41. adoption arc, pt. 3 

"Thanks," Purpled muttered as Dream dumped another stack of concrete into the chest. He ran a hand over the blueprints laid out before him. "I think that's enough."

Dream dusted off his hands, then leaned back and stretched, spine cracking. Purpled wrinkled his nose.

"I'm going to have so many posture problems when I'm older," Dream muttered. He leaned over to peer at the blueprints. "Is that everything?"

"No. I still need lime stained glass." Purpled stalked over to another chest and yanked it open, rummaging through its contents. "I don't have enough dye."

"Then I'll help you get some."

Purpled paused, then straightened and turned to him. "Okay, for real. Why are you doing this?"

Dream blinked at him. "I told you, I wanted to get to know the people on my server better."

"You don't get anything from that," Purpled insisted. "People only ever help me because they want something. So what do you want? A favor? Someone dead?"

"Friendship," Dream replied. "I'm not going to ask you to kill someone, Purpled. I invited you to my server so you could meet the others and have fun."

Purpled laughed. "Yeah, right. I'll ask again: what do you want?"

Dream reached up and pushed his mask to one side of his head so Purpled could see his face. "And I'll say it again. Friendship."

Purpled stared at him. "You're being serious."

"I'm being serious," Dream confirmed. "I know you fought in the underground Hypixel rings. You were one of the best. If you wanted to fight, you would have ignored my invite and stayed where you were. But you accepted. You came to this server for peace, and that's exactly what you're gonna get."

Purpled watched him for a long moment. "I don't trust you."

"Understandable," Dream agreed casually. "Guess I'll have to work for that."

Purpled huffed out something close to a laugh. "Guess you will," he drawled, turning away. ". . . And you can start by helping me gather some green dye."

Dream grinned. "On it."

42. toddler tales, pt. 2 

"Phil!" Technoblade hissed, pounding on the door. "Phil, open up, it's me!"

"You're gonna drop me," one of the toddlers tucked under his arm complained.

"Why are you whispering?" the other asked curiously.

"Shhhhh, we're in enemy territory. "

A scoff. "Then why the fuck are we sneaking around?" Tommy demanded, trying to wriggle out of Technoblade's grasp. Technoblade was forced to grab him with his free arm, an act that was somewhat difficult due to the fact that he couldn't see either of the children. He'd hit them all with a splash potion of invisibility before they'd entered L'Manberg borders; he wasn't about to pick a fight with two children in his temporary custody - even if the two children happened to be his current semi-mortal enemy/ally (who he still owed that favor) and a gremlin he'd caught hiding in his basement.

Despite what he had said, he actually had no plans to return Tommy and Dream to L'Manberg. Or even expose their condition, for that matter. Given L'Manberg's track record, he was pretty confident in the assumption that they would rather commit child murder than risk the two returning to their normal ages-- Dream especially.

But he was also aware that he absolutely sucked at caring for children. Which was why he was sneaking into L'Manberg to get Philza Minecraft, the man notorious for his chronic adoption problem. He was pretty sure Philza had actually been Tommy's adoptive father for some period of time, though Wilbur had been the one to find him. What he wasn't sure about, however, was if Tommy remembered Philza. Hopefully he did-- it would make Technoblade's life easier.

Tommy squirmed in his grasp. "LEGGO!" he screeched, and Technoblade silently prayed that nobody had heard him.

The door flew open. The retired Angel of Death scanned the area, a sword in his hand. The light on the monitor cuff clapped around his ankle glowed red.

"Oh thank Prime-- Phil, It's Techno. I'm invis right now."

Philza blinked but gave no other outward reaction that he had heard him. Casually, he stepped out onto his balcony, scanning the area like he had seen something strange-- leaving the doorway wide open. Technoblade took the opportunity to slip into the house.

As soon as he was in, Philza turned on his heel and reentered the house. He shut and dead-bolted the door behind him, then scanned the room. "Techno? Do you need some milk?"

"I got it," Technoblade grunted. "The potion will wear off soon anyways. I actually came here because I had a problem."

Philza turned towards the direction of his voice. "What kind of problem?"

"Mister Minecraft?" A high-pitched voice piped up.

Well. There was the answer to Technoblade's question. Tommy remembered Philza.

Philza, for his part, physically recoiled. His wings bristled and pulled tight against his body. When he spoke, his voice cracked. "Tommy?"

"And Dream!" Dream piped up. Philza paled. Technoblade stepped in before the situation could spiral.

