<He loves you and that scares him more than anything>

*LISTEN TO THE MUSIC ABOVE ON REPEAT AS YOU READ. It gets you in your feelings as you read.🥹🫶🏾*

|Kian|

HALF-WAY REMOVING my t-shirt, I paused. Jadesola finally knew, the pregnancy test in her right palm and the glare on her expression attested to that.

It would be a futile attempt to lie so I sucked in a ragged breath and let my hands fall away. "Yeah, I was aware but wasn't sure."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her stormy eyes flashed.

I advanced close to reach out for her trembling form but she held a hand out, snapping in a livid tone, "Why didn't you tell me, Kian?!! Why?!!"

Fuck.

Raking nervous fingers through the strands of my hair, I expelled a tired sigh. "I thought you didn't want a baby, Jade."

"No, that's a lie." She jerked her head to and fro, her braids swaying with that movement. "You thought I would abort it like Rina?" It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

Dumbfounded, I stopped short, at a loss at what to say. Her sentence had stuck an excruciating chord in me, the real reason why I'd actually kept her in the dark, an elephant in the room. I hadn't known it then, but a part of me was scared she would abort the child.

"Your silence tells me the truth." Hurt glistened in her amber depths. "Now, I don't know whether I'm angry at you for hiding the truth from me or knowing you believed I was capable of killing my own child."

"Fuck." Cursing, I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, frustrated. When I reopened them, she was still seething, a scowl contorting the planes of her beautiful face.

My arms fell to my side in defeat and I apologized softly, "I'm sorry, okay? So please, just hear me out here. Do you remember when I asked you about having kids? Your reply wasn't exactly reassuring so while I suspected you were pregnant, I didn't want to tell you. And yes, I admit, I was scared at the possibility that you might abort our child and right now, I am really ashamed. It is a horrible thing to think, because while my heart believed you wouldn't do it, my brain was just scared. Not, after what Rina did. Also, I didn't want you to be saddled with a burden I casted on you. Because this pregnancy is my fault."

"Yes it is your fault, Kian!" Jadesola brandished the test, like a mini-weapon as she inched closer. Her honey eyes blazed so hot, I could feel the scalding burn on my exposed skin. Like a lance spearing my heart, shredding it apart.

She screamed, anger dripping off her tone, "Every fucking thing is always your fucking fault! You knew I didn't want children, yet you came inside me. I was already pregnant, so there was no need sparing me from your cum when I'm knocked up, yeah?!"

Shit. She wasn't letting me go easily. I regarded her through downcast eyes, watching her unravel into tiny, torn pieces.

Her naked body quivering with the extent of her wrath, she stabbed the tiny plastic in my chest viciously, propelling me back. As she made a point, she hit the center of my chest, her accent thick, her voice rising an octave with every strike. "And even if I wasn't pregnant, you were doing it against my will. You held me down wherever you came."

A violent stab. "You refused to pull out because you wanted me pregnant."

Another savage hit. "You desired that so badly and that shit pissed me off because whenever I questioned you, you deflected my questions with lies! Lies that made me feel like a bad person for doubting your actions!!"

She raised her hand to poke my chest again but I was quick to lower them down. "Jade."

I looked her straight in the eye, hoping she noticed the contrite gleam in my gaze. Misery coursed rapidly underneath my skin as I uttered, "While I felt guilty the first time I came inside you, I did all that because I was scared of losing you. Everyone abandons me, Jade. Everyone, well apart from my brother and Ryan. Baby, I didn't want you to desert me too and I thought if we had a child, maybe it would make you st—"

"Excuses! Excuses! Excuses! Just stop talking and listen to me! I am not done!" she cut in, roaring, cords of veins streaking down the arch of her neck. Tears of fury were present in her eyes. She was immensely pissed, in an irate mood like never before, her chest heaving violently.

Grave, I nodded, letting her speak.

