CHAPTER ONE

Question The Fairy tales

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"What exactly are fairy tales, Papa?" Satan asked, fiddling with the chains of the swing as her father gently swung her from behind.

"Fairy tales are said to be magical stories captured in a set of paragraphs, strung together with seamless grammar, stimulated by a brilliant command of language; all given life by a mass-produced ideal pair of a man of noble status, a damsel in distress, and some evil characters," her father explained. "What made you ask, Anak?"

"Nothing." She giggled.

Being a gullible idiot in her Invisalign and jumpsuits some years ago, Satan wouldn't shy away from admitting she was one of their readers or perhaps more acceptably--fanatics. Not only were they aid to cradle herself to sleep, but also a bridge to direct her to hope that such romances--no matter how far-fetched--would exist not just in theaters and paperbacks.

"Hmm." Her father cocked a brow. "Then what's with giggles?"

She shook her head laughingly and shot him another question. "Are they real, Papa?"

Does a dreamy prince charming in his tailored blue coat with elaborate swirls of white stitching on the lapels and cuffs do exist? Is a breathtakingly gorgeous princess in her a-line dress with gores from neck to flaring hemline for real? Those were few of the wonderments lurking in her head long since her first read.

"Fairy tales aren't real, Anak. They're only made up by creative minds, bought by millions of dedicated followers, and believed by young-minded hopeless romantics. So never root for a prince charming 'cause no matter how patient you'll be, if he's non-existent, he won't come."

"Then maybe I have to transform into a damsel in distress of their taste?"

Her father, Melo, laughed. "Or maybe you should start not believing."

"But, Papa, they're real! Look at you and Mama!"

"Our story isn't comparable to any fairy tales you've ever known. What we have is real and by far the best reality in existence. That is why when you grow up, you should seek the real ones."

"But--"

"Fairytales don't exist, Anak, neither do they last, unlike the reality."

Then she asked a query that any parent--who knew about the harshness of the world--would wish was easy to answer.

"Is it because I'm a prince charming clad like a princess, and there's no such thing as two prince charmings who lived happily ever after?"

He contemplated for seconds, looking at her with eyes filled with what she detected as copious amounts of love, pity, and empathy.

And from there, she became a recipient of a response that made her question the fairy tales.

"It is because reality is more unconditional compared to fairytl tales, which storylines were fixedly conditioned to what the society term as normal and acceptable. In reality, Satan, regardless of how reputedly unaccepting the public is, you can still choose who to love without trampling on your conception, without worrying about the script, the plot, the timeline, and the collective ignorance of racist book reviewers."

Indeed, her father didn't lie; save for one small detail: oftentimes, reality only lasts as memories engraved in our hearts and minds as though irremovable tattoos carved in the fleshiest parts of us.

"You age like a fine wine, Satan, getting better with every passing year."

Satan strayed her eyes up the mirror to meet her mom's, fashioning herself a smile she, unfortunately, withdrew in a second upon seeing the latter's misty eyes. "What's so wrong, Mama? Umiiyak ka ba?" she said, worry dripping in her voice.

"O-of course not, anak." Sirach, her mother, shook her head. "Ka-ce-cellphone ko lang 'to. Go ahead and continue dressing up. Anytime soon, Ulysses will be off from work."

Unconvinced, she unhanded the hair blower and stood up to face her mom. "Akala ko ba no secrets tayo? Napa'no na 'yon?" She pouted.

The elder woman laughed. "Wala nga. Ikaw talagang bata ka. Sige na, mag-ayos ka na at anong oras na. Palagi mo na lang pinaghihintay si Ulysses sa tuwing may date kayo."

"Papa, Lucifer, Hudas, si Mama nagsisikreto na sa 'kin, oh!" she yelled although neither of her father nor siblings was within an eyeshot.

"Wala nga," Sirach said, reaching for Satan's cheeks to give her a pinch. "Nabilisan lang ako bigla sa panahon. Parang kahapon lang nadede ka pa sa 'kin, pero ngayon..."

"Pero ngayon?" sounding impatient, she asked.

"Pero ngayon mukhang ikaw na yata ang nagpapadede." Sirach laughed.

"Mama! Napakabastos ng bibig mo!" She cracked up. "Sa'n mo natututunan 'yan, ha?! Sabi ni Papa napakahinhin mo no'ng araw!"

"Eh gabi na, eh."

She almost dropped to all fours while laughing at her mom's witty comeback.

"I was just kidding," her mother continued. "Ikaw kasi, masyado ka kung mag-alala. Hala, sige. Mag-ayos ka na. I'll go downstairs to ask Fabio to have the car ready. And please, just please, don't take your time, Anak. Maawa ka kay Ulysses. Mula high school kayo pinaghihintay mo na 'yon."

"Opo, Attorney Torres-Alejandro, masusunod po."

Half an hour after her mom left, she finished dolling herself up. A time enough for her to be scolded for being late again.

"Late, as usual," her mom said the soonest she descended into the living room. "Ulysses messaged me minutes ago, he said he's on his way to Casa Aldente. Pero ikaw, on the way ka pa lang sa sasakyan."

