<Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, but pain of love lasts for a lifetime>

|Kian|

Saturday, June 26, 2021

I LOATHED gatherings. With every fiber of my being. The only reason I was here was because Jared had begged me to. And there was no way I could intentionally miss the after-party for the christening of his third child.

Yes, my brother was on his third and I was on zero, like Father never failed to mention. Annoying piss of a man. Sliding my eyes across the head of the table, his seated form was even more infuriating.

I flicked a resentful gaze away from his person and studied my family members- the wonderful people- minus Dad- that made up the Fields clan.

Behind Jared's modest house, we were gathered round a table on which assortments of food were loaded, chit-chatting, huge beams of excitement on everyone's faces. Everyone except me, that is.

Beside my Father was his wife, my step-mom. Margaret. Graying hair styled in a coiff and dressed in a homely blue gown, she was on a phone call with her school's officials or whatever, I wasn't sure. Forever busy, she was.

Directly opposite me, Jared was cooing at his recent child, making a googly face at the infant while her mother, Zara carried her, an equally satisfied smile on her beautiful face. Then the twins, Leo and Leticia shoveled food into their mouths, white clothes long turned to a mixture of yellow, red, blue and brown. They sat next to their mom.

Children, I mused, grateful I had none but content to observe them.

Mounted behind tables randomly placed all over the mowed lawn, there were other relatives as well, mostly on Zara's side but I had no interest in knowing or interacting with them.

"Why is Uncle Kian so grumpy?" my nine year old nephew, Leo piped up, now munching on a chocolate bar. A blend of my brother's white genes and his wife's black ones, Leo's brown eyes were wide with curiosity.

Softening my stoic facial features into a smile, I let loose my stiff tongue, about to speak when my father intercepted in a sarcastic manner, "Your Uncle Kian is grumpy because he didn't give you a fellow cousin to play with right now."

The chatter died away, silence reigning. Leo's forehead furrowed in confusion while I shot Richard a glare. "Dad, not in front of the children–"

"Children–" Shaking his gelled hair, he bit into a chicken, chuckling, infusing an icy tone meant to mock me, "I don't see any of yours. And how can I? Not when you decided to stay unmarried and childless."

Why was this man relentless? He kept on holding to his stupid demands. It was damn maddening.

My jaw clenched, fists curving into a taut ball as I let the fork I held clatter to the plate. The appetite I'd been struggling to get a hold of disappeared entirely. "Dad, I didn't arrive here to indulge in your nonsense but if you want us to argue then I'll gladly oblige."

"Oh really," snickering, Richard hiked a glass to his lips. Watching him drink, I prayed to the fates that he would choke. Preferably to his death if he didn't let this re-marriage issue go.

"Dad." It was Jared this time. "The children." He nodded his head in the direction of little Grace, the girl of the day. A miniature bundle of joy, she laid, her tiny body nestled in the arms of her mom.

Father acknowledged this by raising his head. But he had to have the last word. "I'm disappointed you invited him, Jared. This occasion is for those who have a family, not otherwise."

Probing eyes, from all angles, fell on me. Every member, apart from my smirking father and the oblivious children stuck in their own world, had a disgruntled expression stamped on their faces, especially Jared.

The nerve of this man. The fucking nerve.

That was it. Resigning myself to his stubborn attitude, I schooled my features into a neutral look and simply stood, bowing my head in their direction. "See you all later. Congratulations again, Jared. Grace is lucky to have been born into this family."

Then I lifted my jacket over my shoulders and whirled around, ire flaming the fiery embers of my thudding heart.

"Richard, honey, stop it. This is not good for your health and scolding Kian in front of everyone is rude. . ." I overheard my step-mom whisper as I strolled away, her soft voice fading into the air.

Hands in my pockets, I ambled without a destination in mind. I ached for solace. Somewhere quiet to cool my head. Away from my nagging father and his unbelievable requests.

It was evening-time, the chirping of crickets and small birds carried in the wind, greeted my ears. Jared's home was to the right. As I veered off, searching for shelter, the tranquility of it all doused the rising anger festering in me.

The wooden stairs to the porch of the cottage beamed at my direction. I might as well sit on the last step. Setting my jacket as a blanket, I hoisted down.

Fingers ran through my hair, my knuckles feeling the moist strands as I expelled a long breath. Now that I was away from all the stares, chats and on my own, it was kind of peaceful.

The orange sun winked at me, its harsh rays projecting onto the porch. It would be sunset soon. Lost in thoughts, I watched the beautiful sky in awe, an array of blue, smudged by bits of darkened orange and red. Magnificent.

Ping.

Rummaging in my shirt's breast pocket, I took out my phone. Swiping down, I pored through the message.

