When we got home from terrorising my grandparents neighbour, I had a renewed spring in my step. Bash and I finished off the cold pizza and watched some ESPN before bed. My parents were still out and it was nearly eleven thirty, pretty late for them. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Bonnie and her new girlfriend. What were they all talking about over dinner?!Did she know I had returned home?! And was close by?! If so would she reach out?! I wasn't sure. She had a girlfriend and we usually were radio silent in this scenario. I would get the low down from my parents on what was occurring in her life later. For once I had no idea. It felt strange.

A ball of greasy napkin from the pizza came flying at me from my brothers hand as he stood, he stretched his arms above his head and yawned loudly. I managed to avoid it connecting with my face. "Night O" Bastion laughed, unable to dart out of the way of my return fire, three cushions coming at him with speed and hitting him in the back "ouch" he yelped "You've always been a decent air baller"

"Get lost" I called back, the last cushion hitting the lounge door as he closed it.

My brother always came for me when I missed the shot. He was a pretty decent shooting guard. Bash never missed. I however had the chance at the end of this season, and I faltered at the last second, sending the ball out of play like a nervous rookie. I should have passed it through. That game was haunting me. Stupid mistake. My first and last. I never made mistakes on the court. I was dependable and I liked that. It was a sign that I needed a break, and another reason I left it all behind and came home. I needed to distract myself and go back refreshed next year.

I looked back to the TV and lifted the remote, changing the station to our local one. The news was just ending. I hovered with the remote poised in the air, awaiting the sport reports that came straight after. The sports news usually followed some commercials, and just as they vanished, up came the male anchor telling us how the days games had gone down nationally. He was young as anchors go, maybe his early twenties. His tone bored me and his fake over sweet smile made me want to vom. I sat through a whole five minutes of his overly enthusiastic show, before he said the words I had waited for.

"Now let's hear all about this weekends local sports. You're not gonna want to miss the soccer. Our very own Daisy Darling is reporting outside providence park, where the Thorns are usually gearing up for their weekend game. They are in San Diego tonight though aren't they Daisy?! What's this I hear about a vital game there tomorrow?!"

There she was. In an instant. My first girlfriend. Suddenly before me in high definition on the fifty inch tv on the wall. There was a close up of her face, stood with microphone in hand as she reported on the Thorns. I didn't hear a word she said after that, my eyes fixed on her beautiful smile as she spoke, and the way she brushed her fair hair back when the wind picked it up across her cheek. I stood up and walked across the lounge, coming to a stop right in front of the screen. I hadn't seen her in a little while. She looked much better, and her eyes looked full of life again. I know she was on TV and had to show her best self for the audience, but Daisy could never hide how she felt if you knew her. Her eyes sparkled when she was happy, and her fists balled up when she wasn't. I looked to her spare hand, and it was animatedly joining in with the excitement of her voice. The other tell was only obvious if you were stood close, like I was now. Her right eyebrow arched up at the edge of her hairline, and if she wasn't happy her right hand would often softly rub that spot like she searching for a thought. It was like a muscle memory from childhood, a moment she had rubbed at her temple for relief, and forevermore she sought the same sensation. Relief from stress, tension, sadness, and heart ache.

I remembered the moment I had told her we had to stay friends. Her blue eyes glistened almost instantly, tears threatening to fall. She lifted her hand, her bracelets slipping down her arm as she massaged her temple softly "Why?!"

She hadn't said anything else. She had asked the only question that needed an answer. When my reply failed to offer relief, leaving her more confused, angry and upset... she had not said another word to me. She took off the bracelet I had given her only the week before, and she thrust it into my hand and walked away.

It was the most silent break up I've ever experienced. She walked away and never spoke to me again, and I never reached out either. I often typed out a text, but I never did send them. I once saw her start to type back, but just like me... the dots fell away and the message never came.

Friends, to girlfriends, to strangers. It all happened so quickly. So quickly that you might be terrified that it never really happened at all.

"You'll get square eyes standing that close to the TV" my Mom said, making me jump at her sudden appearance.

My hand flew to my chest "Mom" I yelled "you scared me"

She laughed "I wasn't quiet, you were just so engrossed in the news"

I looked back to the TV. Daisy was long gone.

"I was just killing time before you got back is all" I said, switching the TV off and coming to sit down beside her as she got comfortable.

She slowly removed her black boots and threw them across the rug. She exhaled slowly "ooof I wanted them off all night"

"How was dinner?!" I asked.

She leant her head on her arm and admired me sat before her in the almost exact position "I looked like this once" she sighed "so young and gorgeous"

"Still are" Mama interjected as she came into the room with Chewy and Henrietta at her heels.

I pointed at Chewy on the rug as Mama sat down on my Moms lap "That little turd tore up the contents of my purse whilst we were out tonight. My return flight ticket too. Good thing they have a copy on the app. All of my parking tickets were in bits on the kitchen floor too"

"Olympia" my Mama sighed disappointedly "why can't you just obey the law"

I shrugged "I try. I don't do it on purpose"

Henrietta let me stroke her head, enjoying a good old rub down before she took two steps toward Chewy and purposefully dropped down and rolled on him.

