There were many misconceptions about me. When your name and image is put out into the stratosphere, no matter to what extent, there would always be some level of mystery created. If they didn't personally know you, then they felt entitled to guess about you to try to crack that mystery. Some thought I was a god on the field, while others thought I was an overrated prick. Many thought I could do no wrong on or off the football field, and I guess that was the biggest misconception.

On the field, sure, I agreed. It was about the only place things made sense to me, but everything else, well... everything else was a hot mess. That's why I savored moments like this, being able to block everything out and focus on practice leading into game day.

The entire team finally arrived on the field and casual chatter filled the big huddle we created.

Coach Wells stood by my side, one hand on his hip and the other one gripping his clipboard. He was middle aged, but his smooth dark skin didn't hold a single wrinkle, and he was able to maintain the muscular physique he's had since his days in the league by keeping up with our weight training.

One of the greatest linebackers to ever live; Matthew Wells lived and breathed football, and his commitment to me and the team played the biggest role in our success. "You got this, Holloway?" He asked, motioning towards my teammates who didn't sound ready to start practice.

"Of course." I nodded and loudly cleared my throat to get everyone's attention. Being the team captain, I was in charge of warm-ups and I didn't take my job lightly. "Alright, you know the drill, let's get into some static and dynamic drills. We're gonna start out with three laps around the field, followed by ten laps up and down the bleachers and some stretching. After warm-ups we'll break into our position groups to work on technique. We're playing against Rutgers tomorrow, and you know they're beasts on the field so no complaining. 100, all day!"

"100, all day!" All my teammates chanted after me, and the cohesion and energy lit up the field.

Now, we were ready for practice.

***

I didn't know why I agreed to share a house with four of my teammates. My goal was to finally get my own apartment for junior year, but when Cameron showed me the house we now lived in, it made sense to go with this option. I saved a crapload of money splitting the rent with them.

But unfortunately, that meant I'd be spending a lot of time with Cameron, Martell, AJ, and Joey both on and off the field.

Our place was a midsized row house a few blocks off campus. With four bedrooms, two and a half baths, there was technically enough space for everyone, granted Cameron had to switch the basement into another room, but it still felt too tight, too crowded.

"Yo, what we doing tonight?" Martell had the sense to put his arm around Joey and AJ instead of me.

"We just got back from practice. How about we chill and get a goodnight's sleep for tomorrow's game," I said. I had the ability to strongly suggest things as their caption, but as their friend and fellow teammate, I couldn't force them.

"Nah, I think we should have a little get together." Martell shook Joey and AJ, looking for backup.

"A small get together wouldn't hurt. Russ and Jermaine can come over and we'll have some girls swing by too, that doesn't sound too bad, does it?" Cameron turned to me.

"Please just don't let it get out of hand. I actually have responsibilities outside of football." I moved past them to get through the entrance.

I didn't know why people even liked coming to our house. We weren't too messy, mostly because Joey stayed on our asses about cleaning up after ourselves, but there wasn't much to our house.

We had a traditional layout, the living room separated from the dining room, and the dining room separated from the kitchen. Each space was small with only a few pieces of furniture. A brown leather couch and TV mounted in the living room,  a rounded mahogany table we rarely used in dining room, and a few appliances when we cooked our usual pasta, rice, chicken, and vegetable mixes.

"We'll keep it lowkey," AJ said.

I made a B-line straight for my room, the smallest one and last door down the hall. Since I was the last to sign onto the lease, everyone else called dibs on the other living spaces.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't grow up somewhat privileged. I knew pretty early on in my life that my dad made great money, and I knew even earlier that he held himself up as an important man. Growing up in a big house, having access to things most kids couldn't afford, it was nice but things weren't always peachy.

Since starting college, I didn't have access to the resources I had growing up and still, I was able to adjust better than I thought, better than anyone thought.

I wanted to prove myself, but I knew if I was ultimately never able to, I'd still survive.

I dropped my bag by the side of my bed and fell onto my mattress, trying to soothe my tired body. I let myself get too comfortable and felt my eyelids getting heavy. Before I could shut them, a text notification caused me to jump out of my fatigue.

It was Leah, reminding me of the assignments that needed to be submitted tonight and Sunday.

Damn, that girl was persistent. I mean I knew she was, that's why I sought her out in the first place. She'd give me the help I needed, the push I've been seeking, the results I dreamed of academically.

Sometimes it felt like I was destined to fail. I was never good in school. I could never guess why things didn't click for me like they seemed to for everyone else. It ultimately came down to me accepting the fact that I just wasn't a very bright person, and despite knowing that, I still wanted to be more than just a football player.

