TW: SUICIDAL TENDENCIES, ABUSE, BULLYING

The weekly update from Elias's doctors and caregivers begets Matthias enough relief and motivation to last until the next one. The hope – as frail as it may be – that one day his little brother will open his eyes and walk, that he will come out of his coma, is what makes Matthias continue in this insipid existence.

He had plans to kill himself four years ago, the moment he was told that his mother, his father, and his older brother hadn't survived the car crash. But then a soft-voiced nurse informed him that Elias was still alive. Barely hanging on, barely any brain activity, yet his heart was steady, his pulse getting steadier with every passing hour on the life-support. That's when seventeen-year-old Matthias changed his plans. He decided to live for now, for his younger brother.

He also decided that he would kill himself if Elias didn't make it.

Following his recovery, Matthias was released into the custody of his paternal aunt Henrietta Schmidt who lived in Graz with her family. The Schmidts were unpleasant, to say the least. Henrietta resented Matthias and was viscerally expressive about it, her husband was indifferent to him, and her children were like any other kids he'd encountered. They already used to pick on him because of his albinism and the resulting visual impairment for which he had to wear large, ugly glasses. After the accident, his limp and his anarthria simply became two new avenues they viciously exploited for their own enjoyment. Even today, he is haunted by the trauma of Henrietta beating him black and blue, of his cousins mocking him, tripping him, shoving him down the stairs.

So it went until late one night, Matthias collected his saved up allowance, stuffed a backpack with snacks, water bottles, his IDs, and the financial papers he'd seen Henrietta mull over with a lawyer, and he ran away. In three days, he found his way to Hallstatt, drenched in tears and rain as he broke into his childhood home. The very next morning, he was confronted by the Lagerlof couple who'd become suspicious of the lights in the Franke house which had been empty since the tragedy.

Amelie and Sonja Lagerlof were long-time neighbors and friends of the Frankes. The women took one look at the bruised, broken boy and they brought him home. All he had to do was write down everything about his ordeal and they were not just ready to protect him from his abusers, rather they were furious enough to want to sue the Schmidts. Matthias managed to temper their rage.

Being eighteen at that time, he was too old for the foster care system, however, he was still not old enough to live on his own. Fate seemed to take pity on him then, since the Lagerlofs unofficially adopted him. No word from Henrietta was another favorable turn of luck, although he understood well enough that, to her, his escape was probably good riddance. Nevertheless, he only breathed in true relief when he turned nineteen and was finally free from Henrietta's legal guardianship.

That was when Matthias opted to go through the financial documents he'd snagged from his aunt. Sonja called in her twin sister Anja from Vienna who was an attorney. Subsequent talks with the banks and insurance companies revealed that Henrietta had already claimed every unwilled, nominee-less accounts and holdings by virtue of being Hans Franke's biological sister. All that was left for Matthias was their home in Hallstatt, his father's new pick-up truck, and both his parents' life insurances. This enraged the Lagerlofs yet again; Sonja went so far as to get Anja to compile a report for the police. Once more, he pleaded his surrogate mothers to not pursue the case – he was satisfied with what he'd inherited. More so than that, he couldn't bear to revisit that part of his past and he wanted to move on with his life.

Matthias did ask the Lagerlofs to help him acquire Elias Franke's guardianship though. Hiring Anja as his lawyer, he filed the legal documents needed for the transference. Henrietta was civil enough to sign them and hand over Elias to Matthias's custody, or perhaps Anja's language in the exchange was what ensured such easy compliance.

Then, for the first time in two long years, he saw his little brother again. It was not a happy reunion, as he soon learned that the brain damage was severe.

Now, two more years have passed. Knowing that there are greater chances of Elias not recuperating and still trying to be optimistic about the outcome is a weight Matthias feels growing heavier.

"He's fine, but still unresponsive."

"Most of his vitals are normal, however, I'm sorry to say we're not seeing any higher brain functions."

"Digestive system functional, cardiovascular system is also functional but I don't think we can take him off the breather yet. We did an external stimuli test and we're not getting anything."

Week after week after week of the same thing, with the occasional reminder that the longer Elias doesn't respond, the less likely he is to awaken.

It's a minacious shadow that follows, ever-ready to hurt him, lancing through his lungs and cutting up his heart. It oscillates between goading him to end things like the coward that he is and offering sweet solace in death because he deserves to rest. Matthias listens to those harrowing whispers in his head, lurking behind every small joy to remind him of the ceaseless sorrow. Two options, but the same denouement.

He somehow lives on nonetheless. Everything else he does, from gardening to painting, are merely to fill in the slow trudge of time until that day arrives. He likes gardening and painting. They keep his hands busy, his brain focused, and most importantly, they keep him sane. That he can pay his bills and his taxes through them is all the more helpful.

Every day starts with him waking up and spending an hour convincing himself that getting out of bed will be worthwhile. Shower, eat, garden, paint, sleep. Shower, eat, garden, paint, sleep. Cover any gaps by cleaning the house, attending therapy, trying to sell his paintings, trading and delivering the produce from his garden to florists, cafes, restaurants, event planners – basically anybody who needs fruits and flowers, herbs and spices – and Erika Kaufmann, the only apothecarist in Gmunden district.

Every month, he clears his taxes, he pays for his electricity and water, he gets any necessary upwork done on his family house. The last one is an obligation, an effort to preserve what little remains of the life he had before. This cottage is a keepsake box dedicated to Hans, Laura, and Markus Franke, it is the guardian of happy memories from happier times. The wood and stone walls hold Matthias together, the beams and rafters and studs are bastions that prevent him from crumbling under the millstone on his shoulders. The maintenance of this cottage is a repayment that he gladly settles. It is the home he wishes to bring Elias Franke back to.

Just like that, four years pass since the incident. Four years since he'd first planned to kill himself. Four years since he'd lost most of his family and all of his voice.

And he somehow lives on nonetheless.