"I'm tired," Donghyuck started, "Of us."

These past days have been absolute hell. Aside from giving extra time and effort in catching up with his lessons, Donghyuck would oftentimes guilt himself about the relationship he has with his boyfriend. There was nothing wrong and that was the problem. He blames it on how fully aware he is about his future. It was a blessing and at the same time a curse.

It was all fun and games, already knowing what's going to happen to the people around him, but it became a quick distraction for him. Yes, he did plan it from the start to change everything. To change his fate. To change his future. Donghyuck was confident to do so, he had planned to do so, it was his goal to do so.

Until Mark just had to come begging for him.

It would be a lie to say that he stopped thinking about it. Every chance he gets, he would steal glances whenever he would spot him in the crowded hallways. He'd come up with an alibi just to get in line together with him at the cafeteria. He would help his teachers bring their things in order to pass by Mark's room and see him even for just a short while.

Arguing and not talking to each other was one thing.

Being on good terms and knowing that they still love each other, but not getting the chance to even be together? That's a full torture that Donghyuck is going through right now.

This is making him go crazy and it hurts him to know that this is all happening while Lucas is genuinely loving him.

"We rarely see each other lately and this is what you will tell me?" Confused, dumbfounded, and in pain. Those were what Lucas could explain about this situation.

"Lucas, I really can't do it anymore." Everything was overwhelming for Donghyuck.

And the fact that he's the one that's going to end things with Lucas in the original timeline. They broke up because Donghyuck was a jealous person. He was stubborn and didn't want to talk things out. His detachment issues were his solution to every problem he had. He was immature and stupid. One minor inconvenience and he would feel like a big burden already, blaming himself always which would cause another problem in their relationship. It was all because of how he couldn't handle emotions at that time.

And he still couldn't, even now, but with different reasons.

"So, what?" It was all too sudden that Lucas didn't know how to react. "You just woke up and realized you don't love me anymore?"

That's the point. Donghyuck cares so much that he wanted this to end so as to stop hurting him. "Would agreeing with that make you hate me?"

"Why do you want me to hate you so bad?!" Lucas can't help but raise his voice out of frustration.

So that it'll be easier to let go of you, Donghyuck had in mind. He wanted the latter to feel the rage in him, to scream and shout his feelings. He wanted Lucas to get mad.

He wants Lucas to get back at him and be the one to call this relationship off.

"I did nothing, but love you, Donghyuck." There's no hint of a lie in his sentence. Lucas didn't know what he was lacking when he thought he already gave his all.

"And I did love you too—"

"Then why would you do this to me?!" By this time, Lucas could feel his throat itching from holding back a sob. "Is there something that made you do this? Someone?"

Even if there was no one getting in between their relationship, they were still never going to work out.

"Lucas, it's a me problem, okay? Nothing and no one, especially, is involved." There was no other way that Donghyuck could explain it. He just couldn't think of anything else.

He can't handle the pressure from all the situations he is in. He most specifically could not handle the guilt eating him whenever he is with Lucas. He felt the need to give up one thing that he eventually would in the end.

And that was his relationship with Lucas.

"Is it because of Mark?"

A mention of a name made Donghyuck raise his head, "No one is involved, Lucas. I made this decision by myself."

"Then why do you look at him like that? Like you're longing for him." Lucas doesn't know why there was a need to lie to the obvious.

Was there a way out of this? This isn't supposed to be the reason why they should break up. It really is just about Donghyuck and his detachment issues. "You could be wrong about that. I'm juggling studies and soccer all at once, Lucas. I tend to get tired and space out."

"So, you're saying that it's all a coincidence?" A scoff was heard coming from the taller male. "Bullshit, I tell you."

"I'm telling the truth—"

"When did it all start?" Lucas cuts him off, desperate to clear things up. Deep inside, he was praying that everything he had thought of was wrong. Lucas begged to be wrong. "When did you just suddenly wake up and think that you don't love me anymore? When did Mark get in the picture? How did he do it?"

Donghyuck closed his eyes in frustration. Not towards the guy, but towards himself. How did this situation worsen? Lucas had a lot of questions that weren't even asked before. Donghyuck initiated the break-up and the two decided to be friends just because they started knowing each other through friendship. It wasn't a smooth ride after the break-up, but they eventually got comfortable with each other and got back their friendship.

