THOMAS JEFFERSON
he looks like my best friend but aged fifty years. also why is his hairline the shape of a W? hard pass.

JOHN ANDRÉ
lmao he looks like the fuckin sun (🌞) emoji, but as least he doesn't look like me after intense emotional despair. smash.

JAMES MADISON
he kinda looks caught off guard. his hair reminds me of a vampire or a widow idk. i'm actually not one of those kids who are into vampires so pass.

JOHN LAURENS
actually,, i kinda agree with what alli once said. he isn't that hot. but he's hot for like 1700's so we'll let it slide. smAsh

CHARLES LEE
this guy is datable only because he has dogs. he kinda looks like my history teacher, and that's scary, because she's a woman. smash but like, only if i have a blindfold.

FRANCIS KINLOCH
this guy is kinda an asshole, and his lips are literally gone, so pass??

ALEXANDER HAMILTON
he's kinda the only attractive historical figure honestly. so um yeah
smash.