111. (credit to MarienNori)

"Tommy!" Wilbur called. "Tommy, where are you?"

The only answer was the echo of his own voice. Wilbur scowled and scrubbed a hand through his hair, stalking through the corridors of Pogtopia.

"Tommy, I swear to Prime if you're--" he rounded the corner and froze.

A block of TNT sat smack-dab in the center of Pogtopia, bright red against the stone. The culprit was nowhere in sight; whoever had planted it was already long gone.

Well aware of the sudden pounding in his ears, Wilbur raked his gaze over the walls. His search revealed neither button nor pressure plate. Scuffing the dirt with his toe uncovered no lines of redstone.

But someone had snuck into Pogtopia. Someone had snuck in, and left a single block of TNT. Not to destroy it - no, if they wanted to blow Wilbur's second nation up, they would have brought more TNT. This was a statement. A threat. There was someone out there who could get into the heart of their stronghold undetected, who could cause irreparable damage if they wanted to.

Wilbur stalked forward, dust swirling around his ankles. He stopped before the block and scrutinized it, then crouched and tried to pick it up. It fell apart in his hands, revealing. . . cake on the inside.

"What the fuck?" he muttered, dropping it. It was too late; the red frosting had already caked his gloves. He tried to wipe it off on the floor, but it just left a neon smear of frosting and left his gloves covered with frosting and dust. He scowled and peeled the gloves off, tossing them into his inventory to be washed later, then squinted down at the cake. This. . . complicated things.

On one hand, it could still be interpreted as a threat. Even if the object left behind was harmless, someone had managed to get into Pogtopia undetected. But if it was a threat, why use a cake of all things? Making one took time and effort - it would have been much easier to just put down a block.

A glint caught his attention. Wilbur cocked his head, eyes narrowing at the silver gleam he could see among the cake crumbs. Flicking aside a chunk of cake, he extracted the object and held it up to the dim light.

It was a tube, a capped metal cylinder the size of his finger. He unscrewed the cap and turned it upside down, shaking it until the slip of paper fell into his hand. Wilbur unrolled it, bracing himself for a death threat.

congrats on the new place! I made you a cake for your housewarming party :D it's vanilla, btw. i'm very proud of the frosting.

enjoy!

". . . What the fuck?"

~~~

This loser has been farming for fourteen hours L. Take a break. Sleeeeeep. Don't you like sleep? C'mon Blade, it's been HOURS. You gotta be tired. Self care gang! Take a break. You know it's bad when the voices in your head are encouraging you to practice self care.

"No."

Mans really just went 'self care? Don't know her'. It's true, we don't know her. We pog through the pain like MEN. Did you. . . did you just use pog unironically? EVERYONE SHUT UP AND GET HIM TO REST. It's only been fourteen hours though??? ONLY fourteen hours?! ONLY FOURTEEN HOURS?! Fuck fine yes I get it fourteen hours is a long time now sTOP SCREAMING AT ME!

Technoblade huffed and reached his hoe, only to flinch back when his fingers met something that was definitely not his hoe. Whipping around, he stared. The voices went silent.

It looked like Technoblade had. . . dented his hoe. By touching it.

Da fuck? Oh boy when did he drink a potion of strength? That's an iron hoe, there's no way he can dent that just by touching it - even with Strength. There's no particles!

Yeah, no, something was wrong. Either he'd developed super strength without noticing it, or this hoe was an impostor.

Narrowing his eyes, Technoblade tried to pick it up again. The section of handle he'd tried to pick up lifted easily in his hand, leaving the rest of the hoe behind and revealing that it was. . . cake.

What.

Technoblade poked the tip of the hoe. His finger sunk right into it, revealing that it, too, was cake.

What.

The voices cackled in a maelstrom of glee and confusion. CAKE! Oh fuck everything is cake. IT'S ALL CAKE. Pogtopia is Cake. L'Manberg is Cake. We are cake. The world is Cake. Reality is Cake. Everything you know is Cake. LMAO HE'S SO CONFUSED-- we're confused too! Eat the cake! CONSUME IT. Wait if everything is cake does that mean he has to eat everything too? YES NOM THE DIRT. NO DO NOT NOM THE DIRT. But don't you want to know what wither skulls taste like? I mean the cake might be poisoned. BUT HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET TO SAY YOU ATE YOUR FARMING HOE? Lmao imagine if he just said that to Wilbur's face. THE CAKE IS A LIE-- SHUT, THAT REFERENCE CAN'T BE USED HERE--

Technoblade stared at his cake-crusted hand and decided that it was time to take a break.

