So- Laurence was about to be eaten. Then the kids disappeared again- that must be inconvenient, popping in and out all the time.

"So, Laurence just sentenced us to death. To be honest, I always thought it would be Olivia who'd kill me. Y'know, back when she was the most evil person in Aaa. But on the the bright side, if we do die here, then at least Olivia can yell at him." Fionna said, lying down in the cage.

"That sounds like quitter talk, Fi. Are you quitting?" Marshall asked, kneeling next to her.

"Marshall, we're in a cage, made of bones, hanging from a mountain. The only way to go is down. what else can we do?" She asked.

"C'mon, Fi. Where's the fighter I fell for? Tell me if you haven't been in worse scrapes than this."

She grinned at him and kissed him. "Okay, yes, I have. I guess Gumball's scienc-y stuff has rubbed off on me or something, 'cause I think if we run back and forth and pick up a swinging motion, we can get ot the cliff and climb up it."

"There we go." He said, grinning back, before they reappeared on the couch and Laurence ran away.

"I'm surprised he isn't screaming at the top of his lungs, the wuss." I muttered, before saying, "Good job on the escape plan." To Fionna, with a thumbs up.

Laurence made it to the little camp where they cornered him, and he put paprika on himself. THe people looked like they were thinking, um, should we be watching this? It's kind of personal. Then he was tied over a fire, and the kids disappeared again and started the climbing.

Of course, theirs was the winning group, and by winning, I mean surviving. Seriously, couldn't those idiots just have, I don't know, dropped the snake? Idiots.

More Laurence being Jack and trying to kill himself, more rolling around in the bone cage (seriously, those kids were teleporting in and out more than Gagnon from Zelda.)

Now, there was a line in the actual movie- "C'mon lads! Lift it like a lady's skirt!"- That just says, Disney. Child-friendly.

Obviously, said child-friendly line was not included here. So the kids escaped, Laurence became a twat-kebab and nearly died of impalement, (I'm pretty sure the native women who he had a fruit-fight said, 'what a weirdo. No, an idiot') right before he nearly died. Again. Then he appeared on the beach as they were setting sail with the cannibals hot on his tail.

So, Laurence nearly died three times today, (that's a new record) and shot the monkey again. He needs a new stress-relieving system. Maybe he could work out, that would help with the girlfriend problem.

"Laurence, we need your compass." Marshall said, getting right to the point.

"Why?" He asked.

"To give to Gumwad so he'll leave us alone." Fionna said.

"You're here. I don't see what the problem is." Laurence said.

"We need the compass. That's why we came all this way." Marshall said firmly.

Laurence looked at them both for a minute, then said, "Mr. Petrikov, we have a need to travel upriver."

Simon materialized by his right hand. "By need, do you mean, a trifling, fleeting need?"

"No, I mean, a resolute and unyielding need. Kids, you will get this compass when you get me this key."

Fionna and Marshall looked at each other for a minute before nodding. "Besides, this sounds way more interesting than hounding you about  the compass." Fionna said. Then they were zapped back here for a scene from the actual movie.

And hello, Disney. Did you just say, 'virgin'? And she talked about her wedding night earlier? What? The closest Disney's ever come to a sex-talk is Giselle's song from 'Enchanted' that says 'lips are the only thins that touch'. Yeesh. And the men in a flurry over...? Seriously, Disney. The Mouse is ashamed.

Then I got zapped in as well. It feels like being taken apart slowly, and then put back together quickly. I waited in my little house for them to come in. Simon had informed them of the Kraken, and I was bored out of my mind waiting for them to finally come.

Finally!

"Laurence, I was wondering when you'd get here. What do you want?"

"Help. Information."

"Well, first you have to pay me. I don't work for free, especially with relatives."

"I brought you an undead monkey." He shot it for clarification, and I glared at him, before setting it free and worrying Simon.

"We want the key." He said, showing me the drawing.

"It's around Davy Jones' neck. Don't sell your soul for the location, Batman. It's not worth it. You all want to know what's in the chest?"

"Yes!" Simon, Cake and Jake said together.

"His heart. He carved it out. Why?" I asked.

"Because he was... vexed?" Cake asked.

"About what?" I prompted.

"The sea?" Simon asked.

"Sums?" Cake said. Fionna nodded.

"The dichotemy of good and evil?" Jake wondered. Cake and Simon gave him a weird look.

"A woman." Marshall and Laurence said together. Fionna looked really surprised, and I nodded.

"Weird that Laurence knows this since he can't get a girlfriend. Anyway, Davy Jones fell in love-"

"No, I heard it was the sea he fell in love with." Simon interrupted.

I lit up my hand with the green fire. "Same story, different versions, all true, because he fell in love with Calypso, the Sea Goddess. I'm actually her in human form. Anyway, Davy and I couldn't be together, so I gave him a job."

"Business and pleasure don't mix." Laurence said in a sing-song voice.

"And you can't give business to your family. So go away." I replied. He fell silent, and I continued. "So he had to ferry the dead to the Land of the Dead, and he didn't do his job after I didn't make our date. He could only come on land once every ten years, so... that was awful of me. And then he made me human. But I made him an octopus for a face, so joke's on him. Anyway, that answer your question?"

Simon, Cake and Jake nodded, wide-eyed.

"Anything else?" I asked Laurence.

"Um... did I get all the value of that monkey, or can I have anything else?" He asked.

Marshall and Fionna rolled their eyes, like, dude, stop bothering Olivia. Your monkey's not that cool.

"I believe there was a jar of dirt involved?" Laurence prompted somewhat warily.

"You were a jar of dirt and a dead squirrel that I exchanged for a brother and reanimated. The real Laurence is probably dead." I muttered.

"What?" Fionna asked.

"Sorry. There was no way to save that comeback." I said apologetically.

"Anyway... dirt?" Laurence pressed. I disappeared into the backroom and grabbed the dirt, and handed it to him.

"And, by the way, genius, I  am going to give you instructions on how to use the dirt, okay?"

"Why do I need the dirt?" He wondered.

I glared at him. "You did not just say that!" I put green fire on both my hands.

"You did not just ask why you need the dirt when you hounded me about it!" I said, my voice raising with each word.

"Jack, we weren't supposed to piss her off." Simon groaned.

"Oh, right." He said.

"Olivia, can I say something?" Marshall asked. I turned to him.

"Can you aim for the face? We still need the compass." He pointed out.

I grinned, and Fionna hit him softly on the arm. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into a kiss. They're so adorable.

"Okay, I'm not going to kill you. That would be horrible, to kill someone because they're mentally deficit. With the dirt, you break the jar, okay? Then, Davy Jones can't materialize on your ship -like he does- because he can't go on land. Got that?"

"Yeah. Thanks Olivia." He made a move to go, but I said, "Your hand."

He turned slowly, then handed me his fine hand. "Your other one, idiot. The claw."

He handed me the black spot hand. "Too bad you can't see a dermatologist. Anyway, kill my boyfriend, and you lose the spot. Don't kill my boyfriend, and you turn into a zombie wall-person, like you were going to turn into a Lich."

With that, they left, and I was zapped back.