"Potion mishap. Tommy and Dream got turned into kids," he explained. The invisibility potion was starting to wear off, and Philza could now see the faded forms of two children under each of his arms. "I have absolutely no experience in carin' for kids. Was hopin' you'd be able to help."

Philza stared at them, mouth opening and closing soundlessly. Tommy, on the other hand, was never at a loss for words.

"You said we were in tha' future!" he wriggled, forcing Technoblade to set him down or risk dropping him. The man hastily grabbed the back of the toddler's shirt before he could run. "Liar!"

"Liar!" Dream echoed, which was a whole new category of bizarre. Since when did Dream follow Tommy's lead?

"You two are technically in the future from your perspective," Technoblade deadpanned. "I wasn't lyin'."

Dream blinked. "What's per- pre-- prospeckive?"

"Perspective. Uhhh, means, how you see the world, basically."

"Oh. Whas' 'bay-sick-lee'?"

"Okay," Philza interrupted, having managed to compose himself enough that his outward shock had downgraded into internal screaming. He waved towards a doorway, through which a bed and several chests were visible. "Uh, kids, why don't-- why don't you go play in the bedroom?"

Tommy crossed his arms. "Dun' wanna."

Philza tried for a smile. "Please?"

Tommy stared at him for a moment. Then: "Do you know the kidnapper?"

Philza's smile became more strained. "Yeah. His name's Technoblade. He's a friend."

"A friend," Tommy repeated dubiously. Dream sidled up to him.

"Do you trust him?" he whispered not-so-quietly.

"He's Wilby's dad," Tommy whispered not-so-quietly back. "I think I do."

Dream glanced between Tommy and Philza. "Okay," he said with the dignity and self-importance of a three-year-old child. "We'll go to the room."

Tommy jabbed a chubby finger at Technoblade, eyes narrowed. "Don't trust you," he declared, then slowly backed into the bedroom, keeping his gaze trained on the piglin hybrid. Dream hurried after him, glancing uncertainly back at the two adults.

"Close the door, Tommy!" Philza called.

"Okay, Mister Minecraft!" Tommy sent one last suspicious glare at Technoblade, pointing two fingers at his eyes before directing them at the piglin hybrid in a 'I'm watching you' gesture.

The door shut. Philza stared at it for a moment, then turned to Technoblade.

"What the fuck, mate."

"Phil, please," Technoblade begged. "You gotta help me-- I don't know what to do."

Philza took a deep breath, then crossed his arms. "Okay, why don't you tell me what happened?"

"Long story short, Tommy's been hiding in my house from Dream. I left for a while to hunt, but Dream must've come by while I was out. Came back to find two toddlers next to my brewin' stand. I'm guessin' that Tommy was brewin' somethin' when Dream found him, so he threw a half-finished potion at Dream and--" he gestured at the bedroom door. "They don't have their adult memories either. Tommy seems to recognize you, though-- didn't you adopt him?"

Philza looked troubled. "He didn't start calling me 'dad' until he was five," he said. "Wilbur found him by himself in a park. He kept insisting that his parents would come back for him, but. . ."

"But they never did."

"Yeah. He saw Wilbur as an older brother, but he saw me as 'Mister Minecraft', Wilbur's dad-- not his own."

They both looked up at a crash, followed by muffled yelling through the bedroom door. "You boys okay?" Philza called.

Both children paused in their argument. "Dream's cheating!" Tommy whined.

"Am not!" Dream protested hotly. The shouting resumed.

"They're fine," Philza huffed, a bittersweet but fond smile on his face. ". . . it's been a while since I've seen Tommy like this. How old are they?"

"Somewhere between one and fifteen," Technoblade deadpanned. "I was hopin' you could narrow it down for me."

Phil laughed. "I'd say they're about two or three. I'm not sure why Dream's the same age as Tommy, given how I'd expect the potion to work, but. . ."

"He probably got hit with more of it."

Another crash. More muffled yelling, peppered with the occasional swear word. Technoblade sighed. "Phil, they wanna see their 'friends'."

Philza's wings shuffled uneasily. ". . . That probably wouldn't go well."

"Exactly," Technoblade groaned. "Please, Phil. You gotta help."

Philza snorted. "Mate I'd be happy to, but you can't leave 'em in L'Manberg. The closer they are to the President and his Cabinet, the more danger they'll be in. Speaking of, why didn't you just leave them at home?"

Technoblade stared at him. "They'd probably burn down the house or somethin'. I can't leave them unsupervised."