Lucas, before, didn't make it a big deal. He was hurt, but he also got tired dealing with Donghyuck's unstable emotions, thinking that staying as friends is the best solution for the both of them.

Lucas wasn't supposed to think this way. He isn't supposed to think that Donghyuck is possibly cheating on him. Was it Donghyuck's fault for deciding not to initiate in ending their relationship?

But all Donghyuck wanted to happen was Lucas getting back at him for being selfish. He didn't want to hurt Lucas the way he hurt him before. "I never thought of Mark that way, Lucas. We got to know each other when he greeted me on my birthday, but that's all there is to it. We just know each other, nothing more and nothing less."

"The more you lie about it, the more it hurts me, Donghyuck." Lucas told him, pain evident in his tone.

It might be a lie now, but that was nothing but the truth before. Mark was not involved in their relationship, nor was there something more going on aside from knowing each other's name.

"Are your feelings for me also a lie?"

Donghyuck widened his eyes at the question. "Lucas, don't you ever think of that!"

"What do you want me to think about?!" Their voices echoed inside the not-so-empty locker area. "Aside from Mark, I have nothing but to think that you're just playing with me."

"I..." Taking a deep breath in, Donghyuck had no choice but to use the same reason as he did before. "I just want to prioritize myself."

"Fine." It felt like a certain switch clicked when that line was said. Lucas mustered all the words to say, "Let's break up."

With that, silence engulfed the two, only hearing droplets from the rain outside. They stood there not sparing each other even a glance. Neither of them had the courage to look at the other, thinking that it might break them more to see how their relationship ended.

But with silence, Lucas took that as an agreement that it is over for them. He didn't feel the need to stay and hurt himself more. And so, he left. He left without saying a word. Donghyuck, on the other hand, felt his throat itching to sob. Sniffles were heard from him as he tried his best not to bawl his eyes out crying.

"Ahh... It's the second time around and it still hurts as fuck." A broken laugh was heard from him as he also made his way out of the locker area, strolling down the hallway alone.

His head was empty and all he could hear was the rain pouring aggressively. The sound got louder and louder, and the next thing he knew, he was already outside being drenched.
Donghyuck could care less about it because he knew what was going to happen next.

"Why did you do that?" A voice was heard.

Turning around to face him, Donghyuck flashed him a sad smile. "I didn't want to, Mark."

And now, both of them stood under the rain. Their gazes locked, one with worry, and the other in pain. Nonetheless, the two felt comfort upon seeing each other. Seeing him was enough for Donghyuck to feel at peace despite going through a break-up.

"Hey, you're supposed to bring an umbrella." Even with the soreness of his voice, Donghyuck managed to crack a joke.

"I forgot it would happen today." Walking close to him, Mark raised both his hands and used it to shelter the latter's head from the pouring rain.

That action softened Donghyuck's heart. It took him moments before he decided to open up to him. "It hurts."

Hearing that made Mark feel a tight feeling on his chest. Was he regretting about the break-up? "Why did you do it, then?"

"Because guilt was hurting me more."

Mark knew it wasn't the proper moment to celebrate, neither did he feel a tinge of joy inside. Rather, he was relieved to say the least.

"You don't know how much I wanted to stay with Lucas." Donghyuck began, being honest with his feelings. "I wanted to be with him, I planned to grow old with him. But you know what's odd? All because I'm being selfish, not because I love him."

"But you want that." It hurt for Mark to help the latter sort out his thoughts. Mark was afraid he might agree to something that could possibly break him.

"I do," Donghyuck's lips quivered from the sob he's holding in. "But I keep thinking of you while I'm with him. That's what's wrong."

It really is, but Mark is also being selfish right now to beam with hope once he heard that while the other was going through shit because of the break-up.

"Even if I did want to change my future, I didn't want to grow old with someone while having that kind of intention." Donghyuck told him, "I want to love, Mark, and I want to be loved."

That's what this second chance is for.

In a swift move, Mark wrapped his arms around the male's waist and pulled him to an embrace, burying his face down to the latter's nape. "Love, I'm so sorry."

— to be continued