I laughed "How she's not killed him doing that"

Henrietta was a huge Bernese mountain dog, and Chewy was a small cross of many dinky breeds. He often looked a tad insane, with a permanent and odd smile on his face. He was tiny compared to Henrietta. She didn't seem to care that she was five times his size when she would roll on him affectionately. He didn't get out of the way though either. I rather think he enjoyed having the air all leave his lungs at once. One day she would quite literally, love him to death.

I looked back to my Moms snuggling on the couch, looking far too into one another.  "atleast wait until I've left the room"

They snuggled even more. 

"Did the grandbabies love the Bigfoot costumes?!" My Mama asked, when she finally stopped falling into my Moms gooey gaze.

I nodded "they did. We stayed and had cocoa with them before we headed home"

"Yes we saw. Bastion sent some pictures on the family group chat"

"Let me see" I asked, taking my Mamas cell and checking the chat.

Bastion had uploaded a picture of Alba on my back, pretending to ride me as I was dressed as the bigfoot. Theodore was climbing on behind her to do the same. They both still had their sticks in hand.

Wren- What the hell am I looking at?!

Maria- Is it a bear?

Demitra - Did mr Darcy take roids?!

Josephine - Aww, Olympia is home!! :) :) miss you O x

Wren- How do you know it's Olympia?

Josephine - I'd know her anywhere.

Callie- Come visit us Olympia :) we miss you so much!! Restaurants open till late ;)

Bash sends a second picture of me with the head piece off, my once straight silky hair now a dark matted mess. I had a twin on each hairy knee, and all three of us were with a mug in hand of our grandmothers cocoa.

Wren- Josie makes me look like a terrible older sister. I didn't even know that was O. I'm gonna kill Olympia. She never told me she was home. Why am I always out of town when my sisters visit?!

Josephine - Wren don't be silly, you are a wonderful sister 👯‍♀️ Does this mean the Halloween party is back on this year Moms?!

Wren - ooh 🎃👻💀

Demitra - I hope so. I need a good excuse to wear my shiny pvc cat suit.

Thea - firstly, eew Demitra. NOBODY needs to see that again. Secondly, Theodora, do we get a Halloween birthday party next weekend?! Harry is out of town on business and I would love to get out of the house and get a little loose.

Teddy- That's a great idea 😄🤗 🥳 We are out with friends at the moment but I'll talk to Olympia about it.

Maria - is she getting married anytime soon? She's twenty five and she needs a nice Greek. We need to find her a nice boy...or of course girl. No more of these celebrities. A nice Greek. A good family. Can I invite some?!

***

I looked up from the screen "no"

My Mama took the phone back and pocketed it "no, what?"

I stood up, my parents trying not to laugh at the way I almost tripped over the dogs "No to the party, and no to the Greek fiancé"

"She means well" My Mom defended. "It's all we ever heard the minute we were over eighteen. Imagine Callie having to hear that into her thirties"

"A party would be sooo nice" My mama tried to sweet talk me "imagine having all the family together for your birthday. We could have one of those big parties we had back in the day. We can all invite some friends too. Of course, we'd love to meet any love interest you might already have?" She poked.

"I don't have anyone" I informed her.

"Bonnie mentioned she saw you on the front of a magazine at the airport. You were with Zack. She was asking if you were a thing again"

"We aren't" I said annoyed, more at Bonnie for asking my parents that.

"I don't know that Olympia" My mama retorted at the attitude in my voice "You never tell us anything"

"Sorry" I apologised. "I didn't mean to snap"

"It's okay, just remember you can talk to us about anything okay" my Mom reminded me.

I knew my Mama felt a distance between us, because I wasn't a natural sharer. I didn't call her like Wren ten times a day to talk about anything and everything. I wasn't Josephine who video called them most nights just to have them in the background so she didn't feel so far away. I had almost always been in black sheep territory with my siblings. I didn't want to be, but I often felt I had earned the label. I sucked.

"I'm gonna go to bed" I told them, walking back over and hugging my Mama "I love you"

"I love you too my silly girl. Way too much!" She returned.

"A ridiculous amount" I added, squeezing my Moms shoulder.

"Beyond ridiculous" Mama finished.

Just as I closed the door. I paused, back to it, and took a breath. Get it together Olympia.

I heard my Mama tell my Mom quietly "She's so much like you were when it comes to relationships. Never getting attached"

I had no idea what my Mom was like in relationships before my Mama, but she seemed to have it perfect with her, so she can't have been too detached.

"I'll talk to her" My Mom sounded like she promised.

I'd look forward to that 🙄

***

I tossed and turned for hours that night, finally giving in at three in the morning and crawling over my bed to dive into the trash basket like an addict.

