Chapter 29: Hate Myself.
[The medical term used in this chapter is not real. Not proofread. If there are mistakes, then ignore them or correct me. <3 Enjoy.]
"Yoongi, please talk to us." Jin said as he knelt down in front of Yoongi who was still in shock.
"Hyung, I think we should call our doctor. He has been like this since yesterday. Did he sleep last night?" Jungkook said and then diverted his attention towards Hoseok who was being cradled by Taehyung.
"He didn't." Jimin said from his spot from the armchair in the room. Namjoon put a hand on his hand as he was sitting close to him on the other armchair. Jimin had his eyes on Yoongi and he looked how Yoongi was sitting on the middle of the bed with his knees up to his chest. He was looking down. His eyes were dilated, it felt as if he wasn't in this world.
"Why did he even go into shock? This has never happened." Jin said as he frowned while trying to shake Yoongi out of his mind space.
"It happened because his father had slapped him. He had talked so highly of them with us. There were no chances of his parents rejecting him. Then this happened. It was the first time his parents had laid their hands on him." Hoseok said from his spot from the other side of Yoongi.
"That's enough. I am gonna call the doctor. Everyone, come out with me. Hobi and Jiminie, you can stay here." Namjoon ordered and left the room after patting Jimin's head lightly. The other members then too left the room after giving small reassurances to the trio.
Jimin walked towards Hoseok and sat beside him.
"Seokie, Mrs. Min said that he can come meet them when he isn't a part of us." Jimin said lightly.
"Should we... Should we break up?" Hoseok said. His voice coming out as restrained. Jimin's eyes went big and he frantically shook his head.
"No, that cannot happen. At all!" Jimin said and shook his head again. Hoseok nodded and then gave his attention to Yoongi.
"But if that is the only thing to bring back Yoongi, then promise me, we will split up." Hoseok said as he placed a hand on Yoongi's hand.
"I will make sure that doesn't happen. As an Alpha, it is my duty to protect my mates." Jimin said and Hoseok smiled at him. He placed his other hand on Jimin's cheek.
"Minnie, you are so cute! So what if you're an Alpha, it is all of our duty to protect each other." Hoseok said and Jimin smiled.
"I am not cute! I am hot and handsome."
"No, you are just adorable and the sweetest little mochi that I want to eat, that every child wants to eat cause it looks so cute and just-" Hoseok said and then squealed like a 10-year old. Jimin laughed at his antics, Hoseok laughed too joining Jimin.
"I could always count on you making the situation light." Jimin said once the laughter died down. Jimin leaned in and gave a peck on Hoseok's lips.
"I love you." Hoseok said once Jimin had moved back.
"I love you too and don't worry, we will go through every obstacle in our lives together." Jimin said with heart eyes while holding Hoseok's hand in one hand while Yoongi's other hand --which was not tightly gripped by Hoseok-- in the other.
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The doctor checked Yoongi's eyes by shining a torch on them. He then retracted back and wrote something on his notepad. He then checked Yoongi pulse from his wrist and again wrote something on his notepad. He then put the notepad aside and and grabbed his stethoscope. He then checked Yoongi's heart beat and put the instrument aside and again wrote something on his notepad.
"Ok, so when did this happened?" He asked.
"Yesterday. He isn't responding since last night when the incident happened. He didn't even sleep at night." Jimin answered. The doctor nodded in understanding.
"All of his symptoms indicate that he has gone into his mind space. He got too shocked that his brain couldn't register what has happened and now the brain is working on collecting the things that are missing so that's why he isn't responding. I am sorry but there are no medicines that can help him. He can't eat so he will be given energy my the I.V drips. He can't function until his brain has registered what has happened and he is out of his space." The doctor paused to let the members take in the news.
"When will he wake up?" Jin asked.
"I don't know. You all can pray and hope that he wakes up soon."
"Is there a chance that he won't come back from his space?" Hoseok asked with a lump in his throat.
"No, I can assure you that this won't happen. Yes, it will take time for him to come back, but he will come back." The doctor finished. The members all nodded. Hearing this, Hoseok stumbled back and held his head. He was supported by Jungkook.
"I will take my leave. A nurse will come to put him on the drip. I will show myself out." He said and bowed and then exited the room. Jimin sat beside Yoongi and took his hand.
"We have to tell Bang PD about it." Jin said. Namjoon nodded and the couple exited the room.
"Hobi, let's go." Jungkook said to Hobi who shook his head sideways.
"Hobi, you have to eat something and then you have to sleep." Taehyung tried this time. Hoseok again shook his head but when Jimin gave him a look, he reluctantly let himself be pulled out of the room.
When it was only Jimin and Yoongi left, Jimin sighed heavily and let his eyes fall upon his lover. He felt pity towards Yoongi. He felt Yoongi's pain as his own.
Why did his father did this? Didn't they love Yoongi? If what Yoongi said was true, then they shouldn't be like this. If we tell about us to the public will their reaction be the same?
Many questions flooded Jimin's mind. But after a while insecurities made their way in.
I am not good enough? Am I not capable of taking care of two people? Isn't my Alpha powerful? Am I not worthy of being mates with people who belong to different ranks? Or is it about the sexuality. Is being gay a crime? Can you not give your heart to a person who is home to you? Does gender matters?