~~~

Tommy glared up at the ceiling, rubbing the last bit of sleep from his eyes. He'd forgotten how cold Pogtopia could be. Paired with his paper-thin blankets, his sleep had been shitty at best.

Going by the faint light seeping in under his door, it was about half past six in the morning. Time to get up.

With monumental effort, he levered himself into a sitting position and swung his legs off the bed. Straightening his rumpled shirt, he shoved his foot into his shoe-- only to still when it caved under his sole.

Slowly, he lifted his foot. Yup, there were chunks of cake stuck to it.

"DREAM!"

112. (credit to Skywritesalot)

"We have built cobblestone walls outside, and we have shot one warning shot inside your walls." Dream drew himself up, the enchantments on his netherite gear gleaming. "We have NO MERCY! NO MERCY FOR YOU! We will come! We will burn down your houses, we will kill everything inside your walls, and . . and we'll. . .uh."

There was a moment of awkward silence. Dream's allies exchanged glances as the L'Manberg fighters tensed.

"Shit, I forgot. LINE!"

"Take back the land that's rightfully ours," Tommy called.

"And we'll take back the land that's rightfully ours!" Dream drew his sword and pointed it up at the L'Manbergians, ignoring the confused looks. "I want to see WHITE FLAGS! WHITE FLAGS, OUTSIDE YOUR BASE, BY TOMORROW, AT DAWN or you are DEAD!"

With that dramatic statement, he whirled on his heel and stalked away. Wilbur turned to Tommy.

". . . Line?" he asked.

Tommy snorted. "I dunno, man, I didn't memorize yours. Just make some inspirational shit up."

"I-- what? That's not what I meant--"

"Whatever," Tommy huffed. "This scene's already scuffed anyways, let's just skip to the next one."

"Tomm--"

Tommy was already hurrying away. "I'll be mining if you need me!" he called over his shoulder.

~~~

Tommy had been trying to take a nap when his communicator buzzed. He ignored it, only for it to go off twice in quick succession. He rolled over with a grumble and stuck a hand out from under the blankets, feeling about his bedside chest before his fingers closed around the device. He flipped it open and squinted at the screen.

World Chat

<Dream>: @TommyInnit

<Dream>: help

<Dream>: line

Tommy squinted at the screen.

<TommyInnit>: context?

<Dream>: uhhh having a friendly chat w lmanbrg cabinet

<Dream>: definitely a very friendly chat

<Dream>: tubbo just said something about trade

<TommyInnit>: Dream

<TommyInnit>: its an improv section

<TommyInnit>: just go with twhatever

<Dream>: .

<Dream>: OH ITS IMPROV

<Dream>: forgot abt that whoops

<TommyInnit>: youre welcome

<TommyInnit>: now shut up im channeling my inner gogy

<Dream>: u could just mute the comm

Tommy stared at the communicator. Right, he'd forgotten he could do that.

<TommyInnit>: fuck off

<TommyInnit>: go threaten tubbo or something

<Dream>: It told yuo it's a ****friendly**** conversation

Tommy rolled his eyes, chucked his communicator onto his bedside chest, and promptly settled back for a well-deserved nap.

~~~

"If you catch wind of Tommy, let me know because I've been out looking for him."

Technoblade bobbed his head. "Yup. I'll keep an eye out."

There was an awkward silence. Dream shifted, ". . . Line," he whispered.

"I tracked down a forest he chopped down," Tommy said.

