresses. "That night I only wanted to see my wife, that's all."

Mughis's huff out a laugh. "Do you see me as a fool?" He leans forward towards him, his voice dropping and becoming dangerous. "My sister is not some abandoned child, Aurang. You wrong her, you're answerable to us."

"I cannot even imagine of hurting her," he replies, resolute and determined. "Your sister is my wife now. I respect her-- she's my honor. If you see me as so undignified to leave her only because you've put a price on her head for me to pay before I can have her, then you don't know me at all."

"Don't call it a price," Mughis grits. "She isn't a doll we've sold to you."

"Pardon me, but that's how you've made it seem: like a bargain." Mikael shrugs, then tips his head in affirmation. "But if your condition is for me to reconcile with my father before I'm allowed to take my wife with me, then I'll do it. As for me taking over baba's position and joining the political circle, I'm sorry to inform you but I'm not doing that. I'll stay here."

Mughis blinks, looking perplexed. "Why not?"

"Because that's not something I want."

"With your current status, how can you even afford Banafsha when you don't have the necessary money to manage your daughter's medical expenses?"

He feels the thread of his patience being tug close to snapping. Mikael clenches his jaw so as not lose the last of his resolves and let the meeting go ugly. His eyes bore into Mughis's.

"So you want me to rely on my father to feed my wife?"

"If it's about providing for Banafsha, then her own father can do it for the rest of her life. But if you're incapable of performing your duties, then," Mughis stands up, straightening his shirt, "you can divorce Banafsha and free yourself of the responsibilities."

Mikael stands up, unable to digest his last statement. "Divorce her?"

"Yes. You've two weeks to be back home, or else you'll just receive divorce papers delivered by Banafsha herself to you. I hope you won't have a problem anymore then."

"No, listen to me Mughis." Mikael stops him as he begins to leave. "I don't want to separate from her. I just want to hear from her that what you're asking of me is what she wants too."

"Our choice is her choice," Mughis dismisses effortlessly. "Either you prove yourself to us, or you end every relationship with us. And mind you, I've already talked to Banafsha about it. She doesn't have any issues regarding divorce. In fact, I've delayed my stay here to the end of the week because she has decided to go home with me too. So you better make it on time and mend all affairs or don't bother coming at all if you intend for separation. You'll have the papers mailed to you. Just one signature, then that would be all the favor we would ask of you."

Mughis leaves before he can speak another word and he's left dumbfounded, staring after him with a heavy heart. Banafsha not knowing the truth about him has complicated things for them. He has thrown himself under the bus at his own hands. Anxious and frustrated, he falls back down on the couch, staring at the ceiling, his mind going blank and numb.

The complexity of the situation might kill him. All the unpleasant possibilities of what tomorrow might bring bother him all at once. His head starts buzzing and he presses his fingers to his temples. Maybe he should tell her the truth before it gets any more out of hand. Maybe there's still time to save their relationship. The consequences come later to the actions-- he must act fast. Without a second thought, he reaches for his phone on the table, dialing Banafsha's number. It keeps ringing but she doesn't answer.

"Come on, doctor, pick up the phone."

He tries her number once more, but there's no response. So he leaves her a message, asking about her whereabouts.

"Baba?"

He looks up from his phone at Zimal's voice. His body relaxes on its own at the sight of his daughter and he smiles.

"Yes, jaan?"

"Are you upset?" she asks innocently.

His agitation melts at her concern and he opens his arms for her. Zimal walks into them and he hugs her to his chest.

"No, my angel. I'm fine."

"Who was this man who came to visit us?"

Mikael kisses her cheek, brushing back her bangs from her eyes. "Your uncle."

"My uncle?" she repeats with uncertainty. "Who?"

"Mughis. Your mama's brother," he tells her, flicking her nose gently.

"My new mama's?"

"Uh huh."

"But why was he here, baba?" she inquires with a hint of curious excitement. "Did he ask you to bring mama home?"

Mikael forces out another smile at her and nods. Zimal grins, those blue eyes reflecting his, glittering with joy. "When?!"

"Soon." He kisses her forehead and she throws her arms around her neck. Mikael holds her tightly to himself, heart aching in love, and nuzzles her small shoulder. She pulls away and he cups her face, asking slowly, "Can I tell my princess a secret?"

She nods enthusiastically. "Yes!"

"First, tell me something honestly, okay?"

"Okay!"

Mikael hums, tapping his chin. "What do you think of the doctor we had over for lunch last week?"

"Afsha?" Zimal recalls right away.

"Yes, her. Do you like her?"