"Because of my ignorance, the women at our meeting today made fun of me. They insulted me, because they thought I got pregnant out of wedlock. My mom was so embarrassed and I felt so bad."

"Babe. . ." Upset, I tried to encircle my arms around her trembling shoulders but she flung them away.

Contempt was laced in her irked sentences. "They called me ugly names. And not just that, Olayinka was a pest in my ass. She kept on talking and poking her nose in my fucking business."

Jamila? Double shit. The hackles on my body rose, dread setting bumps on my skin. Alarmed, I asked quickly, "Olayinka? What did she tell you?"

"That you are the very definition of evil! It was the exact thing she told me after you raped me at her wedding. The same day you forced this child on me!"

The second those words erupted into the room, they punched my gut hard. Horror clawed at my chest, ensnaring my heart in its steel cage. Saddened in more ways than one, my mouth hung wide in disbelief. "Jade, I thought we were past this."

"We are not, Kian! We are not past it!" crying, Jadesola threw the pregnancy test at my face. It knocked my cheeks and tumbled to the tiled floor. "This child is a result of your lust. It is nothing but a reminder of who you once were. A past I wanted to forget!"

I remained silent, a heavy lump growing in my throat, choking. There was nothing to do but watch her, wallowing in the sea of agony that swallowed me whole. Jade and I were back to square one, all over again.

Her knotted fists banged my shoulders, striking repeatedly, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Call me selfish but I don't want to be pregnant anytime soon. I'll lose the Vogue deal. And your obsessed ass won't let me be your personal assistant anymore. All my worth will boil down to being a stay at home mother. . ."

"Hey, hey, hey." Despite the ache pulsating in my temple, I captured her fists and said softly, "It's okay."

"No, it's not." Jade sobbed, a bitter sound that ripped me to shreds. "I hate this baby and I hate you."

Those words, this scene gave me a frightening sense of deja-vu. I was flung into the past, unable to see my wife, rather I viewed my ex-wife again. Katharina. The eerie glare in her eyes when she bit out, I didn't want the baby, Kian.

No, I returned to the present, steeling myself. Even though my heart had been smashed into a million, tiny fragments. She was just sad, so she was bluffing. She had to be bluffing.

"Jade, you don't mean that." I slanted her wobbling chin up. "It is true that my intentions were not the right way to go about it. And for that, I am deeply sorry. But please, do not take out your anger on our child. It's innocent of its father's sin."

Quiet, she didn't say a word, the whites of her eyes red-rimmed, listening with rapt attention. That was a silver lining in the stormy clouds that loomed over us and I grabbed onto it, striding onto the path of restoration.

As I talked, the rough pad of my thumb gently cleaned off the tears glistening on her almond skin, "When I forced myself on you, I had no idea you would become pregnant. It was the last thing on my mind, Jade. But right now, we're married. I'm your husband and you are my wife. I know it doesn't excuse me forcefully breeding you. I took advantage of your ignorance and I am sorry I made you feel sad. It was wrong of me. Please, forgive me. Your anger rips at my heart and I can't bear to have you mad at me anymore. Please, Jadesola."

My voice broke, vision dimmed as I embraced her, hoping she wouldn't flare up. She didn't. She let me pull her into my arms, melting into my caresses.

Then she lifted her head, sniffing, pearls of moisture on her lashes. The emotion in her moist stare tugged at my heartstrings. "I don't know, Kian. When I'm pregnant, I'll lose my shape and you'll start hating me when I start waddling like a duck."

What?! I knitted my brows, astonished even as relief flooded my veins. It hadn't been the failed modeling contract or having a baby that heightened her indignation, but the fear of losing her body.

"That's not going to happen. Come." I steered her to the large mirror in the middle of our bedroom. "Can you see what I'm seeing, love?"

She glanced at her reflection. A look of dejection crossed her expression and her face crumpled. "Yes, I can see the tiny stretch marks on my belly. I can also view my breasts, which are getting bigger as the days go by and the invisible lines of fat that's about to invade my entire body."