All of these insecurities made Jimin have low faith in himself.
I hate how people are trying to control my life. I hate how my insecurities always make me think so low of myself. I hate how this is all going wrong. I hate this. I hate it. I hate myself.
I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.
These three words were said in Jimin's brain again and again like a mantra. He didn't know how much time had passed but when he was pulled out of his thoughts, it was dark in the room and he had his knees to his chest while he was crying softly.
"Jiminie, please. You've been crying for hours. Please stop. You will make yourself sick. You need to stay strong for Yoongi, for Hobi." Jimin cried hard as arms engulfed him in a hug.
"Hyung, I am so pathetic. I am so weak when I should be strong because I am an Alpha." Jimin said but Jin shook his head.
"It doesn't matter whoever you are. Being weak is in every human being's system. It doesn't matter if you are an Alpha, a Beta or an Omega. It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman. You can show weakness." Jin said as he brushed his hands through Jimin's hairs.
The pair remained like this Jimin passed out from crying. Jin laid him down beside a sleeping Yoongi and smiled when Jimin instantly cuddled up to Yoongi.
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After Jungkook and Taehyung and taken Hoseok out of the room, the trio made their way towards the living room. Taehyung went towards the kitchen and grabbed a plate from the counter which already had food stacked upon it. Thanks to Jin.
"Here, eat this. Then we will cuddle and talk all day and then sleep at night. Maybe we can also watch a movie." Jungkook said as he grabbed the plate from Taehyung and started making a small bite for Hoseok. He then fed Hoseok the small bite and Hoseok, without throwing a tantrum, ate it.
"Hobi, are you okay? In all this frenzy, we all forgot ask about you and Jimin. You both should be feeling like shit too." Taehyung said putting a hand on Hoseok's knees.
"I feel very bad. I feel like this is my fault." Hoseok said and put his hands up to tell Taehyung to not to comment on his last statement. He took another bite from Jungkook's hand and then continued.
"Mrs. Min said that I have was a disgrace to Omegas. It just brought back all of the memories from high school." Hoseok said and ignored the gasp from Jungkook and Taehyung.
"How did you...?"
"She said it loud enough for my sensitive ears to pick up voice and the words clearly." Taehyung looked down.
"The memories of how I used to get beaten up. How I went to the councillor to tell him indirectly about the bullies, but he was too ignorant. The memories of how the bullies would name call me. How they would make cuts on my arms just so I would come out as some suicidal maniac to other students." Hoseok said and sniffled.
"I know it is not my place to say this because all of the attention should be given to Yoongi at the moment and not me. But, I am sorry. Am I being an attention seeker? Sorry." Hoseok said again and sniffled. There were no tears on his cheeks. Tears were in his eyes but were not escaping.
"Let's leave this topic. I wanna cuddle. Let's go." Hoseok and looked at Jungkook and Taehyung making eye contact.
"Please." This made Jungkook and Taehyung to let go of the topic for now and the trio made their way to one of the rooms with a big bed.
[Hoseok is watching a dream now.]
He was in a small room. It wasn't dark but it wasn't bright. There was red painted all over the room. A child's cry filled the air. Hoseok looked around frantically. He touched the walls with his hands while looking turning around confused.
"Little Omega." The voice echoed in the room and Hoseok knew what was gonna come next.
"Pathetic!"
"Stupid Omega!" The words repeatedly echoed all around the room accompanied by teen-aged boys' laughs. Hoseok sat down with his back to the wall. He put his hands on ears to stop the voices. He wanted to scream but every time he opened his mouth nothing would come out.
"I hate myself. Your fault!" These words kept on repeating and repeating until Hoseok was saying it too. It was like he was hypnotised. He let his hand fall on his sides, he let himself get relaxed as he chanted these words along with the echoing voice.
"Hate myself. My fault. Hate. Fault. Myself. Hate myself. Hate. Hate. Me. Myself."
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Namjoon was there when Jimin was having an inner turmoil. He could hear soft hate myself between his cries. Luckily, Jin was already inside the room trying to bring back Jimin to the real world.
Namjoon was on the door frame when he could hear soft 'Hate myself' being chanted by Hoseok as he slept in between the two members. Namjoon had gone near the bed and had brushed his hand through Hoseok forehead. Hoseok stirred and then his chanting came to a stop and he was relaxed.
Namjoon felt previous memories come back alive when they debuted and he used to read the hate comments and have mental breakdown. He was warned by his manager and bang PD to not to read the comments. But he did. He had only stopped having those meltdowns when he had mated Jin and had stopped reading the comments.
His heart ached when he saw his members, his brothers going through the same thing. He had a thought that if this is what the members felt about hate and stuff, then what would've the celebrities who committed suicide had thought. He shuddered at the thought of suicide.
He didn't want his members to... Namjoon shook his head at the thought. He needed to do something before the things escalated to that point.
END OF THE CHAPTER
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! <3
I just watched a video on YouTube and I got the idea of how I would end the story. So expect a big plot twist and a roller coaster ride of emotions!!!
Also, Yesterday I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across a comment. The person said 'I used to watch Netflix, but I unsubscribed to it when it started promoting LGBT.' I was so angry at the person. Like they are human beings too. Is it wrong to love another being? So the part where Jimin is talking about sexuality, is written because of that.
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