-Sorry about yesterday. I was drunk sir. The woman who tried to seduce you wasn't in her right senses. If I was, I would never have touched you, like eww. I'm sure you feel the same as well.
-Jadesola (your ever efficient secretary)

P.s: I'll make sure I act professionally on Monday. I give you my word.

My dejected mood soured, the bitter taste of rejection filing my mouth. The message hadn't gone down well.

I cracked my knuckles, annoyed with myself and Jadesola. I should have been glad, elated even but her words I would never have touched you, like eww hurt like a bitch. And here I thought I wouldn't be bothered.

Yesterday had been a rollercoaster of surprises. There to meet the owner of a club concerning a business proposal, I'd been taken aback when I'd spied Jade and Ryan dancing. Together. The damned woman twirling, her voluptuous curves encased in a tempting attire, splaying her body right next to his had spurred a feeling I thought I'd rid myself of. Jealousy. Pure green fucking jealousy.

In a dark rage, I'd dragged her away. How dare she? Dancing with a fellow worker when I'd clearly ordered otherwise? But of course, my sullen assistant never heeded me.

Then, another action that had occured out of the blues was her seducing me.

Fuck.

I moistened my lips, my tongue suddenly dry, memories of yesterday's sensual episode replaying in my mind's eye.

That woman was something else. A succubus sent to torment my life. In the worst yet best way possible.

It would be difficult to forget the sultry glint in her feline eyes, that heated gaze scorching me whole. Sensual. Her lithe fingers tugging on my nipples, damn. Then the erotic feel of her soft ass, sitting so perfectly on my cock almost pushed me to the edge. Spellbound, I'd let her take charge, as she dry-humped me. Slow. Taunting. Like the fucking seductress she was.

Again, fuck. I groaned, my blood rapidly rushing south, a carnal song of lust thrumming in my skin.

It had been a wonder how I hadn't lost control. For someone who'd abstained from sex months now, it had taken me all the willpower vested in me, not to bend her over and fuck her. Hard. So fucking hard that she came, screaming my name.

The crotch of my pants tightened in response. Fuck. I was as hard as hell.

Restraining my lustful urges, I tamped down on the desire that threatened to overwhelm me. This was no private place to jerk off, just like I'd done after coming back to the penthouse. My sensitive body couldn't bear the torture so I'd pumped my cock. Fast. Raw. Coming as I'd screamed her name, wishing she'd been the one on the receiving end.

Reeling from the up of coming, I'd slumped on the wall. Annoyed yet satisfied. It wasn't a fact I wanted to ever admit— orgasming to images of us entwined in bed.

Eyes flaring in arousal, I drew in a long breath to dispel all the lustful images of her and I.

It didn't work.

Unseeing, I closed my eyes in dismay, still fired up and at the same time disgusted at this lecherous person I'd turned out to be.

All because of a fucking black lady.

Why was I pondering about her? And being bothered about this the way she'd brought it all down to being drunk? Writing off what we'd had as a mistake?

I dragged a hand down my face, confusing thoughts settling in my mind.

Perhaps, I was just horny. Perhaps. It was why I could only envision us in bed, tangled in a sweaty mass of writhing body, assuaging our insatiable pleasure. But deep down my scarred heart, I knew it was a big fat fucking lie.

Try as I may to deny it, my body ached for one and just one person. The fiery assistant of mine from hell.

I pried my eyes open, unnerved. Hells, I needed to fuck someone else. I didn't care who. I just ached, to get her out of my mind or else, there was no telling how crazy I'll go with need welling up in me.

"I'm sorry about Dad."

I didn't need to look up to know who'd uttered that sentence.

"Don't be. He's the one who needs to apologize," my voice came out gravelly, without an iota of emotion.

"Mind if I sit next to you?"

I shrugged, my eyes pinned to his person, scrutinising his every move. Almost a replica of me, lookwise- blonde hair, striking features and broad shoulders, Jared was the only man I loved. He walked and even talked like me. But that was where our similarities ended. I'd always wondered why we were so different. The cool headed sibling, he'd been Dad's ex-favourite child, always meticulous and never unserious. Unlike me. A prodigal son. The embodiment of everything useless and a player. In Dad's unwavering opinion though.

Jared took five steps towards the porch, blew away the dust on the wood then hunkered down. His side profile filled my vision.

For a few minutes, we sat in solitude, each of us stewing up in our life's decisions.

Jared was the first to crack the silence. "I'm surprised Dad is here."