"But we've left them unsupervised for the past few minutes and it's been fine," Philza pointed out. "They've even stopped shouting."

A pause. Both adults stared at each other.

And then Philza rushed across the room and threw the door open, revealing an empty bedroom. The blankets and bedsheets had been fashioned into a rope, which hung from the wide-open window. Both toddlers were nowhere in sight.

"Shit."

43. (inspired by Boopers67)

"Tommy, listen," Dream snarled. "you fucked up."

Tommy narrowed his eyes, adjusting his grip on his axe. "I didn't do this," he shouted back. "Does this-- does this look like something I would do?!"

"Yes!" Dream shouted, stepping forward. "Yes, it--" He cut himself off.

At the sudden pause, Tubbo turned his attention to Dream. The man had frozen, mouth still half-open as though about to speak.

Then Tommy burst out into hysterical laughter.

"Shut up," Dream grumbled, stance relaxing. His axe disappeared back into his inventory. "You failed cottagecore as badly as I did."

Tommy just laughed harder. Dream rolled his eyes.

"Okay," he declared to the rest of the bewildered people in the ruins of the Community House. "Tommy and I are trapped in a time loop. We've worked some stuff out, I've paid for my crimes against humanity, and now we've been pulling stunts for fifty loops straight, so we're going to take a break. Excuse us."

He hopped down from the rock he was standing on, pulled an Ender pearl out of his inventory, and grabbed Tommy by the arm. Before anyone could react, they were gone.

44. the nyan chronicles, pt. 3 (credit to Good_Pename) 

"Tommy, step away from him."

Tommy shifted. "Nah," he said nonchalantly. "I'd rather not."

"I don't-- I don't understand," Tubbo said weakly. "Why did you break him out? Why are you siding with him? What-- why?"

"Think carefully about this," Quackity warned, his eyes dark. "He can't be trusted, Tommy. He's a liar. A manipulator."

"And you're not?" Tommy shot back. "I know what you did to Purpled, Quackity. You're just as bad as him."

"Tommy," Sam cut in, stepping in front of Quackity before he could react poorly. "Don't you remember how he hurt you? You can't-- he's not your friend, Tommy, he's lying--"

"Shut up, Sam," Tommy snarled. The creeper hybrid took a step back at the unexpected vitriol. "You left me to die, you asshole. Don't pretend you care."

"Tommy, please," Tubbo begged. "Please don't do this."

"Look, as touching as this is," Dream interrupted, "Can we get on with the arresting part? I know you're all eager to throw me back in jail--"

Tommy spun on his heel and kicked him in the shin. Dream yelped and hopped away, clutching the bruised area. "Shut up, the adults are talking!"

Dream flipped him off but acquiesced, miming zipping his mouth shut with his other hand. Tubbo's eyes widened in surprise.

"Tommy," Quackity repeated, stepping forward. The teenager in question instantly stiffened, drawing a netherite axe from his inventory. The tension skyrocketed as everyone else automatically settled into a fighting stance.

And then a giant eldritch being came crashing through a rip in time and space, jabbed a finger in Dream and Tommy's direction, and growled, "You."

Dream and Tommy instantly paled. "Oh shit," the younger muttered, taking an unconscious step back. XD stalked - or, more accurately, floated - forward, his cloak flaring dramatically.

"You lied to me," he snarled. "George does not like Nyan Cat. He is upset with me."

"It was a joke?" Dream tried, a bead of sweat running down the side of his face. "You know, like, a prank?"

XD's anger appeared to abate a little. "George has explained these. . . pranks to me. You have. . . 'pranked' me?"

Tommy nodded furiously. "Yeah. Yep. That's exactly what we did. We pranked you into pranking the whole server and making the jukeboxes play Nyan Cat."

"I do not enjoy being lied to."

"We're not lying, big uhhhh, X," Tommy protested. "You got pranked, but it didn't hurt anyone, right? And you, uh, successfully pranked the rest of the SMP too. Props and shit to you."

"This prank was not funny," XD snapped. He floated slightly higher, looming over the two mortals. "You will regret deceiving me."

Dream quickly shoved his way in front of Tommy. "What about a payment?" he asked. Tommy's head turned sharply towards him. "We'll give you something as penance for lying to you."

"Not our souls," Tommy blurted. Then he clamped his jaw shut, eyes going round as he realized what he'd just said. "Uh, shit, I mean--"

"Payment," XD intoned. He tilted his head in consideration. "That is acceptable."

