"Guru is coming to Austria!" Eva announced excitedly one Wednesday evening after our usual Centre meditation, from her perch of cushions left to the shrine. For better communication, she had turned towards the rest of us disciples. We were all siting on the soft, white carpeted floor on top of varying numbers of pillows, facing the tastefully decorated shrine at the far side of the small room.

"Really?"

"Wow!"

"Great!"

"When?"

"Why?"

Her information was greeted with reactions ranging from enthusiasm to astonishment, happiness and disbelief, all of which Eva watched with a happy smile on her lips.

"In about a month. It says here on the fax." She briefly raised her hand clutching a piece of pater, before continuing to relay its content.

"It seems that he will be giving a small concert, as well as a lecture, in Vienna. And we can already sign up, as they would like to know how many people to expect."

Immediately, everybody in the room murmured, shouted or stated - depending on the temperament of the person – his or her intent to go. But we quickly agreed to talk about the details once we had taken prasad and moved to the adjacent room.

A few weeks later, the eagerly awaited event had finally transformed from a chimerical mist somewhere in the distant or near future, into a very real occurrence in the here and now.

The 'here' being the Vienna airport and the 'now' the early afternoon.

As Graz is only about a two and a half hours' drive from Vienna, our two cars carrying a total of nine people had reached its destination well ahead of Guru's scheduled arrival.

Which seemed like a brilliant idea, since there was almost no-one else around and I was looking forward to being one of the few greeting our Master and maybe even have the opportunity for some personal interaction with him.

The closer it got to Guru's estimated time of arrival, however, the more and more crowded it got.

Reluctantly banishing the thought of being able to get close to him, I concentrated exclusively on defending my pole position at the railings separating the arriving travelers from the people welcoming them.

Of course, nobody was viciously trying to push me aside, but people were restless. The excitement in the air was palpable, as it is not everyday that you meet your very own, genuine spiritual master. On top of it, every body was greeting and hugging friends that continued to arrive.

All in all, the crowed was constantly moving. In the limited space, this resulted in everybody jostling everybody else on their way to various destinations. For instance, to their car - as somebody suddenly realized that they had forgotten something vitally important in their vehicle (like sunglasses - don't ask) - or to a vending machine (to prevent spontaneous death from thirst and hunger) or... to the bathroom.

Which repeatedly caused me to almost lose my spot at the railings. But I was determined to remain firm. Without pushing or hurting anybody, of course.

In spite of all the chaos, however, the group as a whole was rather quiet. Many people were trying to meditate, go within or simple remain calm, in preparation for our Master's eminent arrival.

A slightly unusual occurrence on our airport, judging by the many curious gazes directed in our general direction. But since we were not wearing any uniforms (no, not even saris or punjabis) or anything else that would outwardly suggest that we were all being members of one specific group, those not privy to the information as to why we had gathered there, were at a loss.

But, nobody asked.

I suppose, they would not even have known what, much less who, to ask...

The thought that we were a mystery to others, tugged my lips into a faint smile. It also kept me occupied for some time, as I was watching those, who were watching us... I had meditated for a while in the beginning, but my capacity to remain focused within had reached its limit some time ago.

After what seemed like an eternity (have I mentioned that patience is a virtue, but not mine...?), the doors releasing the new arrivals one by one (or sometimes in pairs) finally opened one last time. 

Revealing... Guru!

Immediately, the whole crowd, which had remained fairly stable until that point, started moving and shifting, as people were trying to take pictures or catch a glimpse of the Master.

As a result, I suddenly found myself in the third row, without even the slightest possibility to see him and absolutely clueless as to how I had got there. Stunned, I fought not to scream at those... people... suddenly standing before me.

Why did that always happen to me?!

Whenever there was a crowd of some kind, I would invariably end up somewhere in the back. And I had yet to find out, how that worked.

Taking a few deep breaths, I reminded myself that the connection we have with our Master is an inner one, anyway. Trying to push away the nagging feeling of disappointment and the angry thoughts complaining about my inconsiderate fellow disciples, I forced myself to concentrate on my heart and its deeper experience.

Without much success.

For a few moments I just stood there, fighting with my thoughts and emotions. Realizing that this was getting me nowhere, I started considering the best course of action.

Trying to see Guru over the heads of so many much taller people, who were inconveniently placed right in front of me, was futile at this point. As was trying to feel the peace within, among a constantly moving crowd. Therefore, I decided to proceed towards the secluded hallway of the airport, which had been selected for Guru to give Prasad.

Moving would hopefully help.

And it did.

As I moved slowly.

Very slowly.

