As much as Billy and I tried to hide in the quiet times, reality inevitably closed in on us. His life was getting increasingly loud, and I found myself riddled with anxiety. In his arms, I soothed myself with his heartbeat, but in public, we were strangers. It was what I wanted; it was the privacy he was desperately trying to protect for me, but the lies became our reality. Our quiet times were more and more like we were pretending.

I avoided his engagements for the rest of the week. I either stayed at the hotel or ventured out with Tim and Tess. It was nice to be with them. The air felt lighter, and breathing was easy. Without intention, Billy's presence included tension.

"Billy is going to be so pissed he missed this," Tim smiled as he circled a Tesla.

"We shouldn't tell him," Tess sympathetically offered.

"What? No way. I'm crowing about this for weeks," Tim shot back as he slid into the driver's seat. "It's just so cool."

"You all ready for a test drive?" The salesperson asked.

"More than anything in the universe." Tim was like a kid in a candy store or record store, as the case may be with him.

He spent forty-five minutes tooling around and giggling to himself. His excitement was infectious and caused Tess and me to laugh as well.

"Best day ever," Tim exclaimed as we piled into the hotel elevator. "You coming to the show tonight?" Tim casually asked as he leaned against the wall of the elevator and pulled Tess to him.

"No, I'm going to hit the books." It was a well-rehearsed conversation. "I'll see you all later," I waved as I headed to my room.

I expected the room to be empty as Billy would have left for the venue a couple of hours prior for soundcheck, but he was strumming from the edge of the bed when I entered.

"Hey," my greeting had a squeaky pitch from my surprise.

"Hey, you," he set his guitar aside.

"Everything okay?" I asked as he rose and greeted me with a quick and familiar kiss.

"Yeah, I just figured I'd come back here before we're on and have dinner with you, but then you weren't here," he explained.

"You should've called. I'd have come back earlier. Tim, Tess, and I went to test drive a Tesla in the Meatpacking district."

"What? No way." Billy's eyes enviously gleamed, and I had to smile at the joy Tim would get from this. "How was it?"

"Well, I guess I should correct myself. Tim test drove while Tess and I rode along. He giggled the entire time like a little kid on Christmas morning," I laughed.

"I think that's the only way to test drive a Tesla." He slumped back on the bed. "You hungry, or did you eat?" He pulled the room service menu to the end of the bed.

"Starved," I absently spoke as I joined him on the bed and reviewed the menu. It hadn't changed since breakfast. "I'll get the Caesar with grilled chicken. What about you?"

"Burger." He tossed the book aside and laid back so he could reach the receiver of the phone without actually standing.

"That is why your back hurts," I scolded as he stretched further to hit the button for room service.

"You're also the reason my back hurts," he teased with a lurid twitch to his eyebrow. He ordered and sat back up, pulling me closer. "I have to confess," his voice had dropped to his soothing tone; I wouldn't like his confession.

"Yeah," As I spoke, I let my head lean into the kiss he was giving to my temple.

"You were distant this morning, so I wanted to come to check on you."

"Was I?" I rested my head on his shoulder.

"You've been getting more distant all week. Talk to me," Billy urged.

"Why? It's just the same circle," I reminded him.

He let out a knowing sigh. "You hate it that much?"

"No. I mean, yes, but if I compartmentalize it and avoid the shows and signings and, well, everything related to your work, I'm fine." I was trying to be sincere.

He let out a laugh, "that's sustainable." He kissed my forehead as I let my eyes linger on the dip at the base of his neck.

"I miss you," I admitted. "Compartmentalizing means I don't get to see you as much. I think that's the downside. I'm asleep when you get back; you're asleep when I wake. But we'll always have lunch." I kissed him on his cheek as his dimple formed beneath my lips.

"It'll be better at Thanksgiving. We'll have plenty of time together then. You'll be sick of me." He pulled me to his lap. "My mom is excited to meet you. I've told her everything about you."

"Everything?" I winced.

"Well, I skipped Seraphina, but most everything else." His fingers combed through my hair as his thoughts engulfed him. "I'm glad I came back for dinner. I've been missing you too."

I leaned into him for a long kiss that pulled me back to his orbit. "I'll take a nap, so when you head back, I'll be awake tonight. You take a bit to settle; we can watch a movie."

"I'd like that. But won't you be too tired tomorrow?" His mind constantly swirled with concern for me.

"I can sleep on the bus," I reminded him.

"Fuck, I forgot you head out tomorrow." Loneliness flashed in his eyes.

"Yeah, but I'll see you Friday. It's only a couple of days," I soothed.

"I'm sure it'll feel like years." He smoothed my hair before he shook off his funk. "Tell me about your work. How's it going?"

"Good. I've nearly finished both my major term papers; I've been really productive here."

A smile broke out across his face. "Some of this works."

"A lot of this works," I teased as I pushed up to meet his lips.

He kissed me back through a laugh before pulling away. "That always works." He smiled with a kiss to my forehead, "but I came back to spend time with you."

We talked with ease for the next two hours. It felt like old times.  Only Tim demanding Billy head back pulled us apart. Billy tried to get me to come with him, but I reminded him of our compromise. I'd take a nap and be up when he got back.

It all went as planned. At midnight, I ordered tea and ice so it would arrive before Billy got there, just in case the room service person was a squealing fan. Billy got back a little before 1 am and, after a quick shower, we settled onto the loveseat to watch Vertigo. It was a quiet comfort that was more healing for our relationship than I had expected. The long stretch of peaceful quiet between us reminded me of why I loved him so much.

The next day, Billy insisted on pulling himself from bed for a groggy brunch in our room before I caught my bus.

"I'll miss you," he mused as he poked at his food.

"It's only a few days. I'll book the flight when I get home and send you the info." I stabbed a stubborn grape with my fork and popped it into my mouth.

"I already booked your flights." He was deliberately unapologetic. He watched my mouth open to protest. "I started getting some checks, and I invited you, so I don't want to hear it."

I closed my mouth but did nothing to adjust the frustration from my face.

It elicited a chuckle from deep in his throat. "You're cute when you're annoyed."

"That wasn't belittling at all," I grumbled.

"Sorry," he soothed. "If it helps, I plan to get some manual labor out of you when you come."

"What?"

"It's a bit of a surprise. You'll see when you get in," Billy promised.

"I don't get to know what you're signing me up for before I go?" I countered.

"It's nothing I wouldn't make my mother do."

"Fine, but only because of how well you treat your mother."

"Thank you for coming, Lil. I needed this."

His honesty made my eyes water. "Please don't make me cry. I hate crying."

"Sorry. It was okay seeing you. I had a semi-enjoyable time." He spoke in the monotone voice of a robot.

I rolled my eyes at him. "I love you, Billy."

"I know," he smiled. He had said it as a joke, but his acknowledging my love for him calmed something inside of me I hadn't realized was burning. "Call me when you get home."

"I will."

We stood at the same time. "Are you sure you won't let me take you to the station?" He offered for the fifth time.

"No, you go back to bed. I'll probably be home before you wake."

He pulled me to his side and gave me a long, lingering kiss that made every ounce of me want to stay with him.

"I love you, Lily Turncott." He whispered as he pulled away.

"I know."