Dream let out a quiet sigh of relief as the entity floated backwards. XD shrunk, cloak folding up into a lime green hoodie. He landed on the ground between the two groups, now perfectly identical to Dream save for his lack of scars.

"Give me your discs," he intoned. "And your mask. Your most valuable possessions."

A pause. Dream and Tommy glanced at each other, then turned back to XD. "Deal," they said in unison. Tommy reached into his inventory and produced his ender chest, reluctantly withdrawing his discs and handing them to XD. Dream followed suit with his mask, unclipping it from his head and holding it out.

XD reached out and took them, examining them for a moment before they abruptly caught fire and disintegrated to ash in his hands. Tommy let out an abrupt cry and made to move forward, but Dream hastily pulled him back.

"Let this be a warning," XD rumbled. "Do not cross me again."

There was an awkward pause as he turned away, ripped open another tear in reality, and stepped through it. Both groups of mortals watched as the tear stitched itself back together, disappearing like nothing had been there in the first place.

A low, rumbling growl shattered the silence. Tommy turned to see Tubbo, staring intently at them, hands twitching like he was itching for a weapon. "You," he snarled.

Tommy took a step back. "Uh, big man? You. . . you good?"

"You were responsible for the Nyan Cat?!" Tubbo shrieked. Tommy paled as the other teenager pulled a ridiculously oversized sledgehammer from his inventory and started towards them. "I am going to fucking bash your heads in!"

"Uh, Tubbo--" Tommy started. Dream grabbed his arm and yanked him back.

"Run," the older man hissed, shoving him in the other direction. "RUN!"

Tubbo lunged. Tommy ran for his life.

45. (inspired by FeelingKrisky)

Dream resurfaced from unconsciousness to agony. He shuddered, gasping, only to choke on the taste of blood welling at the back of his throat.

Quackity loomed over him, idly tossing his axe from hand to hand. He perked up as Dream rolled onto his side, hacking. "Ah, you're awake! You passed out for a bit there. My bad, I lost track of time. Kept you under a bit too long."

Dream dry-heaved, the spittle dripping past his teeth mixing with the water streaming from his hair. Quackity tilted his head.

"Not feeling so good, are you?" He strode forward. Dream flinched back, but he couldn't avoid the kick. Quackity's boot caught him right under the chin, sending him onto his back.

"Please," he wheezed as the duck hybrid approached. He raised his mangled hands in a desperate attempt to fend him off. "Pl-please, no--"

Quackity didn't even bat an eye. He hoisted Dream up by the front of his orange prison jumpsuit and dragged him forward. Dream struggled, but he was too weak to break free. He was shoved against the edge of the basin, his own terrified expression reflected in the water.

"Just tell me about the book, Dream," Quackity crooned by his ear. Dream recoiled, but Quackity's grip remained firm. "Tell me, and the pain will end."

Dream knew the consequences of giving Quackity the revive book, especially at this point in the timeline. He usually copied some plausible-looking rites into a blank journal and hid it somewhere in his cell, which he would direct Quackity to after a jailbreak. It was a good way to distract him from hunting him down, at least for long enough for Dream to get to a safe hiding place.

Unfortunately, he needed to be in fairly good shape to stage a jailbreak. Which meant escaping usually happened after Quackity's 'visits' ended. And he had woken up with Quackity in the cell this time, which meant he had to get through this remaining month of hell before he could get out.

Fuck, he didn't even know what day it was. If he tried the fake book trick now, Quackity would discover the deception pretty quickly and visit him again. He had no way out.

Gritting his teeth, Dream shook his head. Quackity's grip tightened. "Alright," he said conversationally. "Guess we're doing this again."

And then Dream was being shoved forward. His heart seized with panic. "WAIT!" he shrieked, but Quackity ruthlessly pushed his head down, facefirst into the water. He thrashed, limbs flailing uselessly as he tried desperately to free himself. His lungs were already burning.

His head wasn't even fully submerged. Quackity knew the value of shattered hopes, of dangling salvation just out of reach. If Dream could just turn his head, could raise himself up an inch or two, he would be able to breathe. Occasionally, he would feel dry air right at the corner of his mouth, mere millimeters away. But Quackity held firm, and no matter how much he struggled, he couldn't get free. He was drowning in three inches of water.

A bitter laugh slipped past his lips and dissolved into precious bubbles of air. His thrashing slowed, weakening as he ran out of oxygen. Darkness encroached the edges of his vision.

Then just when Dream thought he would slip back into blissful oblivion, Quackity yanked him back. He choked and spluttered, trying to simultaneously take in air and hack out the water in his lungs.