"Same," I admitted. Just like my brother, I wasn't sure he would come. Why? Father disliked the fact that Jared married a black woman ten years ago. Back then, he'd scared Jared severely, threatening to disown him if he didn't divorce Zara. But Jared stood his ground. The years following by, Dad had ostracized Jared, pushing him away often. Eventually, the old man mellowed down, even apologized– thanks to Margaret– but I knew my bitch of a father. He wasn't glad about it. Would never be. Which explained why Jared was his ex-favourite child.

Jared crossed his large arms, placing them on a jean covered knee. "I'm glad though. At least he came and that's what matters."

"Yeah."

He shot me an imploring look. "Wanna go back with me? We're about to cut Grace's cake. Please."

Oh bother.

The last thing I desired to do was to be in the presence of Father. Another tired sigh whooshed past my lips but I found myself nodding. "Yes."

A broad grin settled on his face. "Thanks. It's the last thing on the list and once we're done, I'll bundle you into your car myself."

I chortled and helped myself up, dusting my jacket as I did so. "I'm counting on that brother."

Laughing, the lines around his eyes crinkling, he patted my back, choosing to wind his arm around my neck.

We began trekking back, his manly cologne enveloping me in a warm bubble. I hid a grin, satisfied at the turn of events. Jared had always been there for me. Right from my mom's death to adulthood, until he'd started working as a forensic detective.

"How's work by the way? I can't remember the last time I asked you about it." It was sad. I'd been so into my job that I forgot my sibling existed.  

Scowling, Jared pulled his arm away, choosing to slide his palm across his face in exasperation. It was in the absence of his grin that I noticed the circles beneath his eyes.

"It's terrible. There's a fucker out there who targets young girls between the ages of four to ten and kills them." He fixed a glower at me, anger shining in his deep blue eyes, voice tainted with fury as he rasped out, "He fucking kills them, Kian, by beating them to death."

Averting his gaze, he paused, swallowing. There was a distant look in his eyes, eyes that I was certain had witnessed unimaginable horrors. "And you know the worst part of it all?"

I shook my head, dreading his reply. But he wasn't paying any attention to me.

"He rapes them."

"My God," was the only thing I could muster, a cold hand wrapping around my heart. Fear and panic clogged my throat when I recalled Leticia was nine. Fuck. The bastard shouldn't dare touch my brother's kid. 

"I know. It was the exact word I said when I was first assigned to the case. The guy's killed more than 100 girls within the span of twenty years. The bastard," he snarled, fists clenched.

With nothing to add, I remained quiet, cursing the world and the psychos inhabiting it. We began walking once more, my temper on the rise.

"By the way, any idea where Ryan could be? His parents came," Jared intoned, by all means eager to avoid the topic of death. I didn't blame him.

I adjusted the jacket securely into the crook of my elbows. "I have no idea."

He's probably cooking up some devious plans with a pest who happened to go by the name, Jadesola.

That sucker. I was yet to admonish him regarding yesterday night. I was annoyed with his person, although I suspected the greater part of my ire laid in the fact that he'd interrupted Jade right when she'd been about to kiss me. Fucking cock blocker.

"Oh alright." I didn't miss the tinge of sadness pitched in his tone.

Sorry bro, but the Ryan we know would forever remain an ass.

We finally rounded the cottage. Dad was nowhere to be found, thank fucking goodness. Still seated at the table, Margeret waved at me, a smile on her face. I was about to wave in return when two bundles of energy barreled into me. The twins.

"Uncle Kian's back!" Their bodies snuggled into mine, the warmth of their skin seeping into my slacks.

I chuckled and patted their heads. "Yes I am. Now off to your seats."

They shook their heads in agreement, the curls they inherited from their mother bouncing as they skipped back to their position.

Jared was on his seat already so I followed suit until I heard my name mentioned. 'Hello, Kian."

Fuck no. The hackles on my body rose as I stood upright, circling in reverse.

"Hello, Katharina."

I raked a scathing eye across her radiant physique. Drop dead gorgeous and blessed with willowy curves, my ex-wife stood tall in her expensive heels and extremely short gown. She'd let her blonde hair fall to her shoulders, her feminine features enhanced with sultry makeup.

Right now, those sky blue eyes of hers glimmered with moisture as she swallowed me whole, her gaze ravenous. Typical.

"I see you haven't changed one bit," she pointed out,  her fierce orbs undressing the shit of me.

"I could say the same about you," I retorted, my own eyes narrowed. As much as I didn't want to admit it, my ex was looking better off than I'd left her. Well, good for her.

"Hello friend," the asshat beside her uttered. Noah. An old friend. I hadn't even noticed him, that was how insignificant he was. Rina hadn't never told me, but I was aware he'd taken advantage of her desire for constant sex.