Technoblade instantly drew his sword, stepping between Dream and the cabinet Tommy was hiding in. Dream just huffed and moved back, out of stabbing range. "Thanks," he muttered, then cleared his throat. "I tracked down a forest he chopped down, but his trail ended there. So if you see him, just-- let me know."

Tecnoblade's grip on his sword loosened. Dream could see the cogs whirling in his head even as he pasted a slightly bewildered, mostly panicked smile on his face. "Yeah, uh, will-- will do?"

"Alright," Dream hummed, turning away. "Well, it was nice to see you."

Technoblade remained tense, waiting, as Dream strolled out the door. The moment it swung shut, he rounded on Tommy. "What?" he demanded.

"Shhhh," Tommy hissed. He shimmied out of the cabinet and got to his feet, dusting imaginary dirt off of his knees. "He's right outside."

"You just talked to him!"

"Off script! He doesn't know I'm here!"

"What?"

"Nothing we do off script translates to reality," Tommy said, like that explained anything. "They're bloopers, they get ignored."

"What?"

"Anyway," Tommy deadpanned, wandering over to one of the chests and rummaging around. "Got any gapples? I'm starving."

"Tommy--"

"Aha!"

"You can't just--?"

Tommy took a large bite of the gapple and looked him in the eye. "I can and I will, bitch."

~~~

"LINE!" Tommy screamed.

Dream stared at him. "Really?" he deadpanned. "Now?"

"Fuck off," Tommy grumbled. "It's kinda hard to recall 'em when you're about to drop a fuck ton of TNT on our heads. You've called it like ten times by now, it's time I got to do it."

Dream snorted. "Something about having 25 minutes, I think--"

"Mate," Philza cut in, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Tommy forgot his lines," Dream said, like that explained anything. He turned to Tommy. "Hurry up, we're on a schedule here!"

"You're not even supposed to be here!" Tommy shouted back. "Go set up the TNT grid! Why the fuck are you in a tree?!"

"Because I like nature," Dream snarked. "I already set up the grid, I just need to turn it on--"

"Can someone explain?" Tubbo interrupted. Behind him, Fundy nodded emphatically. "Just, stop for a second and explain?"

Tommy buried his face in his hands and let out a long, long groan. When he finally peeled his hands away after a good twenty seconds, he rolled his eyes. "You know what? Fuck this. We're skipping this scene."

"Techno won't like that."

"Techno can fuck right off," Tommy sniffed. "He's your problem."

"L'Manberg needs to be destroyed for the plot to work."

"Fuck the plot. We'll turn L'Manberg into a commune or some shit. No more government. No more fighting. Problem solved."

Dream sighed. ". . . You know what? Fine." He cleared his throat. "Change of plans, we're not destroying L'Manberg!"

Technoblade appeared on the scene, a veritable army of hounds swarming around his feet. "What? What do you mean, we're not destroyin' L'Manberg?"

"I mean, we can, but after we do some peaceful negotiation first." At the incredulous stares he received, Dream shrugged. "Tommy said he could turn it into a commune. If he succeeds, we don't have to destroy the government, right?"

"That's not-- that's not the point. They need to learn."

Dream glanced between the TNT grid looming in the distance, Technoblade's army of wolves, and the L'Manbergians. "I think they get the point."

"We do," Tommy confirmed cheerily. "So you don't need to go ham. Ha, get it, ham? Because--"

The looks Dream and Technoblade turned on him would have put a wither to shame. Tommy deflated.

"Yeah, okay, shutting up now."

"As long as L'Manberg exists, someone's going to try to create a government," Philza cut in. "We can't let it continue."

Tommy barreled in with the delicacy of a trainwreck. "Look, old man, I get that you're upset that Wilbur's dead, but you can't take it out on his nation--"

"Tommy."

"It's true!"

Dream let out a long, long, sigh. " Tommy--"

"It's our fucking nation, you can't just barge in and tell us what to do--"

"It's my SMP, I think I can barge in and tell you what to do--"

"--your claim on the SMP died the day you decided to become a manipulative piece of shit--"

