11. (credit to Paper_T0ast)

"Oh. Oh shit."

Dream began to clap slowly. "Congratulations, Tommy. You just killed a villager with a rock."

"It was your idea to enchant the fucking pebble with Knockback II!"

"And it was your idea to toss it at his head!"

"I thought he'd faceplant!"

"It was Knockback II, not I, you idiot--"

"Who the fuck are you calling an idiot, you green bastard--"

"--and now he's crushed under a house. I'm not explaining this to the others."

Tommy blinked. "Explain?"

"One of them's gonna notice eventually," Dream said dryly. "And then they're gonna have questions. And given that you named the pebble for some reason--"

"--my goals are beyond your understanding--"

"--people are going to be able to trace it back to you."

Tommy scowled. "They might not!"

"You named it wife haver."

"Yeah, so?"

"So unless you want to go pry that pebble out of his skull, or its name was somehow deleted within the past five minutes," Dream deadpanned, "People are going to find out what happened. And then you're going to have to explain why you committed murder."

Tommy wilted. ". . . Fuck. Okay, fine, you bastard, what the hell do I do?"

"Hide the evidence."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious. I know we gotta hide the fucking evidence, but h--"

"Tommy!" Tubbo called, rounding the corner. He looked up from the clipboard he was holding. "Have you seen--"

He stopped, taking in the deer-in-the-headlights expressions plastered on Dream and Tommy's faces and the corpse lying behind their feet.

"I'll come back later," he decided calmly, turned on his heel, and strolled right back the way he'd come. The two loopers stared as he disappeared around the corner.

"He knows too much," Dream muttered. Tommy kicked him in the leg.

"We're not killing Tubbo, you bastard!"

12. (credit to Starshifting and curry_powder)

"Puffy, it's okay," Foolish said, emerald eyes fixed on her horrified expression. "It's. . . it's okay."

"No, it's not!" she screamed, taking a step forward as Ant raised his sword. Behind them, Bad laughed, a dark, twisted thing that sounded nothing like him.

Foolish smiled gently. "It's okay," he repeated, just as Ant brought the sword down.

"NO!" Puffy howled, lunging forward, only to stop short when a resounding clang rang through the room. The edge of Ant's blade shivered inches away from Foolish's neck, blocked by a netherite sword.

TommyInnit grinned confidently at the cat hybrid, then threw his weight forward, sending Antfrost stumbling back. The moment their blades were safely away from Foolish, Tommy flicked his wrist, forcing Antfrost to disengage or risk losing his weapon. The teen then slid between Foolish and the members of the Eggpire, assuming a defensive pose. "Hey Eggheads!" he shouted. "Why the fuck wasn't I invited to the party?"

"Tommy!" Bad shouted, yanking his sword out of the inventory. "What do you think you're doing?!"

Tommy scoffed. "Stealing the spotlight from a certain fucker who's hiding in the walls!" he shouted, raising his voice in the second part of the sentence. Quackity, hidden in the wall, blanched.

Bad faltered. "Wha-- the wall?" he asked, then shook his head. "Wait, no. You're interfering with our plans, Tommy."

"Does it look like I care?" Tommy snarked, adjusting his grip on his weapon.

Bad narrowed his eyes. "You're making a mistake, Tommy," he warned. "You only have one life left, but if you're so eager to help. . ."

Without warning, Antfrost lunged forward, sword swinging in a deadly arc. There were shouts of alarm from behind him, but Tommy just narrowed his eyes and parried the blow, kicking his opponent back. Bad joined the fight seconds later, and Tommy hopped nimbly aside as his axe swung through where he'd been standing seconds before. Then he yelped as Antfrost aimed for Foolish's exposed back, lunging forward and blocking the blow. This left him open to Bad's next attack, and he barely managed to jerk aside as the axe carved a cut across his arm.

All three fighters backed off for a moment. Tommy was panting, assessing the situation even as he clutched the wound on his arm. It was clear which side was winning.

Bad chuckled, taking a few steps forward. "Tommy, Tommy," he said, shaking his head, "If you wanted to beat us, you should've brought more people."

Tommy smirked. Hannah, who had snuck around the sidelines, raised her crossbow. Sam saw her just as she pulled the trigger. "TOMMY!" he shouted. "BEHIND--"

His voice died in his throat as the arrow embedded itself in a shield. A shield held by a very, very familiar man dressed in lime green.

"You see, Bad," Tommy chirped, "I did bring more people. In fact, I brought the worst fucking bastard on the server!"

"Dream," George breathed, eyes wide behind his goggles.

"The bombs are ready," Dream said cheerily, lifting his hand to reveal that he was holding a large red button with EASY stamped across it. "Waiting on your signal."