Deep in concentration on my heart I didn't really pay much attention to my surroundings, as I was busy silencing my tumultuous thoughts and emotions. After a few minutes, I suddenly noticed a kind of intense vibration in the depths of my heart. Savoring the feeling, I focused all my awarenes on what was happening inside, almost missing the figure dressed in a bright blue training suit that was about to pass me.

With a start, I realized that this figure was no one else but Guru, who was being led down the hallway towards the place where we had been allowed to put up a chair for him.

I excitedly jumped to the left, closer to the tiled wall and out of his way, to make room for my Master who was being guided along by a disciple to his right. My heart beating fast, I instinctively folded my hands.

Only to lower them a moment later, when I remembered where it was that we were currently walking.

Guru glanced at me briefly, his eyes half closed as he was obviously in a kind of meditative trance.

The intense aura always surrounding him swept over me as he passed, taking away all my negative thoughts and emotions.

Stunned at this unexpected turn of events and in deep gratitude - which had flooded through me, as soon as the inner chaos had turned to peace - I allowed myself to be swallowed by the masses of people trailing after Guru. Too touched by the experience to feel the need or urge to speed up my leisurely gait.

Or to even think.

Turning around one last corner, the group came to a slow halt. Guru sat down on a simple folding chair against the left wall of the hallway, and a few boxes containing various packaged food items were placed on the floor at his feet. Unfortunately, I only saw my Master for a moment, as the crowd around me immediately thickened, blocking my view. An annoyed thought pierced through the blanket of peace that had been enveloping me for the past few minutes. Why does everybody always have to stand in front of me? Why can't they just leave some tiny opening, for me to see through?

By surreptitiously nudging the person to my right, I managed to shimmy into a spot that allowed me to see a part of Guru's face. Much better.

But not for long.

Somebody in the first row shifted a few moments later, filling the small gap with the back of her head. Great!

An unwelcome feeling of anger at the girl started burning in my stomach. She is standing in the first row. With the perfect view. Why did she have to move? That's just incredibly inconsiderate towards us others in the back!

Of course, a part of me - the reasonable one - knew perfectly well that she had no idea that she had just taken away my only chance at seeing Guru. And that the same thing could easily have happened to me, had I been in her place. Besides, I could have been standing right beside her, had I just walked a little faster.

Or maybe not.

Not really.

After all, crowds and I simply don't work.

But at that moment, I was not in the mood to listen to reason.

I wanted to be angry at the frustrating girl, who had managed to obtain such a privileged spot. Even though I normally liked her.

Maybe if I was just a bit more pushy... but then I lose my inner balance. Which is equally annoying.

It seems that I cannot win.

Maybe I should just evade crowds all together...

I almost snorted at the thought. Try evading crowds on a spiritual path... or in daily life in a city.

In the meantime, one last prasad item had made it to Guru's feet. Which I only knew because I had seen the boys, who were carrying the two boxes, approach. I still had no way of laying eyes the Master himself.

Why can't she...?! I could feel my erupting emotions attack the girl in front of me. Which, of course, was entirely unfair. After all, she had not done anything wrong. Consciously.

Unlike me, who really should have tried to be in a better consciousness. Because with the state I was in at that moment, I was the farthest from being receptive. Not like a few minutes ago, when Guru had passed me and I had suddenly been filled with peace.

The memory, instead of giving me joy, only helped to aggravate the annoyance that I already felt with myself. How could I have let that blissful state slip from my consciousness again so soon?

Why couldn't I have remained focused on the peace within?

Instead, my whole body felt like a bottle of soda that someone had shaken vigorously.

I was ready to explode.

Right next to Guru.

Of course, I would never let myself go like that, but I had successfully destroyed any hope of being receptive.

I wistfully watched the soulful faces of some of the people around me. How I envied their blissful state of consciousness!

Which did not help mine...

Finally, after what seemed like hours (again!), Guru ended my torture. "Take, take."

I imagined him nodding encouragingly towards the people to his left and right, as I had seen him do many times.

One by one, we collected our share of items, our prasad, which had been split into two sets. To allow for a girls' and a boys' line.

Guru's eyes were half closed, as he directed his silent gaze to each one of us in turn, giving us his full attention for a moment.

He did, however, skip me, as he was addressed with a organizational question, just as it was my turn.

Naturally.

The rest of the crowd was completely silent as we slowly filed past our Master, obediently following the instruction that had been issued by two of the Viennese boys to leave the building immediately afterwards. In order not to cause any problems with the airport authorities.

Fighting the frustration within me, I tried not to think of how I had only wished for the situation to end, instead of bathing in the spiritual consciousness of my Master and absorbing the blissful peace always emanating from him.