"--excuse you, I got better--"

"--and now we've gone completely off the script, good job--"

"--and this is my fault how?"

Their audience looked back and forth between the two loopers like they were watching a particularly interesting ping-pong match. Tommy groaned and slapped a hand over his eyes.

"I didn't want to do this, but. . . leave or I'll obliterate you."

"You and what army?"

A devious grin spread across Tommy's face. "Glad you asked. Does Fred sound familiar to you?"

Dream stared at him. ". . . You didn't."

"But I did," Tommy cackled. A dark cloud amassed on the horizon, swallowing the TNT grid. As it drew closer, a single spot of bright red became visible within the roiling darkness.

"Right," Dream deadpanned. He turned to his two allies. "You can deal with this by yourself. Bye."

"Wha--" Technoblade spluttered as Dream smashed a potion at his own feet. An eagle burst from the colorful fog, wheeled about once, and shot off. Technoblade and Philza stared after it, then turned back to the cloud.

The cloud, which was now close enough for them to see that it wasn't a cloud, but rather a horde of withers. A horde of withers with a Swiftness effect, if the unnatural speed at which they were moving was taken into account. A wither sporting a bright red cowboy hat led the charge, its jaw unhinged in a terrible screech.

"Shit," Philza said. And then the withers were upon them.

113. (inspired by Ophtr)

"I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. I--"

"Hate this, I get it," Tommy groaned. "Look, it's your fault for drinking a random potion--"

"I thought it was water!"

"You're a fuckin' ghost, you don't need to drink water!"

"I was thirsty!"

". . . Well, on the bright side, now we know how the potion affects ghosts."

Dream's smile was ever-present, but his narrowed eyes gave the distinct impression that he was glowering. "Who knows, it might affect humans too. Why don't you try drinking it?"

"I like having arms, so I think I'll pass."

"I hate you."

"Aww," Tommy cooed, tapping Dream on the head. The blob reared back and headbutted him. "You don't need to be so violent. What's a tiny, miniscule homeless teletubby like you gonna do if you mess with the wrong guy?"

"I hate you so, so much."

Tommy grinned. "Think of this as revenge for the wings potion. Except you brought it on yourself."

"Choke on your tongue and die."

"I'll pass." Tommy plucked Dream off the table. "Now come on, we need to show everyone your new and improved form!"

The ghost went still for a moment, then resumed struggling with double the urgency. "Tommy-- TOMMY, don't you DARE--"

Tommy cackled and set off at a run, ignoring the screeching blob. He had a Gogy to hunt down.

114. (credit to UltimateNagitoSimp)

"What," Sam said, "the fuck."

Puffy shifted, knuckles white around her trident. "Be careful," she warned. "This might be another Egg situation."

"What the fuck," Sam repeated numbly. Foolish, currently human-sized, patted him on the back.

"Don't worry, if it's another Egg, I'll just smite it."

Sam looked up at the sky. "One day. Can't we go one day without something trying to take over the server?"

"We don't know if it is another Egg," Puffy reminded him. "For all we know--"

"Greetings!"

The three of them whipped around, coming face to face with Tommy. The teenager was grinning wide and bright, his hands clasped in front of his chest. He was dressed completely in white, save for the viridian shawl draped over his shoulders.

"Greetings!" he chirped again. "Are you here to worship?"

Sam and Puffy exchanged glances. ". . . Uh," Puffy started, her eyes darting from Tommy's unnatural smile to his hands. "Just here to, uh, learn a bit more about, um--"

Tommy's grin grew impossibly wider. "The Great Cactus?"

"Y-yes," Sam said stiffly. "We want to. Learn. About the Great Cactus."

Tommy's head tilted, a motion so smooth that it seemed robotic. "Of course, of course. Potential converts are always welcomed."

Swiveling around, he glided into the building. Sam stared after him, then turned to Puffy and Foolish.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked when Tommy was out of hearing distance. "If it is another Egg situation--"