"Very much so!" she exclaims happily. "She makes the best hairstyles, baba. And she gifted me her pencil too when I told her I like it. She said I had eyes like you and they're pretty. And she's very beautiful too, baba," Zimal rambles on. "Also, I asked her if she knows bicycling and she said no, so I promised her that I'll teach her."

Mikael chuckles and holds her hands in his, looking at her, speaking in a hushed tone, "Well, what if I tell you she's your new mama?"

Zimal suddenly goes mute and stares at him, at if observing him to make sure he's serious. His lips twist up to one side questioningly and she peeks at him through her lashes, swinging her arms as she asks quietly, "She is?"

Mikael only nods at her and she beams, rolling on her heels. "Afsha is my new mama?"

"Yup."

"We're already friends!"

He laughs as she gives him another quick hugs before pulling away.

"Baba?"

"Yes?"

"Do you like Afsha?"

He smiles softly and repeats her words, "Very much so."

"Me too!" Zimal grins and asks with interest, "Does she like you too?"

He coughs awkwardly, his face heating up in embarrassment. "Y-yeah."

"And me? Does she like me too?"

"She does, jaan."

His phone pings with a message notification and he checks it. It's from Banafsha, telling him that she's at the hospital. He quickly gets to his feet.

"Zama spogmay (my moon), I've to go see doctor urgently. I'll leave you with Mina and pick you back up in a while, okay?"

"My mama?"

"Yes."

"Okay!"

Mikael drops Zimal with Larmina and drives to the hospital. All the way his heart hammers into his chest maddeningly. He has no plan and a flat confession, and there's high risk of Banafsha rejecting him for breaking her trust. But time is critical and he cannot lose her, no matter what he has to do to win her heart back. With her family on his tail and his wife in oblivion, the situation has become a sword at his neck.

Mikael parks the car in the hospital's parking lot and rushes into the building. Coincidentally, he runs into Banafsha who is on her way outside, talking on her phone to someone.

"Doctor?" he calls her.

She turns towards him and spots him, then says something into her phone, hanging up and hurrying towards him, appearing disheveled.

"What are you doing here?" she asks with perturbation, and he notices the red lines in her eyes. The sight hits his like a dagger int his breastbone.

"Hey," Mikael takes a step towards her, concerned, "are you okay? Have you been crying?" His chest closes upon his heart at her visible pain.

"Mikael, you shouldn't have come here," she says instead, taking a breath as if trying to gather herself.

He frowns, confused. "Why not?"

"My lala is waiting for me outside. He must not see us together."

"Did something happen?

"A lot."

He reaches out for her face but then lowers back his hand. "Why do you look like you've been crying? Tell me what's wrong?"

Her phone rings and she lifts it up to read the caller's ID. Banafsha cuts the line and turns to him.

"I gotta leave now. Don't try to contact me or come looking for me until I allow you myself."

"But I've something important to tell you."

"Another time," she refuses apologetically. "I'm going back home to Pakistan to end my marriage. I'll be staying in a hotel with my brother for a few days, so it won't be possible for me to meet you meanwhile. Wait for me until I return. I promise I'll do something for us to be together."

"But doctor--"

"Banafsha."

Someone calls her and she quickly moves away from him. He recognizes Mughis's voice and doesn't bother turning around. Something within him yells at him to stop her before it's too late, but he keeps standing frozen in his place.

"Soon, Mikael," she whispers to him, just as he had promised Zimal earlier, and walks past him.

He waits for another few minutes before looking over shoulder and finds her gone.

I promise I'll do something for us to be together.

Her words echo in his ears until he's deaf to the rest of the world but her voice. A terror seize him. He's afraid he himself could become a reason to break her promise. If he doesn't go to Pakistan at the appointed time, Mughis might as well send him those divorce papers. He's sure it wasn't an empty threat. And Banafsha won't think twice before signing them readily. The world stops spinning for him and he hisses through his teeth.

It takes him one split second to make his mind: he's going to Pakistan to save his marriage before Banafsha breaks it in her oblivion. He's going to do everything in his power to keep her promise-- for them to stay together. He cannot lose her.

Mikael walks out of the hospital building and goes to the parking lot. He gets into his car and holds the steering wheel, but doesn't start the ignition. His sight catches the wedding ring he's still wearing on his ring finger with Shirin's name carve on it. He stares at it a good while. Banafsha's face forms before his eyes, bit by bit replacing everyone else. Her image is etched in his memory with permanent marks, leaving traces of her soul with him and stealing away his heart. He has traded something irreplaceable with her-- they've traded in love. Slowly, he removes Shirin's ring from his finger and puts it in his coat pocket.

"Soon, doctor," he whispers into the air and starts the ignition, driving off to his home.

☾

How soon? I know I've kept you guys waiting for long. Let's just end the wait.

☾