Well, fortunately, there will be another chance...

Later that day.

*****

The lecture room at the university was fairly big, offering enough space for all those who wanted to attend.

I myself had found a place on a wooden, fold down chair to the left in maybe the eight row, beside the other girls from my Centre. As always, we had been a little early, as we did not want to risk missing any Guru-time.

The incense burning somewhere in the room filledme with the familiar feeling of quiet excitement. It reminded me of all theother times that I had been waiting for Guru to appear. With my one and half years I was still considered rather new to the path. But I felt quite comfortable with all the proceedings, having already been on one of Guru's concert tours (Berlin, Prague and Budapest in 1990) and twice in New York (two weeks in December 1990 and three weeks in August 1991).

And I had also grown inwardly close to the Master himself. Who had managed through his wisdom, his music, the meditations and... last, but not least... his incredibly powerful and at the same time peaceful presence, to conquer my heart. And to further stoke the inner hunger that had always been an important part of my existence: to learn more and more about life and the – yet – unknown realities deep within me.

As always when Guru entered the stage, a hushed silence descended upon the crowd. Only occasionally interrupted by someone coughing (no matter the time of year or the season, someone invariably would suffer from a cough...) it swiftly spread through the whole room, carrying with it that special inner energy, which gradually transformed the bare lecture hall into a very special, even holy, place.

Guru appeared from the sidelines of the high, wooden stage, easily visible from everywhere in the hall. Without uttering a word, he deeply bowed, before rising again with folded hands. Facing the audience, he meditated for about a minute. I watched his pupils repeatedly disappearing behind his half closed lids, before moving back down to the middle of his eyes, which appeared to be swimming in light.

Of course, I knew more than I saw this happening, but as I had experienced it from close-up a few times already and since my eyesight was fairly accurate, I was able to perceive enough.

After having bowed for the second time, Guru moved to the speaker's podium, which was on the left side of the stage (as seen from the audience). Meaning, that he was quite close to where I was sitting. (To my great joy, of course.)

When Guru started talking, I was all ears, since I simply loved listening to his velvety, soulful voice and his words of wisdom.

That evening, he spoke at length about the importance of the heart and how we should always try to be centered in our hearts, as opposed to our minds or emotions.

Which sounds so easy...

But during the whole lecture, in spite of how captivated I was, my mind ran riot. It obviously found it necessary to keep up a running commentary on whatever came to it's mind (pun intended), like: I don't think that the girl in front of me has properly combed her hair this morning... Oh, her! Again in the first row!... I really should make more effort to be open.... 

It also complained about... everything: the chair is too hard... I should have brought something to drink... I shall probably need to go to the bathroom, soon...

As a consequence, I was fighting with my restlessness instead of being in a meditative consciousness.

Therefore, the longer Guru was talking about the importance of the heart, the more frustrated I became.

I wanted to be in my heart! I truly did. I wanted to meditate in my heart. But... I simply did not know, how.

My longing for the blessingful qualities I was missing out on getting increasingly intense, I finally called out to my Master in silence:

"Dear Guru, I understand that living in the heart is essential, but you have to show me the way!"

To my greatest surprise and out of the blue, I felt a light pressure in my third eye, which is located in between and above the eyebrows. Somehow, something grabbed hold of my internal focus or awareness, which was situated there, and swiftly pulled it down and into the center of my chest.

Another light pressure to that new place seemed to be for emphasis. It also appeared to fix my attention to that spot. Like Guru letting me know without words: "That's what I'm talking about. This is where your focus should be."

Since everything had happened without prior warning, I had only been able to observe. Which was most certainly for the best, as any interference from my part would have been exactly that: an interference.

Amazed, I was still trying to understand what had just happened, when the light pressure at the center of my chest swiftly expanded and turned into a gentle, blissful feeling that quickly spread throughout my whole body.

And, suddenly, I knew how to be in the heart!

Reveling in the flood of joy cursing through my veins, I looked at my Master with misty eyes.

Thank you! Again in silence, I offered him my heartfelt gratitude.

And even though he did not even look into my direction, or acknowledge what had just happened in any way, I knew that he knew. 

Ah, the heart. I love that place!

But, if you think that this is all it takes to remain happy for the rest of your life... well, unfortunately our human nature is a bit more complicated than that. But it was definitely a big step forward. :)

Happy New Year to everybody! 

May this year be full of joy and hope and fulfill all our dreams :)

As always, I would love to hear from you. As would Sparky ;)

I found the beautiful picture of a heart at DeviantArt, and it was created by Lilyas.