I quietly entered the room and searched through my bag for my headphones, so I didn't eavesdrop on Billy. The food came soon after. I fixed Billy a cup of tea and slid it onto the nightstand next to him. After a few tries, I got a bundle of ice to settle on his ankle in the right place. Just when I thought I had gotten away with no disruption, Billy caught my hand and tugged me back to him.

"Thank you," he whispered, and gave me a lingering kiss before he returned to his call.

I plugged my earphones back in as I let the warmth of his kiss radiate through me while flipping through Heart of Darkness for the fifth time.

My text chime blared through my music. I glanced at a phone to see a message from Billy.

"Turn around."

I pulled my earbuds out and twisted to see him. "All done?"

"All done. You could've listened. It's not like I discussed anything secret in a radio interview."

"It felt weird. I ordered you an omelet and fruit."

"Coffee?" A pleading filled his eyes.

"Tea," I corrected.

"Lil, I need coffee to survive," he had a severe tone.

"You seem to be fine." I set the omelet on his lap.

"What's in it?" He poked at the food as though it may bite him.

"It's an egg-white veggie omelet." I turned to avoid the inevitable wince he would let out.

"No meat?" He poked at the plate. "No cheese?"

"What was the last vegetable you ate?"

"Does ketchup or pizza sauce count?" Billy shrugged as he continued to poke at the eggs.

"No," I plopped down on the bed next to him with the fruit. "Grape?"

He opened his mouth to let me pop one inside.

"Take better care of yourself! No wonder you're so run down."

"Lil, I'm not rundown; I'm jetlagged."

"Agree to disagree."

"I don't agree to disagree. Lil..."

"I'm only here for a few days. Do you want to spend that time fighting?" I innocently looked up at him.

"Nope," his plate fell to the floor as he grabbed my face and pulled me towards him.

"Fruit," I mumbled to his lips.

He grabbed my plate, and it thumped to the floor as well.

"So wasteful," I chided.

"It's an egg-white veggie omelet; it's for the best." He pulled me to him, so I was straddling his lap again.

"Billy, are you just using me for my body?" I teased, as his eyes flowed over me.

"If I'm candid, yes."

"Dimples." I ran a finger over one. "I love these dimples."

"Excellent, because I always have them on me." He pulled me in for another kiss.

I pushed off him; "you need to eat something before we leave, though."

"As do you, but we have time for all that."

I gave into him as we peeled off our shirts. I let my hands flow over his chest while his hands fell to my hips. I sunk into his neck, allowing my lips to drift over the rough stubble that poked from his chin. Billy's hand unzipped my pants and slipped between my legs, cupping my sensitive mound. He squeezed softly, letting his palm press hard against the delicate spot as my gasp floated over his skin. 

"Like that?" His words were in a breathy laugh. 

"Mmhmm, more," I whined. 

I fumbled to get my pants and panties off, annoyed at our momentary separation while Billy made quick work of his clothes. I exhaled again as Billy filled me. Pressure wound in me with each thrust as my temperature rose. His hand constricted on my hips, setting the pace despite my frantic bucking for more. All at once, Billy let out a deep moan that sent a rattling quiver through my body. His name slipped from my lips before I collapsed to his chest as aftershocks continued to shake my senses. 

"You're excellent at keeping me off my feet," Billy whispered as I settled into his side and again listened to his heart calm.

"I didn't realize a guy can rapid-fire," I teasingly mused.

His throaty laugh filled the room again. "Rapid-fire? Where do you come up with these things?"

I shrugged into his chest. "I still think we did things backward," I poked as my fingers danced along his pale skin.

"And I still must remind you we had sex the first night we met."

"Right, but just the one time and then nothing for months. We know each other super well but are just now hitting our stride."

"Hitting our stride?" He couldn't stop ribbing me.

"What would you call this?" I lifted my face to him.

"Unbelievable, mind-melting sex," he spoke as though he had given it great thought.

"So, I'm unbelievable and mind-melting?" I gave him a flirty smile.

"We're unbelievable and mind-melting," he corrected. "We should name it. How about Reginald?"

"You're naming sex, and I'm the weird one. And why masculine?"

"Fair; what about Seraphina? It means fiery," he continued to ponder.

"This is better right now. Why do you think that is? Do you think it's because it's been a while?" I was musing to myself as well.

"Maybe." His tone was reluctant.

I lifted my eyes to meet his again. "What do you think it is?"

He pursed his lips and brushed a tendril of hair from my face. "I'm all in. I know you're my girl."

"Billy..." My body tensed.

"Easy, Lil." He ran a gentle hand down my back, coaxing me back to his arms. "You're still working on your goals. You have school, and you want a career. I want all that for you. You aren't ready to be all in on anything yet. It's fine; I'll wait. But you're my girl, Lil. You can't change the facts any more than I can." 

I gazed back at him for a moment.