Ignoring the shite, I gifted Rina a tight smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I invited her," Father cut in. Of course. I should have known.

I wheeled to his direction, vexed to the high heavens. "What the hell Dad?!"

Margeret glared at me, scolding, "The kids Kian."

"No, let him show us how much of an uncultured swine he is. After all, he's childless." The man who'd done nothing a father should but only contributed by sharing his seed with my mother, raked me down with a stare brimming with malice. "Be nice and show her around. As you know, it's her first time here."

I pressed my lips in a thin line, this close to blowing off in a thunderous rage. "Sure thing, Dad."

By now, murmurs rose as people were watching us, the soap opera they hadn't been aware they signed up for. If we were in a movie, it would have been titled Crazy Dad forces Son's Ex-Wife on Him.

Frame quivering with unbound fury, I turned to Rina and marched towards her. Her brows rose, eyes glinting in excitement. She must think I was on my way to make her mine.

Scoffing, I bore down upon her, then latched my palms on her wrists, dragging her away from the prying eyes that followed us.

Noah, the fucker, ran after Rina and I until she had to drum it into his head that she was okay.

Not on my watch, mam.

Banging the door open, I pushed her in with me, not at all perturbed if I was too rough. If anything, she deserved it.

I untangled my hand from her hold, disgusted I'd actually held on for so long.

"You hurt me," she said in a small voice while she massaged her wrist, beseeching eyes trying to coin out sympathy from me.

Fat chance.

"Why are you here?" My voice came as a growl, chest heaving both from exertion and anger. Air streamed out of my nostrils, bitter memories of our past swarming me whole.

"To see you." Again, her voice was tiny, face set in a pained expression.

"Don't tell me that!" I pounded the desk positioned behind me. We were in Jared's study- apparently it was the only place without anyone lurking around.

"I specifically told you to avoid me. To stop calling me. To fucking not exist in my life anymore!" I shouted, still reeling from her betrayal. Her and the lying geezer I called a friend.

She moved closer, arms out to enclose me in a hug. Trying to dodge her hands, I shifted but failed. Her tiny arms were already around my waist in a tight grip.

Rina's head laid on my vibrating chest, fitting so perfectly, that cinnamon scent she possessed around her, wafting to my nose. My favourite fragance then. With a slow lift of her head, she raised her eyes to meet mine. The churning sea of emotions I saw in her moist stare almost blew me away. Almost.

"I missed this, Kian. Tell me you didn't. Lie to me." Her soft palms left my body, now cupping my jaw.

My eyes shut close, despair and agitation waging a war in my mind. True enough, a small part of me missed this. Her. Us. But that part of me wasn't rational and I wasn't ready to deal with all the sweet lies she'd told me.

Anger won. Pinning her to a heated glare, I flung her hands away. "Yes, I miss us. But that doesn't make me forget the fact that you cheated. Never. So go back to the men you slept with. Go tell them that you missed them, not me. I'm done listening to your crap."

Her right hand encircled my biceps, a subtle plea for me to stay. "I'm sorry, I really am. Besides, I don't like Noah if that's what you think. I brought him along just to make you jealous."

I'm past that, I itched to say but I let her continue to unravel her true, narcissistic self.

She traced a path down my abdomen to my crotch, voice coming out in a sexy moan. "When I say I've missed you, I mean this."

The next thing I felt was a disturbing sensation down there. The woman was trying to grab me through my jeans.

Again no surprise. Clueless as to why, Rina had always thought she could control me with my dick. Maybe she could back then, back when I was foolish. Not now. Besides, I wanted someone else's hands on me, not hers.

Feasting my irritated sight on her, disgusted, I set her aside, wondering what on fucking planet earth had attracted me to her in the first place.

"Well, I've not. Goodbye Katharina." I offered her a stiff nod and veered towards the entrance, heart broken into a thousand pieces, that familiar pain I'd come to embrace, engulfing my entire being.

"No Kian," she wailed. "Please don't go. Please. . ."

I drowned out her voice and let the door thud behind me. I had to get of here. The encounter had drained my very soul and I yearned to disappear as fast as I could.

Later on, I would tell Jared why I couldn't stay. He would understand.

Without a backward glance, I stormed out, my eyes brimming with unshed tears. Tears I couldn't let fall.

Never let it be said I cried because of a woman.

Never.

A/N: Wow. This was an intense chapter. 3700+ words. Phew. And to think, I wrote it all in one day-ie today. Thank God! Also, I think this is the first time we're seeing Kian vulnerable.🥺 Poor man. Again, idk but I actually love writing Kian's povs, even more than Jade. :))

Sigh. Life is tuff. Please vote, comment, read and share.

Love,
Nita.