"I told Niki where I was going. If I'm not home by five, she'll alert the others. Besides, we have Foolish with us."

Foolish cracked his knuckles. "Worst comes to worst, I'll bust through the roof and carry you out."

Sam grimaced. "Right. Okay." He took a deep breath, adjusting his grip on his trident. "In we go."

The three of them shuffled into the building, on high alert. Tommy was standing in the middle of the entrance hall with his back to them. His white robes seemed to glow in the weak light coming from the tiny windows above them. When they stepped in, he turned around, the unsettling smile still pasted on his face.

"Welcome to the Sanctuary," he said. "Please, respect the Great Cactus. Do not eat in the Sanctuary, although drinking is permitted. Do not fight in the Sanctuary."

"Do not touch the Great Cactus," a second voice added. The three visitors tensed as Dream slid from the shadows, clad in white and green. A placid smile was pasted on his face. "Do not come within six feet of the Great Cactus. Do not consume anything except coconut juice within the presence of the Great Cactus."

"Coconut juice?" Foolish asked. He winced when Puffy elbowed him. "I mean--"

"Coconut juice," Tommy said gravely. "Coconut trees are the enemy of the Great Cactus."

"I see," Sam said in a way that meant he absolutely did not see at all. Neither 'priest' seemed to notice, instead nodding at each other before turning to the visitors.

"Are you ready?" they asked in unison.

Puffy exchanged glances with Sam and Foolish. "Yes. . .?"

Tommy smiled, his teeth gleaming in the dim light. Puffy grimaced as goosebumps crawled up her arms. "Excellent."

"Right this way," Dream intoned, turning away. Tommy mirrored his movements. Together, they pushed open the oak double doors, revealing the innermost part of the Sanctuary.

. . . It was surprisingly normal, as far as rooms (cult rooms?) were concerned. It somewhat resembled the interior of Church Prime, with a different color scheme and setup. The room was divided by four paths through the rows of wooden pews that encircled the center of the room. In place of a podium, a single cactus stuck up from the sand.

Speaking of that, sand. The floor of the sanctuary was entirely composed of it - how long had it taken Tommy and Dream to cart it in and dump it? Better yet, how was the floor outside of the sanctuary sand-free? By logic, some of it should have been tracked out via boot or the hem of the priests' long robes, yet there wasn't a single speck of yellow on the green carpet.

It defied logic. Puffy shivered and decided to stop thinking about it.

"This isn't as bad as I was expecting," Foolish whispered. "I thought there would be, like, more blood or something. Human sacrifices."

"We do not sacrifice humans," Dream said. Foolish jumped. "We do, however, sacrifice coconuts to the Great Cactus. The life fluid of the coconuts nourishes its glorious existence."

"Right, right, I should have known." Foolish laughed nervously, his skin paling to rose-gold. "I was joking about the human sacrifice thing. No offense?"

"It is normal for the ignorant to make mistakes," Tommy said. "Do not worry, the Great Cactus understands."

Puffy discreetly raised a hand to massage her temples. Great. Wonderful. That confirmed that the Great Cactus was sentient. This was starting to look more and more like an Egg 2.0.

"Now come," Dream said. He turned around, robes flaring dramatically. "The Great Cactus wishes to meet you."

"I have a bad feeling about this," Sam muttered.

"Too late to back out now," Puffy muttered back. She took a deep breath. "No way to go but forward."

"At least it doesn't look like they do human sacrifice?"

Sam and Puffy leveled matching flat looks at Foolish, who chuckled and raised his hands. "Just saying!"

"Don't even joke about that," Puffy said, but her voice was fond. She mentally shook herself. They were on a mission, they didn't have time for this. "Let's go before they get suspicious."

Together, the visitors followed the two priests into the heart of the sanctuary.