The stunned silence was broken by Bad's laughter. "Do you really think," he mocked, "that TNT will make a difference? Sam already tried it, and you know what happened?"

"Obsidian protected the Egg or some shit, right?" Tommy shrugged. "Who said it was TNT?"

All amusement abruptly disappeared from Bad's face, replaced with unease. "What?"

"Tommy," Sam broke in, eyes burning with rage. "Tommy, what the hell are you doing."

Tommy didn't so much as glance at him. "OI, QUACKITY, GET THE FUCK OUT HERE. I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU!"

"I'M CALLING IN THE FAVOR, TECHNO," Dream added. "IF YOU CAN DRAG THE EGGHEADS TO CHURCH PRIME AND DUMP THEM IN HOLY WATER, THAT WOULD BE NICE!"

"Bruh," Technoblade deadpanned, dropping down from a divot in the wall. He landed in a crouch, sword at the ready. Purpled and Quackity followed moments later.

"Tommy!" Quackity shouted, wild-eyed. "Tommy, did you-- did you break Dream out of prison?! What the fuck--"

Antfrost, Bad, Ponk and Hannah were glancing between the two hostile parties now, seeming to realize just how outmatched they were. The Red Banquet guests were all staring at either Dream or Tommy in horror.

"Now!" Tommy shouted. Antfrost made an aborted lunge forward just as Dream slammed his finger down on the large red button.

"THAT WAS EASY," a deep, electronic voice boomed. A second later, blocks of TNT rained from the ceiling-- and exploded into paint and glitter.

". . . What." Purpled deadpanned, staring at the now very colorful egg.

Dream inhaled and took a step back, as though preparing to shout something, only to choke when Tommy's hand slapped over his mouth. He jerked away, spluttering. "Wh-- what the fuck, Tommy?!"

"Wait," Tommy snapped. "We're not ready yet." Ignoring the look Dream sent him, he bounded up to the Egg and producing a large swath of sparkly pink cloth from his inventory.

"In honor of Technoblade's hair," he declared solemnly, before reaching up as high as he could and sticking the wad of cloth onto the Egg. It unfurled, revealing that it was, in fact, a bow.

Dream slowly introduced his palm to his unmasked face. Tommy rolled his eyes at his dramatics. "Hurry up and get started!" he shouted.

The older man sighed, then reluctantly peeled his hand away and began to chant in a guttural, incomprehensible language. Sam jerked when Dream's eyes began to glow, only to find that he was frozen in place. He struggled against the paralysis, to no avail.

Gradually, the chanting picked up speed. A light breeze whipped through the chamber, somehow present despite its underground location. And then suddenly a second Dream was there, identical save for the XD inscribed over his mask. He scanned the scene for a moment before turning to Dream. "What are you doing?" he asked tonelessly.

"We got you a gift," Dream offered cheerily. He pointed at the Egg. "You can. . . make an omelette, or something."

"I don't need to eat," XD said blankly. Then he turned slowly, gaze sweeping over the frozen mortals and the red flora, stopping on George. "But. . . this. . ."

He turned back to the Egg and tilted his head. When he spoke again, his voice was raspy and incomprehensible.

Bad froze, shuddering once before his face went blank. Then he opened his mouth and replied in the same language, cryptic hisses that sent chills crawling down Tommy's spine. Antfrost's head snapped around to stare at him. It was clear that this was not Bad speaking, but the Egg.

XD's tone shifted, becoming somewhat demanding. The Egg responded in kind, Bad's voice raising, and the other SMP members watched as the unintelligible argument mounted. At last, it reached its peak, and the Egg snarled and snapped something.

XD stilled. He raised a hand. And then every person in the room doubled over, clutching their ears as a horrible screech rang out. The members of the Eggpire screamed, collapsing, white clothes and red eyes flickering violently between crimson and their original colors.

The chamber shook violently as the Egg's screeches grew even louder, vines peeling themselves off the walls and lashing out towards the Dream lookalike. The god simply narrowed his eyes and clenched his outstretched hand into a fist.

The Egg gave one last shriek before it appeared to shrink, surface shriveling in on itself. The entire thing disintegrated into a pile of fine powder, topped with glitter and a sparkly pink bow. The crimson flora covering the walls followed suit seconds later, accompanied by an abrupt end to the Eggpire's screaming.

In the stunned silence, Dream cautiously removed his hands from his ears. Sidestepping a quietly seething XD, he strolled over to the Eggpire, squinting down at Bad. "Unconscious," he declared. "Techno, could you take them to Church Prime and dump them into the fountain? The Egg should be out of their heads now, but better safe than sorry."