"No, love, look at the person next to you." Her eyes slid to my reflection behind hers. His jaw was settled into the crook of her neck, his arms wound around her bare chest. Adoration shone in his deep blue eyes.

"Now, look at us together," I whispered into her ears. Jadesola did, focusing on both of our images.

"Who do you see?"

Her pouty lips moved in a slow reply, "Me and you."

"That's right, love. Me and you." I shook my head in agreement, pointing at myself and at her.

Then I added, my tone laced with warmth and devotion, "Do you want to know who I am gazing at in the mirror, Jade?"

Her reflection swung her hair, yes.

"I see a woman whose almond skin shines like polished pearls. Her striking, honey eyes make my heart pound fast whenever they glance at me. Every curve and plane of her gorgeous face I can draw, even while in a dream because the very image of her is seared into my heart. Jade, I am glancing at the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Inside and out. The one person I would live, breathe and die for. You."

Her eyes watered and she swept her lashes down.

"No love, keep on looking at us." I tipped her chin up so she could continue observing our silvered likeness.

"Jade, if we do make a baby." I moved a centimeter to stand in front of her. Lowering my knees to the ground, I cradled her stomach, my fingers illustrating a heart shape on her flat belly. "I'll be the happiest man alive. Yes, your body will change to bear our child but your personality won't."

She gazed at me, different emotions churning in her gleaming eyes. Happy she believed the words that left my lips, I continued.

"During your pregnancy, every stretch mark that appears on your body, I will worship." I traced a finger over the tiny marks that decorated the skin of her stomach. She shivered slightly. "If I have to count each mark, I will because not only are they proof of our love, they also show that you are preparing to bring a new life into this world. "

Straightening up, I cupped her breasts tenderly, her nipples urging me to lower my lips downwards. "And your beautiful breasts? I will use them as a soft pillow to cushion my head as I tell stories to our child in your womb. Did I tell you I'm obsessed with them? God, I'm so tempted to suck your nipples right now."

Her lips twitched in a reluctant smile, and for the first time, she rolled her eyes. "And the additional fat?"

I kissed her forehead, inhaling that sweet, mouth-watering scent of hers. "You wouldn't have the chance to complain because I'll spend every single minute praising you and when I'm not, my lips will always be between your thighs. They will shower kisses on you as my tongue writes and sings erotic poems of love all over your skin."

Smiling down at her, humor tinged my voice. "Also, if I have to quit the gym so we can both weigh the same, I will. Anything to put a smile on your beautiful face."

A grin widened her lips and a small chuckle greeted my ears. Yes!

Withdrawing away so her spine rested on my chest, I said to her reflection in the mirror, my voice steady as I studied my beautiful wife, "For every step you take, Jade, I will be beside you, walking a thousand miles. Because you're not alone. It is me and you, in this together."

"Oh, Kian." She whirled around, hair flying and hugged me, choking on her tears. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"I'm sorry I made you cry. It rips me apart." I stroked her hair, murmuring into the lush strands, "I'm so fucking sorry."

"I forgive you, Kian." She peeked at me, amber eyes, wide and round. "I just want you to always be honest with me. When you lie to me, it makes me very mad. So say you won't hide stuff anymore from me. Promise me."

Inclining my head forward, I grabbed her wrists and pressed a kiss on the back of her palms. "I promise."

Liar, a tiny voice within me laughed.

Overlooking that snarky voice, I asked, a tiny part of me, still scared, "Do you want the baby though?"

"Of course, I do, Kian. I want our baby."

A happy grin split my face wide. Elation swept me up in waves. "Thank you, Jadesola. So we are good, yeah?"

"Mhmm." But her forehead creased in a frown as she sighed, "And Kian, I didn't mean what I said. Hating you or our baby. I was just mad."

"I know, love." I kissed her forehead again, hating to see those wrinkles that tainted her features. "Can you please smile for me again?"

