Person (that I thought was my friend): Turtles are lame!

Me: WHAT?! I'M GIVING YOU 0.000001 SECONDS TO APOLOGIZE!

Person:...... *Squints* never.

Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*sets my turtle on the table* ATTACK!

Turtle(who can run, bite, scratch, and hiss):*runs at person and latches on to her hand*

Person: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Me: Yis suffer.