I grabbed my piece of crap laptop off my desk and laid back on my bed. I prayed it would act right these next few weeks. I almost had enough for a new one, I just needed it to stretch a bit longer. I didn't want to have to resort to asking my mom for the money.

Before I could respond to Leah's message, she sent me a call. I let it ring a few times just to annoy her, before I finally responded.

"Hello?" I tried to answer nonchalant and keep my laugh low.

I wasn't always this goof, it was just too easy to get to her. She carried herself so seriously that I took it upon myself to make sure there were some jokes in our interaction. Even if it was just her insulting me. I liked seeing her get flustered and sassy.

"Are you home? You said your practices are usually over by this time," she said.

"I'm home, why? You want to come over?" I joked.

"Please, I don't think your maid cleans it nearly well enough for me to feel comfortable coming over." She scoffed. "Now stop with the games, we have two discussion posts and replies due tonight. How much of it have you completed?"

"Um," I opened my laptop, knowing it would take half an hour before it loaded. "I haven't started them yet but I'll have it complete by midnight."

"I hope so, cause that's the only time you have to submit it. When you finish writing, remember to go back in and check the grammar. There's always some typos and missing punctuation in your pieces," she said.

I tried to take in her pointers like I would take in the ones I'd get from coach Wells. I'd nod, think it through, and correct myself with my next play. It was simple when it was football. But school work, that was a different story.

Every correction was meant to help me improve and get the best grade I could, but at the same time every correction further highlighted how incompetent I was. Some of the things were so simple, like remembering the difference between, b and d, and yet I constantly made the mistake this far into my schooling.

These two discussion posts suddenly felt like long and complicated assignments, impossible to complete much less start. This is how I always psyched myself out. It's how I always ended up with zeros in my gradebook, and eventually, failing grades.

It was easier to give up before trying, because to legitimately try and fail was a thousand times more heartbreaking.

I knew if I'd even consider having that mind frame when it came to sports I'd have gotten nowhere, but it was hard to get rid of that mentality off the field.

"Nate, are you still there? You've gone quiet on me." Leah sounded concerned.

"I'm here, I was just thinking. Sorry." I felt a heaviness in my chest, sweat forming on my forehead even though it was cool in my room.

"You don't have to apologize. Look, would you like me to walk you through them? We'll read the articles together, and take the discussion posts a sentence at a time."

The heaviness in my chest suddenly dropped and I felt more calm and at ease listening to her. She was always so in control, she knew what to say and what to do in such a natural way.

"We don't have study sessions Friday night, I can't let you drop what you're doing to babysit me." I could use her help but I didn't want to take advantage of her. She had a life too and I needed to pull my weight.

" My assignments are done and I'm having a little sleepover pizza night with Claudia and Jordan but that's not starting for another two hours. I have time," she said.

"Thank you. You've really been a lifesaver. I don't know what I'd do if we didn't end up in all the same classes this semester."

She went quiet for a moment, then said. "You scratch my back, I scratch yours."

***

Leah ended up having to use the whole two hours of free time she had helping me. She got me to read the articles out loud, asked questions to make sure I understood what I was reading, and walked me through the requirements of the discussion posts, while helping me polish my writing.

She always made sure I did the actual work myself, while guiding me towards completing each requirement of an assignment and understanding what I needed to improve. I always left our sessions with a headache, but also a sense of accomplishment. I was beginning to see the change in my grades and it was a good feeling.

"Well, your work here is done. I'll see you Sunday," Leah said.

"Where are you getting your pizza?" I asked. I knew she wanted to get off the line, I don't know why I even asked.

"Jordan usually gets it, I think he's going to Colonial, the one right off the expressway."

"Their pizza isn't half as good as Perkin's."

"Okay, we'll try that place next time."

"You should try it now," I said.

"Perkins is all the way across campus, none of us have the energy to go."

"Why don't I be your personal pizza delivery man tonight." I offered.

"You don't have to, we'll just go to Colonial."

"I owe you a pizza tonight, let me do you a little favor. Remember, you scratched my back, now I have to scratch yours."

"If you insist." She didn't sound too enthusiastic about it.

I was sure when she received her pizza she'd be happy. I'd make a little comment or joke and get her to respond hopefully with a laugh or smile, and then I'd go on my way feeling satisfied enough to focus on my game.

She wasn't just my uptight classmate, she was my trusted tutor and I didn't want to disappoint her.