"Ready to talk?"

"Go to hell," Dream gasped out, then doubled over and retched. Quackity yanked him upright.

"I'm already there," he replied, then shoved him towards the basin again. Dream jerked back and dug his heels into the floor, delaying the inevitable. Quackity made a sound of annoyance and kicked his feet out from under him, knocking him the last few inches forward.

And then the alarms began blaring.

Both prisoner and interrogator froze, heads turning towards the wall of lava. "Sam?" Quackity called. "Sam, what's going on?"

There was no reply. The Warden wasn't at his post.

Quackity rounded on him, grabbing him by the front of his uniform. "What did you do? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," Dream gasped. Quackity snarled and reached for his axe.

The wall exploded. Quackity instantly ducked back, dragging Dream with him. Dream grimaced as the blade of an axe was wedged under his chin. Together, they waited, watching as the smoke cleared to reveal a hole in the wall.

One TommyInnit clambered through, covered in soot and wielding a netherite pick. He froze when he saw Dream and Quackity, the latter with an axe at the former's throat. Both were staring at him.

"Bad time?" he asked.

"Bit of a bad time, yeah," Dream croaked.

"Tommy," Quackity snapped, his eyes narrowed. "What the hell are you doing?"

Tommy shrugged, casually hefting the pickaxe over his shoulder. "Look, big Q, I hate Dream as much as the next guy, but torture isn't the answer. If you wanna get your revenge or some shit, you could just replace all his food with chocolate pudding. He hates pudding."

Dream shuddered. "Don't give him ideas."

Tommy eyed him. "You sound like shit."

"Yeah, well, inhaling water tends to do that to you."

"You didn't answer my question," Quackity broke in. "What. Are you doing?"

Tommy relaxed into a deceptively casual stance, swapping out the pickaxe in his hands for a netherite sword. "I'm here to kill Dream."

A pause. Quackity lowered his axe an inch or two, letting Dream slump forward. "Sorry Tommy, can't let you do that. Dream and I were having a nice conversation, and I still need him to tell me something."

Tommy grinned. "I wasn't asking for permission, Big Q."

Through the ruins of the prison wall behind him, a horde of withers rose up. Quackity's grip on his axe faltered as he took an involuntary step back.

"What the fuck," he breathed. Dream, feeling his hold loosen, took the opportunity to stomp on his toes and elbow him in the ribs, Quackity stumbled back and Dream twisted free, lunging towards Tommy. Tommy was already moving forward, shoving a stack of ender pearls at him.

"AIM FOR THE ONE WITH THE HAT," he shouted. Behind them, Quackity was recovering, reaching for his axe. Dream reared his arm back and threw the pearl.

His aim was true. The pearl cracked against the back of a wither sporting a bright red cowboy hat, and soon Dream found himself fifty feet off the ground. He hastily scrambled for purchase on the wither's back, ignoring the fiery pain in his hands. Tommy joined him a moment later, grabbing him by the wrist and yanking him up onto the wither's ribcage before he fell.

"GET BACK HERE!" Quackity roared from below them. He was forced to dodge as a skull crashed into the spot he'd been standing a moment before. "YOU SAID YOU WERE HERE TO KILL DREAM!"

"TO QUOTE TECHNOBLADE, 'I USED AN ADVANCED TECHNIQUE CALLED LYING!'" Tommy hollered back, flipping him off. He turned to Dream. "Sorry, I forgot the regen pots this time."

"It's fine. Where's Sam?" Dream rasped, barely audible over the sound of the withers tearing apart the prison.

"Trapped in a pit."

"Nice jo--" Dream's voice cracked. He cut himself off with a wheeze, rubbing his neck.

Tommy grimaced. "Let's just focus on getting the fuck out," he grumbled. Dream ducked as shards of blackstone went flying over his head. He gave Tommy a slight nod in lieu of a verbal reply. Grinning, Tommy grabbed ahold of the reins on the wither and turned it around.

As they flew off, Dream gave Quackity (and the ruined prison by proxy) one last middle finger. Then winced, because oh shit he forgot his fingers were broken.

Loop Notes
42. Two toddlers loose in L'Manberg. What will they do?
44. Hell hath no fury like a sleep-deprived Tubbo with a sledgehammer. Especially if you're the one responsible for his sleep deprivation.
45. Yes, Tommy tamed a whole pack of withers. Mostly to spite Technoblade. The one with the cowboy hat is named Fred.