"Pain changes people" -unknown

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Her arms are like strings around me when she pulls at my waist. It is the morning and time for me to go running. Shawn is half asleep and still groaning in bed, "I want to come with you."

I respond by telling her to stay in bed.

Shawn is my running partner, but not today. Today I want to run with her. She gets irritated on the way back and I don't want to walk back. Her hair falls on her face and she is back on her side, facing the narrow window, away from me.

"I'll be quick," I remind her before pushing through the glass door to outside.

The run up the mountain is a long one. It is an early morning, so I blame it on that, the wind forcing me back down the hill, fast. The wind is heavy today since the waves are out. I admit to myself the wind is different because I didn't run with Shawn. The noise from the waves crashing against the rocks interrupts my thought and I find myself standing at the edge of the mountain. I look down and watch as the big rock is knocked from the stack and carried away by the water. The water is clear, enough that I can envision myself sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Since I think that is what they all do once the undertow comes.

I feel the sea breeze and can almost picture Shawn jumping in. She is always wondering about how the water feels. "It looks cool," she ways, again her hair getting thrown into her face.

"I mean the water is so clear. I'm sure it's cool."

Last winter we visited the mountains with her family and my family. A proper getaway, they say is the term. It was hectic, Run, my brother does not want to come and is aggravated. They enjoyed each other's company, but when we got back to Carter my mother fell into her normal ways. The normal that came once I got diagnosed, a year ago. Before my brother won his prize in robotics.These were the times when we talked. Jeremy nor Willow avoids me. She stays late at work and doesn't cook dinner. He spends his excess time with the Robotics Club. Shawn and I spend most of the time, considering this cabin is 2 hours from Carter, here. I miss my mother the most. I know she thinks that if she hugs me I'll fall apart.

"How's preparation for the track season?" Shawn's dad asks.

I nod, "Coach is training us well, I'm actually excited about this season."

"You suppose you going to state?"

"I'm praying for it,"

Time gets away from me, once I get back to the cabin Shawn is up and dressed.

"I thought I'd make breakfast before the road,"

There are bacon and pancakes on a spreadsheet across the counter; I chuckle because this may be the only breakfast I get before the break ends. And, God, I love this girl so damn much.

She is sunshine every day. Her hair pulled back into a ponytail so her round face shows, her skin is chestnut brown when the sun hits it but she is still the brightest thing in the kitchen. Some sort of angel, I guess, but then I take that back because I'm not ready to lose her on earth just yet.

*******


The journey back home is always quicker coming than going. So I am back, walking on the dead leaves and into my house before dark.