"It's his fault, Mama. He chose work over fetching me." She crossed her arms.

"He wasn't able to fetch you because he has to finish all his work on time so he could date you. Baka nga hindi pa 'yon nagpahinga man lang."

A toothy smile flickered across her face as she tossed Fabio, their driver, a glance. "But I'm worth the wait, am I not, Mang Fabio?"

Her mom sighed.

"Aba, oo naman!" Fabio affirmed with a thumbs up.

"See, Mama?" she bragged, flipping her curly hair she took after her father. "Mapapawi pa pagod ni Ulysses 'pag nakita niya 'ko."

Her mother laughingly walked to where Fabio was, then patted him on the shoulder. "Drive my slowpoke of a daughter to her date, Fabio. Mag-iingat kayo."

It took her only a jiffy to arrive at Casa Aldente, the usual place where she and Ulysses celebrate all the important occasions passing their lives as a couple.

"Thank you po, Mang Fabio. Ingat po kayo sa pag-uwi," she told her driver as she hopped out of the car.

Before heading to the restaurant's main entrance, she fumbled for a mirror in her pouch to check if she looked as fab as she wanted to look for the night. Indeed, she was.

"Good evening po, Ma'am Sasa," greeted one of the crews.

"Good evening," she beamed, "nand'yan na ba si Ulysses?" she asked although downright sure he already arrived, for as per her mom, he was on his way prior to her leaving.

"Ay, wala pa po, Ma'am. But I'll lead you to your table na po, para do'n na lang po ninyo hintayin si Sir," said the crew with which she agreed right away.

Na-traffic ka ba, Baba? Ingat ka, ha? I'm already here. Hintayin na lang kita, she texted her boyfriend after settling herself on their table.

Seconds, minutes, and an hour have passed, she received no response nor a call from her boyfriend. It was one thing Ulysses never failed to do whenever, for he knew how much of a worrier his girlfriend is.

"Bakit hindi niya sinasagot?" Satan said, hearing the other line ringing over and over in her every dial.

"Ma'am, may problema po ba?" the crew standing by the corner had approached her. "May maitutulong po ba kami?"

"No, everything's fine." Struggling much to subdue her worry for her boyfriend, she continued, "Hindi ko lang matawagan si Ulysses. 'Di ko alam kung bakit."

"Baka po low bat lang, Ma'am."

She shook her head. "Imposible. Nagri-ring naman, eh. Besides, I always remind him to bring his charger or power bank. Naglagay na nga rin ako ng spare sa compartment ng kotse niya just in case he forgets."

"Ay, nako, Ma'am," she giggled, "baka po may pa-surprise lang si Sir gaya ng dati. 'Wag na po kayong mag-alala. Maya-maya po paniguradong darating na rin 'yon."

What the crew said somehow cheered her up. "Siguro nga," she replied smiling.

Although she hates surprises, Ulysses utterly doesn't. In their seven-going-eight years of being a couple, never was there a time when he didn't engineer a surprise for her. Whether it be their anniversary, her birthday, a promotion at work, salary increase, or even her simplest first day of work.

Kahit kailan ka talaga, she thought, looking at the entrance from time to time.

"Ma'am, gusto niyo po ng tsaa?" the crew approached her the second time.

"Mamaya na lang. I'm sure malapit na rin--see?! He's calling!" She cheerfully showed her phone to the crew, displaying Ulysses' picture on the screen. "Sandali lang, ha?" she added before answering the call.

"Hello, Bab--"

"Satan, a-anak...?"

Shivers unexpectedly ran down her spine along with the rioting thumps on her chest. The tremors by the voice of the woman from the other line suddenly had her gasping for air for no apparent reason.

"Anak...Anak si Ulysses..."

Her vision has gone black just as though the chandeliers by the ceiling failed to emit some lights. Her free hand lost its control as it hit the glass of wine to the floor. Her throat came dry and painful as though the cold ber-months air broke its way through the glass walls, leaving shards of glasses stuck in her throat.

She gripped her shaking hand tightly on the necklace he gave her as a gift for their seventh anniversary, couldn't make out what to feel as chills continue to run through her. "Ano po'ng...ano po'ng...nangyari...? Tita...a-ano po'ng n-nangyari...?"

"W-we're at...at PGH r-right no--"

"Tita, hindi...hindi po magandang b-biro 'yan...K-kindly tell U-Ulysses to stop..." She forced a laugh. "P-papunta...papunta na po b-ba siya rito? D-dumaan lang po s-siya r'yan s-saglit to pick...to pick up hi-his...his surprise f-for me...? G-gaya ng...ng dati...?"

"Sasa, anak...p-please...please come over..."

"Tita, please...'w-wag naman po g-gan--" She lost grasp of her phone upon hearing what seemed like a commotion and a gurney being pushed at the other line's background.

She tried to stand, but she ended up falling to the ground. The crews and the other customers in eyeshot offered her help to get on her feet, yet all she did was nothing. She remained slumping on the ground, staring at nothing in particular.