Technoblade stared at him, then glanced at XD, who had lowered his arm and was now making a beeline for George. "Uh. Okay." He tossed an unconscious BadBoyHalo over his shoulder, then glanced up at Dream. ". . . I'm assumin' the Egg isn't a problem anymore?"

Dream looked at him, looked at the pile of dust that had been the Egg, then looked back at him. Technoblade shrugged and hefted Antfrost onto his other shoulder. "Just checkin'."

"Wait, wait, wait," Quackity spluttered, raising his sword. "Dream, Dream. What do you think you're doing?"

"I wrote down the revive book stuff in one of the books in the prison," Dream dismissed, waving a hand. "It's in the chest, if you wanna go get it."

Sam growled. "You're going back now."

Dream stared blankly at him. "Bold words for a man with no armor or weapons."

Tommy kicked him. "We're not killing Sam."

Dream eyed him. "He deserves it."

"Okay, yeah, he was kinda a bitch," Tommy admitted, "but he got better!"

"That hasn't happened yet. C'mon, just one little stab?"

". . . Mayb--"

"Okay, that's enough," Quackity snapped, "Technoblade, knock him out."

Technoblade paused, a dangerous smile spreading across his face. "I don't recall answerin' to you, Quackity," he said quietly. The duck hybrid took a nervous step back as he turned to face him. "I only agreed to work with you because of this whole Egg thing. It's gone now, so. . ."

There was a minute of tense silence. A drop of sweat rolled down the side of Quackity's face, but he maintained his glaredown with Technoblade. At last the piglin hybrid scoffed, turned on his heel and stalked away, dragging along all four members of the Eggpire.

Dream watched him go for a moment, then shrugged and turned to Tommy. The motion instantly caught several peoples' attention, including Quackity, who tensed like he was preparing for a fight.

"Well," Dream said mildly. "Show's over. Time to go."

Sam stepped forward. "You're not going anywhere, Dream."

"Purpled," Quackity called.

Purpled eyed Dream. "How much?"

"We can discuss your fee later--"

"How. Much?"

"A block of netherite!"

". . . Alright."

"And that's our cue to get the hell out!" Tommy shouted, slamming his hand down on the button Dream was still holding.

"THAT WAS EASY," the electronic voice said again, before the ceiling opened and the entire banquet hall was barraged with glitter bombs.

Dream and Tommy disappeared in the ensuing chaos.

13.

Dream practically sprinted across the netherrack bridge, diving into the portal. The moment he stepped out the other side, he was soaked with rain. The ground was pockmarked with craters, the smoking remains of Logstedshire visible in the distance.

And right at the end of the path, reaching into the heavens, was a rickety stone tower. At the top of that tower sat one TommyInnit.

"TOMMY!" Dream screamed up at him. Tommy glanced down.

"HEY, DREAM!" Tommy hollered back.

Dream grimaced. "GET DOWN FROM THERE," he shouted. "IT'S DANGEROUS!"

"I KNOW, YOU BASTARD!" Tommy yelled, then scowled and muttered something that was lost in the wind.

"WHAT?" Dream shouted.

Tommy hesitated, glanced around with narrowed eyes, then looked back down at him. ". . . I'M STUCK!"

Dream stared at him. " WHAT? "

"I SAID I'M STUCK!" Tommy huffed, crossing his arms. "I NEED HELP GETTING DO-- DREAM! DREAM, YOU BASTARD, STOP LAUGHING, I WILL SHOOT YOU WITH MY GLOCK I SWEAR TO PRIME--"

14. (inspired by oliverhat)

Dream towered over Tubbo in the ruins of the community house, walled in with water on all four sides. "I need the disc," he said calmly, shifting his grip on his netherite axe. "Give it to me, Tubbo."

Tommy took a deep breath, steeled himself, then jumped down. "NAY!" he cried, landing with a splash in the knee-deep water. "NAY, DOTH NOT--"

"What?" Tubbo asked, staring at Tommy's helmet. Right, he was still invisible. Dream turned his piercing stare on him.

"Tommy," he said simply. "Thou art eyeless."

Tommy forced himself to square his shoulders and glare. "Dream," he greeted. He turned to Tubbo. "Tubbo, giveth not that gent the discs."

"Uh," said Tubbo. "What?"

Dream stepped forward. "Tommy, hark. Thee fuck'd up. Tubbo shall giveth me the discs--"

"NAY!" Tommy shouted. He gestured at the walls of water surrounding them. "Doest this behold liketh a thing I wouldst doth?!"

Dream gritted his teeth. "AYE!" he shouted, grip tightening on his axe in frustration. "Who is't else wouldst doth?!"

