김남준
(kim namjoon)

before it happened

i met him at my worst. under the cold rain , shivering , complexion pale as the moon with a cold beverage on my hand.

his eyes were red and puffy , his nose was bright red too. he sat down next to me about a few inches away , not even sure if he knows i'm here.

im not even sure myself if i'm here , if i'm at my right mind , because i'm out of my mind , i'm going delirious and i cannot understand myself anymore.

the dim streetlight was the only source of light we had under this raging storm and i thank whoever manages the streetlights around here because if it were bright , i'd feel exposed and bare.

as the night dragged on , no one spoke a word until i heard the man sigh , "the rain is coming to a stop" i right away looked at him , and saw sadness written on his face , badly.

his lip was bleeding maybe from biting on it too hard to refrain a loud sob to come out of his mouth , his eyes were bloodshot red , and his right cheek bruised. i snapped out of my thoughts and looked at my feet "yeah"

"i'm jin....you?" i glanced at him to see a hand stretched out , waiting for me to shake it.

"na-namjoon" i whispered softly but also made sure that he heard it and shook his hand lightly , afraid of breaking him any further.

he looked so fragile , his clothes hanging on whatever was left of his torso , his jeans looked like they were five sizes larger.

"well namjoon , it was nice sitting down next to you , drinking a straight-from-the-vending-machine cold drink under this cold and harsh weather" he chuckled and i nodded slightly , not wanting the conversation to continue

"what's the reason behind your tears?" i slowly raised my head and saw him looking at me with curiosity.

i cleared my throat , obviously hinting that i dont want to talk about it but he just raised an eyebrow. how stupid can this person be?

"i dont want to—"

"if i tell you the reason behind mine , will you tell me yours?"

"why are you so keen on knowing my life? you're nice and all but i'd like you to shut the hell up already plus we've talked for like five minutes and just sat down next to each other. i think that's all we'll ever be" i stood up and threw the can on the nearby bin , my soaked clothes weighing me down a little.

"well then atleast hear me out—"

"no"

"i'll save it for the future then—when we meet again." i looked back to him and eyed him up and down. he looked lost. desperate on finding someone to lean onto.

i stared at him for who knows long , my fingertips numb from the the cold before finally muttering , "sure , if we do meet again" i gave him a small smile.

yeah.

if we ever meet again , if i can open my eyes tomorrow , if i can breathe. if we do meet again , what a miracle that must be.