Her mind started to wander on each moment she had with him, hands gripped tighter and tighter at the necklace he gifted her, not knowing if it would be the last she'd receive or it would only be just one of the several more gifts she'd have from him.

Him whom she imagined an always with.

He who promised a presence in each of her sunrises and sunsets.

He who swore would brave each of her fears.

Him whom she saw lying helplessly on a hospital bed, staring at her as though it would be the last.

"Hey..." she heard him weakly say, trying to stretch his arm to reach for her hand. "S-sorry...I...I stained...y-your g-gift..." he continued, referring to his blooded dress shirt.

"Where are the doctors?!" Satan cried. "Why are they not attending him?!"

"M-my love..." he called again.

"Ma?! Pa?! Tita?! Tito?! Ano ba?! Tatanga lang tayo rito?! We'll just...we'll just watch...my...my life...die?"

"My love..." Though very weak, he was finally able to reach for her hand. "R-remember...w-what I told y-you about th-this...sh-shirt?" He smiled, strengthless.

She couldn't stare back at him, nor could she respond.

"I-isang...isang tingin...n-naman d'yan..." he said, pulling her hand to his lips.

Strengthless at the sight of him, seemingly walking out of her life, she dragged herself next to him, pleading him over and over with, "I-I don't want this...this sight...Ulysses...Ayoko...ayoko...Please...Please tell me this is all just a joke...P-please tell me th-this is all b-bullshit...Baba, p-please..."

"D-did it...f-fit me...w-well?" he feebly uttered, minding not her desperate pleadings. "D-did you...l-like it...Sasa...my love?"

"Ulysses--"

"I-I told you...d-didn't I? I-I'd wear...th-this shirt...w-when...when I had...o-our f-future secured...'d-di ba? My love...My love...I...I had it m-more than...s-secured...b-but--"

"No buts, Baba. No buts," she cried, cupping his face with her trembling hands Ulysses rained kisses as tears rolled down his cheeks. "We'll get married...Adopt kids...Attend Sunday masses...Have barbecues on weekends...Pizzas on a Friday night...Stress ourselves over Boomer...Buy a black cat and name him Toothless as you wanted...We'll--"

"I would love...to...do...all that..." He caressed her cheek weakly as he gave her a faint smile.

"So you don't give me that smile..." She sobbed. "You don't give me that smile...okay...?"

He tucked her dangling hair behind her ear, eyes locked on her face as if it was a light at the end of a dark, hopeless tunnel. "W-will you...he-help me...m-my love...?" he said as he blinked tears. "W-will you...r-reach for...f-for my r-right...p-pocket?"

"Ulysses..."

Ulysses' tears that ignited Sasa's own, brought her the feeling of standing on the brink of lifelessness. So much more when he went on pleading her to do so, only for her to hand him a small box stained with blood, and for him to word out,

"I...I know th-this is...u-unfair...Sasa...I know...this...i-isn't...t-the end...w-we both had...i-in mind..." He sobbed. "B-but it's...it's b-better...th-than...than not...being able t-to...b-bid you a-a p-proper g-goodbye, no...?"

"Ulysses, stop--"

"I'm so sorry...th-that I-I can...n-no longer...promise...e-every sunrises a-and sunsets...w-with you...I'm sorry...i-if I'm...if I'm l-looking at you now...m-memorizing every a-angle...o-of your face...'c-'cause I want it...t-to be m-my last view...I'm sorry th-that...there w-would...no longer be...a-an every day...when you'll hear me singing our favorite song...Every day...w-when you wouldn't...b-be rained with my sweet kisses...a-and I love yous...'cause any...any time soon...c-could be the end...o-of us..."

The way he worded his heart's cries killed Satan in a way she never knew was possible. "Baba, please stop...Y-you're killing me..."

"You are...my definition...of everything...Satan...You'll always be...Have always been...Always-th-that I feel...t-thankful...the Heavens...l-lengthened my life...e-even...even just f-for a few...S-so, please...d-do me j-just a few...favors..." He took out the ring from the box, holding it tightly as he fought hard for it not to fall off his weak grasp.

She waited for him to take her hand and tell her the words she'd been longing to hear, regardless of the off-white walls, sounds of the siren, wheels of gurneys, crimsoned sheets, and a believable act her boyfriend was dishing, in hope that everything was just a dream she'd wake up from in the kiss of the rushing wind, or a prank she'd throw hands at as her boyfriend was the type of person who never outgrows the need to pull a prank. But her man rather took his gold necklace off his neck and slid the ring on it together with a larger one, she presumed was his to wear on their very day.

He wandered his pained gazes at her, a glimmer of happiness flickered across his eyes. Happiness she knew would only be a memory as she felt the necklace on her neck.

With his fainted arms snaked around her waist, cold body limped against her own, lips on the crook of her neck--the most painful words incomparable to anything Satan has ever heard, burst from Ulysses' mouth.

"E-even if...i-it pains me to...to say this...S-Satan...I...I want you...t-to find...s-someone else...W-wear th-those rings...on your...special d-day...F-forget about us...F-forget about...me..."