"No," she challenged, except a blush rose on her cheeks.

"Come on, princess, smile nice and wide. I know you want to or Daddy's gonna tickle you," I drawled in a lazy tone, my fingers creeping to the sides of her stomach.

Loathe to suffer my ticklish caresses, she finally beamed at me, her glinting teeth displayed to perfection.

"That's my good girl." I winked at her.

Childish giggles greeted my ears and she snuggled closer, her eyes bolted shut. We stayed in that position, her ear settled against my beating heart as I breathed her in and closed my own eyes too. Reveling in the softness of her body.

There were no storms looming over the horizon anymore. Relief swamped over me in torrents. Everything was fine.

"I love you, Kian," she whispered, her muffled voice reverberating against my chest.

Speechless, I pulled away and gaped at her. She loved me? My eyes flared wide, my heart threatening to burst out of my chest, a thumping crescendo. What? Had I heard right?

Jadesola was nervous. It showed in the way her trembling fingers cupped my jaw, her tongue snaking out to lick her lips. Jerking my right palm forward, she laid it on her chest that rose and fell rapidly. "Do you feel my heart beating, Kian?"

"I do, Jade." Her skin scorched the callous skin of my hand, the thudding of her heart mirroring mine.

"Fuck, words are failing me right now." She paused, drank in a deep breath and resumed. Her honey eyes bore into mine, glistening with tears as she mentioned the words a part of me I never knew existed, ached to hear, "I love you, Kian. I love you so fucking much. And I might not be the world's greatest poet or writer, but I hope the look in my eyes is enough to convince you of how much I really love you. How much I want to spend the rest of my days with you, till we grow old together and die."

Jesus Christ, someone punch me right now!

Eager, anticipation radiated from her stare. She was waiting for my reply.

I swallowed, my Adam's apple bobbing in distress. "I—"

Love you too. More than all the words written and those that are yet to be written can portray. Till the end of time, I will continue loving you, Jadesola. Till the last stars burn in the sky, that is how great my love is for you.

The minute I opened my lips to let her know how I felt, the chilling image of my mom lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood flashed across my eyes. Like red-hot coals raked my skin, I quickly said, detesting myself, "I love me too."

"I hate your egoistic ass." She yanked her upper body out of my hold, her lips pursed in anger. "Werey. Anumanu. Oloriburuku."

Fuck. My smile was tight and I jested, hoping she didn't realize the turmoil I stewed in, "I have no idea what you said but know that you just turned me on."

"You're a crazy and delusional m. . ."

I drowned her words with my lips, kissing her with all the need, desire and love vested in me. My body trembled with the heavy weight of my unsaid sentences as I carried her to the bed and displayed my love with my body. Not with my heart. Never with my heart or words. Because I didn't get to have a shot at everlasting happiness.

Bad guys, like me, the villains and anti-heroes didn't deserve any fairytale endings. Neither did they deserve getting married to the love of their lives, or living the dream in a cute cottage with beautiful children running around. It was all bullshit, no matter the lure or thirst for it. Our world was destined to be steeped in sorrow, rejection and least of all, love.

And, as usual, I was proved right.

A/N: GUYSSSSS. I might not have edited properly especially while I was listening to this song. Why do they even exist? Songs like this? It's ripping my heart out and putting it back together at the same fking time!!!

What dyu think about the chapter?

Question 1: Do you think Jade was too quick to tell Kian, I love you?

My answer: Yes!!!! LIKE WHY DID YOU DO THAT SISTER? Le sigh.

Question 2: Is anyone feeling for Kian? I think I am the only person. Double le sigh. And I realised, Kian's POV actually makes some readers annoyed.😭🤣 Idk, I think his is my fave.👀❤️ Yes, Kian is my fave character in this bookkkk!

Anyways, guys, we have about 5-6 chapters before we're done! YESSSSSSS! God, I can't wait to type THE END.

Love,
Nita.