"Nay, nay, nay," Tommy insisted. "Dream, hark--"

"What the fuck is going on?" Fundy asked blankly. "I'm not-- this isn't a fever dream, right? Because it feels like a fever dream."

"I think they're talking in Shakespearean English," Ranboo offered.

"Yes, thank you Ranboo, very helpful. Why are they talking in Shakespearean English?"

"Hark!" Dream shouted. "We wilt returneth to the subject--"

"Can anyone understand him?" Tubbo asked. "Because I can't."

"He's basically tellin' us to focus," Technoblade deadpanned. Several people jerked in surprise, suddenly notice the new set of floating armor standing next to Tommy.

"Techn--?"

"Tommy, why the fuck would you bring--"

"It's Techno?!" Fundy cried.

"Yes, it's me, Technoblade, subscribe, thank you, back to the subject. Tommy didn't do this."

"Aye, aye!" Tommy cried. "This gent speaketh the sooth! Doest this behold liketh something I wouldst doth?"

Dream scoffed. "Aye, 't doest."

"Look, Dream, Tommy, I don't know what's up with you two," Technoblade deadpanned, "but we're havin' a serious confrontation here and I can't translate for the commoners, so would you mind speakin' modern English?"

Dream and Tommy offered him identical blank stares. "I speak in thy common tongue," Tommy protested. "'Tis simply thy stupidity yond prevents thee from enlightenment."

"Excuse you," Technoblade protested, "I am v'ry cunning, thee infant, and thou art m'rely a clotpole who cannot adh're to the most simple of instructions."

Tommy gasped like Technoblade had just insulted the queen. "I shall murd'r thee, then danceth on thy bones! Rescind thy claim, f'r I am not an infant, I am a man!"

"Tommy, Technoblade," Quackity snapped, "What the fuck are you doing?"

Technoblade offered him a bland stare. "Behold, I knoweth I am not the most trustw'rthy sir," he intoned flatly, "But Tommy wouldst nev'r doth this. Dream wilt censure that infant, but he is but a scapegoat. Has't thee f'rgotten yond Dream hateth Tommy? What evidence doth thee has't yond that infant didst 't?"

Okay, Tommy could admit he was a bit impressed. Who knew Technoblade could speak Shakespearian English? He still got one thing wrong, though. "I am a man!" Tommy protested. "Not an infant, you wench!"

He was ignored. Technoblade turned back to Dream. "Hold thy tongue and beest silent. Speaketh thy lies nay longeth'r."

"For fuck's sake, just speak normally!" Quackity exploded.

"I speaketh n'rmally," Technoblade sniffed. "Now what sayeth thee, Dream?"

Dream stared at him, then turned to Quackity. "Tommy lo hizo. Voló la casa de la comunidad."

"NO, NO LO HICE!" Tommy shrieked. "CÁLLATE, BASTARDO!"

Tubbo blinked slowly. "Is that. . . is that Spanish?"

"Okay, nope, that's it, I'm out," Ranboo declared, turning on his heel and marching away. "Adiós."

"NO VUELVAS!" Tommy shouted at his retreating back.

Fundy looked like he was trying not to scream. "What the fuck is happening?!"

15. the nyan chronicles, pt. 1 (credit to hhhhhhhh)

"Tommy, no."

"Tommy, yes."

"What the hell could you offer him?"

"My soul."

"Tommy--"

"Relax, big man. I was joking. Though honestly, if I did sell my soul, would it get undone when we loop?"

"I'd rather not find out. So what are you really going to offer him?"

"Oh my Prime, Dream, just let me talk to him. Have some faith, will you?"

"Given how the last loop went--"

"We're talking about this loop, not the last one. C'mon, it's not like there's lasting consequences."

". . . Fine."

~~~

"Holy shit that actually worked?"

"Yep! I told you to have faith, big man--"

"--faith in XD's idiocy?"

"--shhhhh, he can probably hear us!"

". . ."

". . ."

". . . so why exactly did you want him to overwrite all the discs on the SMP with the Nyan Cat theme?"

"Think of the memes, Dream. Think of the memes."

~~~

"Ranboo."

"Yes?"

"This. . . this is Chirp, right?"

". . . Yeah, that looks like Chirp. Why?"

In lieu of answering, Tubbo shoved the disc into a jukebox. A series of high-pitched electric notes played out, followed by an electronic voice repeatedly singing--

". . . Nyan?" Ranboo asked uncertainly. "Is that. . . is that the Nyan Cat song?"

"Yeah," Tubbo answered. He removed the disc, shoving in a Pigstep one instead. The same song began playing.