"As long as when I'm traveling, you take my calls, and when we're together, we have some quality time with Seraphina..."

"No pressure." I tried to sound like I was joking, but it came out too honest.

"Lil, that's what I'm saying; there's no pressure. I'm good; I'll wait." His hand cupped my face.

"Billy, that's not fair to you. It might take me years, decades to figure myself out. I'm a mess." I was pleading with him now.

"Lil, I'm aware that you're a mess, and I love your mess." He pinched my side. "I love all of you. I love the broken and unbroken. I love the confident and insecure. I love you. I even love that you just tried to get me to eat a cold hotel veggie omelet that I'm pretty sure was made from melted rubber balls. I need nothing else. I'll never figure you out, and I don't care to."

"That song yesterday..." I dipped my eyes.

"Lil," he picked up my chin with a finger. "I've told you, sometimes, I need to invent conflict to get to something good. The easiest way for me to do that is to imagine losing the best parts of me; you, Tim, my family. But that doesn't mean it's happening, and it doesn't mean that I want it to happen."

"There are a dozen ladies downstairs waiting for you. Why me?"

"Because you'd never wait for me. You don't care what I do or how successful I am. You make me mold to you."

"I don't mean to make you feel that way. I'd wait for you." I felt selfish in his eyes again.

"No, that's not what I mean. All day long, people tell me what I want to hear. You don't do that. You tell me to eat vegetables and swap out my coffee for tea."

"Others would do that if they didn't fear for their job."

"What kind of monster do you think I've become? I'd never fire someone for bringing me tea instead of coffee."

I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Okay, maybe. But I need coffee or Seraphina. So, I think we can agree that you're the only one that can make that swap."

"I'm selfish. You're on this amazing adventure, and you want me here. I'm just a dorky college student that told you, a globetrotting rock star, about my History of Canada class."

"You're a dork, and you told me about your History of Canada class last night when I could barely keep my eyes open. I get jealous sometimes. I read the Conrad book, Heart of Darkness. I'd love to spend a few months just thinking about it. But my mind can't do that. I get distracted by my head; you have this intense focus. I can't wait to see what you decide to do." 

His focus frequently rattled me, and yet he was envious of mine. I didn't know how to process his perception of me. 

"Lil, please listen to me. I want you. I'm proud of you, and I don't know why you put up with me. When we talk on the phone, I'm moody and distracted. I get frustrated with the band or a terrible show, and it lingers with me. I hate that the few minutes I get to talk to you get messed up with that. And yes, I always want you with me. But if you were with me, you wouldn't be you. I'm more afraid of changing you than losing you."

Tears filled the back of my eyes. I wanted to be his. I wanted to be as content with us as he was. How easy it would be to let the romance coast. I could focus on school and building a career to have a life together one day. It was logical. Of course, he would wait; it made sense. But a part of me was screaming, scratching at the walls, looking for an escape.

"Don't, Lily," a hand gripped my arm; it was gentle but firm. "Don't freak out; don't run away from me."

"I'm sorry, I'm not great at feelings." I felt silly saying it.

He let out a laugh. "You don't have to be. Just be honest with me and don't run."

I nodded, still struggling to hold in tears.

He sat up and kissed me on the forehead. "I'm going to shower. Please don't run away." He pulled himself from the bed. "Lil," I looked up at his call, "if you need to go, my wallet is on the nightstand. Take whatever you need to get home and, if you can't call me, please let Tim know you're safe."

There was a flow of sadness between us that he even needed to say the words, but he knew he did, and I needed to hear it.

"I love you, Billy." I pressed the words to him with urgency, needing him to know it.

"I know you do, Lil. I've never questioned it." He smiled at me before shutting the door behind him.

My eyes moved to the wallet, lingering there for longer than I cared to admit. I took a deep breath, tore my eyes away from the exit plan, and picked up the mess on the floor next to the bed. It was a more significant task than I had expected. I was still blotting when I heard the bathroom door open.

"Lil?" Panic filled his voice and bounced around the room, leaving a wake of pain.

"Here," I feebly said from the floor.

"What are you doing over there?" He flopped on the bed like a child and peered down at me.

"Picking up the mess."

"They have housekeeping."

"That's so rude. You purposefully dumped food on the floor, and you expect some under-paid over-work housekeeper to pick it up?" I glared at him.

"I was going to leave a tip." Hurt clouded his voice from my scolding.

"You're the worst." I continued to pick bits of egg and peppers from the carpet.

"Please get off the floor. You should shower so we can head out." I took his hand and let him pull me up.

"Is the all-black attire your work dress code?" I asked as I moved around to the bathroom.

"Yeah, I guess." He was already moving to his guitar. "It hides stains the best," he shrugged. "That's pretty clutch when you're traveling all the time."

"Easy on the voice," I cautioned as I pointed at his guitar, before shutting the door behind me.