The cell was still at fifty percent. I lifted it out of the empty trash can and dove back under my covers, pulling them over my head. In the dark little duvet tee pee I opened up my messages, flooding the small space with light.

I had multiple messages waiting for me.

Wren - I spoke with you two days ago and you never mentioned you were coming home!! Let's catch up Monday?!

Cam - You've not seen any of my last few messages but at least I know you're alive Lym. Im trying not to be offended that I'm bottom of your list for replying nowadays. Wren says you're back in Oregon. Meet me for coffee?! Or a run?! Caffeine or endorphins. Pick your drug and get back to me 🙃

Bonnie- So close yet so far, Pia. I hope the tabloids aren't true. Zack was a mistake then and he will be a tragedy now. You deserve better. You know it x

(This was completely left field for her, since she had never text when she was with someone before. It was something neither of us did. Yet, I had expected it, like a sixth sense that the text would come)

Millie - Come by with the Bigfoot suit next time you're free. Alba wants to see if Norman will take you on. She thinks he could take you. I do too, the little psycho. They loved seeing you by the way. They didn't stop talking about you all through bed time. Love you Aunty O. Come by sooooon. Also, I have so many questions about the front cover of that tabloid. Zack? 🥴 his last movie was diabolical. I watched it with Moira at the theatre and she left me there half way through and walked out. When I came out she was trying to get her money back from the poor unfortunate guy at the counter. He looked like he might cry. See you soon O x

I started with Cam

- Not dead, just a crappy friend. A run sounds perfect! Tomorrow too soon?! ☺️

Then Wren.

- I'll come by Monday to see you all x sorry I didn't mention it. I only decided on Friday to get the ticket. You know me... last minute Lucy 😬

Her wife straight after.

- Millie, I'm not being mauled by that cat for entertainment. I'll see you all Monday. Love those little devils and missed them too x x and you and that little girl in your belly also. I'm guessing her middle name will be Olympia after your favourite sister in law. I know Veda is trying her best to get her name thrown in there too... but come on... Olympia is much more Greek. See you Monday preggo 🤰🏻

And last but not least... Bonnie.

- Real picture, wrong story. We are not getting back together. Congratulations on your domestication. I'll miss you x

Bonnie seemed to be the only one still awake, as the moment she received the message she had read it, and was typing back. I watched her type, in the darkness, feeling suddenly sad to realise we were finally done. One of us was finally committing to life with someone else.

- This isn't goodbye. Our connection is deeper than that, Pia. I'll always be here for you. Maybe from afar, but I'll be around always. Your Mom mentioned there might be a party next week. I hope you don't mind if we come?!

I felt mixed emotions. I had felt sad to have to say goodbye, but then her words just now, they had triggered me. It felt, as it often did, like she had claimed me and wouldn't release me. I didn't want to be in this cycle with Bonnie anymore. For once in my adult life, since the moment we connected, I wanted to break it. Normal people moved on, and they left one another to do that. They didn't hold on without the other person having a choice in the matter. Did she really think I'd want to see her and this new girlfriend at a party?! I had never flaunted a love interest in her face. We weren't together, no, but it still wasn't pleasant to see the woman you were intimate with, with someone else. There may not have been love, but there was affection none the less, and that could also breed jealously and feelings of disappointment.

So I finally took a breath, and I made it clear. For the first time in our history... I decided to break the cycle, permanently.

- B, it's over. It actually, is, goodbye. I wish you all the best with your new love, and your life together. I hope it is long and happy. Thankyou for everything! I enjoyed and loved every moment with you. I did. Let's agree to leave it now, and move on. I will always care about you. I hope you understand. It's best for us both. O x

Again she typed. It felt like forever, stopping and starting repeatedly.

- For now maybe. I don't know what else to say. I'm a little taken aback. I thought we were on the same page. I don't ever interfere in your life. I have only ever looked out for you. Did you meet someone?

- No, I just think it's best. I'm respecting your current relationship. Goodbye B x

- Now I know how they all feel. You're so cold!! You've just decided to finish with me because I've met someone you think is permanent?! You're just throwing a wall up with me because it actually makes you feel something. You know that right?! You cut and run when you think you'll be hurt. When you think you care too much. I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of it. Fine, shut down and pretend I don't exist anymore. I'll still be at the party. Your parents are friends of mine and I'm not about to end that friendship. Ignore me, and I'll ignore you. Enjoy your lonely life.

- I didn't mean to upset you 😟

I didn't know how this party would go, but I hoped she would change her mind and not come. She had blocked me. On the entirety of her online accounts I was now blocked. She was a little right, I hated to admit it, but I did need to move on regardless.

I wanted a hand to hold, a love to keep, and a life to share. I needed a cheerleader, not just on the court, but in my life. Someone just for me. I knew though, that first... I had to start loving and liking myself.

Repeat after me "I am deserving of love" "I will fall in love again"  "My person is waiting for me"

I am deserving of love.
I will fall in love again
My person is waiting for me
Stop being a tit and let them in

Time to lower those walls, starting with my family and friends.