~~~

The two loopers froze as they blinked awake in Dream's underground base. Tommy had Dream backed up against the wall and a crossbow leveled at his face, presumably to take his second canon life. They gaped at each other for a moment.

And then Dream started wheezing. Several people flinched back as Tommy joined him, doubling over with laughter.

"Tommy?" Tubbo called. "Tommy, what. . . what are you doing?"

Tommy inhaled, managing to compose himself for a precious few seconds. "Cactus," he choked out.

"Cactus," Dream agreed. And then they both devolved into hysterics.

115. loop zero

Sapnap shut the door as slowly as he could, holding his breath as it had clicked shut. When nothing happened to indicate that he'd woken the person sleeping inside, he let himself relax slightly, running a hand through his hair.

"So how is he?"

Sapnap nearly jumped out of his skin. "FUCK!" he yelped, whipping around, only to clap his hands over his mouth. Dream stared back at him, mask pushed to the side of his head. In the dim light, his curiosity was still clear.

Sapnap sighed, uncovering his mouth. "Why the fuck are you awake?"

Dream hummed. "I could ask you the same thing."

Sapnap sent him a flat look. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Right. So how is he?"

"Asleep," Sapnap snarked. "I think. I might have woken him up when you scared me." At Dream's unimpressed stare, he huffed. "He's a bit more coherent now. Calmer. Though he kept muttering something about paths and strings."

Dream frowned. ". . . Paths and strings?"

"I'm just as lost as you are, man," Sapnap deadpanned. "Anyway, I got his name before he passed out. It's Karl."

"With a C or a K?"

"No idea. Not even sure if it's his real name." Sapnap sighed. ". . . Do you think we can trust him? You didn't invite him, but. . ."

"I don't know," Dream admitted. "He was-- I think he was actually terrified when we found him. Emotion like that can't be faked. He didn't get into the server legally, but I don't think it was his choice."

Sapnap sighed. "Who the hell would hack a server just to send someone else in?"

"And why?" Dream shook his head. "Nevermind, we can ask him tomorrow. It's been a long day. Get some sleep."

Sapnap grunted and trudged away down the corridor, presumably to pass out in his bed. Dream waited until he was gone, then quietly opened the door.

The stranger (Karl, if that's what his name really was) lay in the bed, deathly still. Even in the darkness, Dream could see the frown twisted across his face. No thrashing to indicate nightmares, though - he'd really worn himself out panicking earlier.

Dream closed the door, hesitated for a moment, then locked it. Sapnap had found the man in the middle of the woods, and while he hadn't done anything to harm them, Dream had been burned one too many times to trust a stranger.

Letting out a heavy sigh, he turned on his heel and headed towards the kitchen. He had a feeling he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight.

Loop Notes
112. The L'Manbergians were not informed about Tommy's plan, but Tommy made sure to introduce his friends to his emotional support wither (Fred - see 45 in Chapter 9) as an apology. Tubbo was not amused. (Okay, he was. Just a little bit. Fundy and Quackity's faces were really funny.)
113. Dream soon remembered that he was a ghost, and thus could become intangible. Cue Manhunt music.
115. ꃩ꒹ꌎ ꃩꌎꏼꒊꁲꁲ ꌅꌂꌎ ꌅ ꐄꒊꌎꑩꁲꌎꐄ ꃩ꒹ꌅꃩ ꌎꃳꒊꂢꑇꌂꌎꐄ ꃩ꒹ꌎ ꏼꊹꂢꃩꁲꁁꌎꌂꐄꌎ, ꒹ꑇꒊꒊꁲꏲꈵ ꎇꌂꑇꏼ ꒊꌅꃩ꒹ ꃩꑇ ꒊꌅꃩ꒹. ꐄꑇꏼꌎꃩꁲꏼꌎꐄ, ꃩ꒹ꌎꁙ ꈵꌎꃩ ꐄꃩꊹꑩꁸ ꑇꏲ ꑇꏲꌎ ꒊꌅꃩ꒹.
ꐄꑇꏼꌎꃩꁲꏼꌎꐄ, ꃩ꒹ꌎꁙ ꏼꌎꐄꐄ ꊹꒊ ꃩ꒹ꌎ ꒊꌅꃩ꒹.
Key: ꑇꌎ ꅢꁁ ꃴꌂ ꋖꂢ ꌅꁸ ꊹꁙ ꑩꂵ ꒹ꈵ ꎇꃩ ꑛꐄ ꊯꒊ ꏼꏲ ꃳꁲ