Ranboo stared at the jukebox. ". . . What?"

Tubbo brushed his bangs to the side. "I tried these discs with another jukebox, too. Played the same thing. Do you have any discs?"

Ranboo couldn't suppress the full-body flinch that question gave him, and did his best not to think about a buried chest and a single disc lying inside it. "No," he replied truthfully, "but I can probably go ask around. See if people are having the same issue and whatnot."

"Okay," Tubbo replied absently. He yanked Pigstep out of the jukebox, cutting off the semi-annoying music. "You do that."

~~~

"Foolish?"

The god looked up. "Hey, Ranboo!" he greeted cheerily, setting down the block of stone he was holding. "What's up?"

Ranboo fidgeted nervously with his sleeves. "Uh. . . do you. . . do you have any discs?"

Foolish blinked. "Discs? I think I might have one or two in a chest somewhere. Why?"

"Uh. Something's wrong with Tubbo's, and I was wondering if it was happening to anyone else."

Foolish shrugged, making a 'follow me' gesture and turning away. Ranboo obliged. "I can take a look," the totem god said. "I needed a break from building anyways."

He opened a chest and pulled out Wait, popping it into a nearby jukebox. Nyan Cat music began playing.

"Huh," Foolish said slowly, then ejected the disc and put in Blocks, only to get the same result.

"That's strange," Foolish muttered, strolling over to a different jukebox and shoving Wait into it. Ranboo winced as Nyan Cat began playing again, clashing out-of-sync with the Nyan Cat playing from the first jukebox. "Was Tubbo having this. . . problem too?"

Ranboo nodded. Foolish sighed.

"Well, this could be a glitch," he said, removing the discs from the jukeboxes. The music stopped instantly, leaving blessed silence behind. "But I doubt it. It's probably a prank of some sort, though I don't know how the prankster could've pulled it off. Or who they could be, for that matter. Maybe Fundy? He had a history of pranking, right?"

". . . Maybe," Ranboo agreed weakly. "Well. Uh. Thanks, Foolish. I. . . I better be going now."

"Bye, Ranboo! Good luck figuring this out!"

~~~

"Ranboo?"

"Hi, Philza," Ranboo greeted nervously.

Philza blinked. "Hey mate. What happened?"

"Uh. . . do you have any discs?"

"Discs?" Philza shook his head. "No, but I think Techno might have some. Why?"

"There's a problem with Tu-my. My discs. They're all playing the Nyan Cat theme for some reason."

Philza blinked slowly. "I-- the Nyan Cat theme?"

"The Nyan Cat theme," Ranboo affirmed gravely. "Foolish's too. Do you have any idea why?"

". . . No," Philza said slowly. "You could try asking Techno."

~~~

". . . What," Technoblade deadpanned, staring at the jukebox he'd just put Pigstep into. "Why. How. What."

"Foolish said it was probably a prank of some kind," Ranboo offered. "Though he's not sure who would do this."

"Or why," Philza muttered, narrowing his eyes at the jukebox. He ejected the disc, then put it back in. When the first notes of Nyan Cat started playing, he pulled it out, then put it back in, and continued to repeat this sequence of actions several more times until--

"Okay, that's enough," Technoblade grumbled, snatching the disc from Philza's hands. "I feel like every time I listen to this, it gets more annoyin'."

Philza had the decency to look sheepish. "Sorry."

Ranboo studiously ignored the twitching in his own eye. "It's fine. Uh. I'm. . . I'm gonna go see if anyone has any discs that aren't Nyan Cat."

Technoblade grimaced. "If you happen to find a Pigstep. . ."

"I'll let you know."

~~~

Ranboo stepped into Kinoko Kingdom and was instantly blasted in the face with the sound of five jukeboxes playing Nyan Cat at the exact same time. How the heck had they coordinated it?

"GEORGE, WAKE UP, HELP ME!" Sapnap screamed. "OH PRIME MAKE IT STOP--"

"NEVER!" Karl shrieked. "ACCEPT NYAN CAT AS YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR--"

Ranboo turned around and walked away. Yeah, no, he wasn't touching that with a ten foot pole.

Loop Notes

12. Yes, the button was one of those plastic ones from Staples. 
They've figured out by now that the best way to destroy the Egg is to sic XD on it. The rest of the server (sans the Syndicate, who stayed neutral, and Tommy) then united to take down Dream (again), but they never found where he was hiding. Dream and Tommy spent the rest of the loop playing pranks on everyone else.
13. Dream stopped laughing at Tommy. Eventually.
15. Tommy's discs became one of the most valuable things on the server. Mostly because they were the only two discs that, when put into a jukebox, would not play Nyan Cat.